Adventures in online dating 2: Man vs. Cock

Back in grade 7 I would constantly get into fights with a girl we'll call Brandi. We were friends of friends in our downtime and occasionally played off of each other to very hilarious ends. Brandi was very cute (even then) but came from a very troubled home and we would essentially clash over whose origins were trashier. It wasn't until after she'd left for a different school I came to the conclusion I had a pretty embarrassing fat-kid crush on the pretty, troubled girl who lived past the swampy hills.

The next few years I attempted broaching relationships with different levels of girls. Dumb girls, nice girls, pretty girls, nerdy girls, massively overweight titty monster girls, the whole spectrum of trashy teenage fodder. Gradually I moved towards online dating as I became more and more isolated and evasive to meeting people on my own time. This lead to a few comical encounters with massively overweight amazonian girls who wanted to fuck on the first date, crazy girls who launched facebook friends after me when I did things that bothered them such as not wanting to talk to them any more and one or two transvestites who disappeared without a trace, into the sexually confused abyss.

There were the overweight girls I danced with in Hamilton who accused the other bargoing girls of being sluts and then flirtatiously wheedled drinks out of me until their overweight boyfriends inexplicably appeared out of the greasy mist, the girls who hung out with my sisters constantly cockblocked by them, but for some reason I'd remember Brandi here and there. It was never something I obsessed about, but sometimes in the back of my mind I'd wonder where that kid went off to and what she grew up to be.

Well, she's a single mom now. She's now a gorgeous young woman with a son. She got in touch with me recently and we've been chatting a bit. Seems like she figured herself out.

So we're getting married.


Nah, just fuckin with you. We'll be seeing each other more often soon though. I've never really longed for a relationship with someone until now. I want to get my shit together for this girl. She doesn't need money or a home, she's not looking for someone to babysit her kid. She wants me, and that feels really really amazing.