In which Mac Sirloin is a verbal vigilante

This actually happened earlier, this isn't a story.

Today was a nice sunday. Mild weather, sunny skies, just a nice day to go and hang around in my greasy local mall with some slack-jawed fucklers and stare at things I don't need to buy.

I began my shopping trip in HMV, my usual starting point, and found that they did not have any Tim and Eric DVD's in stock and the only other Adult Swim shows were Robot Chicken (which I own a couple of seasons of already) and The Venture brothers, which was a tad overpriced. Ho-hum, onward and upward.

My next stop was EB Games. For those not familiar, EB Games is the Canadian equivalent to the American Gamestop and Europe's GAME. A nice little Video game outlet that's been there as long as I can remember, and has not had any significant staff changes in years.
Riiiiight before I walked in, two dudes came out of nowhere in front of me. One of them had bright dyed red hair, and they were flailing their arms and being obnoxious. "Whateva, yo." I said, and went back into HMV to allow them some arm waving in EB.

Ten seconds later, poof! They were gone, so I went in, lingered for all of 47 seconds, and left, COMPLETELY UNINTERESTED IN EVERYTHING IN THE STORE.

My next, and typically final shopping stop was Toys R Us, located at the very end of one of the wings of the mall sitting menacingly about a football field away from Sears, the space between them a goddamn shopping highway.

So I putter into Toys R Us and immediately fart on over to the Transformers aisle, absentmindedly looking for Skystalker or Activators Bulkhead. Finding neither, I was content to look about the store aimlessly for a few more minutes to look for sales.

It was there that I saw the two guys from EB again. They were still being loud, and obnoxious, but now they had friends. One of their friends had dyed blue hair and was wearing a school uniform. A crowd of about 8 guys just basically harrassing the employees and being stupid. I ignored them; they weren't directly bothering me.

So I went back to the transformers and continued my vague, bored glancing around. Eventually, they pass me, and one stops long enough to say "SOME PRETTY COOL TOYS HUH?" in a really "I'm a smug fuck with all my friends and can do what I want." sort of way. I gave him a look and went back to being aimless.

But something rose up in me.

Something that wasn't my penis you juvenile fucks.

I'm entitled to my hobby.

I can laugh at myself.

I don't need some shaved-head-plaid-pants-generic-dumb-fuckfence trying to get a laugh at my expense.

They left. They were heading towards Sears.

"Mother of god." I said

I plodded after them, the one day in the last two months I decided to wear my steel toed safety boots. Boots that were for keeping me from dying if I touched a live wire. Boots that made me an inch and a half taller. Boots that you could look at from a distance and say "Those look pretty heavy, I guess."

Into Sears they went, and I plotted what I was going to say, trailing after them. They stopped to talk to a couple.

"Damn. Infidels." I thought, and swerved to avoid them. I looped around the store. Trying to decide weather to abandon my mission of righteous indignation and think of myself as the better man or to stomp some necks and bruise some face.

My choice was made for me, they were all sitting on the riding lawn mowers, the one who briefly engaged me telling a woman to shake his hand and tell him he's cute, the woman looking bewildered.

So you know what I did?

You want to fucking know?

I strode right up, right into the middle of them, right up to the plaid fuckfence, and looked at them all saying "Well well well, it's a goddamn gay mantrain."
Baldy said "Toys are that way, man, and pointed to the back of the store."

I turned my full attention on him, got all up in his face, and said:
"You go from Toys R Us to fucking SEARS and you're making fun of me? You gigantic bald faggot."
I turned and started to walk away. I was ready to be done with that sparse insult, when I hear. "Why them's fightin' words."
I turned right around.
"Oh yeah? You want to fight?"
"You want to take this outside?"
"You're fucking right I do."

And I strode right past him, pointing to the nearest exit, saying "Outside's thataway. Let's go."

This was some random douchebag who had seven douchebag friends. I could fight one, maybe two because of the boots, but if his buddies decided to join in, I was toast.

I'm about a quarter of the way there when I hear him say "Nah, I was just joking."

I turn around. Again.

I give him the

SMUGGEST
FUCKING
LOOK
And say "I guess you were, huh? Faggot." And walked right out of the store.

I didn't hear a single word back.

So you know what?

Fuck yeah, me.




And now, a very special edit:
I used the word 'faggot' a lot. I use the word 'faggot' a lot.
I want everyone who gives a shit to know that I don't say it intending to put down someone by comparing them to homosexual people. When I use that word, it's on the same terms as I use words like 'Dick.' and 'Douchebag.' I know that doesn't completely pardon me (if at all) but I would like to point out (completely tactessly and tastelessly) that the purpose of the root word 'fag' has fluctuated a lot over the years, as all of you no doubt know, so this is just me desperately trying to turn it into a general insult.

tl;dr I'M NOT PREJUDICE DON'T LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEE