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  #181  
05-25-2005, 09:44 PM
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I just read this story and I was amazed at the skill! Such an amazing story, greater I have never read! Keep it coming.
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  #182  
05-28-2005, 07:45 PM
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Nice work, Splat.
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  #183  
05-29-2005, 03:58 AM
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I know. it's great to see so many people reading this after so long without updating! I'll ty to get the next bit written this week, my Mums stressin at me right now though.
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  #184  
06-12-2005, 06:35 AM
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Ok, I did about half of this chapter last Wednesday and all but the last paragraph on Thursday morning and had to stop for an exam. It took me until today (Sunday) to find the motivation to finish it! I don't think the ending's so good but I think the first half is some of my best. I actually felt really bad at what I was doing to Barry.

I can't believe this! I'm getting an emotional attachment to a character I created!

I'll just let you read it, shall I?


Chapter 4, Forgetting

Barry threw his box off of his back and took a step away from it, away from the path. Away from his tribe, his friends, away from everything he had known for the last 20 years.

He hesitated and turned back. Through the trees he could see the path as the stragglers of the group tottered past without ever noticing him. He reached down for his box, which had landed upside down. The lid had fallen off and some of the contents had spilt across the forest floor. He turned it the right way up and placed it neatly across the track like a barrier cutting him off from the path. He picked up the skull of his first kill and rested it in his hands. The elongated jaws, the beady eye sockets, the crack down the side where his arrow had hit and shot though the bone like a wedge, driving it apart.

He threw it into the box and picked up a few stray arrows from the ground. He found a few more lying around inside the box and he slipped them all neatly back into their sheath and laid it in the box.

As he picked up the lid he noticed a carved piece of iron that also had fallen out. It was a figure of the sun he had dreamed of and longed for during all those years in that cold cell, working all day, lying awake at night listening to the moaning and sobbing of the mudokons around him. Suddenly he didn’t want to leave. It felt so hard to once again forget everything he’d once known and move on. Friends that had become closer than family, Graham who had always stood by him and refused to escape without him. Edam with all his quirks, his temper and his constant, irritating philosophising. Poor, naïve Jason who probably still believed that he was standing away from the path, relieving himself.

He moved to put the carving into his loincloth and then froze. Angrily, he flung the piece of iron into the box, closed the lid over it and stood up. He mustn’t do this. He needed to forget this all, to blank out this era of happiness in his life. He was taking the Orb south for the sake of his species. He was leaving behind friends that he would almost certainly never see again. And he could only bring himself to do that by giving it up. By forgetting it all. By leaving all this in a dream. Or perhaps a story that had happened to someone else.

It wasn’t part of his life. It couldn’t be part of his life because he knew that he couldn’t have left it all behind if it had been him.

With hot tears running down his face he turned around and ran into the forest.

When Graham came looking for him 15 minutes later he was already more than a mile away.

* * *

Barry ran though trees without looking back. When he came to a stream he splashed southwards along it, so that those dreams couldn’t follow him. He eventually came to a pool in the stream where the water became around a metre deep and he splashed through with it around his waist. Half way through the pool he stopped and looked down into the water. After a few seconds the rippling he’d caused ended and he stared down at his own reflection.
Black tribal paint still blemished his face. He stared at the hateful marks for a few seconds before plunging his head into the water, rubbing at his face with his hands, coming up for air only when his lungs were screaming before once plunging his head into the icy, breathless mass. Reaching down, he grabbed handfuls of gritty dirt off the bottom of the pool and scrubbed at his face with it, not stopping even when his blood began to discolour the water.

And then, with choking sobs, he pulled himself to the bank, and laid on the water’s edge for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually he pulled himself onto his hands and looked around once more at his reflection, fear coursing through him that the paint would still be there.

But it was gone and on several parts of his face, was replaced by weeping red scars which, to Barry, seemed a lot less ugly than the black marks.

