Wicked. Can't wait to learn more about Admeet and Solister :D
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Only took me half-an-hour to do this chapter.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 2 Evil Betrayal Zaypher turned around and walked over to the cell gate. “It’s about time someone I know showed up” said Zaypher. The general chuckled quietly. “You and your witty humour” replied the general. Zaypher sighed and walked over to the dirty wall behind him and leaned on it. “Alright what do you want from me this time” asked Zaypher abruptly. “Just a small favour that’s all” replied the general, “a favour for me and the whole of this complex”. “What kind of favour?” asked Zaypher anxiously. “A favour about your ‘friends’ back at the Slig military complex” replied the general. “What about them?” said Zaypher abruptly again. “I want you to assonate the so called “Admeet” immediately after we set you free”. “Why?” asked Zaypher uneasily? Due to the fact that he had been unconscious for 2-and-a-half hours, he couldn’t really remember what happened back in the underwater bunker and reactor. “Admeet and the others that follow him betrayed you” replied the general, “They left you for dead. They escaped without you. I think that you should be angry about this”. “He did?” said Zaypher quietly, “well I think I should pay a little visit to him then”. “With a gun” said the general interrupting Zaypher. “Yes” said Zaypher agreeing with the general, “I’ll have to confront him, at gun-point”. “Good” said the general coldly, “Just be sure to report back to us when you’re done”. The cell gate opened and a soldier escorted him to the surface. The manhole cover slid behind Zaypher as he walked out of the tent. Strangely, his scarlet red skin was turning a sinister black. His visor light was turning a bright white. The pure essence of evil had struck him and taken control over him. “Now” he said coldly, “where was I”. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Throughout this series, I havn't really mentioned the details of the main characters (e.g. colour, personality). So i'll start of with the colour of them Admeet: dark green Zaypher: red as you already know Solister: dark blue Vankor: Brown Tarios: Yellow |
An interesting idea, but what is this skin changing thing just the effects of wanting to kill your friend, or is it something else? Time to wait and see.:D
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It may take me some time to do this next chapter because i'm writing another fanfic for another forum. So be paitiant, it will arrive sometime.
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No problem. Loving the new avatar btw.
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Thankyou, I drew it myself (Not Boasting! :fuzemb:)
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When I finished chapter 2, I was a bit disappointed at the quality of the chapter. So what i've done is instead of carrying on to chapter 3, I re-did chapter 2 to see if I could do better. However, I need your views readers. Which one did you like and why. Anyway. here's version 2 of chapter 2.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 2 (Version 2) Unknown Past Zaypher turned around and walked over to the cell gate. "Well, well, well, look who decided to rescue me" said Zaypher. "hmm, you and your witty humour" replied the general, "Looks like your first task is complete. But what took you so long to get back?" "Hmm, long story" said Zaypher, "I was sort of dragged into this. I had to create a diversion so that Admeet would think i'm dead; and Climbing 100 miles of tunnel ain't a walk in the park". "I see" said the general coldly, "well now I have a new task for you". "Okay, shoot" said Zaypher. "We need you to go back to the Slig military complex" replied the general, "From there when the time is right, you will send in two of my Scrab armies to fight against the Sligs like the last time. You need to make sure that the so called 'Admeet' is critcally wounded from either the attack or secretly from you. Once he is wounded, take him to a location not far from the complex. from there, colonel Arcaius and some of my men will take him back to our base via half-track truck. We will 'question' him once he's here. And if possible, bring the so called 'Solister' too; but thats only optional". "Got it" said Zaypher, "but first, you have to release me first or else i'll be going nowhere". "Right" said the general. He took a key from out of his leather pocket and unlocked the cell gate. "Be sure to come back once the job is done" said the general as Zaypher was walking out of the cell. The manhole cover slid behind Zaypher as he walked out of the tent. He walked on and on through the desert until he could see the military complex. "Hope you're ready Admeet" said Zaypher to himself, "you're gonna get a big surprise when you see me". -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Which one do you prefer and why. |
I think the second makes a bit more sense plotwise rather than the first. I go with the second.
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I was hoping you'd go with that one
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You know those mutated sea creatures back in Cruel Depths, well i've done a VERY rough sketch of what the creature would look like. Look in the attachment.
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Like a giant eel with arms... nice. What does Solister look like by the way?
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Any other Slig, but with dark blue skin
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I've run out of ideas for the next chapter. can anyone suggest anything.
