OWF (Yeah, totally not ripped off from someone else)

[Nemo]

Inspired. Got that? Inspired.


Sorry Mitsur!

But yeah, Based off of Mitsur's story. I just really liked his story, and wanted to try writing. I'm hoping (Like Mitsur was) to include a little bit of everyone in this story. If I get anything wrong about you, please don't write a hundred hate mails to me! I'm putting in my view of you, so I'll change thing if the mistake is too drastic.

Edit: Well don't you love having to use _____'s instead of tabs or spaces?


Chapter 1
Part 1

He looked all around him, as he sped faster and faster upwards through the strange tubing that had just appeared out of nowhere. At least, he thought it was upwards. He couldn’t really tell what was up or down, as he couldn’t really sense any gravity. It gave him an odd sense of vertigo.

But than again, he thought that made perfect sense that it was an odd sense. He was, after all, in a very, very odd place. He was traveling through a tube, going way faster than he’d ever felt before in his life, while strange and yet familiar shapes of all assortments of sizes, colours, and, yes, shapes.

All of a sudden, a bright black light appeared where was about to go. He instinctively covered his head to avoid head-smashey. He was shot out of a wall, into a bright place, compared to the tube at least, on to the ground. As he dizzily started to regain his sense, he heard a voice speak to him.

“Hello, kind user. Please take some time to fill out the following information.”

“Wuh?” He looked up, and saw that he was in a gray room, with one chair and a potted plant, both of which were gray. In front of him was what seemed to be a hologram. It looked like one of the character sheets the DND nerds kept glorifying. He touched it, and it felt like it was made of the type of glass used for magnifying glasses.

“Please take some time to fill out the following information,” it repeated to him, in its oh-so greeting monotone voice.

“Alright…” He sat down in the chair and checked his pockets for a pen. “Uh…” He looked at the screen. “Do you have a pen?”

“All you need to do is put your hand on it.” He looked at where the voice came from. There was a man in a room next to his, behind a glass window with one of those microphones they use at the movie theaters.

“Who are you,” our protagonist asked.

“You’ll find out, just put your hand on the screen.”

“I, uh… alright…” He looked at the screen again. “But I already did that.”

“No, your whole hand, not just your fingertips, genius.” He placed his hand on the screen, his whole hand this time. His information scrolled up on the screen. It had everything on it, from his birthplace, to how much lunchmoney he had on June 11 1987, to how big his… Well, moving on.

The man in the other room chuckled at him and said “Welcome to OWF, Adam. Now moving on from that, please tell me what you would like your username to be.”

“Well… I uh… The gate keeper?”

“So it shall be. Would you like any custom titles, ranks, etc.?”

“Um… Sure?”

“Well too bad, you need a high enough rank to get one.” The wall to Adam’s left opened up. Well, not really up, more side to side than up. But oh well, Adam is leaving now, lets follow him!

Adam looked all around, his eyes sore from all the information traveling to his average-sized brain. It was a huge complex, 20 or so stories high from what he could see. It was filled with people of all assortments. Almost whatever he could think up, he saw. Whether it was a knight in shining armor, or a half-human half-tiger person thing.

One thing, though, stood out in this sea of diversity. A dragon in the air, being ridden by a person, or some type of humanoid. Adam's confused mind distractadly gave It the name It.

He squinted, trying to see more of It and saw that It was a creature with greenish-blueish skin, wearing nothing more than purple shorts and a sunhat that always stayed on.

It looked so weird, and at the same time so powerful that Adam said out loud “Oh… My… God…” He was so flabbergasted that he didn’t even notice when someone shook his arm.

[mitsur]

Aaaaah, this makes me want to go back and redo OWF from the start, and put in a scene like you made.

Excellent imagination of what OWF will be like, even if for some reason the humor dosen't seem to work for me.

And no, I don't mind that you ripped this off from me. It's kinda flattering, to know that my bizarre stories inspired someone else.

Saying that, I do have some thoughts:

1. Spacing. It seems I go over this with every fanfic I review (which, admitidley, it a small number), they make the whole thing an eyesore by not spacing it out. Space out every few sentences every now and then, or when a character starts out dialouge. If it's the same person, however, continuing the paragraph is ok. This'll make the story more pleasing to the eye and easier to read without losing your place.

2. Notes. Let me post your use of this:

A dragon in the air, being ridden by a person, or some type of humanoid (Lets just refer to the humanoid as It for now).

Never, ever add in a note like this. It throws off the momentum, and seems extremely out of place. Put it as though this went through Adam's mind, maybe like this:

A dragon in the air, being ridden by a person, or some type of humanoid. Adam's confused mind distractadly gave it the name It.

