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  #1  
04-15-2001, 06:42 AM
freakyLA
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A Xex´s live

I´ll post my first fanfict here. I would do this now but i lost it somewhere . This fanfict is a spin-of of my next fanfict (which will be long) called "Soulbloodd".
The story of a Xex´s live: A mudakon called xex lives with some others on a lonley island far away from the civilisation. The muds there belive in silly gods which xex don´t belive in. so he gets a outsider. the otheres think they´re the only creatures on the world ( Just some simple creatures called Keex live there) But Xex know that there is something other than their island because he mets Molluck which Xex rescues from death... more to come
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  #2  
04-24-2001, 05:02 PM
freakyLA
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Ok here´s the first chapter it´s not completed yet.
Let me know if I made any mistakes. Please tell me how my English is and of course how you like it!:
A Xex´s live

Well sometimes I think everything is bad. I really often think that. But lately my life is worse than before. Since one day everything has changed. –my life is getting more and more restless. I always remember this day of horror. I have to think of the time when everything was, well you could call it „Ok“. With „Ok“ I mean that i felt better than now. This day was just a normal day. I went to school like every day. Tired like every day I passed through the gate, seeing my classmates on the schoolyard. Our schoolyard isn´t very big, it´s just a place where some grass grows and it has the size of a tennis court. The school itn´t very big, either. 60 pupils who are devided into two classes go there. The reason for this little school is that there are not many pupils out here. This is the school of Lonley Hill. Lonley Hill is a town- well it´s rather a village up in the mountains of Frozen Island, a cold ice- and snow-covered island somewhere in the ocean far, far away from civilization. Lonley Hill has a population of about 300 Mudakons. Most of them don´t know that there is something other than this. They all believe in silly gods. The gods brought us here to live at this place. They think, nithing other than us exists. But i know that there is something else. It´s a pity that nobody believes me. Everybody thinks that I´m crazy in my head plus I´m an Outlaw because i don´t believe in the gods. Like everyday i tried to hide somewhere. I hate my classmates, they´re picking on me all time. When i arrive at school they are all staring at me, just to confuse me and make me feel insecure. So you can´t hide well in this schoolyard. They already discovered me- Two of them were walking straight to me. A few seconds later they were standing in front of me- staring at my face. I turned round I didn´t want to see them. They were giggling. No word leftmy mouth. Saying nothing and just not reacting is the best thing i can do. After I haddone this for a moment one of them said something:“ OHHHHHHHHH, Xex! You don´t like us? What a pity!“ It was Greek´s voice.“ But how can you treat us like this, Xex! You don´t take care about us!“, said Tom another asshole which is joking about my voice altough his voice is the thing to make jokes about mine isn´t. I hate it if they speak like that. They are so sarcastic.“Hey Grek, perhaps he doesn´t like us because he thinks we have silly voices. Who would like a guy with such a silly voice? Nobody! Hahahahah! Did you here that, Xex? Nobody! Nobody likes YOU, Xex!!!!!“ „ Or he´s too shy to speak to us! Hey Xex! Are your lips too fat tomove for speaking or what´s up?HEY; YOU!!!“, he said as he clapped his hand on my head.“ eh, let me!“,I just answered. „oho let me, let me, LEEET HIIM!!! Haven´t you heard that Tom, let him.heheh! Oh Tom look at this is this fat on his head or what?“ He was pointing at my hair. Then he pulled it with a great force that I have never thought possible. „Ewe, disguesting!“ „let my hair go! Go away, please!!!“ „What did you say, you loser?! WE do what WE want and not what YOU say! Did I speak clearly?! And if WE want to kick YOU WE do that!!! If you`ll ever force us to do what you want again we`ll tell a teacher! And remember the teachers don`t like you much! Nobody does!!!“ „eh but, but it´s not fair what you do erm i think. If I may say I...““ SHUT UP!!!“ „hey Tom, Greek! What´s going on there? Why are you talking to this loser! Do you wanna get friends?“ „ ah, Willy is here. HEY WILLY; this bustard over here thinks he`s better than others! And he wants to fore us to do things that we don´t want to do. And he`s being evil to us!“ Ah-oh that´s Willy. Every girl has the hots for him. He´s the star of our school- and very very very strong! He was now standing next to Tom and Greek. „ Listen guy. HEY XEX I´M TALKING TO YOU!!!“ „Yeah, I´m listening.“ Look at me when I talk to you!“ he grabbed my face and turned it round, so that I had to look in his evil face.