* * *

Saying goodbye one last time would have been too much for the ex-Chief Warrior of the Edakee Tribe. He had intended to stay till they’d once more set up camp but that would have meant another ceremony. Once more he would have been above them all and they would spread out below him and whatever he said wouldn’t have been enough.
Graham begging to come as well was more than he could stand. He knew that they couldn’t do it together but the fact that that choice had been there… And that despite it all, he could have taken it…

These thoughts plagued Barry as he ran. Thoughts that he wanted so desperately to drive out of his because they forced him too look back, the thing he never wanted to do again.

He had to move slower now as the trees were thicker and he didn’t like the idea of running into one of them. Picking along gave him more time to think and despite his best efforts, all he could think about was all he was leaving behind.

Mentally kicking himself he stopped and looked around, searching for a sign of a sparser part of the forest. Then, heading slightly left of his original path, he picked his way round tree branches and over rotting wood and low bushes, until he came to a patch of the forest where there was a lot less cover.

He knew better than to run but that wasn’t what he’d had in mind. Places like these were dangerous, the little cover for such a long way meant he was an easy target for any patrols that came through here. That was what he wanted in the end of course, but out here there was a definite chance that any patrols that found him might be from the wrong factory and he could end up Odd-knew-where. He had to keep his eyes and ears open as he stalked from tree to tree, slipping through the grass and ducking under bushes. This left little time for thought of much else.

It was a much slower process than going through the trees but the longer he spent, the less he thought. Still, by nightfall he’d made a good dent in his journey. At one point a patrol had crossed his path but hadn’t seen him. His skin-colour disguised him against the bushes and the sligs all looked pretty drunk anyway.

Even as it grew dark he kept going. The sooner he got out of the forest, the less he would have to look back. Once he was in the factory there would be no going back and thoughts of turning and running back to the village would no longer plague him.

And he didn’t want to dream.

Once in the night he heard talking and crept towards the source. A group of sligs were sitting around a campfire, looking depressed. Glancing around the clearing he’d seen nothing to suggest where they’d come from and he moved on, not wanting to take the risk.

He kept going all night and the next day. Another night came and went. By the second morning his brain was foggy and his limbs felt like lead but he didn’t want to stop. He took the Orb out of his loincloth and stared at it, trying to motivate himself. He had to get further, not much further. Just a little longer and he could stop. Just a little longer. Not far. Not far…

He tripped and fell over onto his face. The Orb fell out of his hand and rolled into the grass. Sleep claimed him.



I changed the formatting a little to show the paragraphing.
What dya think?
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Last edited by Splat; 06-12-2005 at 06:39 AM..
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  #185  
06-13-2005, 03:04 AM
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The new paragraphing makes it easier to read. I liked the chapter. Very solem.
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  #186  
06-13-2005, 04:00 AM
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great. i think he went a bit insane in that one. I didn't intend for that to happen but i think it made it better than what I'd had in mind
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  #187  
06-15-2005, 12:06 AM
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Awesome, I love this story! Its getting better and better.
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  #188  
06-15-2005, 08:54 AM
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Yay, guess who's back Yup... It's me ^_^ And now i'm up-to-date with both of ya stories ...
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  #189  
06-15-2005, 12:28 PM
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Huzzah! Great to see ya T. It's good to be praised!
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  #190  
06-16-2005, 09:35 AM
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I've read this story right from the start and I am very impressed. I look forward to the next bit,
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  #191  
08-08-2005, 03:49 AM
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Gah! Sorry this took so long, i've had almost complete writers block for the past two months, plus I struggled to get a beggining that matched the end of the last chapter. But here it is at last! Now with sligs, chapter 5!

Chapter 5, Lost

As one learns, the middle of a patrol route is never the best place to fall asleep. Barry awoke with a yell at a sudden burning on the back of his neck. He leapt aside and the sligs around him laughed. One flicked away the cigarette that he’d just snubbed out on Barry’s skin.

"Get up Mud."

"Wh-where are you from?" Barry stuttered. He needed to be in with the right sligs. If they were from the right place he could follow them for the rest of the way. If they weren’t he was screwed.

"You’ll find out soon enough, now get up!"

Barry pushed himself to his feet, looking around the huddle of sligs nervously.

