A moment of drunken sobriety, if you please.
Three same-page blogs in a row. I must have some kind of disease. Some kind of [strike]sexy[/strike] attention starved disease.
First of all, I want to throw some thanks in the direction of Sekto/Chris/Sekto Springs, who helped me to remember both the values of dedication to artistry and the fun that can be had with chatting with friends while drinking all night rather than going to the bar with a FAT DUMB IDIOT WHO ISN'T WORTH THE TIME OR EFFORT AND ULTIMATELY INFURIATES ME TO THE POINT WHERE I NEED CONSOLATION FROM THE AFOREMENTIONED CHATTY FRIENDS.
I want to extend a coarse and poorly phrased apology to WoF, who used to be my good pal but I've berated into a verbal combatant over the dumbest of shits over the course of the last few months. Yes, it's entirely possible he won't read this blog/has moved on to brighter horizons but I still feel like an asshole not acknowledging the positive correspondence we've had over the years. I owe him better than turning into a verbose, overly deprecating bully. Much as my smugness would like to think I haven't, I can be an extremely abrasive, self aggrandizing douchebag that crosses the line from 'self confidence' to 'sheer, predatory douchebag' in zero to sixty. I owe him, and people in general, better than that.
I'd also like to extend a slightly vague but truly honest apology to anyone I've screamed at or just generally been a total fucking cunt to over the last several months/weeks. I offer no excuse, I've just been a total shithead to a ton of people for no discernible reason and I really need to clean my act the fuck up if I want to remain internet contacts/friends with anyone on here. I owe these forums a whole a lot better.
After all, you guys (and the oft mentioned Jordan, my oft mentioned Real Life best friend) were my role models, teachers and peers through my teenhood since I did co-op most of the time and worked almost exclusively with dirty old men. You helped me come out of a bizarre, toxic shell of Catholic guilt through my teenhood and realizing I was both totally into dudes and The Ladies. Specifically Nate, Max, Alcar and WoF. YOU GUYS MADE BEING GAY COOL.
I don't want to come across as desperately sentimental, but I just generally could have been about a thousand times nicer about the simplest of things rather than react how I have. I haven't linked to specific examples because I'm both embarrassed and lazy about remembering them.
For reference, here's how I came to this conclusion.
I was going to spend the night chatting with Chris (Sekto) on MSN, listening to various new musics, and drinking classily (1 bottle of beer, 1 glass of wine,1 tumbler of Scotch while planning on going to bed at a reasonable hour. Instead I went to the pub with a girl whose pant I was hoping to get into with a friend, having him buy all of my drinks, and becoming completely infuriated with the stupidity of what this girl has to say. I am not saying women are stupid. I am saying this girl, who overeats, doesn't exercise and holds her poor, miserable cat hostage is stupid, infuriating and a poor yet average example of humanity as a whole made me angry. So after being asked a question regarding whatever dumbassed subject she was trying to seriously pursue with a drunk at our table, I said
"I think this is a waste of my fuckin' time is what it is." and wandered home. It was an epiphinary and eye opening evening.
I'm happier just sticking around and keeping in touch with people than attempting some simulacrum of horrid sociality that ends up irritating the everloving shit out of my and devolves my faith in humanity that much more. I'm going to bed now, but I sleep with the puke-green images of 'Native' OWF fresh in my brain. Like it or not, I love you guys. All of you.
