The young prince.

Abe16 · #1 02-14-2005, 03:54 PM

This story is about a mudokon who is sad cuz his father died. hope you enjoy! Note:even though there is a queen it is still my story and my rules. thank you.

It is a sad day for Luke. His father has die today. His evil step father who marries his mom and wants to take the crown for himself."but mother," luke says. "I dont want to introduce my step father Luke says. "would you rather do the laundry?" his mom asks. "Fine,I'll go." Luke agreed. So he walked all the way to jonathon, the stepfather. "Hello my dear boy, are you the prince?" Jonathon asked. "Yes, your new son." luke told him. "Spelendid!You look like a charming young lad." Jonathon sid again. "Follow me and I'll give you the tour. And finally came to the throne room. "And this is where you will be staying. "Ah, what a lovely room your old father had." Jonathon said again."Time for dinner!" the queen said. "Follow me to the royal kitchen." Luke told him.

Their kitchen was as royal as it could be. "ah, what a good meal. I will head off to my room now." jonathon said. In his room he had paper all on the ground and in the trash bin. "grrr! I have to find a way to get that boy out of the picture, but how?Wait!I have a plan.hehehehehe." he laughed.The next day he planned every thing out. The anvil, the syrup and the rope. luke was whistleing when he saw syrup, Jonathon quickly pulled the rope, but Luke went to get a mop. CRASH!. The anvil cracked the sidewalk, " uh, Mom! an anvil just crashed through the sidewalk!" luke told his mom. "that's nice." his mom answerd. "Blast! the anvil trick never works!I'll just have to go, advanced!" Jonathon said.

"say! why dont me and Luke go for some, family bonding," jonathon said. "that's a great Idea, be nice you two!" the queen said. "Wha!?" luke yelled. And they went off with Jonathon striding a Luke Slumping.

that's all I wanted to write! I'll post more, promise!

odd chick · #2 02-14-2005, 04:02 PM

That sounds very interesting, Abe16.

A kid mud that lost his dad-how sad.

And what a mean stepfather. I hope he gets what he deserves! I can't wait to see more of your story!

Abe16 · #3 02-14-2005, 08:40 PM

Okay! here we go!

"Ah!, isn't it a wonderful day!" Jonathon said. "Ya sure." Luke said. "hey, why dont we go buy some paramite pies and scrab cakes and you me and your mother could all go on a picnic in Mudokon springs park!?" Jonathon said. "*sigh* Okay." Luke agreed. "Eh, you gonna pay for that?" The mudokon asked. "Oh fooey, out of money, sport, could you lone me some money?" asked Jonathon. "okay, just dont call me sport." Luke said. "thanks, here ya go." said jonathon. "You go home and tell your mother while I get the supplies." offerd Jonathon.
"okay, gee, h's been going in his room lately, I wonder what he's up to." Luke wonderd. " Ha, now i'll get him for sure, I'll pull the rope and he small catapault will throw a rock to a beehive hive and chase The runt of the litter to his watery death!" Jonathon sneerd. "Mom! dad wants us to go on a picnic, he's got the supplies ready." Luke told his mother. "Oh that's nice, let me get my sun hat." she said. " I'll be waiting at Mudokon Springs Park." Luke said. The picnic basket was all set up, and the blanket was spead out but no Jonathon. Luke wonderd then he left and a mudokon sat down and jonathon pulled the rope and the bees hit the mudokon and after the bees ran away the mudokon slapped jonathon and walked off. "Good thing I have a plan B." Jonathon said."Honey we're here!" The mother said.

"Here, Have a seat sport." Jonathon said to Luke.

I'm tired, i'll finish later.

Angel-FoX-crescent · #4 02-15-2005, 03:18 AM

Poor kid...
mean stepfather dude hope he'll pay too!
Awsome writing dude! ^-^

Abe16 · #5 02-15-2005, 07:22 AM

cant write much, school

Part1!

Jonathon had everything ready, the bolamites would wrap up Luke, then, he'd pull a lever and throw out vampire fuzzles!

So Luke sat and the bolamites just sat there eating and listening, then Jonathon threw a rock at one and it decided to wrap up Jonathon! "Help! help!" then hit the lever, "ohno, Owwwwwwww!" cried Jonathon. "Honey! are you alright!?" The queen asked. "Yeah, i think so, A king should not be treated this way." Jonathon said. "retard." Luke mumbled under his breath.

"Well, you're gonna b alright,...for 30 moolah." the vykker said. "alright, here you go." said the queen. "Excellent, I'll be right back,here, take this and all your troubles will be gone." the vykker said handing him the bottle of hurts-be-gone! That night after dinner, Luke went to bed, but Jonathon snuck in the room with a knife, when...."Honey!Jonathon where are you!" the queen called. "coming!" he said frusterated.

Gotta go to school! I'll finish part 2 when I get back.

Angel-FoX-crescent · #6 02-15-2005, 07:45 AM

Cripes! That dude is totally cruel!

odd chick · #7 02-15-2005, 02:43 PM

Yeah, he is cruel, isn't he? That was hilarious when he was wrapped up by the bolamite!

That made him look like a total moron!

You wrote a good couple of chapters there, Abe16. Keep it up!

Abe16 · #8 02-15-2005, 03:05 PM

Okay, I'll finish.

