Polygamy

[Wings of Fire]

A notary in the Brazilian state of Sao Paulo has sparked controversy by accepting a civil union between three people.

Public Notary Claudia do Nascimento Domingues has said the man and two women should be entitled to family rights.

She says there is nothing in law to prevent such an arrangement.

But the move has angered some religious groups, while one lawyer described it as "absurd and totally illegal".

The three individuals, who have declined to speak to the press, have lived in Rio de Janeiro together for three years and share bills and other expenses.

Ms Domingues says they have already opened a joint bank account, which is also not prohibited by any law.

According to Globo TV, the union was formalised three months ago, but only became public this week.

Nathaniel Santos Batista Junior, a jurist who helped draft the document, said the idea was to protect their rights in case of separation or death of a partner, Globo reports.

Ms Domingues, who is based in the Sao Paulo city of Tupa, said the move reflected the fact that the idea of a "family" had changed.

"We are only recognising what has always existed. We are not inventing anything."

"For better or worse, it doesn't matter, but what we considered a family before isn't necessarily what we would consider a family today."

I think Ms Domingues is exactly right and three people are more than entitled to enter a lawful union together.

I'm also stunned that this is the first case I've heard of this happening in recent times and it's in Brazil of all places.

Come at me bros, let's stir up some controversy.

[T-nex]

I love polygamy..

[Sekto Springs]

I too love polygamy.

[DarkHoodness]

People should do what makes them happy if it doesn't harm or betray anyone else.

I considered doing it once myself as a compromise to save a failing relationship before quickly realising that it wouldn't make me happy and that it wouldn't work for me. I also once knew someone who kept talking to me about polygamy and couldn't understand how anyone could be happy in a monogamous relationship. But to each their own.

[STM]

If there is a measurable and secular negative societal impact caused by polygamy then it should not be allowed. But there isn't, so let the unfaithful bastards have their happiness.

[T-nex]

so let the unfaithful bastards have their happiness.

I know youre joking... But that was a really ignorant comment x_x

[STM]

Exactly why I said it. Personally I don't advocate polygamy, but I couldn't care less if people do it because it's none of my business.

[Wings of Fire]

Unfaithful to who?

[STM]

The one of the three they love the least. As Nexy said, I wasn't being serious, fear not.

[Nate]

I have no qualms about polyamistic marriage, if everyone is open and honest about it.


Here's my thoughts on marriage in general: Over the last few decades, the laws on de-facto/common-law relationships have been strengthened in much of the Western world and the legal benefits of being married have thus been watered down. If this trend continues, we'll get to the point where a couple who have signed a marriage certificate will have no legal difference from a couple who just lives together in a committed relationship.

At that point, marriage will cease to exist as a legal concept. You'll still be able to have the ceremony if you like, and religions would still be able to specify who can get married within their flock, but the government won't get involved. And at that point, everyone will stop bitching about gay marriage and poly marriage and all that shit, because the concept of marriage will not be important any more.

[T-nex]

The one of the three they love the least.

Lol this is ignorant too. Usually in polygamy relationships, the ones that work anyway, people love each other fairly equally, but in different ways.

There are plenty of poly relationships that dont work out though. It's a difficult dynamic to manage, and many go into them for the wrong reason.

[Strike Witch]

To each their own, however I can't really grasp the concept of loving two people equally on a romantic level.

That's just me though.

[MeechMunchie]

I always assumed that it was like having kids, where some kind of social hardwiring stops you from having a favourite.

Here's my thoughts on marriage in general: Over the last few decades, the laws on de-facto/common-law relationships have been strengthened in much of the Western world and the legal benefits of being married have thus been watered down. If this trend continues, we'll get to the point where a couple who have signed a marriage certificate will have no legal difference from a couple who just lives together in a committed relationship.

At that point, marriage will cease to exist as a legal concept. You'll still be able to have the ceremony if you like, and religions would still be able to specify who can get married within their flock, but the government won't get involved. And at that point, everyone will stop bitching about gay marriage and poly marriage and all that shit, because the concept of marriage will not be important any more.

Basically this. If you remove the religious element, marriage is little more than a contract saying "we won't leave each other unless we really really mean it", and a lot of people don't seem to take it even that seriously.

Anyone who's made vows of faithfulness to each other may as well write them down on a legally endorsed piece of paper; regardless of how many people those vows may concern. As Nate said, it's not like it makes a difference to anyone but themselves any more.

