A Perverted Encounter

Inspired by OANST's wonderful 'Crazy people that happen to me' blog series and a crazy person that happened to me today.... picture this.

Normally the TV repair business is pretty mundane; though I do get my share of weird and sometimes completely unreasonable people but this guy today took the cake.

A couple of weeks ago I picked up a fairly new 27" Sony TV with a no power condition. I've a fair experience with these sets having this exact issue, so I quoted him $125 for the repair service feeling fairly sure this was a run of the mill job! Well, I pick the set up from the guys house and the moment I meet the guy, something feels off.... I can't put my finger on it exactly but he seems just too smiley or friendly or something, I mean he's perfectly pleasant and all but still......

Days go by and after finding problem after problem after problem I have to call him to tell him he needs a new tuner which would make the cost of the repair $144. He says go ahead, and I offer to give him a loaner TV set since the repair on his is taking so long which he agrees to.

Now I'm over at his house again with my employee Steve to deliver this set and the guy starts going on about how he eats dog biscuits, "Oh they're particularly good in milk" he says...

The next day he calls to say that the loaner TV I'd left has shut off and won't turn back on. I advise him to try unplugging the set and plug it back in to hopefully reset the micro, but that didn't work and I had to tell him sorry because I didn't have the time to now repair two sets. He understood, and in his own creepy style happily assured me that he was fine and to just let him know when his set was ready.

Another week goes by and we're pretty busy here at the shop with other repairs, but the guys tuner finally shows up and we install it, only to find the set has YET another problem.

Okay. This thing is obviously a lemon, I need to wrap up this deal one way or another as I can't afford to keep Steve working on this set any more than we already have. I mean I've already spent more money than I'd have liked to out-of-pocket on parts for this and the outlook was grim on the possibility of actually getting this thing repaired and back to him! So now I call him up and explain the whole situation to him, and offer to sell him another TV of the same size for the initial price I quoted him for the repair of his Sony. He agrees to this so we immediately go about delivering this customer his "new" set.

This is where it gets creepy.

Steve and I bring the set into his living room, and I go about unhooking my 'loaner' to move it out of the way and hook up the customer's new set. The first thing I noticed of all things when we walked in was that the guy was wearing rubber gloves. Okay, no biggie, he's cleaning house probably.... well, the kitchen was messy so no cleaning going on there unless he was doing something up the dark stairway, I didn't know. In the meantime he was eating a banana, in rubber gloves, talking to us about women.

He asks me on two different occasions after we'd gotten there, "You need to show me how to tune in the pretty women" in a joking manner... and all I had to say was "well you're going to have to figure that out on your own"... while forcing a smile trying to pretend I was actually amused by his comment...

So after everything was all done and loose ends were tied up the guy kept talking. Now I happened to notice while standing at his entertainment center that he had a number of jewish-related items, pictures, and things on display, so I put two and two together that he was jewish. "Makes sense," I thought, "he has that jewish sounding accent to his voice." Shortly thereafter he was talking about a time that he followed advice from a friend to pick up women, and instead of getting women he had two men hitting on him. He actually had this longwinded explanation of what it was he was doing; all the while Steve and I were trying to get out the front door with our loaner and get the guy to stop talking!

Now... at this point he says, "Oh, hold on you guys I have something upstairs I want to show you!" Before we could protest he goes pouncing up the dark stairway and rustles around up there for about two minutes, then comes back on down the stairs... I'm standing next to his open front door, next to the bottom of the stairs, and he comes down handing me papers saying, "Now have you ever seen a more beautiful set of these?"

I look hesitantly at the papers and see what appears to be a BIG RACK with very WEIRD nipples .... I'm actually not looking at the picture very closely and hand it back to him saying, "Well, that's not something I see every day in this business" keeping my composure.

He then hands the "boob" pictures to steve and he doesn't even touch them and simply 'nods' as an acknowledgment though I see a look of distress on his face. Understandable seeing as to the uncouth situation we were both in.... I was just wondering, "Boy those were some weird looking breasts"

At this point he says, "Why don't you come upstairs there's some more I would like to show you!"

Now, picture this 60-something jewish guy trying to lure us upstairs to ... whatever may have lay up there.... in the dark.


Okay. I fumbled around verbally, trying to come up with some excuse not to, and Steve saves both of our bacon by speaking up, "We really can't we have someone back at the shop we've paid to watch the front desk while we're gone on this call, and we told them we'd be back in a few minutes!"

So he says "Okay... well I guess you guys aren't interested in sex at this age as much as you used to be huh?" (I'm thinking WTF I'm 25 and Steve is 59)



He then takes off his banana-eating latex gloves off and extends his hand to shake.

I shake his hand, pick up the TV and leave.

.................

Steve was first to comment.

"Did you see what that was a picture of?"

"Not really, I just sorta pretended to look"

"It was a guy with breast implants"

"WHAT? You're fucking kidding me!"

"No, you didn't see the hairy arms?"

...........

OMG I'm glad to have that said and done. I'll lever forget it though, the creepy old jewish guy trying to lure us upstairs with 'enticing' pictures of male breast implants.

Fuck. No telling what was up there!

Seriously.


Beat that OANST.