This place is so tiring these days. You're not fun any more. I've got nothing left to say here, so I'm out.

And this isn't like last time I left when I was sorting my shit out. This is me making the call that this place fucking sucks.

There are lots of people contributing in one way or another. Some of you know who you are. Some of you will read this and think "yeah those assholes!"

Just chill the fuck out all of you. Have fun. If you're making a post...

Also I'm a computer science student now, for the next year at least.

Maybe that's an exaggeration. It's not like I can't get up and move around. I'm moving a lot better than I was a few weeks ago. I can make my bed without getting breathless, don't get stressed out about making a cup of tea etc. It's more that I'm struggling to do anything. I still can't manage sitting up all day. Walking is fucking exhausting. I've completely dropped uni for this semester now, and I really just wish I could walk for hours and hours every day. If I could I definitely would. I've...

I have it.

So uni is really hard at the moment. Impossibly hard. The new semester has just started, and it's looking a lot like I'll be dropping out at this point, again. I'm not sure though. It looks like it might vaguely be possible to push through, but I really don't know. It's confusing, it's stressful.

I managed to struggle through last semester somehow, but I only really started getting bad in the last few weeks. Now I'm starting the semester out of juice. I was...

I need help to deal with my day to day life. I'm completely crippled by anxiety at this point. I don't want to do my uni course any more. I can't talk to anyone about any of this. I want to. I can see how bad I'm letting everything get. And I just can't ask for help. I can't stop smiling and pretending that everything is ok. Sometimes I feel like I'm being crushed inside. Like I can't breathe. Like this huge weight is on top of me.

I know what the problem is. I know what to do about...

I don't think i've ever felt worse than I do right now. The 8 minute walk home from the train station took closer to half an hour. I felt like just throwing myself down on the pavement and giving up at least twice. I just lost the will to move my legs any more.

So I've been back at uni. It's really stressful and has been making me very anxious, but I'm back doing things and seeing people. It's been awesome actually having a reason to get up in the morning. I've been in bed by 10pm,...

So I hate being at home. And I hate being at uni. And then, finally, the weekend rolls around. I inevitably go out somewhere with people, and I just feel bored, or uncomfortable, or out of place. I don't even really try any more. I sit there, and I smile and nod. I laugh, and I agree. And they lap it up. They fucking love me. They have no idea how much I'm genuinely disinterested with everything about them. It's been so long now that it's like they've forgotten how superficial our friendship is....

I've been a member here for 6 years today. That's almost a third of my life. Thank you guys for always making me laugh, and for giving me somewhere to turn when I feel like I have nowhere else.

Here are some of the standout things that I remember:

• Everyone turning into Alcar
• Chatting to people in Aji's Furcadia Dream
• Oddchat with Wil
• The birth and death of the Minecraft server
• Hobo +repping me for liking Pink Floyd
• The rhyming thread
• MA's spinoff forum that had 10 members

...