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The death of cinema

Posted 09-15-2011 at 06:31 PM by Sekto Springs

List of planned remakes (the most outrageous ones in bold):

- Akira (And westernized no less!)
- A Star is Born
- Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!
- Battle Royale
- Bride of Frankenstein
- Cannibal Holocaust
- Carousel
- Child’s Play
- Cliffhanger
- Death at a Funeral
- Dirty Dancing
- Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
- Don’t Look Now
- Drop Dead Fred
- Dune
- The Evil Dead (Leave my pulp alone)
- Fantastic Four (I don't actually care, but still too soon)
- Flash Gordon
- Flight of the Navigator
- Footloose (Lol)
- Forbidden Planet
- Frankenstein (Can't we just count "Frankenweenie" and be done with it?)
- Ghost in the Shell
- Harvey (Isn't Donnie Darko good enough?)
- Hellraiser (As Doug Bradley so aptly put it, "No remakes, please. It's a waste of good celluloid")
- Highlander
- It
- Jesus Christ Superstar
- Judge Dredd (Okay, you can have that one)
- Kiki's Delivery Service
- Labyrinth
- Logan's Run
- Meatballs
- Mortal Kombat
- Porky's (What's even the point?)
- Red Sonja
- RoboCop
- Romancing the Stone
- Scanners
- Shivers
- Short Circuit
- Slap Shot
- Spider-Man (Saw the trailer. Looks fairly crappy)
- Suspiria
- The Birds
- The Blob (Wait... again?)
- The Brood
- The Crow (Would be easier just to take a steaming dump on Brandon Lee's grave)
- The Dirty Dozen
- The Incredible Shrinking Man
- The Lavender Hill Mob
- The Little Shop of Horrors (...)
- The Man Who Fell to Earth
- The NeverEnding Story
- The Orphanage
- The Seven Samurai (This one I saw coming, but still...)
- The Witches
- They Live
- Time Bandits (Yep)
- Topper
- Total Recall
- Videodrome
- Yellow Submarine (And I hear it's CG! Oh boy!)

Let's not forget sequels (and prequels):

- Beetlejuice 2
- Bladerunner Prequel
- Ghostbusters 3 (Which could potentially be awesome, though my expectations aren't high)
- Kill Bill Vol. 3
- Men in Black 3
- Who Framed Roger Rabbit... 2 (Originally intended to blend animation with Zemeckis' trademark corpse-like mocap CG. Thankfully that idea did not pan out thanks to the fantastic failure of "Mars Needs Moms")

Thanks, Hollywood.

Comments 50

Total Comments 50

Comments

	Chris, let's remake Spaceballs.
	Posted 09-15-2011 at 07:56 PM by Pilot

	Kill Bill Vol. 3? How? There's nothing more to it really. And IT?! Noooo, one of my all time favourites, I don't want to see it be ruined. Fuck, Hollywood is really doing bad now.
	Posted 09-15-2011 at 08:39 PM by Dynamithix

	Even though planned, I bet at least half of those wont end up being made.
	Posted 09-15-2011 at 09:04 PM by Daxter King

	Don't forget CGI Watership Down with Hugh Jackman as Hazel-Rah
	Posted 09-15-2011 at 09:30 PM by Hazel-Rah

	CGI Watership Down? You're joking, right? Is nothing sacred? (But I can't find much info about it, which gets my hopes up a bit)
	Posted 09-15-2011 at 10:18 PM by DarkHoodness

	Akira? As in that old anime that wasn't even that popular?
	Posted 09-15-2011 at 11:25 PM by Mudokon_Master

	Fucking god Akira was hellishly popular. It wasn't particularly good, what with being a cut-to-pieces movie adaptation of a really long series, but it was popular.
	Posted 09-15-2011 at 11:46 PM by Strike Witch

	Well I never thought it was. But after doing some research, it actually was popular. I really liked it though. I feel like Hollywood's gonna shit all over it though.
	Posted 09-16-2011 at 12:12 AM by Mudokon_Master