"Honey, what were you doing, and, what's that knife doing in your hand?" the queen asked. "Uh, I was uh, cutting meat when you called me, ya know for tomarrow." Jonathon answerd nervously. "Oh, well it's a bit late to be cutting meat isn't it?" the queen asked again. "Listen, why dont we both get in bed and have a nice quiet sleep." Jonathon said. Later that night Jonathon some how snuck out of bed and grabbed a knife from the kitchen. Then he stepped in Lukes room quietly. "Ow!who would leave toys around a room!?" Jonathon wonderd. " no... dont do that, uhhh..." Luke grumbled in his sleep. then.... "Cokkadoodledooooo!" the morning clakker screeched. "uhoh, better get out of here!" Jonathon said worringly. "Honey, where were you?" the queen asked once more. "I was.. making breakfast! for my wonderful son and lovely wife." jonathon lied. "morning, where's breakfast?" Luke yawned while talking. "your dad is starting on it." the queen told him. "So sport, what would you like?" Jonathon asked. "uhhh, paramite pancakes and scrab bacon." Luke told him. "sure, I'll get you it, and the syrup will be poisen, hehehehe." jonathon mumbled. "here you go, oh and have some syrup." jonathon offerd. "no thanks, I got my own." said luke. "No, I insist." Jonathon offerd. "no really i-" Luke was cut off by the sound of the school bell. "well, gotta go to mudokon school, bye!" luke called.

Later at school, jonathon went to his school. "uh, excuse me could you point me to mr. jenkins room?" he asked a janitor. "right over there," the janitor told Jonathon. "uh, Luke forgot his lunch," Jonathon told mr.Jenkins. "thanks." Luke thanked jonathon.

At lunch, Luke wonderd why his drink was brew, and why his scrab cake had red filling. He simply threw them away. At home. "any minute now Luke will be sick enough that he'll truly die!" jonathon said privetly. "i'm home! hey dad why was my scrab cake filing red and brew was my drink?" Luke asked. "Uh, I think I heard the phone ring." and jonathon ran off.

"Somethings odd with jonathon, Too odd, and i'm going to find out!" Luke vowed.

there's part 2. I'll post more later.

odd chick · #9 02-15-2005, 03:59 PM

That Jonathan is a cruel, twisted creep! I REALLY hope he gets what he deserves. Bravo for that magnificent chapter, Abe16! *claps*

Angel-FoX-crescent · #10 02-15-2005, 04:13 PM

I take back jonathan is cruel...
He's EVIL
hope Luke gets away in once piece and tells his mum...

once again abe16 cool work.
I bid you good night 1pm over here at present plus just been busted by mum (GAH!)

What a mood killer! (mumbles then trumbles off to bed)

Abe16 · #11 02-15-2005, 04:39 PM

Here we go!

Luke had picked the lock on Jonathon's door. "whoa, what's this?Oh my Odd! He's been trieing to kill me!ahhhhh" luke screamed. "Honey? Luke? what are you doing in here?" The queen asked. "Look! Jonathon's been trieing to kill me! the bolamites, brew, poisen syrup, everything!" Luke cried. "Oh my word! and these all say Jonathon!" Cried the queen. "Honey, I'm ho- what the heck are you doing in my room!" Jonathon screamed. "you wanted to kill me and take the crown for yourself!" luke abused. "he's right." the queen agreed. "alright I did, but who's gonna stop me! *click click* hands up! nobody move or the little demon boy gets it!" Jonathon said threatning them. "huh, oh! just back away so the blood won't get on you!" Luke said trieing to not smirk. "uh, O....kay," so he backed away, and..... CHOMP! A scrab had gotten, loose! "now run mom!" Luke told her. luke took the gun the jonathon had used and shot the scrab several times. "Mark.. my word... when my family..... heres about my death.... you'll pay!....uhhhhh." jonathon said then, died. "Mom, at least we are safe." Luke said. So Luke's mother got married to a sensible man and lived happily, ever after, that is, until Jonathon's brother heard about his death.....
THEEND
I have an awsome idea for the Young Prince 2

Phat_man · #12 02-15-2005, 07:05 PM

Great story abe16 couldn't have made a better one myself.

Abe16 · #13 02-15-2005, 08:00 PM

Thanks for the compliment Phat_man.

Angel-FoX-crescent · #14 02-16-2005, 02:02 AM

Yahoo serves that mean guy right! Cool work Abe16 I've really enjoyed it ^-^

Abe16 · #15 02-16-2005, 07:15 AM

I'm working on the young prince 2!And thanks!

Kimon · #16 02-16-2005, 11:28 AM

You've still got some problems with grammar, man. Like I said the last few times, it would be a good story if it was better written.

odd chick · #17 02-16-2005, 02:25 PM

Like Kimon said, there were a few problems with punctuation/grammar, but I hardly even noticed it while reading the story because I was so interested in the plot. And I'm glad that jerk Jonathan died-he was cruel! Overall, this was one of your best stories yet! I can't wait to see the sequel!

Greeter · #18 02-21-2005, 12:21 PM

Its grrrrreat!

Greeter · #19 02-21-2005, 12:23 PM

hhmmm? oh yes great story abe16

Phat_man · #20 02-21-2005, 03:05 PM

Whoa, Greeter what's up with the double post buddy?

odd chick · #21 02-21-2005, 03:45 PM

:

Whoa, Greeter what's up with the double post buddy?

You shouldn't double post on here too much, Greeter. It could get you in trouble. I'm not trying to be mean, I just don't want you to get in trouble.

Phat_man · #22 02-21-2005, 04:00 PM

Yeah seriously man, so take care with the edit button.