The Joke thread -

***Nate*** · #**211** 10-13-2009, 07:42 PM

:

Tempting to post Stephen Gately jokes, but they might upset the gay populace on teh forum.

Why should the gays care about him? You think we hold all the world's gay close to our hearts? Or do you assume that all the forum's gays are fans of Boyzone?

Leto · #**212** 10-13-2009, 09:46 PM

GOD I MISS HIM ;____;

***Nate*** · #**213** 10-13-2009, 10:03 PM

You're not exclusively gay. Fuck off.

Leto · #**214** 10-13-2009, 10:24 PM

I'll never tickle your prostate ever AGAIN.

Josh · #**215** 10-13-2009, 10:33 PM

Breaking News - Michael Barrymore spotted looking pretty shifty by a hotel pool in Majorca.

Kimon · #**216** 10-22-2009, 01:18 PM

A young lady becomes pregnant, and she can no longer consider the possibilities of her future.

HA

MeechMunchie · #**217** 10-22-2009, 02:35 PM

What's the best thing about shagging twenty-three-year-olds?

There's twenty of them.

Leto · #**218** 10-22-2009, 10:34 PM

sooooo oooooooooold

Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Tax inspector
Quick hide the receipts.

Josh · #**219** 10-23-2009, 06:35 AM

Postman Pat, Postman Pat
Postman Pat and his unionised cat,
Early in the morning,
They're still in bed a-snoring,
And I'm wondering where's my post you fucking twat.

MeechMunchie · #**220** 10-23-2009, 10:33 AM

Postman Pat, Postman Pat
Postman Pat ran over his cat, SPLAT,
Blood 'n' guts are flying,
Postman Pat is crying,
He has innards all over his van.

Postman Pat, Postman Pat
Postman Pat ran over his cat, SPLAT,
The day had just been dawning,
Now Postman Pat is mourning,
He is not a very happy man.

Wings of Fire · #**221** 10-23-2009, 10:34 AM

THESE WOULD NOT BE JOKES EVEN IF THEY WERE FUNNY

MeechMunchie · #**222** 10-23-2009, 10:51 AM

That would apply to most of this thread.

OANST · #**223** 10-23-2009, 11:10 AM

Caw.

Who's there?

Caw.

Interrupting cow w...

Caw.

Josh · #**224** 10-23-2009, 11:30 AM

In the UK, smoking is the biggest cause of overused statistics.

Ridg3 · #**225** 11-14-2009, 02:12 PM

:

Caw.

Who's there?

Caw.

Interrupting cow w...

Caw.

¬.¬

I didn't laugh, how about you guys.

OddjobAbe · #**226** 11-14-2009, 02:13 PM

If a Jamaican had to live on a mountain in the Lake District, which would he live on?
Scafell.

Nobody will get this, and I will have to explain it. Sad thing is, that's the best joke I have ever came up with.

MA · #**227** 11-14-2009, 02:13 PM

i got it.

i did. i got the 'joke'.

EDIT: Oddjob, that was quick!

OddjobAbe · #**228** 11-14-2009, 02:15 PM

That's the kind of speedy shit I am.

MA · #**229** 11-14-2009, 02:16 PM

talking of speedy shit, has the virus passed?

and that's on topic, as its sort of a joke.

mr.abe · #**230** 11-14-2009, 02:16 PM

what bear craps his pants?

whinnie the pooh

OddjobAbe · #**231** 11-14-2009, 02:24 PM

:

talking of speedy shit, has the virus passed?

and that's on topic, as its sort of a joke.

I found that quite amusing.

And no. I'm worse than ever. I have been blowing my nose, and coughing like a maniac. Those strepsil adverts are right. There is a saw in your throat when you have a cold. They just got the kind of saw wrong. It's a chain saw, and when you cough, it feels (and sounds) as though somebody's pulling the start cord. Funnily enough, I choke a lot when I have the cold.

See, I turned it all into a joke.

the ultimate abe · #**232** 12-08-2009, 01:23 PM

this is an old joke ::: george bush was being breifed on the war his secretary of defence said today 3 brazilian soldiers died he run around the rom shouting S**T the he stops and asks how many is a brazilian again

enchilado · #**233** 12-08-2009, 01:55 PM

AHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH ha.

MeechMunchie · #**234** 12-08-2009, 02:14 PM

What do you get if you cross a pile of shit and a bucket of maggots?

YOU!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

OddjobAbe · #**235** 12-08-2009, 02:26 PM

What's the difference between a Chinaman and an Irishman?
They're both from different countries.

How high is a Chinaman?
Hau Hai is a Chinaman.

~Oprilthevykker~ · #**236** 12-08-2009, 03:49 PM

Alright, I've got a knee slapper.

So, a guy walks into a new age hi-tech bar and takes a seat.
The bartender is a robot that ask's for everyone's I.Q before serving them,
so he asks the man "What's your I.Q?" The man replies "300".
The robot engages in a long conversation about time travel, cures for illnesses and
quantum physics. So the man walks out and comes back the next day.

"What's your I.Q?" The robot says again. The man replies "150".
The robot talks about great fishing holes and Nascar with the man this time.

So, the next day the guy comes in and says "20.." to the robot's I.Q question.
The robot starts to laugh at the man asking..
"HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT VOTING OBAMA IN NOW, YA IDIOT???".

ZING!

Sekto Springs · #**237** 12-08-2009, 03:53 PM

I don't get it.
But for the record, Obama has an IQ of 100000000.

~Oprilthevykker~ · #**238** 12-08-2009, 03:55 PM

:

I don't get it.
But for the record, Obama has an IQ of 100000000.

I believe you mean "000000000".

Sekto Springs · #**239** 12-08-2009, 03:57 PM

Let the flame war begin!

~Oprilthevykker~ · #**240** 12-08-2009, 03:58 PM

No, I'd rather not argue, Your entitled to your opinion.