I have the very beginning of the chapter here ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 3 Hero's Betrayal Meanwhile, at the Slig military complex; ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Any suggestions? |
When you start running out of ideas, that means you should give fanfic writing a break. it happened to me a few months ago and now I have to live with it.
Think of "what is the motivation for your character"? Hopefully it'll all come back to you ;) |
Thanks for the advice :)
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I have finally made chapter 3; W00T :D. It maybe a bit loose but hopefully, it will lead straight into the main plot. Enjoy :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 3 Hero’s Betrayal Morning came, and all the Sligs in the military complex were wide awake as usual. Only two Sligs were in the weapons training area. One of the Sligs took a few shots at a wooden target with a rusted and scrapped silenced pistol. “Hmm, the sight is a little off” the Slig said. He corrected them and took another shot again but this time, the weapon jammed. “Damn” said the Slig trying to un-jam the pistol. “Let me un-jam it Admeet” said the other Slig walking over to Admeet. He gave the Slig the pistol and with a slight jolt, the Slig un-jammed it. “Thanks Solister” said Admeet feeling a little embarrassed. “No-need” replied Solister handing back the pistol and picking up an assault rifle next to Admeet. Admeet put back the pistol in a weapon crate and picked up a scratched sniper rifle. Solister took a few shots with the assault rifle on the semi-burst setting. The bullets made a few holes in the wooden target. “Looks like this assault rifle is fine” said Solister putting back the rifle and picking up a harpoon gun. “And the sights on this sniper rifle seem to be o.k.” replied Admeet putting back the sniper rifle in the weapon crate. “Well that’s every weapon tested” said Solister walking towards Admeet. “We’d better get some breakfast, I’m starving” said Admeet heading towards the door. Admeet and Solister both walked to the door and when the door slid open, they couldn’t believe their eyes. Standing in front of them was Zaypher. “What the...” said Admeet before he was punched hard in the face by Zaypher. Solister decided to run towards the weapon crate and get the assault rifle. But as soon as she picked up the assault rifle, she was tranquilized by a dart gun held by Zaypher. The tranquilizer quickly seeped into the bloodstream and within a matter of moments, She fell to the floor; unconscious. Zaypher walked over to the unconscious Slig, picked up the assault rifle and put it back in the weapon crate. However, Zaypher didn’t notice Admeet running towards him. He tackled Zaypher and they both fell to the ground. The dart gun clattered on the floor and slid by a practice booth. Admeet was on top of Zaypher trying to get a good few punches. However, Zaypher used whatever there was of his metal legs and pushed Admeet off into the air. He hit the ground with a thud but quickly got up. Zaypher was just about to grab the dart gun when he was tackled again by Admeet. The dart gun clattered on the floor again and landed by the weapon crate. Zaypher dodged every punch Admeet gave to him; some missed by a centi-metre or two. Zaypher punched Admeet in the stomach and then punched him in the face. This caused Admeet to hit the ground. Admeet couldn’t move a muscle and he was winded. Zaypher got up, grabbed the dart gun and pointed it at Admeet. “I’m sorry Admeet” he said. He pulled the trigger and the dart shot out of the barrel and hit Admeet’s right arm. Admeet felt the tranquilizer flow through his bloodstream. His vision started to go hazy and after a few seconds, he fell unconscious. Zaypher carried Admeet and Solister quietly through the complex. Since it was coming up to lunchtime, most of the Sligs were eating at the food hall. So Zaypher didn’t have much trouble getting past the outside defences since they were at the food hall. After a few minutes, Zaypher made it out of the complex while carrying the two unconscious Sligs. He walked on till he was a safe distance from the complex. He then picked up a walkie-talkie from his leather pocket attached to his broken legs and radioed in for the Scrab attack. |
Now it's all coming together. Where that scrab mutant came from, and all the other scrabs. But why?:D
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We'll have to wait and see ;)
