AG: I don't see how we're supposed to 8e 8ecoming friends if you recoil from my olive 8ranch like I'm twitching a mummified 8ovine phallus in your direction.
CG: BECOMING FRIENDS, WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: WE WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS, MORON.
AG: Not even h8 friends?
CG: NO. MORE LIKE TWITCHY EYED PROJECTILE VOMITING IN UTTER DISGUST FRIENDS, WHILE I PERFORATE MY BONE BULGE WITH A CULLING FORK.

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I'm serious this time. Advice?

Posted 11-28-2007 at 10:50 PM by scrab queen

Right, forgive me if I sound emo/teen angsty here (even in the slightest), but bare with me. There may be some stuff in here about me that might freak you out. That is because I think too much.

I'm seeking advice from the people who have obviously made it through the second stages of the game of life without failing a million times over within the first few seconds.

Now that i'm back in school, instead of at home, sleeping (where I should be, because I'm one of the few humans capable of hibernating) I've been forced to be a social girly girl. Because I wear black all the time, I have a 'just don't really care' sort of air about me, and i'm silent all the time, people are labeling me as an emo or emotionally dark (except for the scant few who have decided on tolerating and accepting my non-responsive presence). I just merely like the color black (darker colors suit me), I actually just tune out things around me because they don't concern me, and I never really had any use for my voice (and when I do use it, usually something freaky comes out, the type of freaky that makes people stare at you and inch away a good few feet.)

Lately, things have been getting to me. All the various negitive things associated with the 'normal' teen life have actually been affecting me. I usually wouldn't let that bother me, but the shock of having to socialize and conform to standards so sudenly have left me vulnerable to these types of thoughts.

Mostly, it's the risk of an eating disorder and/or self-harm. I wouldn't do drugs, because the concept of not having controll over my actions 99.9% of the time frightens me, and i'll save drinking for when i'm old enough to die foolishly (which is never).

The populars have been staring me down and calling attention to me, which makes me very uncomfortable. Being vulnerable like this, I start to panic in my mind and it veers into a dark corner where I start to get concerned about my looks. Here's where the fear starts setting in. I start to think about fasting/starvation and other such things, but later, when I have a quiet moment to myself to reflect, I find it very stupid and discard those thoughts.

Now, related to that is the fantasy of living away from humans, without the need of society. To literally survive, and to be free as a strong fighter. Maybe, by some coincedence, I encounter a portal which takes me away from this plane of reality and into another one, where intelligent beings other than humans exist. How am I supposed to fight if I don't have the proper strength and speed?

I would just go out and exercise, but i'm an eye magnet. Those eyes...I hate them. Millions of pairs of eyes staring at me, like i'm some sort of freak. I can't even go in the backyard, i'm still not safe from all of those eyes.

At the risk of self harm...

I have a facination with blood. I don't know why, but it has to do with it's purity, yet fithyness. It's pure, sinister darkness beckons. It can be so many things, and have endless meanings. It can mean life and death. It can be as significant as the entire universe, or something we take for granted. The fact that somewhere in my mind it decided it wants to see blood has been freaking me out. Also, it's pushing me to do it every time I make a social blunder of some sorts. I veer away from it, but it just fades in and out. It's creepy, yet I accept it, like if death was in the room or something. Flesh is so fragile. To break it is an easy task, but the fear of pain is something that is hard to shake off.

My mind has been wandering into some very dark places that i'd prefer if it didn't, but social life is like walking around with your organs exposed. Anyone, anything can kill you at any second, even the air if it isn't right, yet you are still alive. When I'm exposed to others, my defences weaken, and I find myself giving in more easilly.

Should I withdraw from society to avoid the huge pit i'm teetering on? Or should I try to be deemed a 'good girl' and make friends and eventually spiral down? Comments?

And I know that at least some person is going to think 'get help, for gods sake!', but I already am. I'm just good at keeping my mouth shut and my true self hidden, to avoid being attacked by a bad therapist who thinks that i'm too weird and puts me on a bunch of meds, or tries to refer me to a mental institution, or some other place where I don't belong...

