The Despicable

[Gretin]

Whoo, it's finally back on track And introduced with German even!

Good to see a bit of behind the scenes of Dionysia being sent to Rupture Farms, obviously the WARF go-ers will remember her arrival and explanation for her purpose there, but this is a bit of a look on the other side And I thought this line was quite clever: "Creator and creation both scowled"

I see you took a bit of creative licence with Anni's dream and recovery from the lethal injection too Looking forward to the continuation of the story now!

[Splat]

I liked that line, too
And I never said she was hot!
Aaaaaaaanyway,
Thanks for the feedback. 'Tis very encouraging.



EDIT: Like all chapters of this section, this has been rewritten and has either been reposted or will be in the near future. The re-written Part 7 begins here.



Mysterious letters, oh my!

Jim was created by me and is twelve kinds of awesome! His fear of sligs from the RPG is being downplayed in the story since it made him so hard to use at times, and it sort of used to switch on and off whenever it was convenient. So he won't be mortally afraid of sligs and instead will be mildly afraid of everything.

Also, Javi is scary!

REPLY! Especially you! Yes, you!

[Splat]

Why there will be no new chapter this week

1. Since no one has replied to this thread, I can only assume that no one is reading this story anymore.

2. Since no one is reading it, it's a waste of my time and creativity to write it.


I'm really quite disappointed that, knowing I spend hours each week writing this, still no one can be bothered to spend two or three minutes just acknowledging that they have read it. I'm hardly motivated when only three people are replying, so frankly I have no motivation when no one does. If you don't reply then as far as I know you haven't read it, and if no one's reading it then there's no point for me to write it. When a theatre doesn't get enough bookings for a performance, it doesn't show it, so if I don't get any replies, why should I use my time writing for a non-existent audience?

[Mudomo]

Awww, Don't Say That, I'm Sure Manny Peapol Read It And Love It (Me Too) And Are Just Damm To Lazy To Reply Becase They Just Want To Continue Reading This Story! Please Continue Becase Now The Oddworld Game's For PC Are Hard To Come Bye Just Like There Old Xbox Games, This Story Is Like The Only Odd(Worldy) Entertainment You Could Get These Time's I Spent Day's Reading Your Story's Over And Over Again, And I Know That There Are MANNY Peapol Reading Your Story's Amd Love It But Are Just Too Lazy To Reply ..............No Not Me =P Sooooooo.......Long Story Short..........Continue And Don't Give A Spooce

[Gretin]

Hey, come on, some of us don't have time to read the chapter immediately! Doesn't mean we're not going to read it sooner or later though.

So onto commenting, as usual I've got a few favourite lines, such as this one:

Dek looked furious but seeing Javi’s muscles bulging, decided for a tactical withdrawal, “If she’s sick she should be examined by a professional.” He stated before scurrying out of the room.

It's like he's got to get that last word in even if he's admitting defeat!
And this one:

“I’d like a word, if you’re not too busy,” The glukkon said in a tone of voice that meant, ‘And you’re not too busy’.

You've certainly made Arnie a lot more glukkon-y Which I guess is the direction Dripik's been steering him in lately with the RP, but yeah.

So yeah, don't be discouraged when you don't get replies too soon, I always come to read this at some point. It's just that sometimes I'm a little too busy to read it straight away! Which is one of the advantages of a story in this form, I don't have to try to squeeze in time to read it the moment you post it or miss out, I can just wait till I actually have time. And I'm sure you have plenty of other readers in the same position as myself.

[scipionyx]

I'm really quite disappointed that, knowing I spend hours each week writing this, still no one can be bothered to spend two or three minutes just acknowledging that they have read it. I'm hardly motivated when only three people are replying, so frankly I have no motivation when no one does. If you don't reply then as far as I know you haven't read it, and if no one's reading it then there's no point for me to write it. When a theatre doesn't get enough bookings for a performance, it doesn't show it, so if I don't get any replies, why should I use my time writing for a non-existent audience?

you're a very good writer and should not jump to such conclusions so quickly. If you stop posting chapters noone has a chance to reply anymore anyways, so where is the point in doing that?

