oddworld:abe's birth

[molluck2]

chapter 1
oddworld,mudos,rupture farms,nursery,year 1029,a new mudokon has been hatched from an egg,he was named simply- abe.
-molluck,a new mud baby is born!-said a slig named toast,he was molluck's(ceo of rupture farms)assistant.
-o.k.,o.k.don't rush me!!
they went along the long coridors of rupture farms to the nursery.and when molluck saw the mudokon baby he became mad!
-toast,why is this mud baby actually blue,not green?is he sick or something?-said molluck
-i don't know molluck,maybbeee,maybe he is happy or something,i don't know!!-replied the slig
-well,that doesn't matter bring the mouthstich,now!!!!!!!!
-but boss,don't you think he is to young?
-no,i don't thihk he is to young!-he made fun of toast,bring it now you idiot!!!!!!!
-okay,okay!-said toast in fear-i hate this job,oh well...

if you liked the first chapter,i'll write the next one,but if you didn't i understand you.
_______________________________-
keep your employees in the dark with the all-new eyestich 2000

[Wil]

That's nice, except this should probably go in the Fan Corner. I'm sure some nice bigwig will move it for you.

[Xavier]

good, but abe has his lips streched because he made to much noise. or because he had chant capacities

[molluck2]

chapter 2
-i hate my job!-said abe to his pal jeff
-look who's talking,your lucky 'cos you've got a mechanized mob!-replied jeff
-it's not a mob,it's a floorcleaner!
-yeah right,well gotta work,gotta clean this darn graffity
-wish you'll clean it till the end of the day-said abe walking away
-i wish myself,if i won't clean it, molluck will kill me
abe was walking down the coridor when he heared a lound sound
-finnaly,lunch!! abe droped his floor cleaner and ran into the cafeteria
-oh,no,now i'll have to wait-said abe-how many mudokons are there in front of me,let me count...one,two..mmm...mmm......sixty!!!oh,no.
-finnaly-thought abe when it was his turn!
-i'll have...a dozen of them yummy scrab cakes!-said abe to the lunch lady
-what are you nuts o' something,only glukkons can eat those!!
-oh,then what else do you have?-asked abe
-fried slurgs with warm meech milk!
-yack!do you have anything else?
-no i don't,take it or starve-laughed the lunch lady
-ok,i'll take it!
abe tried to find jeff among the other muds,but he couldn't find him
-still cleaning that graffity-said abe,so only he could hear it...
______________________________________________
should i write the next chapter?

[dark_xinos]

I am truly sorry to brake order from your story Mullock2. But abe was not born blue. He was in a bet, with some of his friends. And the bet was to see if he could hold some paramite juice in his mouth for ten minuets. He won. (almost a quote from Dear alf... I'l go find it)

[molluck2]

yeah i know,but i just thought that my darn stupid story should be a bit diferent

[dark_xinos]

Oh. Thats is ok.
Now it seems almost cruel to ad that quote. But now you know I DONT intend this to be cruel, just for the fun of seeing what Alf said and to keep me prommise.

Q: How come Abe is blue and all the other Mudokons are green?

Alf: Back in Rupture Farms, we bet him 5 bucks he couldn't hold a mouthful of Paramite Juice for ten minutes without swallowing. He won.

[molluck2]

yeah,i understand.so should i write or no?

[Majic]

I have 3 suggestions...

1. Space your sentences, er, commas. Change like "oddworld,mudos,rupture farms" to oddworld, mudos, rupture farms" It helps. Same goes with periods, etc...
2. Try putting a line inbetween your -*random text* It makes it look better.
3. Capitalize, please.

