I miss my brother

He moved out a couple of months back and I really miss him, he was the person I was closest to.

I went to his sister's 18th the other day and when he went out for a fag I told him.about how I've been referred to an educational psychiatrist, as I might have BDP. I feel so much better now because I was talking to him about it and about My social anxiety and that, and how I hate talking to people, because he says he has the same issues. He told me that he feelslike that, how he just can't be arsed talking to anybody, but he does it anyway because it's normal. And that's what he told me to do. He told me to talk to people and socialise because if I don't, people Will start noticing. Then when some random woman came out he said "do I know you from somewhere?" And she laughed and said no and they talked for a couple of seconds before me and Jay went inside. "See? like that. I couldn't be arsed talking to her but I did it anyway, because it's normal" he said.

It amazed me how he did that and didn't get nervous or anxious or anything, but I have never seen My brother like that. I'm glad I told him about this, I barely talked to My mum about it so I was relieved to know how easy it is for him even.though he has the same issues.

It's going to be really hard talking to this psychiatrist. Somebody told me it means I have bad mental health and that ponies Will be the first thing they Will try to remove.
My stress levels have been unbelieveable recently and I nearly cried before because I couldn't open some bread. I just ripped the whole thing open.in the end. When I get stressed I have no way to vent it so usually I just scream inside My head or bite My wrist really hard, both of which cannot be good for me.

I've also started pondering the idea that I could have aspergers or be mentally retarded and I wouldn't even know it.

Maybe I should end this blog with a really deep poem or something.


Fuck that shit.