“That did hurt!“ „Shut up, Xex! What have you done to this poor guys?“ „ I didn`t do anythink! They did!“ „Be quiet! Xex, ach Xex how will the world end if all Mudakons would be so evil, nasty and criminal? You can´t do such a thing, xex. Dear Xex...“ „...I DIDN´T DO ANYTHING!“ Willy did not say a word. He took two steps towards me. Suddenly he banged his head at mine. Then pulled away my legs that I fall to the ground. „owe!“ „shut up!“ First he boxed into my stomache with a force bigger than Toms and Greeks together- and that´s very forceful! I thought I had to through up but he did not stop boxing me. After a time he let we drop to the ground. When I lay there I thought all was over. But it had just started. Tom was just enlisting for this „fight“. The whole school had build a circle around. Willy now threw me up in the air and let me fell to the ground several times. I wasn´t able to defend myself. Now he twisted round my arm. It made a sound like something cracking. I howeld. A terrible pain filled my body. My arm has broken. He then did the same thing with the other arm. You cannot describe the pain I´ve felt! Every second I was hoping all will soon be over but it wasn´t! I get kicked into my rips – so hard that finally some went broken- and into my ass. Blood was flowing everywhere. After that he was just hitting my head to the ground- I was attending it will break. And then there was something strange- very strange. Suddenly a new guy appered on the yard. She was walking towards the crowd. When they saw her the crowed opened. She was nice looking, she was a real sexy and amanzing female Mudakon. All boys where staring at her. They all were like in trance. „Hey, sweetie! I´m Willy. Wanna watch my bodybuilding? He`s better than any sandsack! Do you wanna go out with me?“ Now the avanced two steps and I could see that she was freezing and she had this other skin colour. Her whole body was blue-green. And what a preety colour! „ Your bodybuilding contains on hitting a poor Mudakon which is too weak to defend himself? Oh you silly guy. Always thinking your great, everyone likes you, you are the best and the stongest! Do you know how weak you are? Do you?“ „HA! Look at my muskles. Do you see them?! Never seen such a strong Mudakon that you don´t belive it, girl. But I´m the strongest on the world! None else is as strong as me!!! I´m the strongest on Frozen Island!“ „Not the body, the soul! The character! That´s weak! You are weak – you just don´t (wanna) see it!“ „ Pah! You can´t know like what I am!“ „I can feel it. And now, let him go!“ „You wanna tell me what I have to do but I´m the strongest and sexiest on Frozen Island! The gods want that like this because I´m better than all the others! The gods prefer me! And I´ll get a god, too. And than you´re my slave, too! Then you all are slaves! But I think I´ll spare you because you´re so sweet. Just because that I´ll let Xex go- this time.“ As he finished with speaking he closed his eyes and tried to kiss her. Suddenly he flew ten metres up in the air and landed hard on the floor again. He then shaked as if thousend lightenings went through him. „ahahhh!!! Stop! Stop! I´ve never felt such a pain! Gods why are you doing that to me! Help!“ She held her hand up pointing at him. The unseable lightenings seemed to went away. He stopped shaking. „ You´ve never felt such a pain!“, she laughed, „I felt this very often. I felt this for years!“ „Years! Oh my gods! It was terrible I felt like everything is erm and everyone is erm erm you cannot describe that! That is not possible! How did you do that this kind of pain... – you cannot... what are you, what are you, what?????!!!!!“ „nothing you know.“

to be continued...
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  #3  
04-25-2001, 05:12 AM
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Sl'askia
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um would it be possible to edit it so it doesnt look like one big block of text? That and I had a hard time telling who was speaking, plz hit 'enter' at the end of each 'speech' sentence. If you need a reference, take a look at my fics.
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  #4  
04-26-2001, 07:08 PM
freakyLA
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Nobody except Dragadon read my fanfict? ülro
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  #5  
04-27-2001, 12:36 AM
Pacen
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I read it but didn't have time to comment. It's good, but perhaps a bit exaggerated at times.
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  #6  
04-27-2001, 11:19 PM
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i can't read it. i suggest you do as dragadon suggests.
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  #7  
04-28-2001, 11:12 AM
freakyLA
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Ok.
Pacen, Which parts of the story are exaggerated? In wich way are they?

