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  #1  
05-15-2009, 11:04 AM
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Oddworld Prison: The OtherSide

I dedicate this story to mollucks assistant and Oddey. Thanks!

= * = * =

Chapter 1: Arrival

"Welcome to... Keeya Prison". The rookie Slig hopped out of the train. The guard blew the whistle and the train started moving again. The announcer said "Next stop, Sronti's Prison".

The young Slig couldn't believe it... how did he manage to get a transfer to Keeya Prison?

It wasn't long before the prison gates were opened. A loud creaking noise was heard as the mechanisms twisted and turned. Out of the darkness stepped an officer with a red cap.

"Hi there", the officer said, "I trust you're not a prisoner?". The young rookie shook his head, "I guess that means you're one of us. Come on, I'll show you the ropes". He placed a blue cap on the rookie and walked with him inside.

The prison gates closed with a loud thud, the earth shook as the mechanisms turned back into place. The guards nodded and allowed them to pass through the second security post.
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  #2  
05-15-2009, 11:36 AM
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A story? Dedicated? To me? And MA? Cool. It kind of forces me to read it. I trust it'll be good though.
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  #3  
05-15-2009, 12:25 PM
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Thanks. Normally I'd wait a day before posting another chapter. But I have quite a few written out in advance. Here's the next bit;

= * = * =

Chapter 2: Red Caps

"Flek's the name, what's yours?". The young rookie shrugged, "I only have a number, 414". The older Slig smiled, well that won't do... "Let's see, hmmmm". He was trying to remember the last name he gave to a rookie. "Ah... I know, Rook! That'll be your name!".

Rook smiled, "Sure thing. So, what's with the caps?". Flek chuckled, "Glad you asked. Blue is for newbies like you, when you get more experienced you'll graduate to us red cappers".
Flek leaned closer to Rook as they walked, "Listen... each red cap finds a newbie to look after, but normally reds and blues don't mix. If I were you, I would never talk with another red unless they ask you first. Never talk back to them and don't approach me when I'm talking to another red".

Rook raised an eyebrow, "That sounds harsh". Flek smiled, "Oh it gets better. If you aren't out of the barracks by 8AM you get beaten up". Rook gave a little shocked jump of surprise. Flek chuckled, "Ah don't worry, we have ways of getting past that".

Flek handed something to Rook. "This is a micro-transmitter. Put this in your ear, it serves as a silent alarm for the guards here. It'll wake up all the blue caps at precisely 7:45AM. Remember, don't dawdle... Sometimes they'll beat up whoever leaves the barracks last, if they had a bad night".

Flek continued, "There's other cap colours but i'll fill you in on that later. For now, let's talk about fighting".
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  #4  
05-15-2009, 02:21 PM
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good stuff!

i've never had a story dedicated to me before. class!

i think me, AlexFili, Oddey, stonetooth and mr.odd are gonna be dominating fan corner for a while. it's quite active. when i first came here people just wrote a few half hearted chapters and then left it (barring Oddey and a few others). its good to know we have gained some more dedicated members.
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  #5  
05-15-2009, 02:57 PM
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Well, I think the great Fan Corner hopefuls wrote stories in 2000-2003, which was the time when the Oddworld franchise almost reached its peak. With notable authors like Sl'askia, Teal, Jacob... etc.

Now, we're hitting the second wave of fandom. It's thanks to you for writing Glory Slig
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  #6  
05-15-2009, 11:18 PM
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I read some of nes that had never been finished. I felt sorry they never were, and decided that somebody had to step up and finish one, and that's what I did. Then MA wrote Glory Slig while I was in the middle of MM. I didn't read it, as it wasn't my cup of tea (I don't even like tea.) but many others did. Come to think of it, a while after, Moosh wrote Epidemic which was a great inspiration to me. Now with AlexFili's many fan-fics, others may have been inspired, including myself, to write on. Amazing how people get inspired and jump on the bandwagon, with new ideas and new ways to do something. Almost staggering considering what might have happened if even the smallest details had been different.

Actually... I can't really declare myself or anyone the starter of the new fandom. It's like a clock. If you take out just one peice, nothing will work. There aren't certain bits that could have been left out. It all had to be there.