He was more than a little surprised when one suddenly grabbed him from behind and yanked his loincloth down. Another grabbed his arms and held him still as the first unfolded his clothing and shook it out. For a few seconds Barry was horrified, expecting the Orb to drop to the ground any second.

The fact that the Orb didn’t drop to the ground terrified him even more. The sligs pawed over the meat and fruit he’d brought with him until one stood up, spat on it, and threw his loincloth back at him.

Barry forced himself to hold down his panic as one of the sligs pointed a gun at his forehead while he redressed. His mind was racing, desperately trying to remember what had happened before he’d fallen asleep. He realised he must have had the Orb in his hand, he couldn’t remember putting it away. But he also couldn’t remember lying down to sleep.

The rest of the sligs were talking to each other nearby. "Well he hasn’t got anything valuable has ‘e? What dyou think the boss is after, some new fruit to go in ‘is tea?"

"Well I dunno, he might o’ swallowed it or somethin’, they’ll do a proper search if we get ‘im back. Anyway, he’s a mud innee? They’ll be happy to have the slave and enough said, even if they just send us out ‘ere again."

One of the sligs glanced at him. "Look at them scars on his face, looks like he’s been rubbing himself against a brick wall."

"We’re not all as stupid as you are Berren. Just cause you get a thrill out o’ hurtin’ yourself don’t mean we all do it."

The slig behind Barry nudged him harder than was necessary in the back of the head. "Oy Mud, get on with it or I’ll have some o’ the guys take out there feelins on you rather than each other."

Barry nodded numbly and gave his head one last fruitless search, before nodding and doing up the last knot. He prayed silently that the Orb would be picked up by a mudokon.

The slig behind him grunted and shoved him in the back with his gun. Barry yelped and stumbled froward, tumbling into the huddle of sligs. They leapt aside and he tripped over and once more found himself lying on the ground. He felt several guns press into his back. One of the sligs ran over to the one who had been guarding him.

"We thought we’d take ‘im straight back sir. It’d be to much trouble to lead ‘im around the patrol and management would go crazy if we let ‘im go."

"I know what you thought, and so will everyone this side of Sligos, the way you were talkin’. We’ll have all the savages down here in 2 hours if ya not careful. Get ‘im up and we’ll get a move on."

"What’ll they do once we get ‘im in sir?"

The slig leered at Barry. "Strip ‘im again, x-ray for a start. Then if they see anythin’ interestin’ they’ll cut ‘im open and ‘ave a look." He laughed coldly. "Wouldn’t mind havin’ a go at that meself. I can be pretty handy with one o’ them surgery knives." He mimed jabbing and hacking flesh with an imaginary scalpel and laughed loudly. The 4 of the other sligs laughed as well, Barry noticed at least one sounded rather forced.

One of the sligs over him turned to the one who hadn’t laughed. He slapped him on the back. "Cheer up Envin, only a joke." The silent slig grunted. Barry realised he hadn’t heard him speak at all.

One of the other sligs piped up. "What was that? Speak up." This time all the smaller sligs laughed, though not as loud, certainly more genuine. The leader looked angry and Envin growled again and pulled a knife out of his belt and waved it at the sligs around him.

Their squad leader spoke up. "Leave the guy alone slurgs, or he won’t be the only one wi’ no vocal chords."

He strode over, grabbed Barry by his feathers and hauled him to his feet. Barry yelped loudly, getting more laughs from the sligs, who gathered around him, three in a semicircle behind and the other three ahead. The mute, Envin, was standing close to the captain. Three guns poked Barry in the back and shoved him forward, and then they were walking southwards down the bare, treeless area, keeping towards the east side of the path in the direction Barry had been heading the night before. That was a good sign, he thought bitterly. But then remembered without the Orb they might as well have been taking him back into Glucose.

It was as they walked past the spot where they’d picked him up that he remembered tripping over with the Orb in his hands and not having the energy to get back up. The orb must have rolled out of his hands and now…

The irony of it made him want to scream out loud. Every step was taking him further from the stupid ball. What could he do, poke the slig in front of him in the back, tell him he’d dropped something and ask ever so politely if he could go and pick it up?