You had numerous other examples of this. Do not, I repeat, Do Not switch between viewpoints. Type as if you are the person, or a Narrator. Not both.

3. Grammar. I am a stickler for spelling and grammar, when it is a fan fiction. I ran OWF Untol Legend through my Word processing program, even if it sent my formatting to hell and made me spend half an hour more than I should have re-doing all the italics and bolds and whatever. I did it because it just looks totally unprofessional if you post a large, hand-made story and mis-spell 'the' or forget the period or " marks in a sentence.

A small amount of mistakes is forgiven, however, since we're all human here. You had a few slip-ups (head-smashey?), but otherwise, it was ok.


I'm going to give this a 8/10 for a opening chapter.

Keep it up!

I'm gonna go re-do OWF The Sequel right now, I have to do something or i'll go nuts.

[Nemo]

I like to through in a few made up words along the way. And I'll take everything else into consideration. Thanks for the rating!

[Jordan]

Cool, I like it, but as Mitsur says about the mistakes, still, it's pretty good, well done!

[Nemo]

Wee! Part two is done! Now I'll release them weekly, or something like that.

Part 2
“The greeting process”

“Hey! Hello…?”

“Huh,” Adam said while shaking out of the flabbergasty zone he was in.

“Hey! I’d just like to say welcome to OWF!”

“Oaf?” said Adam, still not looking away from It.

“No, not oaf. OWF,” the stranger pointed to a large sign in the middle of the complex that seemed to just float in mid air.

“Odd World Forums” was on it, revolving around for all to see, like some sort of huge monument to their society.

“Odd Word Forums?” Adam asked, squinting to see the letters before they went around the edge of the sign.

“No, silly! OddWorld Forums!”

“What’s an Oddworld?”

“That’s a pretty redundant question, if I do say so meself!”

“Yeah, guess so… Who are you?”

“Me? Well I’m no one important! Just a fellow friendly forum mate.”

“What’s that?” Adam asked while pointing to It.

“What? You mean you don’t know who Alcar is? He’s the leader!”

“Leader… As in a cult or something?”

“No! Well, I guess you could call him a religious leader… He is Alcar, after all.” “Right…”

“And now if you don’t mind, here come some more great greeters.” The stranger pointed to the large crowd coming to greet Adam. They are pretty great at greeting. Adam couldn’t have been here more than… what, thirty seconds? And they’re already running at him!

Adam felt an adrenaline rush from all the people heading at him. He turned his head to look at the stranger, but he had vanished in to thin air.

He fell as the people collided with his mooshy-meat-sacky body. A flurry of “Hello!”’s and “Greetings!”’s and “How do-you-do”’s fell all over his ears, like the Three stooges trying to fit through a door, except 10x that.

He was picking himself up as the greeters left, when he saw a short woman dressed in all black, with medium length blonde hair running up to him, out of breath.

She uttered “*pant pant* Wel-*pant* Welcome to the *pant* forums! *pant pant* I’m Ambi. Whew, do you know how long it is from the top floor to here?” Ambi looked around, then added “I’m late again, aren’t I?”

“I guess… I’m-”

“The Gate Keeper, I know.”

“How did you-”

“Name tag.” Ambi pointed to just below Adam’s shoulder, pointing out that he was wearing a name tag with “The Gate Keeper” on it.

“When did that get here?” he said as he attempted to remove it.

“Don’t try it, it won’t come off.”

“Well, can you explain to me what’s going on? I mean, where am I?”

“If you need any help, Any at all, just go to the F.A.Q. It’s over there,” Ambi said while pointing to a large building with F.A.Q. written in big red letters on the front. “Oh, and two things you need to know that you won’t find in the F.A.Q. First one, this place is bigger than you think. Alcar estimates we’ve only found 4% of it. Lemme put it in perspective for you. We’ve found several thousand floors, and it’s only four percent. Secondly, when you’re lost, use your map. It’s in your back pocket.”

Adam reached into his back pocket, and pulled out the first thing he felt. It was a PDA looking thing, with all sorts of buttons and levers and gizmos and hoodads and thingy-bobos.

“Don’t mind all the buttons, they’re just for show. It’s a touch screen.”

Adam touched the screen, and it zoomed in on the level he touched.

“Floor 67, Mess Hall, current amount of users : 36” It spat out.

“I though you said this place was huge, it just looks like the apartment I had once.”

“Well, the entire complex is divided into sections, and the map will switch sections when you go into them. But anyways, welcome to this mystical land we call ‘home’.”