But enough of my rambling about the birth of fan-fiction. I look forward to hearing more from this.
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  #7  
05-16-2009, 12:45 AM
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I think in a way it's crazy how just be reading old fanfiction, I can get inspired to write my own.. in turn leading to other young writers getting inspired...

Hard to believe I'm part of a cycle that I didn't even know about . For me, writing stories and making games is just normal, I've been doing it all my life!

= * = * =

Chapter 3: Combat Training

Flek cleared his throat, "Okay. Now, one thing to remember is never start any fights. You're here to make sure the prisoners don't cross the line. You should only hit them if they mistreat another prisoner or if they show disrespect". Rook nodded, "Okay. Your first weapon is your wits. You should be able to outwit them to make them run into a prison cell bar or something else. Avoid getting your hands dirty. Your second weapon is this".

Flek withdrew a hardy truncheon from his belt. "It's not as hard as it looks; it's more of a deterrent than anything else. The best place to hit them is probably the shoulder. I wouldn't recommend the head, since they probably expect that... Also, you don't want to be explaining why a prisoner suddenly can't move or loses his memory".

Rook was having trouble remembering all of this. "Alright, what if that fails?", Flek put a hand on his own chin, "Well... I would probably use my pants legs if I were you. They pack more than a fair whack, plus your upper body strength isn't good enough yet. Train your body for a while and then learn how to punch. For now, just kick".
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-16-2009 at 12:48 AM..
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  #8  
05-16-2009, 12:50 AM
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You really don't want to be stuck with explaining why a slig can't remember stuff and has a nasty bump on his head. That'd lead to a funny scenario.

The world is a circle. (Or sphere rather.) Why shouldn't the rest of the world be a cycle?
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  #9  
05-16-2009, 01:20 AM
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Oddey, that is so true . Do you like the fact that this prison story is shown from the officer's perspective? I wanted to make it stand out from the other stories I have read so far. Here's the next chapter. After this I'll need to do a large amount of writing in order to give myself some time to catch up

= * = * =

Chapter 4: Prisoners

Flek lead Rook to the main area of the Prison. "All of these prisoners are in here for short to long stretches of time. Only a few are in for murder, most stay here for a few months". Flek pointed to a cell, "We have Sligs, Mudokons, Outlaws, Clakkers and a few other ones in here. Don't go near packs of them on your own, always call for backup if you need help. I'll teach you how to do that tomorrow".

Rook nodded, "What should I do as I walk around?". Flek smiled, "Just act naturally, all you're doing is guarding the prisoners to make sure they are alright. You should be polite to them though, ask them how they are, stuff like that. I would make a couple of friends with the prisoners, just so that you have a bit of company. Don't let them abuse their power though, you are the higher ranking after all".

Rook looked towards the nearest cell, "Okay, I got that. What about recreation?". Flek nodded, "We have videogames, pool tables, soccer teams, an art and crafts devision...". Flek was showing Rook the map of the building, "Jacuzzi, Swimming Pool, all paid for. Just clock in and clock out. You have two spare hours each workday, use them well".
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  #10  
05-16-2009, 03:38 AM
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Makes me wonder what exactly will happen later on. Well, I'll have to wait and find out.
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  #11  
05-17-2009, 03:14 AM
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Here's the next chapter for your enjoyment;

= * = * =

Chapter 5: First Night

Rook smiled, "Thank you so much for the help". He shook Flek's hand, "No problem Rook. Just let me know if you need anything. Remember what I told you about the red caps and the prisoners". Flek started walking the other direction. "Oh and don't turn your back on them either. You never know what they might do". He handed a card to Rook. "You'll need this as well, it's a level 3 security card. It'll open all the doors for you".

Rook waved to Flek. He then headed to the sleeping quarters. He opened the door and saw quite a few blue cappers lying on small bunk beds. One of them stirred, "Zzzz... Where's the coffee?", he lay on the bed once more, fast asleep.

Rook smiled and walked to where his bunk was. He put down his weapon, removed his mechanical legs and sat on the bed. He hoped he would like it here.