The sligs were walking along quickly, perhaps nervous that the natives would have heard them. Barry needed to act quickly or it would be to late and he would be made a slave for nothing.

The thought came to him. He would be made a slave for nothing, he would leave his home for nothing, leave his people behind forget everything important to him and still not gain anything through it.

Cursing the world and everything in it, Barry leapt backwards, ducking under the slig’s guns and leapt for the patch of long grass, growing in a small hollow under the tree he’d fallen down beside the night before. His arms where stretched forward; behind him the sligs were yelling. He landed on his chest and swung his arms through the grass. His left elbow knocked against something warm and round, an object that felt as delicate as an eggshell, yet so hard it couldn’t be broken with a sledgehammer.

He grasped for it. Overhead he heard gunshots and as his right hand closed round the metallic green ball that meant freedom to his race, two bullets hit him. One scraping the flesh on his back and then tearing along the side of his neck, missing his jawbone by millimetres, the other cracking into his left shoulder, braking flesh and bone. He gasped in pain from the second wound. His left arm fell limp. In a second of insight he swung his right arm, in a swift motion, down to his loincloth, stuffing the Orb out of sight and then to the lower section of his left arm.

He pushed himself up to his knees. Cradling his left arm in his right. Pain surged though his body and down his left arm from the shoulder that was itself now numb to the pain. He turned his neck towards the sligs, just in time to see a gun barrel swing forward and crack him on the side of his head.


Hope you like it, hope it was worth the wait. I'm quite happy about that one myself so I hope it's good enough to justify that.
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  #192  
08-08-2005, 07:57 AM
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Woob woob woob, new chapter! You have every right to be happy with it, great stuff! Will Barry be all right and is he getting taken to the right place? I look forward to the next chapter, keep going!
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  #193  
08-08-2005, 12:42 PM
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Weee! FInally ya came with a new chappie ^_^ Barry is very unlucky in my oppinion O_o
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  #194  
08-09-2005, 11:13 PM
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Huh. That was subtle.
Gah. Heh. That's funny.
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  #195  
09-02-2005, 09:18 AM
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Yikes, yikes, and double-yikes.
How could I have gone and not read this story for so long?
This is stunning work. Don't leave us hanging any longer than you have to.

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  #196  
09-03-2005, 08:49 AM
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Lots of people have gone so long without reading this. Heh, but its good to see you here and I'm glad to hear you like it!

I think the next chapter's about done (I can't check cus I'm at my sister's house right now), I might have posted it already but ti got deleted with all the trouble here recently. Ah well, I'll check on Monday (the day I go back to schools ), I'll probably finish it then if it isn't, I might be thinking of this one actually... I'm not sure now!
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  #197  
09-19-2005, 09:46 PM
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Hey! Yo! Goober!
Where's the story?
I would hate to have to unleash Utter Chaos on you.
You wouldn't like that.
Not a bit.

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  #198  
09-20-2005, 07:37 AM
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Sorry, turns out it wasn't nearly as finished as I remembered. I've been a little stuck for ideas for the next chapter, but I came up with something this morning so I should update soon, thanks for giving me a kick in the right direction Dave!

Sigh, I'm just not as efficient as I used to be...
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  #199  
09-20-2005, 10:17 AM
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Doesn't matter Splat, we all get like that. Other authors here, very good authors like yourself, haven't updated their fics in weeks, r in some cases, a month or two. I can wait, but I don't want to wait too much longer, your talent is too good to be not seen.
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  #200  
09-22-2005, 01:03 PM
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And Teal didn't update fools errand for over a year... grr, I just read her dauntless series and its ground to a halt at the worst possible time!

Anyway, I'll put up a new chapter as soon as its written, which hopefully shouldn't be to long. I wanna get a labtop or something so I can do more writing in my freetime when I can't get on the PC (I hate writing by hand, its very awkward).
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  #201  
09-23-2005, 03:09 AM
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Oh, man. Because of the unreliablility of the computer these last 12 months, I've had to write out a few assignments by hand. I hate it, too. The reason not least being that my handwriting is very messy.
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  #202  
10-03-2005, 01:44 PM
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At last! Sorry about the very long wait, though I think that this chapter's worth it, it's a good one. I like the end of it a lot. It had the intended effect on me anyway! It's the sort of thing that would excite my English teacher.