[T-nex]

I always assumed that it was like having kids, where some kind of social hardwiring stops you from having a favourite.

I talked to someone in a poly relationship, and this was exactly how he explained it.

[Asmoden]

For me i simply follow the general rule "as long as you don't take other peoples freedom do as you like".
If marrying a horse herd make you happy why not?

That said i don't know how they will manage some hereditary and legal issues.

[STM]

Lol this is ignorant too. Usually in polygamy relationships, the ones that work anyway, people love each other fairly equally, but in different ways.

There are plenty of poly relationships that dont work out though. It's a difficult dynamic to manage, and many go into them for the wrong reason.

Ignorant perhaps, but I can only go from what I've seen, and what I've seen is one polygamous relationship which broke down in about two weeks. Don't tell me they weren't close either because two of them had been together for years and years. The moment you let a third person into a relationship, I feel that the chances are someone at some point is going to feel left out or not as loved and from there it's a downward spiral.

Obviously I'm not suggesting polygamy is wrong or that it shouldn't be done. This is the 21st century and to be frank I couldn't give two shits what anyone does so long as it doesn't negatively impact me. If someone wants to have a triple entente then fine, but I couldn't do it myself.

[T-nex]

Ignorant perhaps, but I can only go from what I've seen, and what I've seen is one polygamous relationship which broke down in about two weeks. Don't tell me they weren't close either because two of them had been together for years and years. The moment you let a third person into a relationship, I feel that the chances are someone at some point is going to feel left out or not as loved and from there it's a downward spiral.

Obviously I'm not suggesting polygamy is wrong or that it shouldn't be done. This is the 21st century and to be frank I couldn't give two shits what anyone does so long as it doesn't negatively impact me. If someone wants to have a triple entente then fine, but I couldn't do it myself.

Ok.. but just how many polygamous relationships have you known firsthand? 1? 2?.... 5?

Lets just be generous and say 5... Thats... maybe 15 people. 15 people out of hundreds.

Consider this. How many people do you know that have stayed with their first partner? How many normal relationships fall apart? And what is the average lifespan of a relationship?

The truth is that there is nothing inherently wrong with Polygamous relationships. Relationships in general just tend to fall apart because it takes a lot of maturity to stay with the same people for years and years on end.

Maybe opening up their relationship to a third destroyed it all... But that was just their way of tackling it. Other people would have tackled it differently. But it is not the polygamy that destroyed the relationship. It was the way the 3 or more members tackled it. Maybe there were factors they weren't ready for or mature enough to handle. But never blame the dynamic. Rather.... the people.

I could also blame my break up on the fact that it was a long distance relationship. And many people would accept that as a perfectly valid explanation. But it's simply not true. A dynamic is just a description. It's the people inside that make it work or fall. Part of making a relationship work is deciding what dynamic works best for them.

And yea I know you don't care if people want polygamy. But I do feel that you have a few wrong impressions of what polygamy is and such.


Edit: and you are right. Many people do feel left out in poly relationships... Because many people lack the necessary skills to make it work. It takes a lot more organization and planning to make it work, and many people just aren't ready for it. But like with anything, its something that you learn over time. Just like with monogamous relationships. I bet the majority of people made huge mistakes in their first few serious relationships that they learned from. I know I did, and it's helped me grow a lot as a person.

[OANST]

People should do what makes them happy if it doesn't harm or betray anyone else.

I considered doing it once myself as a compromise to save a failing relationship before quickly realising that it wouldn't make me happy and that it wouldn't work for me. I also once knew someone who kept talking to me about polygamy and couldn't understand how anyone could be happy in a monogamous relationship. But to each their own.

That wasn't polygamy. That was playing the field.

I don't have any issues with people living their lives as they please, but I will say that the only plural marriages I have seen have been based on religious principals where the man basically owns, and terrorizes the women. Also, they don't usually stop at three, and they breed like fucking crazy. This isn't really an issue except that they can't support their family, and become a huge drain on society. I find that distasteful even if I don't feel that it should be legislated against.

[STM]

Ok.. but just how many polygamous relationships have you known firsthand? 1? 2?.... 5?

Lets just be generous and say 5... Thats... maybe 15 people. 15 people out of hundreds.

Consider this. How many people do you know that have stayed with their first partner? How many normal relationships fall apart? And what is the average lifespan of a relationship?