The next morning, he could hear the blue cap wake up call in his ear. It was a somewhat sharp alarm tone which was increasing in volume as the time went on. He switched off his earphones and walked out quietly. He didn't want to give any of the red cappers an excuse to beat him up.
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  #12  
05-17-2009, 06:50 AM
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i'm getting into this now.

its a good read, flows very well.
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  #13  
05-17-2009, 07:27 AM
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Thanks. I try and keep the chapters to a reasonable length so I'm not writing pages and pages and keep having to stop all the time. Although I write most of the stories on the fly, I tend to think of one good plotpoint to write beforehand and then I flesh it out.

The hardest part is coming up with character names and chapter names
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  #14  
05-17-2009, 09:15 AM
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I thought up MM on the fly. No planned ideas spanning further than one chapter. Sequel was all planned out with a few alterations.
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  #15  
05-18-2009, 03:11 AM
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It's interesting to see how other people write their stories. Here is another bit

= * = * =

Chapter 6: Morning Shift

Rook stretched and gave a small yawn. He headed to the cafeteria with the other blue cappers. Some of the blue cappers were rubbing their face masks and holding their tentacles sleepily.

Rook stood in the line for food. When he reached the service bar he picked up a Scrab leg and a bottle of McArt. He sat down at one of the metal tables. It was fairly quiet down here so far. Another blue capper came down the stairs and picked up some food. He headed to Rook and sat next to him. The capper said "Morning", Rook smiled, replying "Morning".

The capper started unwrapping his food. "So, what's your name? I haven't seen you here before". Rook nodded, "I'm new here. My name is Rook, please to meet you". He held out his hand.

"My name is Queck. Good to meet you as well", he returned the favour and shook the rookie's hand. "I've been a blue capper for a few weeks now. Listen, you've got to watch out for 'Scraper', he's a vicious inmate who's been here for a very long time. He won't listen to blue cappers at all, so make sure you never confront him. He's got a really bad attitude problem". Rook nodded, "I'll try and look out for him". He took a swig of his drink.
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-18-2009 at 04:15 AM..
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  #16  
05-18-2009, 03:14 AM
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Scraper doesnt sound too nice.

very realistic.
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  #17  
05-18-2009, 07:33 AM
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Scraper sounds like an interesting character if you ask me. I think he'll have a part later on.
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  #18  
05-18-2009, 08:08 AM
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You may be right there

= * = * =

Chapter 7: Captive

Rook turned around, he saw some red cappers walking past in the other direction. He looked behind them to see a prisoner walking with his arms tied together. He was a burly looking Slig with several scars on his body. The biggest scar was on his chest, it was a claw shape which stretched from his upper shoulder to his lower torso.

Queck nodded, "That's him". Rook looked at his face, Scraper looked back, giving him a creepy smile. Queck nudged Rook, "Like I said, watch out for him. He's bad news". Rook finished his food and proceeded to walk to the excercise yard.

There were a few of the more weaker Sligs here, trying to use the gym equipment before all of the other bigger Sligs arrived. There was a younger Slig who was only a couple of years old. There were a couple of older Sligs who didn't have the same muscle power and needed to train their body in order to stay mobile.
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  #19  
05-18-2009, 09:36 AM
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i'll tell you this, i wouldnt like to get on the wrong side of Scraper.
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  #20  
05-18-2009, 10:16 AM
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I don't have anything witty or interesting to say other than I'm enjoying this.
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  #21  
05-18-2009, 12:06 PM
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It would be nice to write a full length backstory for Flek, Queck and Scraper... but we'll have to see what happens in the story.

= * = * =

Chapter 8: Revelation

Rook might as well start talking to somebody, to stop himself getting bored. He approached the younger Slig, who was lifting some weights. "Hi, I'm Rook". The young Slig looked up, "Oh, Hiya. I'm Sammy, you're new here right?". Rook nodded, "Just moved in yesterday". Sammy smiled, "No bruises eh? I guess someone told you about getting up early before the red cappers?". Rook scratched his chin, "Yeah that's right".

Sammy kept using weights for a few more minutes, he then moved onto the benchpress. "I've been in for... one month... got sent here for being... too cocky". Sammy wiped a hand over his brow. "You heard about Scraper?". Rook nodded, "I was told by a few people, how bad is he?". Sammy had a look at surprise on his face, "He's every bit as bad as they say, and then some. He once ripped a Slig's mechanical pants and then beat him up with them... He's just pure evil in every way. It's a miracle that he's still down here".