Here it is again. Now with some improvements:



A XEX`S LIVE

Well sometimes I think everything is bad. I really often think that. But lately my life is worse than before. Since one day everything has changed. –my life is getting more and more restless. I always remember this day of horror. I have to think of the time when everything was, well you could call it „Ok“. With „Ok“ I mean that i felt better than now.
This day was just a normal day. I went to school like every day. Tired like every day I passed through the gate, seeing my classmates on the schoolyard. Our schoolyard isn´t very big, it´s just a place where some grass grows and it has the size of a tennis court. The school itn´t very big, either. 60 pupils who are devided into two classes go there. The reason for this little school is that there are not many pupils out here.
This is the school of Lonley Hill. Lonley Hill is a town- well it´s rather a village up in the mountains of Frozen Island, a cold ice- and snow-covered island somewhere in the ocean far, far away from civilization. Lonley Hill has a population of about 300 Mudakons. Most of them don´t know that there is something other than this. They all believe in silly gods. The gods brought us here to live at this place. They think, nithing other than us exists. But i know that there is something else. It´s a pity that nobody believes me. Everybody thinks that I´m crazy in my head plus I´m an Outlaw because i don´t believe in the gods.
Like everyday i tried to hide somewhere. I hate my classmates, they´re picking on me all time. When i arrive at school they are all staring at me, just to confuse me and make me feel insecure. So you can´t hide well in this schoolyard.
They already discovered me- Two of them were walking straight to me. A few seconds later they were standing in front of me- staring at my face. I turned round I didn´t want to see them. They were giggling. No word leftmy mouth. Saying nothing and just not reacting is the best thing i can do.
After I had done this for a moment one of them said something:
“ OHHHHHHHHH, Xex! You don´t like us? What a pity!“
It was Greek´s voice.

“ But how can you treat us like this, Xex! You don´t take care about us!“,
said Tom another asshole which is joking about my voice altough his voice is the thing to make jokes about mine isn´t. I hate it if they speak like that. They are so sarcastic.

“Hey Grek, perhaps he doesn´t like us because he thinks we have silly voices. Who would like a guy with such a silly voice? Nobody! Hahahahah! Did you here that, Xex? Nobody! Nobody likes YOU, Xex!!!!!“

„ Or he´s too shy to speak to us! Hey Xex! Are your lips too fat tomove for speaking or what´s up?HEY; YOU!!!“,
he said as he clapped his hand on my head.

“ eh, let me!“,I just answered.

„oho let me, let me, LEEET HIIM!!! Haven´t you heard that Tom, let him.heheh! Oh Tom look at this is this fat on his head or what?“
He was pointing at my hair. Then he pulled it with a great force that I have never thought possible.

„Ewe, disguesting!“

„let my hair go! Go away, please!!!“

„What did you say, you loser?! WE do what WE want and not what YOU say! Did I speak clearly?! And if WE want to kick YOU WE do that!!! If you`ll ever force us to do what you want again we`ll tell a teacher! And remember the teachers don`t like you much! Nobody does!!!“

„eh but, but it´s not fair what you do erm i think. If I may say I...“

“ SHUT UP!!!“

„hey Tom, Greek! What´s going on there? Why are you talking to this loser! Do you wanna get friends?“

„ ah, Willy is here. HEY WILLY; this bustard over here thinks he`s better than others! And he wants to fore us to do things that we don´t want to do. And he`s being evil to us!“
Ah-oh that´s Willy. Every girl has the hots for him. He´s the star of our school- and very very very strong! He was now standing next to Tom and Greek.

„ Listen guy. HEY XEX I´M TALKING TO YOU!!!“

„Yeah, I´m listening.“

„ Look at me when I talk to you!“
he grabbed my face and turned it round, so that I had to look in his evil face.

“That hurt!“

„Shut up, Xex! What have you done to this poor guys?“

„ I didn`t do anythink! They did!“

„Be quiet! Xex, ach Xex how will the world end if all Mudakons would be so evil, nasty and criminal? You can´t do such a thing, xex. Dear Xex...“

„...I DIDN´T DO ANYTHING!“

Willy did not say a word. He took two steps towards me. Suddenly he banged his head at mine. Then pulled away my legs that I fall to the ground.