Adam was about to ask another question, but he then realized he was alone. The sound of someone rushing off to greet someone else could be heard faintly. Adam walked over to the edge, expecting to see a 15 foot drop, but what he saw amazed him.

It was a pure drop, well over several hundred feet. He was so high up, he could see clouds forming over large bodies of waters. His sense about how the place looked was almost completely destroyed when he saw this sight.

He backed away, instinctively and tried to take it all in. It was too much for him to handle, and he started to black out. His vision started to clear, an unknown time later, and he saw someone looking down at his face. He was in some place different, someplace more calming, and disturbing at the same time.

[Nemo]

Edit: Nothing like having your new cat step on the keyboard while putting some finished touches on the story, eh?
Hell, might as well post a pic of it.

There's the culprit! Not me!

[salty pretzils]

Hello Nemo. Your stuff's looking good, but you might want to put speech on a new line each time, otherwise it's kind of like this huge chunk of text and looks a bit unreadable, you know? Anyway, nice stuff, keep writing.

[scrab queen]

Dammit Nemo! Now you made ME want to write an OWF story! Reminds me of that story someone wrote on what he would do if he woke up on Oddworld...

[Nemo]

Okay, basicaly, I'm going to do to my... erm... layout... what I did with the story line.

MAKE IT INSPIRED FROM MISTUR'S STORY!

[Insert fancy karate move that makes the layout copied INSPIRED off of Mitsur's story]


<.< >.>
Oh yes, I'm subtle.

Edit: Part three is done! Another big character revealed! There's going to be a new Harry Potter book! Nemo's friend's uncle died! Stay tuned to see much, much more!

Oh, and the uncle thing is true.

Part 3
“Doctor who?”

He stared back at the face that was staring intently at him. She was a woman, about 5’ 6” tall. She was wearing a white doctor’s outfit, and she had the most gorgeous eyes he had ever seen. They were bright purple, with the most perfectly round pupils, and the best shade of white he had ever seen. She had short brown hair, and just the perfect amount of freckles.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” She said, in the most perfect British voice.

“Um, Who are you,” Adam asked her, forgetting about the nametags.

“My name’s Rex Tirano, but people call me Rexy for short. Right now, it’s Doctor Rexy.”

“Rexy…” Adam said, the name rolling off his tongue.

“Doctor Rexy. Doctor, as in a PHD. I can make anyone feel better from anything! Whether it’s a scraped knee, or clinical depression, I can cure it! We’ll have to run one more test before you can leave,” Rexy, Doctor Rexy handed him a plate with a Hot Pocket© on it. She also gestured to a two liter of Dr. Pepper® on the table next to the bed he was on. Adam’s jaw dropped.

“How did you know about my favorite meal,” Adam asked in between gulps of Hot Pockets© and Dr. Pepper®. Rexy shrugged.

“We just do. And congratulations on passing the test. You’re perfectly healthy. You can leave whenever you want.”

The next twelve minutes comprised of Rexy walking Adam down the long hall of unoccupied beds, while Adam asked her questions, mainly about Rexy.

“So you’re a doctor here?”

“Well, part time. I also cook for the needy newbies.”

“Are you a good cook?”

“Well…” Rexy looked down while her face glowed red. “When you’re hungry… Does it matter how something tastes?”

Adam shrugged. Being in a well fed family, he didn’t know how it felt to be hungry.

“Well, even then, there are other cooks.”

“So where am I going to go after this?” Adam asked, realizing he never even thought about where he’s going to live, or how he’s going to be able to buy food.

“Don’t worry, you’ve got yourself a room. Everyone does. It’s on floor 15. It’s been customized to your liking.” Adam was about to ask how they knew what he liked and didn’t liked, when he remembered the Hot Pocket© and Dr Pepper®.

“And if you’re bored of your room, there’s all sorts of places you can go to. Book stores, Rec. Rooms, Sports Bars; You name it, we have it.”

At this point they had reached the door. It was one of those futuristic round doors, that opened up with a fraction of the door sliding outwards and clockwise.

Adam was about to go into a lengthy, emotional good bye, when Rexy booted him out the door.

“Sorry,” he heard before the door closed. “It’s standard procedure, you understand!”

“Actually-” the door closed. “I don’t…” Adam got up and patted dust away from his knees, he then looked around. He noticed a You-Are-Here map, and walked over to it. Rexy was right. There were all kinds of places. Directly behind him was a “Jazz Hut” that had weekly readings.

Adam walked over and poked his head in for a quick look. The place reeked of coffee and tea. He loved it.