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Chapter 4
Retrieval (part 1) Zaypher would have to wait a bit before he could radio in for the half-Track truck to pick up the two unconscious Sligs. He’d have to wait until the Scrab attack was in full commence. But a few moments later, Solister woke up and the first thing she saw was Zaypher spinning the dart gun by the trigger ring on his index finger. She attempted to tackle him and pin him down but she immediately realised that she was shackled to the ground; unable to move. “Oh, I see you’ve woken up” said Zaypher regaining hold of the butt of the dart gun, “there’s no use moving. You are firmly held down to the scorching ground by those shackles and in a few minutes, a half-track truck will soon come here to transport you and Admeet back to our base. There’s nothing you can do”. Solister just lay there and said nothing. A few moments later, Admeet woke up. And again the first thing he saw was Zaypher. “Ah, Admeet” said Zaypher looking at him, “again, don’t bother moving, you are firmly held down”. However, Admeet didn’t take any of that and started to struggle. Zaypher chuckled quietly at Admeet’s pathetic struggle to move. Out in the distance, Zaypher could see the two Scrab armies heading towards the complex. Moments later, a few alarms went off in the military complex. He could hear the Sligs assembling at the front blast door. Without Admeet or Solister, he knew that they wouldn’t stand a chance against the two Scrab armies. Zaypher picked up the walkie-talkie and radioed in for the truck to pick them up. A few moments later, the truck arrived at the designated location. Zaypher un-shackled the two Sligs from the ground but shackled them again by the hands so they could not attack back. Zaypher shoved them into the back of the truck and walked over to the driver. “Take them back to base quickly” said Zaypher looking at the driver. Zaypher jumped into the back of the truck and the truck set off. Admeet wouldn’t want to know what they would do to him; but he would soon find out. |
Ah... Nothing better than a good cliff-hanger to make people want to read the next chapter.
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So Zaypher is now a traitor? From hero to villain, what a spectacular twist!
I wonder if the radiation exposure will affect him in any major way? :) |
Who knows
Part 2 of "Retrieval" coming soon |
Hooray is all I have to say.:D
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It was pretty late at night when I wrote the end of part 2, So it maybe a bit shoddy
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Retrieval (Part 2) The trip was quite bumpy due to the numerous and various sizes of small rock in the ground. Admeet just eyed Zaypher while he held the dart gun in his hands. For extra security, a soldier was sat next to Admeet wielding a shotgun. “Keep a firm eye on them” said Zaypher to the soldier, “you never know what they might do”. The Soldier just nodded and sat back. The trip got even bumpier when they reached very rough ground. Zaypher and the soldier tried to keep still and keep their guard on the two Sligs. Admeet knew that this was his chance. He elbowed the soldier in the face and tried to grab the shotgun. Zaypher lifted the dart gun at Admeet but Solister kicked Zaypher’s hand and the dart gun clattered out of the cargo hold. Admeet wrestled for the shotgun over the soldier while Solister used her hand cuffs to put the chain around Zaypher’s neck. Admeet punched the soldier in the face and the solider let go of the shotgun. However, Zaypher kicked Solister in the gut and she fell out of the cargo hold. Admeet leapt towards Zaypher and tackled him out of the cargo hold. Both fell out and rolled on the rough rock. They were in a bad way. Zaypher couldn’t even move but Admeet slowly got up on his scratched legs; Solister lay unconscious. Admeet saw the shotgun lying on the ground near Zaypher. He walked over to it and picked it up. He then grabbed Zaypher by the arm and dragged him up and laid him against a large boulder. Admeet knew he was lost and faraway from help. His skills at surviving in the wasteland were now being put to the test. He needed to protect Solister and Zaypher but then another thing came into his mind; food and water. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hope you like it |
The way this is going, it sounds like it'll end great.
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I like the way this is going!