„owe!“

„shut up!“

First he boxed into my stomache with a force bigger than Toms and Greeks together- and that´s very forceful! I thought I had to through up but he did not stop boxing me. After a time he let we drop to the ground. When I lay there I thought all was over. But it had just started. Tom was just enlisting for this „fight“. The whole school had build a circle around. Willy now threw me up in the air and let me fell to the ground several times. I wasn´t able to defend myself. Now he twisted round my arm. It made a sound like something cracking. I howeld. A terrible pain filled my body. My arm has broken. He then did the same thing with the other arm. You cannot describe the pain I´ve felt! Every second I was hoping all will soon be over but it wasn´t! I get kicked into my rips – so hard that finally some went broken- and into my ass. Blood was flowing everywhere. After that he was just hitting my head to the ground- I was attending it will break. And then there was something strange- very strange.
Suddenly a new guy appered on the yard. She was walking towards the crowd. When they saw her the crowed opened. She was nice looking, she was a real sexy and amanzing female Mudakon. All boys where staring at her. They all were like in trance.

„Hey, sweetie! I´m Willy. Wanna watch my bodybuilding? He`s better than any sandsack! Do you wanna go out with me?“

Now she avanced two steps and I could see that she was freezing and she had this other skin colour. Her whole body was blue-green. And what a preety colour!

„ Your bodybuilding contains on hitting a poor Mudakon which is too weak to defend himself? Oh you silly guy. Always thinking your great, everyone likes you, you are the best and the stongest! Do you know how weak you are? Do you?“

„HA! Look at my muskles. Do you see them?! Never seen such a strong Mudakon that you don´t belive it, girl. But I´m the strongest on the world! None else is as strong as me!!! I´m the strongest on Frozen Island!“

„Not the body, the soul! The character! That´s weak! You are weak – you just don´t (wanna) see it!“

„ Pah! You can´t know like what I am!“

„I can feel it. And now, let him go!“

„You wanna tell me what I have to do but I´m the strongest and sexiest on Frozen Island! The gods want that like this because I´m better than all the others! The gods prefer me! And I´ll get a god, too. And than you´re my slave, too! Then you all are slaves! But I think I´ll spare you because you´re so sweet. Just because that I´ll let Xex go- this time.“

As he finished with speaking he closed his eyes and tried to kiss her. Suddenly he flew ten metres up in the air and landed hard on the floor again. He then shaked as if thousend lightenings went through him.

„ahahhh!!! Stop! Stop! I´ve never felt such a pain! Gods why are you doing that to me! Help!“

She held her hand up pointing at him. The unseable lightenings seemed to went away. He stopped shaking.

„ You´ve never felt such a pain!“
, she laughed,
„I felt this very often. I felt this for years!“

„Years! Oh my gods! It was terrible I felt like everything is erm and everyone is erm erm you cannot describe that! That is not possible! How did you do that this kind of pain... – you cannot... what are you, what are you, what?????!!!!!“

„nothing you know.“
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  #8  
04-28-2001, 11:29 AM
Pacen
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Well, since you asked;

:
Willy now threw me up in the air and let me fell to the ground several times. I wasn´t able to defend myself. Now he twisted round my arm. It made a sound like something cracking. I howeld. A terrible pain filled my body. My arm has broken. He then did the same thing with the other arm. You cannot describe the pain I´ve felt! Every second I was hoping all will soon be over but it wasn´t! I get kicked into my rips – so hard that finally some went broken- and into my ass. Blood was flowing everywhere. After that he was just hitting my head to the ground- I was attending it will break.
This extract seems a bit exaggerated for a school-yard fight. Granted it IS Oddworld and it's your decision on how you want the fight to be, but the whole scene, to me, seems a bit extreme.
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  #9  
04-29-2001, 10:40 AM
freakyLA
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Ok here´s so´mo it begins at where I stopped:„But what whatwhat???“

„Be quiet! And now go away!“

Willy now stood up of the floor and run away. He ran into the school.

„And you you go away, too.“

And now all the others went away, too. They just followed Willy. I was looking after them till the were allcome away. I tried to get up now. But as I wanted to stand on my legs I dropped to the ground again. I wasn´t looking at her. I was frightened of her. What was she and what had she donr to Willy , that´s weird. She walked towards me and helped me to stand up. My hands were full of blood. Everythink was aching.