The readers of this story have their own lives/problems aswell and they waited for much much longer periods of time till you posted a next chapter again. I'm talking about those people who started to read the story when the story itself started some may be gone by now but others are still there, and some new ones came. You should trust a little more in your audience.

and if such people don#t reply don't you think they have a good reason for reading the chapters later on when they can maybe enjoy them a little more... ? Ö.Ö

... there are very good writers who almost get no comments at all and they still keep on posting their stories -because they love writing itself, if the story is good sooner or later someone will find it and read it -definitely ...but that's just my opinion.
actually this story was one of the reasons why I got into fanfiction and started writing again, and it made me draw a lot aswell ^___^ and I will continue reading this till the very end.

and now to the chapters:

2 days ago I have read 46 (which was awesome, I liked the dream of anni very much and I'm now more a fan of Dionysia than Stivik, and as always I <3 how it is written *__* ) but i haven't read 47 yet and so i decided to reply later... and right now RL is keeping me really busy (trying to find the right thing to study trying to find a job) so I probably won#t have the time to reply very often for a while, because I really like this story and I would like to read it at peace, just like the other stories that I stopped reading for now ^^

[Splat]

Aw man, sorry you're so busy, Sci.

Also, I apologise for being so melodramatic. Thank you all for sticking by me even in the loooooooooooong silences

I'm not 100% happy with the next chapter yet; I know in the past that wouldn't have stopped me posting, but I wanna get better at this plus I don't want to mess up my 'schedule', so I'll post next Wednesday.

[dripik]

Come on Splat, we all know you enjoy writing for what it is, and not just for entertaining others. I know, lack of replies for your big project can be a tad demoralizing - do you think I get replies for all of my Exchange Alien comic strips, either here or at dA? Not at all. When I do, it does feel great and I appreciate it, but when I don't get any feedback, I don't start thinking that nobody cares about my comic series. I just feel the need to carry on, considering the effort I've already put in it.

OK, sometimes I stop drawing for weeks because of the lack of responses. There. But I don't stop completely.


So yeh, I suppose I should've replied already, seeing that I finally managed to read every single chapter you posted. The good times when I didn't go to sleep until I read three chapters in a row, mainly because it just kept itself being read... (you were online at that time, you are a witness, Splat!)

These last few chapters were quite good; as I said, I couldn't stop reading because of the tension and the sudden twists. It's been fun reading them, now with a lot of familiar characters being involved in the story.

[Splat]

It's Wednesday...
Apologies in advance for some rather impolite language used by Stivik in this chapter.


EDIT: Like all chapters of this section, this has been rewritten and has either been reposted or will be in the near future. The re-written Part 7 begins here.


Stivik is Not a Happy Bunny.

Ureal was a one-off character created by me.

In other news, these few chapters since my return have been really hard to write. But the result of all this is that I've barely even started the next chapter. Thursday and Friday are my busiest days and then at the weekend I'm going away until next Wednesday and won't have access to this story, so I don't know if I'll be able to post a chapter next week. Sorry. We'll have to see. I'm hoping this is a difficulty with the story and not a difficulty with me.

REPLY OR YOU WILL BE FORCED TO ENDURE RAZOR'S DRUNKEN SINGING!!!

[scipionyx]

hey both chapters were absolutely amazing!!! 8D
it is very well written!!!

still i feel sorry for poor anni ; __ ; when i read this i almost started feeling sick myself xD
Dek was really...uh ..vykkerish xD you also described Arni very well, it was really good ^^
I also liked how Stivik reacted when he read the letter and later when Razor was with him... he dionysia and anni are all victims of a world that has no room for any them ..they all don't really fit in, but stivik is not an experiment like the others, he only experienced another -a real world behind the dead walls of industry which other Sligs perhaps can't even really imagine...

i think if OWI had made some Sligs in the games who do not behave like the stereotypical Sligs it would have made the image of Sligs a lot more believable, they somehow only showed one side of the coin :/

...always when i read TD i start imagining this as some kind of graphic novel

oh and the ending of the last chapter -when Stivik started yelling was really funny :'D

[Mudomo]

Cool...........I L

[Mudomo]

Sorry Wrong Button =P I Mean ''Cool, I Love It!!!!''