"Welcome to the Jungle, we got fun and games..." |
"We've got everything you want, how do we know the name"
Thankyou :) |
didn't take me that long to do this chapter
-------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 5 Hallucinations Since the disappearance of radiation in the underground sea, life had been slowly growing back. Small rivers were once again flowing through small woods. Admeet knew that if he headed towards patches of green on the horizon, he would find water and possibly food. Admeet inspected the shotgun but realised that the cartridges were gone. He cocked the shotgun and nothing came out. He then threw the shotgun on the ground and walked over to Solister who was slowly gaining consciousness. “You okay” he said calmly. She slowly got up on her feet. “Yeah” she replied, “a little bit shaky, but I’ll do fine”. “We need to go towards that patch of green on the horizon” said Admeet, “We can probably find water from there”. “Okay, but what about him” said Solister pointing towards Zaypher. “We’ll shackle him” replied Admeet, “if we take those shackles off of you, I will shackle him”. Admeet walked over to Zaypher and knelt down beside him. He put his hand in one of Zaypher’s Leather pockets strapped onto his legs. “I thought you would do this” said Zaypher wearily, “You would be the hero...” “Shut up” said Admeet angrily picking out a key from one of Zaypher’s pockets. However, as he got up, he swore he could see a red Slig eyeing him in the distance. Admeet ignored this and turned around, but curiosity got the better of him. He turned around again but this time, the red Slig was gone. Zaypher chuckled quietly. “You never know what’s out there Admeet” said Zaypher. Admeet walked back to Solister and unshackled her. Then Admeet shackled Zaypher by the hands and vigorously brought him up on his feet. The trio started walking towards the patch of green. As the green got closer by the minute, Solister was starting to struggle. Admeet was close to her side and Zaypher was by Admeet being held by the shackles. However, as Admeet looked over Solister’s head, he could see the red Slig again by a small lone tree. When Admeet went past a large boulder, the red Slig had vanished again. Admeet thought that he was having hallucinations, possibly due to how thirsty he was. He however ignored this again and carried on. By 10 minutes, Solister couldn’t keep herself up. Admeet had to help her up sometimes. But soon, they reached the edge of a small wood. They knew that there was a river flowing through it due to the noise it was making. They ran towards the river and sat down to drink. “I think we’d better set up camp here” said Admeet looking around the patch of woodland, “it’s getting late and we need to be up on our feet in the morning if we are to survive”. He found an overhanging boulder covered in moss and firmly attached to some rock, this would be a suitable shelter. Admeet unshackled one of Zaypher’s hands but then wrapped the shackle round a thin, but tall tree. He shackled both ends together so that Zaypher couldn’t escape. “You get some rest” said Admeet to Solister, “I’ll keep a look out”. “Ok” said Solister and she laid herself under the boulder and started to fall asleep. Admeet sat down and had his back against a tree. “They will be looking for you” said Zaypher trying to sit down. Admeet paid no attention to this and prepared for the long night ahead. |
I love it. Well done with the story so far!
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Thankyou :)
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This red slig character is intriguing. Who is he, and where does he come from? Is he even real? Or is he like the G-Man?
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I see you've played Half-Life :)
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@Oddey, I can't believe you don't know who he is!
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Thank you for killing his auro of mystery. It was begining to smell.:D
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Shhhh! lol. Any information on where Solister trained, Slig75? :)
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We may find out in the next few chapters
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Sorry its so short, it does give a few hints though. Oh, and it was pretty late at night for me, so some bits maybe not up to standard procedure
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 6 Unwanted attention Half an hour went by when Admeet heard a word from the helpless Zaypher. “They don’t want to kill you” he said. Admeet looked at him suspiciously. “They just want to use you as an advantage” he said. “And how do you suppose I would work for whoever you work for” replied Admeet. Zaypher looked at Solister, sleeping under the mossy boulder. “She is hiding something from you” said Zaypher smiling evilly at her, “a hidden past”. “Like I’m gonna believe that” said Admeet, “I have trusted her and she trusts me”. “I know her a lot more than you do” said Zaypher. Admeet looked at him suspiciously again. “She has been working for them all the time” said Zaypher, “She’s a spy like me. All she wants to do is get information from complex so her master can formulate a plan of attack against the complex”. Admeet stood up and looked around for a suitable weapon. Suddenly, a spear pierced the ground by Admeet. He looked back to see who the figure was who threw the spear. The figure just smiled and ran off. Admeet just ignored this and grabbed the spear. “I don’t really believe in hallucinations” said Admeet as he threatened Zaypher, “which is why I tend to ignore those small occurrences. So do you believe in hallucinations?” Zaypher hesitated for a moment but quickly regained his confidence. “Well it depends on what you see” replied Zaypher, “in your case, you saw a blue Slig. And also know this, Solister is going to betray you and when she does, she will never regret it”. Admeet just stood back; confused. Then, he felt anger growing inside him. He threw the spear towards Zaypher. Zaypher braced for the final blow. Instead, the spear pierced the wood of the tree that he was attached to by the shackles. “You blatant liar” said Admeet coldly. He pulled the spear out of the tree and sat down where he sat before. He closed his eyes but held on tightly to the spear. Zaypher just sat down where he was and chuckled evilly and quietly. “He is ‘turning around’” he whispered to himself. |
Umm, hello?
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I apologize for my lack of commenting. I meant to at one point, but that must have gotten lost along the way. But I'm here now. Alex I can cover for as he's on vacation.
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so do you like the knew chapter
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