I have no fucking idea

[MA]

first of all, i'd like to apologize to the numerous people i've been a nasty bastard towards recently. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. i see something that somehow aggravates me, even if it's nothing to do with me anyway, and decide to retort with torrents of shit no one likes to see. i try my best to insult and hurt other people when i get like that, i just see red and want someone else to take the blame. i do it with friends and family, too. not just online. it's gnawing away at my fucking insides and driving me insane.

afterwards i'll think "what i disgusting person i am. when did i get like this?" it tears me apart when i start laying into a friend or even a family member, i feel like absolute shit afterwards. it's just in that moment, when i'm seething, sweating, ranting and spitting, i want to hurt the cunts around me as much as humanly possible. i've come to blows with people before just because i took something the wrong way, or because i thought they were 'looking at me funny'. the fuck kind of excuse is that? i'm on medication for my psychosis and yet i continue to do these things. i ask for help and get pushed to the side. i drink because of this.

more to the point, this is why i'm leaving. i'm not making a big song and dance about it, i just thought it would be polite to at least give you a chance to understand why i'm leaving, instead of just fucking off without a word. the last thing i want is people getting the wrong idea and thinking i disappeared because i had enough of you, or because someone upset me, whatever. truth is i think you guys are fucking great. there have been numerous times where i've logged onto these forums whilst feeling like complete and utter useless shit, and actually been cheered up by some daft comment or piss-taking witticism. i'll read something and smirk, and that's all it takes.

fuck sake, rambling. in short: i don't want to become 'that guy' that everyone ignores and dislikes conversing with because they're just not nice. i'd rather leave on fairly neutral terms while i still can. this place has had a very positive effect on me personally over the years, as silly as that sounds, so the last thing i want is to turn into a genuinely nasty cunt and abuse the friendships i have here. i intend to sort out my fucking life, it's long overdue.

anyway, enough of this bullshit.

WHO LOVES YA, BABY?

[STM]

Don't fucking leave MA! Seriously! It won't be the same withouttt yooouuuu. And also, what about MM, when he sees this, he'll like cry!

[OddjobAbe]

I'm sorry that you are having these problems and that they are having such an effect on you, to the point where you feel you have to leave. I think that you're a great laugh, and I enjoy your presence on the forums - I'm going to miss you being here. I don't remember a time where I truly disagreed with something you said, and, regardless of whatever problems you have which make you feel and behave the way you say they do, you seem to me to be an excellent human being.
I personally don't feel that it's necessary for you to leave, but if this is the way you feel about things, I think it would be wrong for me to try and interfere.
I really hope that things go well for you, and that you sort out the problems that you're facing. It is my firm opinion that you deserve to get on track with stuff and get the best out of things.

In short, fuck off.

[Bullet Magnet]

I have not noticed this.

But please stay! MeechMunchies' avatar won't make sense without you!

[JennyGenesis]

This is the Welcomes & Birthdays forum, both of which are good things.

Now it's been infected with a bad thing

[STM]

Wow, you really know what to say JG.

[JennyGenesis]

Wow, you really know what to say JG.

Now it's been infected with a bad thing

Surely that expressed my dissapointment of MA leaving?

[Crashpunk]

Don't leave

[Dixanadu]

You're a unique personality in this community which has no equal.

These threads will no longer feel the same.

[Ridg3]

Dear MA.

Never again will I see lulzy hazing at new members. I remember the time I was once hazed by MA, it was funny (in hindsight.) Over that period, we've had our spats and neg-rep wars, you've always had the upper hand on that one, MA you crafty dog you. But over that course I've came to respect your member and even like you for what you truly were, sarcastic, dry and blunt.

Goodbye MA, may you see through your personal ordeals to the end and with a horrific battleroar whenever you do see them through.

I'll miss you.

Yours always,

Ruaidri McKeever

P.S. I've missed out a few things, I'll be sure to blog about them.

[Nate]

I can't say I've noticed this being an issue, but I acknowledge that your opinion on the matter is far more important than mine. I'm hoping you work your shit out and return as soon as you can.