Well, go ahead and keep writing. its just really,really hard to read when everything,is like,not looking right,like i mean abe really,really deserves more respect when you mention like,his birth.hehehe

[molluck2]

chapter 3
After lunch Abe went to the place where he and Jeff were talking, but he didn't find him.
-"where the heck could he be?"-thought Abe -"he never missed lunch before!"
The next day abe haven't seen his pall either. Sudenlly he heared some slig speaking over the microphone:
-"Okay muds, it's lunch time, come and get it!!"
-''Oh, well.Who can worry on an empty stomach!"-said abe
He was lucky because he didn't have to wait in the line like the day before.He looked at the slig lunch lady and asked:
-"What do you have today?''
-"My speciality! Fleech heads with baked slurg eyes! And to drink we have sewer water!''- replied the lunch lady
-''Yeah, okay i'll take it."
Now the problem was to where to sit. Usually Jeff would save a seat for Abe, but he wasn't in the cafiteria.
-"Hey you, the blue one."-screamed some mudokon-"Come over here!''
Abe came close to that mud.
-''Yeah, you wanted something?''- asked Abe
-''You can seat with me, my name is Alf and you are...?
-''I'm Abe,nice to meet you, listen do you know a mudokon named Jeff''-asked Abe.
-''Jeff,Jeff, nope, never heared of them.His your friend''?
-''Yeah,but i havent seen him lately''.-explained Abe
-''Wait, on which zulag did he used to work?''-asked Alf
-''On the second''-aswered Abe-''why?
-''Nah, i just thought that maybe my friends know him
-''Oh,well let's get back to work!''-sudenlly said Abe
-''Yeah, let's!''
Whille they were walking down the long coridor they heared molluck's voice:
-''Yesterday another employee has died.It was an accident.Some idiot with a slog came along, whille that poor worker named Jeff was cleaning graffity, it happend at exactlly 11:57am!It's so sad to loose such a good worker!!!''
-''What is he talking about, at exactlly 11:57am i was with Jeff and there wasn't any idiots with slogs, bet it's his fault! I'm gonna walk into his office and say: Molluck you've killed my friend, you are the freakiest boss ever!!''-said Abe with anger
-''Well good luck, pall!
-''Wait aren't you going with me?
-''Sorry Abe,i've gotta get back to work,bey!
-''yeah,bey''-abe wawed his hand

[Majic]

Getting better with grammer I see... Interesting, can't wait to hear of Abe's mishap with an idiot with a slog also

[thebomb372]

how can muds eat

[Majic]

The question is how could they not eat. Not all muds ahve stiched lips.

[thebomb372]

but abe does

[Majic]

He can talk can't he? There ya go, enough space to open his mouth and eat.

[thebomb372]

good point

[molluck2]

chapter 4
-''Oh, Abe! One of our best employees!''-said molluck,as Abe entered his office-''you want something?''
-''Yeah,you said that at exactly 11:57 some slig with his slog came along and killed poor Jeff,but i was with Jeff at that time, and i didn't see any sligs or slogs!''-aswered Abe
-'' err...Toast bring me the paper that i was reading,now!!!!!!!!!''
-''Here you are boss!-said slig
-''hm,hm,hm mmmmmmmmmm,Toast why did you write 11:57 it happened at 12:15''-screamed Molluck and blinked with one eye
-''Oh''-understood Toast- ''It must be my watch, always goes wrong''
-''Excuse my idiot assistant Abe''-laughed Molluck
-''yeah,o.k., well sorry to take your time boss''-replied Abe
-''Finnaly he's gone''-said Molluck-''Now we can continue our disscusion!
-''I'm not serving his meat!''-This time it was the lunch lady
-''I'm the boss here, I make the rules, I say you will serve it!''
The next morning Abe met Alf cleaning the floor
-''Hi,Abe, so what did you found out?''-asked Alf
-''Hi,well i just found out that Molluck's assistants watch was going wrong and that's why Molluck said 11:57
-''Well i hope that we'll found out more!''-said Alf

[oddling]

This fan fic rules! Oh and thebomb372 does your name happen to be Sean? Cause me and my friend went to planet trog one day and thats what he put as his code name, or is it just a coincidence. Just wondering.

Oddling l:c l