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AG: I don't see how we're supposed to 8e 8ecoming friends if you recoil from my olive 8ranch like I'm twitching a mummified 8ovine phallus in your direction.
CG: BECOMING FRIENDS, WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: WE WILL NEVER BE FRIENDS, MORON.

AG: Not even h8 friends?
CG: NO. MORE LIKE TWITCHY EYED PROJECTILE VOMITING IN UTTER DISGUST FRIENDS, WHILE I PERFORATE MY BONE BULGE WITH A CULLING FORK.
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I can never bring myself to care, really...

Posted 08-31-2009 at 07:02 PM by scrab queen
Oh hi.

My grandma died.

Not the nice one.

The one that was a total cunt and abused my mother as a child.

Yeah. I don't really care.

Although I did find myself getting angry over the fact that her daughters are now ramsacking her apartment for that hidden 10,000 dollars she squirelled away. But then again I can't blame them.

All I can muster is a "Pfft. And?"

But really, I'm sure somewhere in the back of my head my inner child is going to miss the free icecream and slightly expired goodies.

IN OTHER NEWS, we are now officially poor, and unable to maintain my pepsi addiction. I've been unsuccesfully hoarding cans, and then drinking it five minutes later because the kool-aid is gone and I cann't be arsed to make more.
Total Comments 15

Comments

Daxter King's Avatar
Meh. I wasn't sad at all when my grandma died. Kinda hard to be sad over someone you only saw every couple of years, and when you did see her she was a massive bitch.
Posted 08-31-2009 at 07:36 PM by Daxter King

OANST's Avatar
I can't wait for my grandmother to die. She wrote my sister and I out of her will after my mother died, but everyone else in the family decided to give us our share regardless. Bitch needs to get on with it.
Posted 09-01-2009 at 08:06 AM by OANST

Sekto Springs's Avatar
My grandmother is an evangelical christian psychopath who has long cut both me and my mother out of her life like a cancerous tumor (and vice versa). The reason? Because we don't get a sexual thrill from getting on our knees and giving Jesus fellatio.

She's also been smoking since like... birth, so she has a man's voice.

Just to give you an idea of how absolutely batshit she is; on Christmas she brought out a three layer birthday cake that said "Happy Birthday, Jesus" and she wouldn't let any of us eat it.
Posted 09-01-2009 at 12:29 PM by Sekto Springs

MA's Avatar
jesus. well my real grandmother and grandfather are fucking 'A OK' personality-wise, thats why i walk their dog for them every morning. same with my step grandmother, who i garden for, for free. my real grandparents on my fathers side can fuck off though. my dad was a prick and so were them, so i don't care. i'm glad that twat's dead.

also; welcome to my world with the skint thing. it's been over 2 years since i have had any money left at the end of the week, and i only get what i need to.
Posted 09-01-2009 at 12:58 PM by MA

T-nex's Avatar
I miss my grandmother... Shes awesome.
Posted 09-01-2009 at 01:46 PM by T-nex

Wil's Avatar
Wow, some real familial hatred here. I have never known that. Having said that, I have never known either of my blood grandmas. My dad's mum was at least able to meet me before she died, but I wasn't even two months old when that happened. My mum's mum died when my mum was still young.

Fuck there are a lot of young deaths in my family.
Posted 09-01-2009 at 01:52 PM by Wil

used:)'s Avatar
I'm very happy to have (had) awesome grandparents.

As for the rest of my family, there's a few who I don't hold really very good feelings towards.
Posted 09-01-2009 at 03:05 PM by used:)

Sekto Springs's Avatar
My nan and grandad on my dad's side are awesome and couldn't be more different than my maternal one. They love me to death and their lemon tarts absolutely mow face.
Posted 09-01-2009 at 05:00 PM by Sekto Springs

used:)'s Avatar
British old people have always struck me as the sweet, cute grandparent type.
Posted 09-01-2009 at 05:51 PM by used:)

Sekto Springs's Avatar
They are man. Its ridiculous!
Posted 09-01-2009 at 05:56 PM by Sekto Springs

Wings of Fire's Avatar
My paternal grandmother is not, she was deadly sure that my grandfather had contracted some horrible disease when he was working in Africa so she wore a gas mask around him and forced him to go down to London to the institute of tropical diseases to have himself checked out, she also nearly burnt down her house trying to flamethrower a nest of ants.

Oh and my paternal grandfather used to try and feel my mum up.
Posted 09-01-2009 at 06:21 PM by Wings of Fire

Strike Witch's Avatar
My great-grandmother rode a motorbike in a leather jacket and british pauper-hat with goggles.
Posted 09-01-2009 at 10:59 PM by Strike Witch

Wil's Avatar
Oh Joey, honey, what is up with your paternal side?
Posted 09-02-2009 at 03:02 AM by Wil

OddjobAbe's Avatar
I am in the minority here, having had fucking excellent Grandparents. I am sad that they are dead.
Posted 09-02-2009 at 09:32 AM by OddjobAbe

Bullet Magnet's Avatar
My paternal grandparents are shut-ins who don't visit. They never did before without a specific invite, but when they would turn up drunk on sherry we stopped inviting them. Now my grandfather can barely leave the house due to the mother-of-all emphysema. They're both horrendous smokers.

But, as much as all that is true, they're still wonderful, funny people who love us all to bits and treat us wonderfully when we visit.

My maternal grandparents live next-door and would take a bullet for me if they had to (and could move fast enough). They grow lots of vegetables (well, my grandfather does, my nan is more of a housework person. She's one of those incessantly helpful types who isn't comfortable not pulling her own and everyone else's weight). They would make me feel extraordinarily inadequate if they weren't able to make you feel so comfortable.

So yeah, woo my grandparents.
Posted 09-02-2009 at 12:38 PM by Bullet Magnet

 

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