[dripik]

This last one was great, drunken conversation was win (not that I encourage this kind of behaviour, but it was still entertaining). Arnie's general attitude is also very accurate, I think.

Meh, I'm always confused who's at the factory and who's not. Mainly because of W@RF, I guess - for a bit, I was surprised that Dion just arrived to RF in this story.

[Splat]

Thanks for the comments! I'm getting back into it with this one, I think. A graphic novel of this would be amazing!

The end is near...



EDIT: Like all chapters of this section, this has been rewritten and has either been reposted or will be in the near future. The re-written Part 7 begins here.



The end is here.

And so Stivik leaves W@RF and leaves our story; it's the last you'll see of him for a loooooooooong time (actually that's kinda sad).

When I wrote that last bit I had Dionysia say "Stivik, I'm-" but changed it to "Stivik, I do-" because it sounded like she was about to say, "Stivik, I'm pregnant." SHE'S NOT EVEN FERTILE SO THERE!!!

I thought a lot about giving them more time to catch up, and how they would react to each other. But really the only way Stivik could think to react was to be rude; he can't deal with those emotions and they're even more deeply buried than last time he and Dionysia met (largely as a result of what happened last time they met). In the end it was Dionysia who tried to talk reasonably with him, since it's hard to hold a grudge against the only person you've ever been able to call yourself a friend of. But as I say, Stivik wasn't too receptive. Mehler's speech about cell walls back in Part 4 didn't only apply to Dionysia. Dion's gonna be pretty upset that she never got to say her piece; she's had a lot of time to think about things.


Anyway, that's it for this week. Still haven't managed to write myself a few chapters ahead of the one I'm posting, so I can't promise a chapter next week but I'll really try.

So anyway, reply! That means you, Nexy! And you, Jimmy! And you Gretin! And you anyone else who's reading this and hasn't posted here! Remember if you don't tell me, I won't know! I like knowing who my readers are! You guys are all I got! *sniff*

[scipionyx]

When I wrote that last bit I had Dionysia say "Stivik, I'm-" but changed it to "Stivik, I do-" because it sounded like she was about to say, "Stivik, I'm pregnant." SHE'S NOT EVEN FERTILE SO THERE!!!

seriously WTF?! x'D


but great chapter! Especially the beginning
Groll was kind of funny ^^ and Dionysia was really cool
and Stivik left :C

I'm looking forward to the next chapter, Anni (/Nova) is becoming a really interresting character.

[Mudomo]

“...Because it’s impossible to wake him up when he’s hung over, uh huh. Lucky idiot.”


Lol!, Can't Wait For More =D

[Uros Osium Tokker]

So frigging good :3! I want another chapter as soon as possible XD! And man… the things I did miss cause I wasn’t around here sooner ^^ so cute… and so much drama x3 *hugs Dionysia… it is going to hurt me, I know it is going to hurt me… but it will be a good pain XD!*

[dripik]

Another great chapter, nice tension there between Dion and Stivik, with a rather melodramatic/noiresque ending. I've just realised, after reading that part twice, that Nova was also featured in this chapter in a way (I suppose reading at 1:00AM has its tolls).

[Splat]

Forgot to mention that at around this stage, T-Nex left W@RF (and indeed the whole of OWF, for a year or two) just after that last chapter, so nearly everything she does for the rest of Part 7 is based on RPGing done by me! I have the POWAH!!!

[Dryadri]

I have returned from the shadows and caught up!! I must say...I'm quite sad to see Stivik leave...BUT at least Dion's back Great chapters here, I enjoyed reading Razor and Stivik sing their drunken song. Anni seems to be getting darker and stranger, which I like

Aw darn and here I thought Dionysia and Stivik were gonna have little baby...thingies. [/sarcasm]

[Splat]

Alright, I want to let you guys know where TD is right now.

When I was working on this before Christmas I had not so much a spark of inspiration as a wildfire. Unfortunately all I seem to have for TD now is a pile of cool ashes.