„Why did you do that? Why did you rescue me. What are you? What do you want from me?“

„I´ll answer your questions later. Now I´ll first bring to a hospital. By the way where is a hospital?“

„hospital? No I have to go to school!!!!“

„well you´ll go to school with two broken arms and legs, broken rips and bloob losing everywhere? Well, you´ll die If you do this!“

„But I´ll be deather when I go to the hospital. The teachers will kill me if I don´t go to school. The teachers are always picking on me just like the others. I have to go to school!!!“

„The teachers are oicking on you? The teachers?“

„and the pupils, too. I dunno what´s worse“

„That teachers are picking on you is really unusual. And why don´t your friends help you when your class mates are starting to be nasty to you again?“

I started to cry
„Which friends? WHICH ONES?! There´s nobody who is MY friend!!!!“,
now I screamed or cryed loudly, „I HAVE NO FRIENDS: AND EVERYONE ALWAYS TELLS ME!!!! SO THAT I JUST DON`T FORGET.“
My voice now sounds like that of a psychopath.

„hey calm down. And now lets go to the hospital.they have to take care about you. I have no time. I have to search for something.“

„I can´t go to the hospital! Erm for what are you searching?“

„I´m searching for Sandra, she´s your queen, right?“

„Yes she is. Why do you want to talk to her?“

„Well that doesn´t has to interest you. Now let´s go to a hospital or something.“

„well that´s no good idea. But why should I go to a hospital...“

Now she was just waving her hand over my head and everything was just black.

2

It was a white room. There where lamps on the ceiling. A Mudakon wich a white loin cloth was standing next to my bed where I was lying in. I noiced bandages on my whole body. Some machine next to my bed was beeping in a rytmus. Finally I got my eyes wide open. My mouth was dry- very dry. I wanted something to drink. As I tried to open my mouth it first wasn´t possible. I was too weak. After some minutes I tried it again. This time with a bigger force and my mouth opened.
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  #10  
04-29-2001, 10:43 AM
freakyLA
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Or wait the full vesion. ll toghether. I dunno should I post it like this?A XEX`S LIVE

Well sometimes I think everything is bad. I really often think that. But lately my life is worse than before. Since one day everything has changed. –my life is getting more and more restless. I always remember this day of horror. I have to think of the time when everything was, well you could call it „Ok“. With „Ok“ I mean that i felt better than now.
This day was just a normal day. I went to school like every day. Tired like every day I passed through the gate, seeing my classmates on the schoolyard. Our schoolyard isn´t very big, it´s just a place where some grass grows and it has the size of a tennis court. The school itn´t very big, either. 60 pupils who are devided into two classes go there. The reason for this little school is that there are not many pupils out here.
This is the school of Lonley Hill. Lonley Hill is a town- well it´s rather a village up in the mountains of Frozen Island, a cold ice- and snow-covered island somewhere in the ocean far, far away from civilization. Lonley Hill has a population of about 300 Mudakons. Most of them don´t know that there is something other than this. They all believe in silly gods. The gods brought us here to live at this place. They think, nithing other than us exists. But i know that there is something else. It´s a pity that nobody believes me. Everybody thinks that I´m crazy in my head plus I´m an Outlaw because i don´t believe in the gods.
Like everyday i tried to hide somewhere. I hate my classmates, they´re picking on me all time. When i arrive at school they are all staring at me, just to confuse me and make me feel insecure. So you can´t hide well in this schoolyard.
They already discovered me- Two of them were walking straight to me. A few seconds later they were standing in front of me- staring at my face. I turned round I didn´t want to see them. They were giggling. No word leftmy mouth. Saying nothing and just not reacting is the best thing i can do.
After I had done this for a moment one of them said something:
“ OHHHHHHHHH, Xex! You don´t like us? What a pity!“
It was Greek´s voice.

“ But how can you treat us like this, Xex! You don´t take care about us!“,
said Tom another asshole which is joking about my voice altough his voice is the thing to make jokes about mine isn´t. I hate it if they speak like that. They are so sarcastic.

