Hello,
It's been years since I've been active on here, but that's not without reason. I've been wanting to talk about these reasons for a while, and I made a vow that I wouldn't start posting here again until I brought everything out into the sun, so to speak. Returning without doing so would make things just as uncomfortable as they were for me when I left. So I procrastinated, knowing that I have to write out a massive apology…and procrastinated…and procrastinated…things got in my way: lack of courage, lack of time, pure shame, etc. etc. But I wanted to come back this whole time. I'd think about this forum, about you guys, occasionally, and more and more I understood that I can't come back before doing a whole lot of explaining. So here goes.
I'll start with the most important and glaring thing: I'm 18. I'm not 21. I was born on the 31st of August, 1993. This whole time I was pretending to be 3 years older than I really was. One of the reasons that I eventually stopped posting is because I was tired of lying and too ashamed to tell the truth. I came to this forum when I was 12, and, thinking that no one would take me seriously, said I was 15 instead; I didn't think that I'd eventually come to think of you guys as more than user accounts, and start talking to you one on one, and end up having to fudge details of my personal life to support the illusion that I'm older. For some of you this contains various unpleasant implications, and I can't describe how sorry I am to put you in this situation. I wish that I had something else to say in my defense, but that's about it: I was a coward, and, what's more, an attention whore. That's another thing I wanted to apologise for. I'm sickened even thinking back to how I acted and the things I posted at certain points. I was a budding human being who received a massive ego boost from being fawned over, but I'm older now, and I understand that some of the things I posted were entirely out of line. It's not that I hate compliments now - I just realise that there is a time and a place for them, not to mention that I have a long-term significant other that reliably dispenses them; this is a place where people come to talk about the amazing series that brought them together, and anything else should be kept in the bounds of civility. I'm deeply ashamed of how I acted at certain points here, and I intend to make up for it by being a constructive and wholesome member from here on out.
Another thing, something more minor that I feel the need to clear up - Agatha Michaels isn't my real name, but was my internet alias for a long time. My own name is fairly rare and I was unwilling to reveal it online. Nonetheless I recall being asked at some points, point-blank, if Agatha is my real name, and I said yes --- I don't know why, I guess for the same reason that I didn't confess that I was lying about my age. I wanted to create the impression, rather hypocritically, that I was an honest person, and in some ways I did - everything else I said about myself that wasn't related to my name and age was true: I did indeed live in Carlsbad, California, and I was born in Russia, among other things, and those were my real photos, and so on, and so forth. But those two lies ate away at me until it pained me to support them any longer, and eventually I faded off the forum, with the full intention to come back later and confess.
Well, now that I have that weight off my chest, I guess I can tell you in more detail about who I really am and what I've been doing these past 3 years or so. My real first name is Aleksandrina, but I usually go by Anissa. I left Carlsbad last year to go to college in Laguna Beach. Without my sentences degenerating into fangirl slosh let me say that I probably wouldn't be where I am now if it weren't for Oddworld. Those games opened my eyes to what a powerful medium video games were, and how profoundly they can affect someone's life if done right and sincerely. For that reason I went to LCAD - Laguna College of Art and Design - to major in game art, so that I can be a part of this growing and powerful industry, and so that one day I can help create games like Oddworld, games that inspire people and make them laugh and make them think. While there, I found that my actual strengths lay not in concept drawing and painting, but in 3D character and creature modelling, so that's where I am right now - and maybe someday I'll even become an art director. I've been incredibly lucky to be surrounded by the people at my school: I'm only a second semester freshman, and I've had professors who work at Blizzard, Turtle Rock, and Obsidian, to name a few. I'm very excited about entering this industry (I hope to work at Bethesda) and being a part of the process that I've only admired from afar.
Speaking of which, guess who else I met?
To date, Farzad has done a couple talks at my school, and I've had the honour of meeting him briefly on breaks. He was probably confused why I was treating him like some kind of celebrity, and why upon his entrance to the room my friend (whom I've shared Oddworld with for years) and I started hyperventilating, but that just brings home a good point: Artists may not be famous in the same way as actors --- no tabloids, paparazzi, constant news coverage, hordes of fans (and thank God for that) --- but they're incredibly important, often behind the scenes, to people in ways that matter: by inspiring them, giving them the gift of existing for a time in the worlds they create, and encouraging them to create worlds of their own. Anyway, sorry for rambling. Moving on : P
So, what else? I live in an apartment in Laguna Beach with roommates and my pet frog. In my spare time I enjoy watching nature and history documentaries, stupid videos, doodling in Zbrush, writing, and yes, playing the occasional video game. I listen to Rotting Christ, Korpiklaani, Rhapsody of Fire, Belphegor, Terasbetoni, Finntroll to name a few. I'm not gonna lie, it feels a little weird introducing myself to you all over again, but I feel like I owe you the whole truth this time. I feel good about letting it all out, even though I fully expect ostracism about having lied in the past. All I have to say for myself is that I was an idiot and I'm sorry. Despite all my embarrassment, I'm excited to come back (though I'm probably going to spend most of my time lurking due to being very busy). And those of you who don't know me, on the off chance that you read this far for some reason, I'm looking forward to meeting you. Oddworld is very much a part of my life, and a part of my past. It's nice being in my element again. I'm anxious to read your replies!
Hey guys, I have something to say to you all who remember me.
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