I've had a hard time doing any writing at all since this started and I just haven't been happy with the last few chapters - I dunno what you guys think of them; are they up to the standards of Part 6 (honesty would be helpful here)? I've had a really hard time getting into character; I don't think Anni is as 'Anni-ish' as she should be, and so on.

I have recently found it much easier to work on a novella I started writing a few months ago, and since writing original fiction is much more commertially viable than Fan Fiction, and I can actually see myself finishing this other story within a month (actually knowing how a story I want to write is going to end is about as rare for me as a bar of gold, and at least as valuable), I want to focus on it and hopefully get it done. Once it's finished I'll try and get back into TD; I'm gonna see if replaying AO and AE helps me (last time I tried to play AO I got bored partway through, which says a fair bit about how I'm feeling about this story right now).

So sorry to schedule another hiatus after getting you all excited about the return. If you are able to give me your most critical, most honest opinions about the last few chapters I would be exceedingly grateful and whether yoiur opinion is positive or negative, it would probably help me get back on track with this, either by making me confident or helping me focus more on improving; it's so hard to tell how good it is when you're looking at it from this side.

I'm kinda sorry that I can't post the other story in NOA&L, but since I might be able to get it published one day (even though it's only gonna be about half the length of a Narnia novel, which are pretty short anyway) I want to keep it out of public access.

[Mudomo]

Dude.........The Last Chapters Were Just As Cool,Awesome,Fresh,Nice, And The Best Of The Whole Forum, Are You Kidding, I Whene I Turn On My Computer The FIRST Thing I Do Is Go To The TD Page! They Were The Best, They Were Oddworld Style, I Can Feel The Caracters, Like Stivik Is Now Like A Bad Guy, And In The Begining He Was The Good One. It's So Epic With All These Caracters Who Are Linked Onto Eatch Other In Deffrent Way's! I Speak For All If I Say: (Or So I Hope ^^) Your The BEST Oddworld Story Writter Ever Born! GO SPLAT!!!!

[scipionyx]

whoa cool! *___* but if you keep the novel out of public access noone can buy and read it

and perhaps you need to read some OW fanfictions of other people to get inspired... or as you said working on something else, so good luck with your novel ^^


i like the last few chapters, it's probably a little early to say something about that part of the story in my opinion,
but you could have emphasized the fact that rupture farms/Arnie is in trouble more...


up till now the plot always had some kind of hidden threat ...some epic foreshadowing... but without letting us know what really will happen,
that increased the suspense, but right now we have Anni left, Stivik is gone and the cartel knows about Dionysias secret,
and the threat that arnie might get into trouble and rupture farms might be closed is there too... but it seems too distant, maybe a little too unclear yet.
You finally brought all the characters together but the confrontation seemed to have no effect on the situation as a whole.
but as i said before: it's too early to say something yet, because we have no idea whats going to happen in the next chapter, we don't know what you planned... thats why there is still a lot of suspense left... 8D

so even though the story is on hiatus I'm looking forward to the next chapter

EDIT: oh yeah and Mudomo is right ^^ i think so too!

[Uros Osium Tokker]

Good luck mate :3! Hope you can do finish that little novel ^^! And about 'The Despicable' I did like a lot the last chapters ^^ but whenever you want to return and work on it again is good for me as I am sure you will work on it when you feel like it which will dish out some very nice chapters and very good reading material ^^. Take care and have fun with your writings, otherwise it is not good for anyone :3

[Splat]

Thanks guys; I'm really relieved that you're still liking this. Thanks especially Sci, those comments are really, really helpful and I'll definitely look at emphasising the peril Rupture Farms is in!
More foreshadowing is to come! Dionysia will be walking a thin line soon, and of course there's still Anni's little problem lurking in the background; Nova will not let herself be forgotten again! (Giving too much away! )

By keeping this other story out of public access I mean not distributing it for free on the internet where everyone with a computer could potentially see it. It's a shame really, 'cus I'd love to get feedback on it from you guys. And I think Sci, you'd produce some brilliant fanart if you liked it
But I guess it'll have to wait until I manage to publish it (if I ever do). It's too short to publish alone but I might write a sequel for it and try and publish both together.

