"I cast Raise Thread!"

Statikk HDM · #1 08-13-2006, 12:04 PM

Since I'm a big meany necro I'm gonna dig up the corpse of the Joke thread and bang it for a while
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam and a CIA agent comes up to him and asks him to roll down his window. The man says to the driver that the President has been kidnapped and unless a trillion dollars is given to the kidnappers the president will be doused in gasoline and lit on fire. He asks the driver for a donation. The driver asks "So, whats been the standard donation?" The agent replies, "Oh, 'bout half a gallon."

Bullet Magnet · #2 08-13-2006, 12:13 PM

If only.

Jacob · #3 08-13-2006, 03:19 PM

A woman goes into a Doctor's office with complaints of stomach pains, the Doctor does an examination and asks her to come back a few days later.

She does and immediately enquires as to what's wrong with her, the Doctor responds with "Well, let's just say in a few months you'll be changing dirty nappies"

"I'm pregnant!?" the woman beams.

"No" the Doctor responds "You have Bowel Cancer"

Havoc · #4 08-13-2006, 04:50 PM

:

Since I'm a big meany necro I'm gonna dig up the corpse of the Joke thread and bang it for a while
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam and a CIA agent comes up to him and asks him to roll down his window. The man says to the driver that the President has been kidnapped and unless a trillion dollars is given to the kidnappers the president will be doused in gasoline and lit on fire. He asks the driver for a donation. The driver asks "So, whats been the standard donation?" The agent replies, "Oh, 'bout half a gallon."

Ah the bliss of humour that should become reality.

Hobo · #5 08-14-2006, 01:18 AM

*Jumps on the 'i hate bush' bandwagon even though i don't care.*

Jacob · #6 08-14-2006, 03:58 PM

What's white and cracks when you f*ck it?

...a Baby's pelvis.

Godlesswanderer · #7 08-15-2006, 10:11 AM

A six-year-old walks into the kitchen where his mum is preparing a meal and says, "Mum, the last few nights I have woken up to this thumping noise coming out of your bedroom and when I looked to see what it is, you're sitting on top of dad and bouncing up and down. Why are you doing that?"

The startled mother recovers quickly and she says, "Your dad is a little overweight and I'm trying to get him back to normal size. I bounce on him to get all the air out of him."

The little kid just shakes his head and says, "Mum, you're wasting your time because, once a week, that nice-looking lady next door comes over & blows daddy right back up!"

ANN NEELY · #8 08-15-2006, 11:55 AM

Is Windows a Virus?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:

1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.

5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.

Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

It's a bug.

Statikk HDM · #9 08-16-2006, 02:22 AM

Norton Antivirus is a bug. LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY, DAMMIT! I WANT THAT TO RUN!!!
Well, I'm going to pile on a bit, excuse me.
Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect. Why do you hate illumination?