“Hey Grek, perhaps he doesn´t like us because he thinks we have silly voices. Who would like a guy with such a silly voice? Nobody! Hahahahah! Did you here that, Xex? Nobody! Nobody likes YOU, Xex!!!!!“

„ Or he´s too shy to speak to us! Hey Xex! Are your lips too fat tomove for speaking or what´s up?HEY; YOU!!!“,
he said as he clapped his hand on my head.

“ eh, let me!“,I just answered.

„oho let me, let me, LEEET HIIM!!! Haven´t you heard that Tom, let him.heheh! Oh Tom look at this is this fat on his head or what?“
He was pointing at my hair. Then he pulled it with a great force that I have never thought possible.

„Ewe, disguesting!“

„let my hair go! Go away, please!!!“

„What did you say, you loser?! WE do what WE want and not what YOU say! Did I speak clearly?! And if WE want to kick YOU WE do that!!! If you`ll ever force us to do what you want again we`ll tell a teacher! And remember the teachers don`t like you much! Nobody does!!!“

„eh but, but it´s not fair what you do erm i think. If I may say I...“

“ SHUT UP!!!“

„hey Tom, Greek! What´s going on there? Why are you talking to this loser! Do you wanna get friends?“

„ ah, Willy is here. HEY WILLY; this bustard over here thinks he`s better than others! And he wants to fore us to do things that we don´t want to do. And he`s being evil to us!“
Ah-oh that´s Willy. Every girl has the hots for him. He´s the star of our school- and very very very strong! He was now standing next to Tom and Greek.

„ Listen guy. HEY XEX I´M TALKING TO YOU!!!“

„Yeah, I´m listening.“

„ Look at me when I talk to you!“
he grabbed my face and turned it round, so that I had to look in his evil face.

“That hurt!“

„Shut up, Xex! What have you done to this poor guys?“

„ I didn`t do anythink! They did!“

„Be quiet! Xex, ach Xex how will the world end if all Mudakons would be so evil, nasty and criminal? You can´t do such a thing, xex. Dear Xex...“

„...I DIDN´T DO ANYTHING!“

Willy did not say a word. He took two steps towards me. Suddenly he banged his head at mine. Then pulled away my legs that I fall to the ground.

„owe!“

„shut up!“

First he boxed into my stomache with a force bigger than Toms and Greeks together- and that´s very forceful! I thought I had to through up but he did not stop boxing me. After a time he let we drop to the ground. When I lay there I thought all was over. But it had just started. Tom was just enlisting for this „fight“. The whole school had build a circle around. Willy now threw me up in the air and let me fell to the ground several times. I wasn´t able to defend myself. Now he twisted round my arm. It made a sound like something cracking. I howeld. A terrible pain filled my body. My arm has broken. He then did the same thing with the other arm. You cannot describe the pain I´ve felt! Every second I was hoping all will soon be over but it wasn´t! I get kicked into my rips – so hard that finally some went broken- and into my ass. Blood was flowing everywhere. After that he was just hitting my head to the ground- I was attending it will break. And then there was something strange- very strange.
Suddenly a new guy appered on the yard. She was walking towards the crowd. When they saw her the crowed opened. She was nice looking, she was a real sexy and amanzing female Mudakon. All boys where staring at her. They all were like in trance.

„Hey, sweetie! I´m Willy. Wanna watch my bodybuilding? He`s better than any sandsack! Do you wanna go out with me?“

Now she avanced two steps and I could see that she was freezing and she had this other skin colour. Her whole body was blue-green. And what a preety colour!

„ Your bodybuilding contains on hitting a poor Mudakon which is too weak to defend himself? Oh you silly guy. Always thinking your great, everyone likes you, you are the best and the stongest! Do you know how weak you are? Do you?“

„HA! Look at my muskles. Do you see them?! Never seen such a strong Mudakon that you don´t belive it, girl. But I´m the strongest on the world! None else is as strong as me!!! I´m the strongest on Frozen Island!“

„Not the body, the soul! The character! That´s weak! You are weak – you just don´t (wanna) see it!“

„ Pah! You can´t know like what I am!“

„I can feel it. And now, let him go!“

„You wanna tell me what I have to do but I´m the strongest and sexiest on Frozen Island! The gods want that like this because I´m better than all the others! The gods prefer me! And I´ll get a god, too. And than you´re my slave, too! Then you all are slaves! But I think I´ll spare you because you´re so sweet. Just because that I´ll let Xex go- this time.“

As he finished with speaking he closed his eyes and tried to kiss her. Suddenly he flew ten metres up in the air and landed hard on the floor again. He then shaked as if thousend lightenings went through him.