“The end,” Someone had said into the microphone. It was a young kid, roughly 16 or 17, with clothing that wore no brand, and did not stand out in any type of crowd. He walked off the stage, and a new person came up to the microphone.

“That was Mitsur with his historically accurate ‘OWF : The Untold Legend’. And next up we have Xavier reading a poem that he came up with while Mitsur was reading.” A man, who fit the stereo type of devil worshipper walked up to the mic. It was at this point that Adam left.

Adam went to the map again, and promptly located his bedroom. He went into the elevator, and was amazed at how high-tech, and yet simple it was. Because of the many different floors, there was a keypad instead of a bunch of buttons. Adam typed in the floor all the bedrooms were at, 153, and the elevator zoomed off. He went upwards at an amazing speed, passing floors with people doing all sorts of things. It speeded through a floor that resembled a vast ocean, and then it went through space. The sight was amazing. He must have been going well over a hundred miles per hour, and the gas giant that OWF seemed to orbit barely moved as he went straight into the floor above him. He was about to question it when the elevator came to a stop.

“Floor 153, rest area. Current occupants: 652,” chimed the speaker in the elevator.

He stepped out and looked around. There was no one there. As the wise men say, “The silence was deafening.” The hallway looked like the one in The Matrix Reloaded, except wider and less white. It was more of a grayish-beige colour, if you asked Adam. He shortly found his room, thanks to his map which changed the hallway into a sort of top-down view of the hallway, and had a GPS marker and everything.

Adam opened the door, and was embraced by darkness. The room was just dark enough, so that he could still see. He switched the light switch, just for the hell of it. Strobe lights flickered on, yes, flicked.

“Awesome…” Adam said. There was a computer, a bed, a minifridge, even a poster of the Grim Reaper. Adam was in that flabbergasted zone we talked about before. He collapsed on the bed, which was just so comfortable! He could have fallen asleep right then and there!

But he didn’t! He got up, turned off the light, then went to sleep.

[scrab queen]

Sorry bout' yer friend's uncle. May the metroid be with him.

[Rex Tirano]

Heehee, I'm so 'Clinical'. ^_^ Cute!

- Rexy

[mitsur]

Wow, I never realized the thrill of someone else putting me into their story until now.

This is really getting better, but you can stop saying how it's all taken from me. I don't care, I don't think anyone does.

Keep it up!

[Nemo]

Well, I just love references. I usually end up putting a reference to the origional creator if what I'm making is based on something.

[Arxryl]

Cool! It's muchly (is that even a word?) improved! (well, it's a word now...)

It's cool to hear two versions of the OWF life! Keep writing!

[Abeguy]

Dammit Nemo! Now you made ME want to write an OWF story! Reminds me of that story someone wrote on what he would do if he woke up on Oddworld...

Yeah...I need to continue that...damn...

[Nemo]

Some of you may be wondering why I haven't continued this yet.
First week : Sickness
Sick, with crappy crap crap.
Second week : Don't really know why...

[Arxryl]

Well, I hope you can feel the inspiration to continue writing! I know I need it...

[Nemo]

Yeah, I love writing. It's just a writers block, seeing as I'm trying to introduce something without just plain copying from Mitsur's.

[Nemo]

I'm truely sorry for double posting, but I doubt this will get noticed if I just edit.

After some... *ahem* persuasion Abe Guy forc- erm... convinced me to put him in the story. He also told me a bit of OWF during his days, and I plan to get into that in the next part.

Anyways, On with the story!

Chapter 2
“Welcome to the jungle”
Part 1

Adam opened his eyes. It all came back to him, the tube, the man behind the window, Alcar riding the dragon, the stranger, Ambi, the drop, the doctor. All of it. Adam instinctively got up, and went over to the desk with the computer on it. He turned it on and wondered whether or not it would be like his old one.

It was exactly the same as his old one. Everything, from the custom background, to his bookmarks, was on it. Except one thing was different. There was a new file, simply named “Chat.” He double clicked on it, and a chatroom opened up.

Well, you didn’t expect for some big surprising thing, did you? I mean, it was called “Chat.” Did you expect a game to open up or something like that?

Anyways, people were talking on it and whatnot, and so Adam thought it best to just close it out. He checked all the sites he usually checked, and then he looked in the minifridge.

T’was empty. He sighed, annoyed. He went outside of his room, closed the door and went to the elevator. He typed in floor 67, the mess hall. He zoomed down through the floor, and witnessed the same sights as before, but in reverse order. Finally it came to where he was the day before, and the elevator “shoomphed” down about dozen floors before stopping.

The mess hall was packed, even for its large size. People were running to and fro, carrying trays of food and drinks.