Comments 16

Total Comments 16

Comments

	Wear bright clothing one day, dark the other. It will confuse your enemies for a surprise attack.
	Posted 11-29-2007 at 03:54 AM by Mac Sirloin

	You have a fatal condition called life. Your symptoms are indicative that you have entered a late-stage cycle known as puberty. It's all downhill from here, I'm afraid, but most people with the disease manage to live relatively normal lives.
	Posted 11-29-2007 at 11:02 AM by Bullet Magnet

I'm a little confused by your definition of "Girly girl". I'm a guy, so maybe it's natural for me not knowing what you're talking about, but when you say "Girly girl" do you mean the girls that go "OH MAH GAWD!" every ten seconds, or just a normal girl in general?

Sorry, but this is a tad confusing for me. If I knew more on what you were talking about (Although you don't really have to explain if you don't want to) I MIGHT be able to help. Although I'm probably younger than you so my advice might not be the best >_>.

Posted 11-29-2007 at 11:50 AM by metroixer

	My advice: Be yourself. During my life, I've come to a very simple conclusion. People suck. They don't like other people over little things, they don't make sense, they just plain suck. So just remember this: People suck, you don't need to go out of your way for them.
	Posted 11-29-2007 at 06:40 PM by Nemo

I've been there, it's not a very tasty situation.

+You will like a colour, buy more of this. I have little to no black in my wardrobe as opposed to what it used to be (still have the emo hair)
+Even though you are most likely above this, get very very pissed with people you know. You'd be surprised how comfortable and approachable you and others can be whilst innebriated
+As Nemo said, people suck. Keep close to the people who you are friends with (what an overused statement, but it's quite true). Through them you can find people who you don't deem too horrible, and can start slight chatter with.
+As for selfharm, dont go too far down into that. Blood is just thick red coloured sperm that runs in your veins.

Posted 11-29-2007 at 09:48 PM by Leto

	Stick it in her po... No i have no advice for you
	Posted 11-30-2007 at 11:40 AM by Hobo

Thanks guys.

metroixer- I meant like the 'normal' girl. Because out here there are no tomboys, so all of them get hyper if you mention the mall *shudder*. To fit in with the boys I'd have to shell out loads of cash for an x-box live connection and be good enough to kick thier asses at halo. I'm just too 'unique' for everybody. So I immediately cet categorized as 'freak' or 'misfit', or 'the dark ominous type who will either be a success at creative stuff or might murder everyone you know'.

supermunch- i'm too young to get pissed. and in this happy go luck little area, alcohol is a hard thing to come by. The self harm thought is really rare, but it's creepy when it does show up, like if you're talking to somebody, and in mid-setence they boom in a demonic voice "I WANT YOUR SOOOUL!".

Nemo- SO VERY TRUE.

bulletMagnet- Yes, it's a sort of disease, and i'm sure bad luck is to follow. I know that. Also, my stapler is stuck to your head. Can I have it back?

Kastere- bright colors do not look good on me, and they are not reccomended for winter wear.

Posted 11-30-2007 at 01:43 PM by scrab queen

I wouldn't go into saying some drastic like "people suck". Sure some are "Unreasonable" at worst, but saying they suck plain out? Nah.

Although what SM said about making friends through the friends you have now is totally true. I remember in 7th grade I had like these two friends who sat at a different table than me in lunch with all these other guys. One day I joined them, and I never left XD.

Ugh this is getting all mushy like. I need something manly to talk about now... >_>

Posted 11-30-2007 at 03:57 PM by metroixer

	how about kicking jon weaver's butt at halo?
	Posted 11-30-2007 at 06:55 PM by scrab queen

Depression, depression...

Look, there's one fact in life that you have to accept, and that is that like it or not, some people aren't going to like you. For whatever reason. It's impossible to be completely socially accepted and loved, because even if you are the most popular person in school, there's always going to be that one person who hates the sight of you.

I take it that you're just not a people person. That's a bit hard for me to understand, because I'm a people person. But if you really find it hard to socialise, that...is probably because you don't practise enough. What I'm trying to say is, don't be afraid of people. Most of them are actually good, honest people....there's always exceptions of course, but...
A good tip for starting a conversation with someone you've never talked to before: switch roles with them for a second. Pretend that you're standing there, obviously bored and wanting company, and another person just walks up to you with a smile on their face and starts a casual conversation. Will you think they're weird? Will you stare them down? Or will you just think that they're a nice friendly person?
Granted, some people will exclude you because you're different from them. But you don't have to take that from them, you're a person too. They just have a different life, different interests from you. But you know what? A smile makes everything easier.