[moxco]

Don't be stupid! Trust me, getting angry at people over the internet never ends up looking that bad. If someone starts swearing and verbally abusing someone in real life they look like a dickhead, if they do it on the internet they just look mildly annoyed. I don't know what issues your talking about but I can guarantee you that you are thinking less of yourself more than anyone else.

I hope you can sort of understand what I'm saying.

[Daxter King]

I felt like being an outright dick to you at first, I think we might have similar problems.

Anyways, I made a judgement call, and have decided instead to wish you well on your future endeavors. I'll always remember as one of the funny ones, MA, and as the guy who would pos-rep me when no one else did. Ill miss ya.

[enchilado]

When I joined everybody hated me, but you tried to help me to improve. I don't know if I did or not, but if it hadn't been for you I probably wouldn't have stayed here long.

OWF won't be the same without you. I hope you manage to deal with this and return as soon as you can.

[Phylum]

I don't really know what to say. You were the first person to accept me into this place and I've really enjoyed your posts over the years.

Good luck with sorting yourself out.

[STM]

I'd like to agree with Phlyum and Ench, if you are reading these comments, you pretty much looked after me for the first three months when I was really, really annoying and couldn't even spell properly...then when I came into off topic from the fan corner you helped me out there now. So maybe, I'd still be annoying, even more so than I am now if you hadn't given me a bit of a helping hand!

But since it looks like you really aren't coming back, then I wish you all the best in your life!

[Manco]

Your posts are the light of my life, hope you come back when you’ve got yourself together.

[Dynamithix]

If you're really going to leave, then goodbye and I hope you're coming back. Always enjoyed your posts. Especially the 'bomb those mothers' thing was hilarious every time. I wish all the good for you.

[Dixanadu]

Especially the 'bomb those mothers' thing was hilarious every time.

Damn, I remember that.

Now I sad

[STM]

Link?

[Jordan]

I've always liked you MA, your posts often make me laugh. You're vulgar and down to earth and very likeable. I think you will be missed on here. Anyway, I hope you manage to sort stuff.

[Dixanadu]

Link?

This peace is what all true warriors strive for.

[STM]

Shut up and gimme the gosh darn html code, I'll have none of your quirks.

[Dixanadu]

It was mentioned in numerous threads, most of which weren't of much notice.

Try searching for the key words!

bomb those mothers/goats etc

[STM]

Unfortunately the search feature doesn't work on my lap top for some reason. But I think we're steering away from the sobering topic of this...topic.

[Dynamithix]

Use advanced search.

[Wings of Fire]

We all have a buttload of respect and love for you MA, you'll always always always be welcome here.

Best of luck getting your shit together.

[T-nex]

Aw... If you feel you need to leave for your own sake, then super-good-luck with your break. But if you're doing it because you're afraid of pissing us off, please don't.

I think most of us accept you just the way you are. The fact that you feel so angry at people much of the time though is quite problematic. And I think it's worse for you than it is for us.
I know I used to have an extremely short temper, and Id get incredibly angry, and want to hurt people too. But it was exhausting and made me hurt inside, and now I really try to control myself and it seems to be working. but I still have that dark desire to just destroy and hurt sometimes. I dunno if it will ever go away, but the pain Ive caused is enough to stop me from ever submitting to my desire ever again. It hurts a lot though.

The emotional process is quite painful, but I think you should seek support and love instead of leaving :) Unless you think leaving is best for you.

Uh... What I'm trying to say is that I think we can handle you. If you want, we'll be stricter with angry posts and warn you when you get out of hand :p Which i try from time to time x_x

But in general, the harsh language doesn't seem to be a problem x_x People can handle it. Most of em anyway.

Either ways, whatever you decide to do, I REALLY wish you the best.

And I hope you'll be ready to come back sometime in the future. You'll always be welcome, cos you're quite lovely most of the time.




Am I sappy enough yet? :D

[Dixanadu]

The harsh language is one of his redeeming features.

[T-nex]

I disagree... I think there is a lot more to him than his angry banter. Im not talking about his normal way of self, but its bad when he goes overboard. But... more for him I'd guess, cos for us it's pretty easy to forgive him. But it's important to be able to forgive oneself.