The story is finished now and in many ways it's been a great warm up. Like when you don't exercise for a long time your muscles tighten up. I stopped writing for a while after this story went on hiatus and writing something that's come (relatively) easily has got the words flowing again; I did a little writing last night that poured out me like liquid gold, so hopefully I'll soon be able to turn that flood towards 'The Despicable'. There are some great moments ahead that I'm looking forward to writing (and showing off )

I really need to post in W@RF...


EDIT: just posted in W@RF, and Anni and Dion have just left the RPG for good . Sci, I think you put me in a foreshadowy mood or something...

[Mudomo]

BEST STORY EV-ER.....................................I Quess ^^

[Splat]

Right ladies and gentlemen, I am back on this story, at least for the moment. Sadly, I'm not working on new chapters but am right now re-writing Chapter 47, which I was really unhappy with before. I'm about halfway through and it's much better now! Once it's done my plan is to replace the old version with the new. However, I might end up rearranging the content of this chapter with a few others; there's a lot of small events that could fit pretty much anywhere in the timeline, so if it comes to that I'll probably wait until the three chapters (47 to 49) are up to standard before reposting any of them. I think the further I go, the more things will change (at the moment I'm changing the run of conversation when Anni escapes the lab, but I will probably completely edit how Arnie and Dionysia interact for example, and how she gets on in the factory afterwards, to keep them both more in character, as well as getting things back into the 'factory setting' that worked so well in Part 6 that's been very much missing from this). I really wasn't writing well when I first did these chapters, and it's part of what's made continuing so hard (that and an inability to characterise a major character entering in Chapter 50, and trying to write original fiction).

I just want to keep you all informed. Hopefully once it's done I'll be able to find the inspiration to get on with writing new chapters of this. I still want to tell this story!

[scipionyx]

I still want to tell this story!

well that's good to hear! :>

[arkaznor]

Yay, more Despicable. I missed your writing.

[Splat]

Every time I read through this thread I do so with a massive, cheesy grin on my face. I really can't say how much I appreciate the feedback I get for this; it's really, really great to hear people liking my writing, and loving the characters and the story as much as I do. It really is a joy, especially as my readers are so loyal when I'm so horrifically inconsistent with my posting.

Yup, I'm back.
I've written very little of anything for the past year and that is just Not Good. Seriously, lack of writing is even causing me to have a harder time sleeping. And this story has never disappeared from my mind. I'm really eager to tell it, which is why I've decided to drag myself kicking and screaming off of the MMORPGs and do some flipping writing!

To start with, I've rewritten/am rewriting the chapters of Part 7 that were already posted. I never was happy with them and I know I can do them better, so I'm going to. But bearing in mind this story is a fanfic, not something I should take too seriously, if I struggle again like I did when I started part 7 all of a geological age ago, I'm gonna keep writing anyway. Breaking through writers' block is something I need to learn.

So yeah, here I am. I've got two chapters ready to post and will post the first of them on Tuesday. I'm struggling a bit still with Stivik and his interactions with Dionysia, but I'm working on that. While other things that gave me trouble, like Anni's dream, and building Gappiqu's character, are going much better. There were some things about Gappiqu that I discussed with Slaveless ages ago that he never developed in W@RF, but which I plan to build on. And there are some shiny foreshadowy bits I've got planned, and some other great moments thought out to plug in some of the RPG's plotholes.
Basically I'm in a good place right now; having a few areas I'm eager to write, well, gives me encouragement to write the bits I'm less excited about. And I just want to get this story told! I want to show what happens after Rupture Farms. And I want to be able to say that I've written and finished a really long story, even if it is a fanfic. It's a step, an early step, but a big step.

So the next chapter will appear on Tuesday, and if I don't have two more written by then I'm going to harangue myself silly. I'll be removing the last few chapters then too, as the first few I post now will be just retelling the same events in nearly the same order but in different and definitely better ways (but it still takes me two attempts to spell 'definitely' correctly).

Hopefully see some of my old readers then. I hope my loooong absence hasn't lost you all.