Rook shook his head, "So, he's here on a technicality?". Sammy nodded, "He's meant to be on death row, but he has too many high-ranking friends. It's lucky he's not in any of the gangs, he'd be a real problem if that happened".

Rook stood up, "So, how many gangs are there here?". Sammy picked up a set of weights, "Well, there used to be a lot, like Sronti's... Now there's only about four main gangs; Redmarks, Slashers, Herbers and the Wishers".
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-19-2009 at 04:41 AM..
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  #22  
05-21-2009, 11:58 AM
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It's been a busy week for everyone. Here's the next bit;

= * = * =

Chapter 9: Gang Mentality

Rook nodded, "Are they all violent?". Sammy chuckled, "Well, the Herbers are usually too stoned to do anything bad, most of their fights are petty squabbles about herbs. The Wishers are mostly comprised of the non-violent prisoners. They only keep a few violent ones in order to keep the peace".

Rook sat down, "And the others?". Sammy nodded, "Redmarks give their new members a bit of a beating in the initiation, they then use the blood to mark a symbol onto the skin. They're pretty average, but you have to be careful if they form big packs. They often have turf wars with the others".

Sammy took an intake of breath. "The Scrapers are pretty much the most violent pack here. They used to use stones, but then they moved onto home-made Shivs. Nasty things, you can get some serious damage from one of those. They have a lot of in-fighting, and the new leader is usually elected by a fight to the death with a former member".
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  #23  
05-21-2009, 01:44 PM
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damn, must have missed the last update.

i really like this, the different gangs are intriguing, especially the Herbers. i forgot about drugs on Oddworld.

i loved the comparison of gang culture to Sronti's.
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  #24  
05-21-2009, 02:14 PM
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Sorry, sometimes I edit the last post so that it contains the latest chapter. If in doubt, check the topic every 2-3 days or so .

I'm going to expand on my prison story in every possible way, info about herb-dealing, gangs, officers... The thing I want to concentrate more on is the relationship between officers and inmates. The red cappers and blue cappers thing will be brought to attention in the future.

While there probably won't be as many deaths as in your story MA, there probably will be a few violent fights. Anyway, thanks for reading .

Edit: Maybe the "WillPill"
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-22-2009 at 10:32 AM..
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  #25  
05-22-2009, 05:15 AM
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Sorry about that, saw the last chapter, but didn't get a chance to comment.

I do like the idea of prison gangs, that everyone knows about, but can't just stop and arrest.

I think you might want to include the chill-pill as a drug for the Herbers.
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  #26  
05-25-2009, 02:16 AM
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Chapter 10: Age of the Sligs

Rook tilted his hat towards Sammy. "I'd better get going, thank you for the information". Sammy nodded, "No problem sir. Glad to be of service". Rook moved forwards and gave Sammy an extra ration token. Rook winked and then moved away to look at the other prisoners.

The older Sligs were still using some of the other weights, their weak muscles could barely grab them... but if they couldn't even grab these small weights, they would have problems trying to improve their already weakening muscles. Rook moved towards the older Sligs. "Good morning, my name is Rook. Everything alright?". The older of the two Sligs smiled, "Yup, I am Barka and this is my pal Weslee". Weslee nodded, "Rook, that's a good name for a newbie". Rook smiled, "It's better than a number anyway. Well, I'll be seeing you around sometime". Rook waved and proceeded to walk around the exercise yard for a while.

The weather was nice and the birds were chirping in the distance. Rook sighed and remembered his first guard post, a non-important location in the burial grounds of Barkoom. He had to maintain the ghost locks and look after the mine cars in the area. He did enjoy the minecars very much and missed the thrill of riding one.
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  #27  
05-25-2009, 06:06 AM
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good detail with the older sligs weight lifting.
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  #28  
05-26-2009, 03:24 AM
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Small chapters can pack as much punch as a long.
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  #29  
05-26-2009, 11:43 AM
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I'd rather write 10 small chapters than one long one. It just takes so much effort to write a gigantic chapter... at least for now, I'll stick with the short ones.
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Last edited by AlexFili; 05-28-2009 at 09:00 AM..
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  #30  
05-27-2009, 03:41 AM
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I like medium sized chapters, but every person is entitled to their opinion and preference.
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