You're on the verge of developing an eating disorder? Not good. Why? Is it the actual desire to be thinner or just depression? And, tell me. How does being hungry make you feel good?

The bottom line is, if you really try you can actually coexist with people, trust me. You just have to stop being afraid and try cheering up, OK?

I'm done writing my novel now.

Posted 12-01-2007 at 09:09 AM by skillya_glowi

So very true. I'm not a people person, and walking up to someone just to start a conversation is pretty weird. To me, you have to have a reason to approach a person. 'Just to talk' isn't one of my options because there's usually nothing to talk about. I have no interest similar to anybody at my school, and most of the time, I use words that are too big for them when they happen to come up on something that I like. Then they just trail off a sentence waiting for one of thier friends to walk up to them and go off with them.

As to the question: It's also to fit in, plus it's getting a bit rough on my knees (The doc says that i'm a bit too double jointed, so if there's too much strain on my legs, my knees are bound to slide out of place). I'm not depressed, just a dull person. I would like to be strong, but thin is something that i'm willing to settle for. As for being hungry, sometimes I need to eat but I don't feel it untill late at night, but even then I just graze.

And i'm not afriad of people (other wise I wouldn't even be here talking to you, i'd be freaking out in the shed about how many there are). I'm either too intelligent, too stupid, too quiet, or too weird for them. I'm not 'on thier level'. In fact, most of my life my parents treated me like an adult (and for that i'm grateful) but I know too little or too much for either side. Plus, I prefer peace. Just chatting away about something doesn't appeal to me. So I like to make the most of school and sit in the corner where it's quiet (as quiet as it can be) and do something creative. I would like to get into a competition of some sorts, but they don't have the kind that I'm thinking of, or I don't have the right skills. Usually team projects are disasters. I end up doing the work, and/or everybody drops out.

So in the physical world, I can't do a thing with people. To me in person, they seem like irritating creatures with too much variety. But in an electronic sense there are four kinds: Newbs(the people who are new and have great potetial depending who teaches them) N00bs(childish, insult-spewing,abominations to god)good people(sociable and friendly [which makes up a majority of OWF]) and bad people(sour and un-educated).

I prefer the internet to the world, it's easier to get around with the right entrance. In the words of Adam Savage:

"I REJECT YOUR REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN!"

Posted 12-01-2007 at 11:48 PM by scrab queen

	Are you sure that you are "too intelligent, too stupid, too quiet, or too weird" for every single person in your school (excluding teachers)? Surely if you a too intelligent for one group you must be about about the same for the "non mongaloid" group of people Or better yet just say "Fuck it" and do your own thing and BE UNIQUE!!!!1!
	Posted 12-02-2007 at 08:51 AM by Laser

Addressing your preference of the Internet to the real world:

I understand that socialising on the Internet is easier than in real life. However, it can get to be of a problem. Specifically, you don't go to college on the Internet, you don't get a job on the Internet, you don't marry on the Internet (unless you're substantially lacking intelligence), you don't have children on the Internet, you don't buy a house on the Internet, you don't grow old on the Internet...blah blah blah, you know what I mean. Real life matters too.

And I didn't mean "afraid of people" in the literal sense, I meant more "overly concerned/fearful of what their opinion of you might be".

Posted 12-04-2007 at 01:55 PM by skillya_glowi

I think a big problem I had when I was younger was that I always assumed that people sucked, which is actually generally untrue. There's a few septic fucks, but the majority of the people are just trying to fit in, and are actually decent. No matter how much you think you have nothing in common, you're usually wrong.

Contempt is a very easy things to sense. In other words, if you automatically consider everyone in your school to be a shithead, they're going to know, and they'll react with hostility. It's a difficult thing to do, but if you can stop thinking of others so critically, your demeanor in general will improve and you'll become a million times more approachable.

And as a side note, doing drugs/alcohol is not synonymous with "losing control", but you'll find that out soon enough.

Posted 09-21-2008 at 11:23 AM by Kimon

	Also, you're almost 15, and that ain't too young to get pissed.
	Posted 09-21-2008 at 11:38 AM by Kimon

	GODDAMMIT!!!! Why does that front page thing show oldy posts? Oh well.
	Posted 09-21-2008 at 12:42 PM by Kimon

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