Chapter 6, Paths

Barry’s head swam. The pain in his shoulder was now coupled with a throbbing pain in his skull. Someone grabbed him by the feathers and yanked him up onto his knees, just in time for a fist to catch him hard the jaw.

"Enjoying yourself Mud?" He was pulled to his feet and the sligs made a circle around him again. Their captain continued, "No, don’t bother guys, he wants to run, he can run!"

The slig pulled a rope out of his pack and grabbed Barry’s wrists, his left arm screaming in protest. Then the slig tied his wrists together, pulled the knot unnecessarily tight and leered at Barry.

"Bandage his arm, someone, and we’ll get going. Old Oily won’t give us anything if he’s the wrong one and we bring ‘im in dead."

One of the sligs tied a course bandage round his left shoulder, and then the captain yanked the rope and set off at a steady run. The other sligs followed.

At first it was easy for Barry to keep up, but the sligs legs were mechanical and didn’t tire out. After five hours Barry was struggling to keep going. Every time he lagged, the slig yanked hard on the rope round his wrists, which in turn pulled on his wounded left shoulder, which ached anyway from supporting the weight of his arm. Normally he could have kept this up but having only slept a few hours in the last three days and the pain in his wounds that seemed to be sucking up so much of his energy wore him out.

It was around 3 O’clock when they began. At around 10 the sligs slowed down to a walk, too late to give Barry any comfort. The idea of torturing their prisoner seemed to give the sligs energy. Barry remembered enough of sligs to know that even they would be feeling tired now and at any other time would probably have simply slumped down and refused to go on until morning, whatever they were told by their bosses. But simply seeing him gasping with pain, blood flecking his arm and chest seemed to urge them on.

It was midnight, 13 O’clock (Oddworld time) by the time they decided to stop. Their captain had them tie his ankles together and then tie them to his bound wrists behind his back, leaving his immobile, lying on his left side, weight on his left shoulder, squeezing pain from the wound. He knew he wouldn’t get much sleep tonight.

The sligs lit a fire and slumped in a semicircle around it, between him and the flames, blocking most of the heat and light from him. They pulled out cigarettes, food and what Barry guessed was beer and talked amongst themselves for a while. Barry ignored most of what they said, until he heard a few words that caught his attention.

"Most of the sligs from the factory are out here. Whatever Gopemi lost must be worth a lot." The captain, quiet, sounding almost conspiratorial.

"Worth a lot to us," The second voice was loud and drunk, a big contrast to the quiet voice of the captain. "They won’t even tell us what we’re looking for, what does that say about it?"

"It doesn’t really matter, what could we do with it?" Another, muffled speaker, sounded tired.

"What? Take it! Sell it to the highest bidder: get a nice little sum to keep us going till retirement!"

"Like you could ever save any money!" Another slig, mocking the loud voice. "Anyway, Old Orily will dig into the Mud and find what he’s looking for."

"Old Oily? He couldn’t find a scrab if it bit his arm off. He’ll get vykkers to look…" The captain was scoffing their boss in a strong contrast to his previous voice, but Barry was hardly listening. Orily, their boss was Orily. Director Orily of Orily’s Gear-works, the factory where… where Jason had worked. The one he had been aiming for! He was in with the right sligs!

With that one comforting thought, the first to hit him in what felt like seasons, he drifted into sleep. But he slept lightly, waking many times in the night from haunting dreams of the shadows of his past.


The sun was high in the sky when Barry was jerked awake by the sligs. His shoulder now ached with pain; dark bruises flowered around the wound. His headache, he noted eventually, had packed up and given in, but it was little comfort at the thought of what was ahead. His limbs ached from being held in position all night, and when the ropes were untied and he was ordered to his feet he found his legs stiff and reluctant to move.
In the end it was a long time before the sligs moved on. It appeared one of them, Askar, the loud voiced slig he’d heard the night before, had indeed had too much to drink and was wrecked, reluctant to open his eyes, let alone move on.