„ahahhh!!! Stop! Stop! I´ve never felt such a pain! Gods why are you doing that to me! Help!“

She held her hand up pointing at him. The unseable lightenings seemed to went away. He stopped shaking.

„ You´ve never felt such a pain!“
, she laughed,
„I felt this very often. I felt this for years!“

„Years! Oh my gods! It was terrible I felt like everything is erm and everyone is erm erm you cannot describe that! That is not possible! How did you do that this kind of pain... – you cannot... what are you, what are you, what?????!!!!!“

„nothing you know.“

„Be quiet! And now go away!“

Willy now stood up of the floor and run away. He ran into the school.

„And you you go away, too.“

And now all the others went away, too. They just followed Willy. I was looking after them till the were allcome away. I tried to get up now. But as I wanted to stand on my legs I dropped to the ground again. I wasn´t looking at her. I was frightened of her. What was she and what had she donr to Willy , that´s weird. She walked towards me and helped me to stand up. My hands were full of blood. Everythink was aching.

„Why did you do that? Why did you rescue me. What are you? What do you want from me?“

„I´ll answer your questions later. Now I´ll first bring to a hospital. By the way where is a hospital?“

„hospital? No I have to go to school!!!!“

„well you´ll go to school with two broken arms and legs, broken rips and bloob losing everywhere? Well, you´ll die If you do this!“

„But I´ll be deather when I go to the hospital. The teachers will kill me if I don´t go to school. The teachers are always picking on me just like the others. I have to go to school!!!“

„The teachers are oicking on you? The teachers?“

„and the pupils, too. I dunno what´s worse“

„That teachers are picking on you is really unusual. And why don´t your friends help you when your class mates are starting to be nasty to you again?“

I started to cry
„Which friends? WHICH ONES?! There´s nobody who is MY friend!!!!“,
now I screamed or cryed loudly, „I HAVE NO FRIENDS: AND EVERYONE ALWAYS TELLS ME!!!! SO THAT I JUST DON`T FORGET.“
My voice now sounds like that of a psychopath.

„hey calm down. And now lets go to the hospital.they have to take care about you. I have no time. I have to search for something.“

„I can´t go to the hospital! Erm for what are you searching?“

„I´m searching for Sandra, she´s your queen, right?“

„Yes she is. Why do you want to talk to her?“

„Well that doesn´t has to interest you. Now let´s go to a hospital or something.“

„well that´s no good idea. But why should I go to a hospital...“

Now she was just waving her hand over my head and everything was just black.

2

It was a white room. There where lamps on the ceiling. A Mudakon wich a white loin cloth was standing next to my bed where I was lying in. I noiced bandages on my whole body. Some machine next to my bed was beeping in a rytmus. Finally I got my eyes wide open. My mouth was dry- very dry. I wanted something to drink. As I tried to open my mouth it first wasn´t possible. I was too weak. After some minutes I tried it again. This time with a bigger force and my mouth opened.
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  #11  
04-29-2001, 07:31 PM
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Danny
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why are your quotation marks weird?
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  #12  
04-30-2001, 05:01 AM
freakyLA
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Where´s a quote of mine?
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  #13  
04-30-2001, 08:57 AM
Pacen
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„I can´t go to the hospital! Erm for what are you searching?“

You're speech marks are upside down, the opening speech mark anyway. It should read like this:

"I can´t go to the hospital! Erm for what are you searching?"
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  #14  
04-30-2001, 12:38 PM
freakyLA
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That isn´t wrong. it´s just wrong in the English language. I wrote it in word. It puts the marks like this because this is correct in my language. I´m sorry but I can change that. Word always corrects me. Does it matter if this is incorrect? it would take me to long to put them right when I´m posting.
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  #15  
04-30-2001, 08:39 PM
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no problemo...
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  #16  
05-01-2001, 01:33 PM
freakyLA
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Ok i hopr that won´t be annoying for you.
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  #17  
05-25-2001, 01:00 PM
freakyLA
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nobody read so far?
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  #18  
05-26-2001, 12:37 AM
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If you post a chapter, then we´ll read. Thats called logic.

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