He headed over towards the other side of room to the line for food, avoiding Rexy's section of the food at all cost.

Someone shoved a tray of disgusting looking matter at him from behind the sneeze guard, some of it spilling on him.

“Here yu go” someone said in a raspy voice.

“Ugh, what is it?” Adam asked while trying to hold his breath in.

“’Ell if I know, jus’ eat it!” they said.

Adam looked for a table, and saw Rexy at a table and decided to give it a try.

The table was in a section of tables that seemed to have Yule decorations on it. He had no idea why.

He walked over to the table and said “Hey.”

“Hey, The Gate Keeper,” she said, not looking up from her food. Adam was just about to sit down when a bunch of high ranking members rushed him and sat down in pure “High School Jock” and “High School Cheerleader” form.

“Well fine then, I’ll sit over here,” he said as he moved to a different table, but the group moved straight to the table he was going to.

“Will you stop that!?” Adam yelled out.

“Honestly, it’s not like we try to do this. We see it as being one or two tables. You need to have an officer. And you only get appointed as an officer from Alcar,” Rexy said.

Adam went to a normal table, depressed, and slightly disturbed by the fact that the seat was sticky. He ate his gunk, which tasted somewhat of pig intestines and oranges, and then he set off to get drinks for his mini-fridge.

After looking at the map, making an error several times, and ending up right where he started, he found the… Well, it was like a FoodMax, to be honest. Adam left the store with enough sodas and energy drinks to feed a small army.

He went to his room, and put them in his mini-fridge. Surprisingly they all fit.

He decided he needed some action, some violence, something good. He checked his PDA and found something that sounded interesting: “Arena floor”

He went to the floor and was greeted by a secretary-looking person in a desk.

“Welcome to the Arena. Would you like to participate in a battle?” she said.

“Well... Um, sure,” Adam said, thinking he was a good fighter.

“What type of battle would you like to participate in?
A. Gladiatorial
B. WWII – and if so, Allied or Axis?
C. Futuristic Sci-Fi – and if so, Star Wars, Star Trek, or Aliens vs. Predator
D. Present Day brawl”

“I’ll take B, Allied,” he chose. In a second he was on the beach of Omaha, being shot at by a German MG. He quickly ran to a Czech hedgehog, a tank-stopper.

“We need to take out those MG’s! Used, Bullet Magnet, get up that beach and use your grenades! Al, Ambi, and Nate, I want cover fire for Used and BM right now!” Someone yelled out. It was amazing that Adam could even hear it, because of the explosions and gunshots.

“We can’t! Used got hit!” Adam looked to where the voice was coming from, and saw a man standing over who he assumed was Used. Used was lying on his back, his helmet on the ground next to him and a hole in his head.

A kid ran up next to him. “We’re getting killed out here!” the kid said, worryingly. He was 15-17ish, with short red hair, and a face that showed no seriousness what-so-ever. His dog tag said “Private Abe Guy.”

“What’s the objective?” Adam asked in confusion.

“Whadda ya mean?” Abe Guy asked.

“What are we trying to do?” Adam elaborated.

“Don’t get killed, get to the front of the beach!” he replied, right before he ran for the front of the beach.

Just then a deafening explosion rang through Adam’s ears. A body flew backwards, flipping as it went, and landed several feet behind him.

“$#!@” Adam yelled out.

[Abeguy]

you didn't kill me did you?

[Nemo]

Quite impossibly not so if the answer is not yes nor if it is no on opposite day in bizarro world.

But look at it this way, it was only the arena.
A forum wouldn't just kill of its members...
Although...
*walks off mumbling thoughts and ideas to himself*

[scrab queen]

More,more, goddammit, More! *squeels* (head pops off again) and you should put either a 'halo' or 'random game' option in the arena. *whoo!*

[Nemo]

Plain and simple:
No.

[Arxryl]

very interesting... I hadn't seen the "arena Room" before. I should use it sometime.

[scrab queen]

Plain and simple:
No.

Awwww. And i was going to play as honk honk the elite!

[Nemo]

No, you weren't. Because there wasn't going to be Halo.

[moxco]

Wow thats good stuff. Can you include me, please.

[Nemo]

Will do, if I ever get back to writing it.
Sorry for not getting around to it.
I've just been feeling really depressed lately for no particular reason. Probably that ice cream I had that tasted completely nasty.

[Reiji Neko Mitsukai]

*hugs Nemo* If you ever need help with it, don't hesitate to ask!

[Nemo]

Well, seeing as I'm using my friends computer, I'll get back on it when I give the computer back.
Expect by saturday next week.