Barry was surprised to find himself almost impatient with the hold up. Now he knew he was going the right way he was more than willing to get going and put the forest behind him. He wasn’t the only one; all the other sligs were impatient, wanting to move and get back to the Gear Works to have a break. Their captain was almost jumping with anger, shouting at the hung-over slig (with little positive effect) and kicking him every few minutes (also with little positive effect).

In the end he ordered the sligs to move on and leave Askar behind, lying on the ground, refusing to move. They tied up Barry’s wrists again and dragged him along, less aggressively than the day before (for which he was very pleased).

Within 10 minutes Askar had staggered up behind them, but kept to himself for the march, wincing at every sound above a whisper, eyes almost closed anyway and looking very touchy. When the captain decided to start a stirring round of ’10 Fat Glukkons Standing on a Ball’ he groaned loudly and shoved the mute slig who had been leading Barry away and grabbed the rope, yanking on it with every other syllable, hanging back to kick him and generally taking his rage out on the unfortunate mudokon.

They stopped at midday, tying Barry to a tree and having a meal before continuing. By evening the trees were thinning and Barry could see pillars of smoke ahead, illuminated by the light from the setting sun. He guessed that they were maybe a day’s walk away.

That night they tied him to a tree a few metres from the camp. They seemed to have forgotten to make him miserable in the excitement of being in sight of the towers of thick smoke that told of the nearby factories and the sligs’ home.

They tied his ankles together and left his wrists tied, and they set one of the sligs sitting nearby, who quickly fell asleep. Sitting awake, Barry risked removing the Orb from his loincloth and feeling its warmth between his hands. It seemed so strange that all this trouble to spread out from that one ball. He wondered how he’d get it past the security in the factory, but told himself to tackle that problem when the time came, as he’d always done. He looked up into the sky, trying to spot the moon with its mudokon-paw shaped crater among the stars, but it seemed hidden. He couldn’t spot it. He remembered, eventually, that it was the wrong time of the season, and neither of Oddworld’s moons would show in the sky for several days still.

He tucked the Orb away and once again fell into uneasy sleep.



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  #203  
10-03-2005, 04:30 PM
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DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!
Funny you should say survery says. There was a lot of that this weekend on my marching band trip. Band joke, I guess.
But anyhow, huzzah, hooray, and hooplah! New chapter. Nice work. Good tension builder, I think. Only makes me wonder what's gonna happen in the next chapter. Probably something bad.

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  #204  
10-03-2005, 06:56 PM
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Just as a note, I think that Oddworld has more than just two moons. I can see about half a dozen in the stockyards in AO.
It was a good chapter, though. You are an exellent writer.
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  #205  
10-04-2005, 12:18 PM
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Great chapter. It was long, but that made it better. Nice characterization of the Sligs, and good work with Barry's thuoghts, feelings etc. I agree with Seargentbig, you are an excellent writer indeed.
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  #206  
10-07-2005, 04:29 AM
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Glad you all like it, I'm not really sure what'll happen in the next chapter. i've got a few ideas, he'll probably arrive though. Generally the next chapter is still in the notes stage, but I'll try an get something up quicker than last time. My Mum's turned rather tyrannical about the use of the PC so I won't aways have time to write a full chapter at once. Its a terrible shame, but I get a week off school soon so I should get some time then (half term holiday).

I keep meaning to do some writing, not just to this. I just don't get round to it.
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  #207  
10-07-2005, 05:27 AM
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Weee I luve ur stories Will you read em to me when i go to bed??

Oh well, i hope your mom will calm down during the next couple of days
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  #208  
10-14-2005, 01:52 AM
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Me too! Actually I've bought a new PC game recently and I've developed a minor addiction so not much is getting done. I also have bucket loads of school work that probably won't get done anyway (curse you sixth form, you win this time!) so basically time is low. Bare wth me and I'll update when I get the chance. I wanna work on Amy next, but we shall see how it goes.