The truth is that there is nothing inherently wrong with Polygamous relationships. Relationships in general just tend to fall apart because it takes a lot of maturity to stay with the same people for years and years on end.

Maybe opening up their relationship to a third destroyed it all... But that was just their way of tackling it. Other people would have tackled it differently. But it is not the polygamy that destroyed the relationship. It was the way the 3 or more members tackled it. Maybe there were factors they weren't ready for or mature enough to handle. But never blame the dynamic. Rather.... the people.

I could also blame my break up on the fact that it was a long distance relationship. And many people would accept that as a perfectly valid explanation. But it's simply not true. A dynamic is just a description. It's the people inside that make it work or fall. Part of making a relationship work is deciding what dynamic works best for them.

And yea I know you don't care if people want polygamy. But I do feel that you have a few wrong impressions of what polygamy is and such.


Edit: and you are right. Many people do feel left out in poly relationships... Because many people lack the necessary skills to make it work. It takes a lot more organization and planning to make it work, and many people just aren't ready for it. But like with anything, its something that you learn over time. Just like with monogamous relationships. I bet the majority of people made huge mistakes in their first few serious relationships that they learned from. I know I did, and it's helped me grow a lot as a person.

I wanted to just pos-rep this and be done with it because it's a sound argument. But I can't, and it's not really fair just just ignore this.

So, I've only seen one polygamous relationship ever, I'm basing my feelings on the subject solely upon this one experience and my own personal beliefs. Probably a bit short sighted, but I don't have anything else to draw experience upon. I will alter what I said previously to this: I don't care for polygamous relationships because I don't feel humans (on a whole) are suited to sharing their love with more than one person. I know I couldn't do it. But as I said before, if someone does make a polygamous relationship work then good for them. The whole point of a relationship is to be happy, if all the participants are mature enough to accept the reality of their situation and they all love each other equally, then by all means I'm happy for these people. My qualm is that this rarely happens from what I understand.

Also in response to your first part, being the age that I am, I don't know a huge number of relationships that have stood the test of time, this is true. But they have last longer than the polygamous relationship I've known. It's not really a fair comparison because I've seen tens of dual relationships and only one triple entente. Nevertheless I feel a two way relationship has more chance of success than a three way.

[JennyGenesis]

I don't believe in marriage for starters, but polygamy doesn't bother me, it's just not something I would do, but do some people really have nothing better to do that get their knickers in a twist over three people getting married together? Get a life I say, it's not as if it affects them in any way!

[Bullet Magnet]

I don't think I could do it. Or want to do it. But if it works for someone else that's fine for them.

Just make sure it's evened out. Let's see some polyandry too, otherwise there'll be lots of guys left over.

[Mac Sirloin]

TWO wives!? I can't even handle ooooooone! And my family in law, eh, eh?

[Sekto Springs]

I was about to say, man.
I could handle five wives. It's five sets of in-laws I couldn't handle.

[Bullet Magnet]

Reminds me of the 72 mother-in-laws that Muslim martyrs can expect in their afterlife.

[Sekto Springs]

[Jordan]

I'm fairly new to the notion of polygamy. I found out not long ago that people in the world engage in three-way relationships and polygamous marriages. At first I was confused at how people could have the capability to love two others equally and begin a relationship with all three involved. I'm still a little confused now, but if they can make it work, they deserve to be happy in whatever kind of relationship they want. I'm pretty open-minded, and while I don't think I could manage to love two others like those in polygamous relationships, I think it's a pretty amazing thing that someone can have the strength and emotional capability to be in a relationship with more than one person. It would be extremely ignorant to deny the fact that it is impossible because clearly people have made it work, and why would they invest time and effort into a relationship that couldn't work? I'd love to meet a polygamous (couple is not the word, obviously, I'll say triple, someone correct me on the term for it) and learn more about it.

[Sekto Springs]

Does having multiple female slaves count as polygamy?

[T-nex]

Ok... just to get some definitions straight:

Polygamy - Marriage involving 3 or more people.

Polyamory - Relationships involving 3 or more consenting partners.

And having multiple sex slaves fits in the "polyamory" category.

Usually its just easier to call these types of relationships "poly"... It's a more general term.

[Sekto Springs]

"Harem" works fine.

[T-nex]

Polyamory implies that there's love involved, as Amor = love.