Spew and HATE.

I've gotten very worked up over little things lately. I don't actually mean any of my posts on here, I think my posting quality has gone up a bit lately actually, but in the outside world I'm quite grumpy and I've been itching to get into a fistfight with someone. Not someone specific, just 'someone'. I need to get more physical activity. Maybe boxing? Boxing would be pretty intense. I want to be a super hero, kinda. I want to be looked up to regardless of what I do, and I think that's the problem. I feel too self righteous. I feel like I need to be right when, a lot of the time, I'd rather not be. I feel like there are a lot of people that I need to get back at that I...kinda already got back at, or forgave. It's very confusing and disconcerting. I'm going to be off to school in September, no question aboot that, but I want to ready. I want to be fit, I want to be just as well-read as always and I want to be smart about what I'm doing.

I need to tell my dad I'm done. I'm mad at him in a very deep way and I need to tell him I don't want to involve myself in his life any more. It's frustrating.

I don't often talk about my mom in these blogs outside of her being a kind of background character. For as much as I put on a big spikey face of a persona when I'm posting on the internet, there's a side of me that can be as genuinely nasty in real life and the fallout of that often ends up on her plate. I need to be better to her, and calm my shit down. This goes back to taking up boxing or whatever.