New Zealand's Asshole, Completely Full of Human Excrement

I waited at the library busstop instead of the one at the mall today, because the one at the mall was completely full of gangsters in colours (like always), so I though 'fuck that...' and did the 5 min walk to the library busstop. So I get there, then this angry ass balding middle aged man in a white business shirt tucked into black dress pants, complete with skate shoes comes up to me. I'm drinking a V, and he say

Man: You want a smoke?
Me: Nah, I'm good thanks...
Man: Ah fuck! I want a fizzy drink so bad but I don't have the fucking money.
Me: Yeah bad luck. *at this point I put my empty can of V down*
Man: Awww I was stopped by the cops at 1am yesterday!
Me: Yeah? what did you do?
Man: Aww I was drivin at 180kph, it was my first time in a manual, and I drifted round a corner! uhuhuhuhu! nearly hit da curb too! but you know why dey didn't caught me?
Me: Why?
Man: because when they wasn't looking, I just drifted away! uhuhuhuhuhu!
Me: Ahaha... Yeah.
man: and there was this other guy who was following me right, tryin ta copy my moves right? but he was real bad, and he fuckin smashed into the back of a bus! so i was like to him: "haha you dumb cunt! fuckin smash you haha"
me: yeah, haha, what an idiot eh...
man:Awww my like brother always says, if you want something bad enough, just try and you'll get it! And you know what? Now I got four girls running after me! uhuhuhu.***
Me: ahahaha... yes
man: 2 of them are decent, 1 of them are model material, and the other one is fuckin hideous! uhuh. So i was messaging the model one, and I was like 'whats your last name eh?' [hahaha, yeah, girls on the net are into him...] and you know what she say? she was my best mates sister UHUHUHUH
Me: oh yeah, always bad when that happens, aha...
Man: Oh he doesn't really want me going out with her eh!
me: here's my bus, gotta run, seeya man.

fucking lower hutt, turning even more into NZ's Bronx. didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I did a little bit of both.

then I get home, and walked in on my older half blind brother having a tug, to give him a package that arrived for him... he threw out the box, so I looked inside it to see what he had ordered because he acted very nervously when I asked him what he got:

"ScoreExpress:

2 x BREAST SEX DVD $69.90"

and that was my day. holy shit.

***he looked like the ugly blonde student librarian with a whispy beard you always hated in highschool. the only women he could pull are the ones with long enough nether hair he could reach at, commonly called Olga.