Loose Screws

Easily given answer by strangers: Maybe seek professional help? Start talking to a therapist or talk about these issues to a GP? Could be worth a try...

If you wanna chat you know where to find me. Honestly I've been meaning to catch you on Skerp for a while, I still wanna do that collab too! I'll pester you next time I see you around.

Any way, chin up, Mac. You gotta keep putting those bad thoughts down, surround yourself with loving friends and family and that, I don't think I'm qualified to give you any more advice than that.

Sounds rough bud, Are you socialising much recently? I haven't been and I feel quiet crap to be honest.
All I can say is I hope you're okay and not to do anything stupid Like injecting heroin into your toes! Lel joking.

No advice, but I've been getting a lot of compulsive thoughts recently too, mainly of the Tourettes "punch people, smash things and generally make people hate you" variety.

Joe said I should get out more, which I am currently doing.

I know I'm once again posting about myself in other people's problem-blogs (problogs?), but it's all I'm good at.

Maybe see a therapist, maybe try spraying some of your (obviously potent) creative juices all over the place. doing so usually clears my head and makes me feel a little less crazy. Exercise too.

Chin up

I think that you and I experience things, and react to things in a similar way. I've calmed down a lot, but I'm 33 fucking years old now, and you've also calmed down a lot yourself. I also have been known to look for reasons to shout people down, and go on tirades against people, spouting vileness, vileness that at the time of saying it, or posting, felt completely necessary, and then upon rereading it later, feeling nothing but shame and embarrassment at what a fucking turd I was.

I think a lot of it stems from both of us feeling like we lost out on a lot of great opportunities in our lives, and squandering the talents that we have. I also think that we both blame our childhoods that had basically been stolen from us by overzealous, or abusive parents/adults in our life. And in some ways that feels like a cop out. Why aren't we able to just get over this? Why are we so weak that we can't just put it behind us and excel the way that we know that we are capable of doing? But it's also partly out of our hands. Things were done to us, and we don't trust in people, and we don't have the faith in ourselves that people who didn't have these things done to them have. I have to stop myself from becoming my father, and my mother on an almost daily basis, and try to keep what happened to me as a child from happening to the children in my life. And that's hard. We all become our parents to an extent. And then I have to ask myself how confused, and afraid my parents were when they fucked up my life, and if I shouldn't pity them instead of holding on to the pain that they caused me. And yes, I do pity them, even though they are both dead now, but letting go isn't so easy.

I don't know about anyone else but I drink heavily to deal with those thoughts.