	I am looking forward to each and every one of these.
	Posted 09-16-2011 at 01:28 AM by Wil

	: I feel like Hollywood's gonna shit all over it though They want to make all the characters white, move the location to New York, and make it about 9/11. More or less. Needless to say, George Takei is pissed. : Chris, let's remake Spaceballs. Not only do I find Mel Brooks unfunny, but I hate Star Wars too. So yes, let's remake it.
	Posted 09-16-2011 at 07:19 AM by Sekto Springs Updated 09-16-2011 at 07:26 AM by Sekto Springs

	Why can't they leave films alone. LEAVE THEM ALONE!
	Posted 09-16-2011 at 01:24 PM by Crashpunk

	Seven Samurai? What the fuck?
	Posted 09-16-2011 at 01:32 PM by Mac Sirloin

	What! The Never Ending Story? The filthy whores.
	Posted 09-16-2011 at 02:18 PM by Ridg3

	You should have seen the list of 98 planned sequels over the next two years that I read in the paper a while back. Half of them weren't even franchises, but movies that had been made more than twenty years ago.
	Posted 09-16-2011 at 04:37 PM by MeechMunchie

	You forgot to bold - Battle Royale - Dirty Dancing - Flash Gordon - Highlander - Jesus Christ Superstar The amount that are bolded that are classics just makes me sad.
	Posted 09-16-2011 at 05:31 PM by Manco

	There's actually a hell of a lot of upcoming new films too. Some really cool ones, like Del Toro's giant robot vs lovecraftian monsters thing.
	Posted 09-16-2011 at 11:06 PM by Strike Witch

	: Del Toro's giant robot vs lovecraftian monsters thing. If you're talking about 'At The Mountains Of Madness', that was cancelled. If you're talking about something else... I want to know more.
	Posted 09-16-2011 at 11:55 PM by Nate

	Good. They really ought to make The Call of Cthulhu first. That said, a lot of Lovecraft stories would make good one-off dramas, little one-hour horror movies.
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 05:55 AM by MeechMunchie

	The Birds has been remade before hasen't it?
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 06:35 AM by JennyGenesis

	Does it really matter if they remake some of this shit, it's not like Admittedly, WTF?
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 07:46 AM by moxco

	: Does it really matter if they remake some of this shit, it's not like Admittedly, WTF? What?
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 08:28 AM by Sekto Springs

	Cthulhu deserves a movie debut. It should also have him subduing Cloverfield, whilst strangling King Kong and raping Godzilla.
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 08:54 AM by Dixanadu

	I don't think Cthulhu ever actually appeared in any of Lovecraft's stories. Even in "Call of Cthulhu" he was only alluded to (if I remember correctly). I suppose they could adapt it so that he appears, but that seems kind of phoned in. They'll probably make him some awful CG mess, and totally fuck up the way he looks. Yeah, I'm jaded. I have very little faith in Hollywood these days.
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 10:01 AM by Sekto Springs

	Ditto. T'would mar his image somewhat also. I think his elusive nature is what makes him what he is. So it's all good he sleeps under the sea and dreams. It would give manufacturers a better excuse to dish out better merchandise, unlike this shite.
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 10:34 AM by Dixanadu

	Things like that are exactly the reason mankind needs to meet it's end at the tentacled hands of the Great Old One.
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 10:57 AM by Sekto Springs

	Haha, I only know a little about Cthulu from the Cthulu Mythos P&P RPG book I have as a PDF, seems interesting though.
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 10:58 AM by STM

	The lucky ones, like ourselves, will be destroyed quickly.
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 10:59 AM by Dixanadu

	Me and my bees will be safe with the Anunaki.
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 11:12 AM by STM

	That's just wishful thinking.
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 11:35 AM by Dixanadu

	Nope, when they time comes my bees and I will transgress into the mightiest of all angels, and I will rain down fury in the form of eternal yellow and black upon my enemies. And there will be no fear. Muahaha.
	Posted 09-17-2011 at 11:44 AM by STM

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