Knowing me, not to plan. I haven't updated any of my online stories for a while. I'm very bad.
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  #209  
10-14-2005, 08:16 AM
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So, what's this game you have?
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  #210  
01-13-2009, 05:30 PM
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Three years after this story died out, I'm back to let you guys know what happened next. Writing fiction is no easy feat, and it's always painful to come to the end of a good story or series to find that it was never finished, and you will be forever left wondering what would have happened next. I remember trying to piece together threads of Sl'Askia's stories using hints given in annotations to her art and in Teal's partner-stories.

So, encouraged by the birth of the Fanfiction Library, I have decided to write a summary of the unwritten parts of this story to let any past or future readers know where the quest of the Orb would have ended. I hope readers new and old can enjoy this conclusion and I'm just sorry I never finished it!
Of the next chapter I wrote only the first paragraph, but for the sake of posterity, here it is!

Chapter 7, Goal

It was only a few hours the next day before they came out from under the trees to a wide plain of thin grass. Looking up, Barry could see 3 tall chimneys standing over the horizon, blowing thick clouds of smoke into the air.

* * *
* * *

And that is pretty much the end of this story as it was written. The main reason it died was partly a long lasting writer’s block and also a dip in my interest in Oddworld. By the time I go back into the amazing universe that this story called home, I’d really moved on as a writer and as a person, and really by then this story was never going to get finished, despite what I told myself at the time and for a while afterwards.
But as a reader I hate to find a story unfinished, and so I now dedicate myself to telling you what happened to the Orb and its bearers; how would this story have ended?
Well…

Barry is led to the factory and as he enters he fakes one more attempt at getting away, during which he hides the Orb behind a machine near the factory entrance. He is stopped, searched by vykkers and then made a slave.

In the factory, he strikes up a relationship built upon mutual dislike with another mudokon called Frank. He generally causes small trouble, to get the management’s attention, walking the fine line between getting thrown into the caves and getting shot, and when he has the opportunity he goes to the place where he hid the Orb and retrieves it. Later, as his troublemaking grows more serious and he senses the end is near, he drops the Orb down a water overflow pipe that leads into the caves below the factory.

Eventually he pulls off a big stunt that gets him in so much trouble that he’s thrown into the caves. Unfortunately, Frank was caught up in the mess too, and is thrown down beside him. Barry tells Frank about his quest and after a few arguments, the two set off together to find the Orb and escape.

Exploring the cave by touch and hearing alone, they find the water overflow pipe and follow the stream of water that runs from it, in search of the Orb.

They loose sense of time as they walk, but many days pass and their hunger becomes unbearable. The stream gets wider as more rivulets of cave water join it and they are afraid that they will never find the Orb.

Eventually they are captured by a tribe of mudokons who moved into the caves generations ago to escape the marauding industrialists and now inhabit the caves, living in the cold and dark. The tribe feeds them fish and bats’ meat but hates outsiders passionately and plans to sacrifice them to the Darkness. The pair discovers that these mudokons fished the Orb from the stream and are keeping it as a holy relic.

With much difficulty, the two mudokons manage to escape, steal the Orb and run for it. Pursued by enemies who know the caves and the darkness much better than they do, their only hope is to reach the daylight where the cave-mudokons would never dare to set foot.

Travelling night and day and with their enemies closing in, they finally reach the surface, but as they run out from a rocky hillside into a green forest, Frank is struck in the back by a poisoned dart; a last payback from the furious cave-mudokons. Dying almost instantly (anyone who has played Abe’s Oddysee will know how terrible a bat’s venom is) his body falls into the now deep and powerful stream. The Orb, which he was carrying, is lost and Barry is unable to find it. He follows the stream until it becomes a river, until it joins a great inland sea, until the day he dies. He never finds or hears rumour of the Orb again.


Part 5 begins 10 years later in a much darker world.

Abe is dead, executed in the city of Nolybab before Queen Margaret. The mudokon’s few attempts at mustering an army are crushed and all seems lost for native Oddworld.

A mudokon warrior named Godfrey is hunting one day when he is injured and stumbles into a cold river to slow his blood flow and hopefully save himself from the wound. In the river, he finds a metallic green ball, and not knowing what he has found, takes it back to his tiny village. He and a few friends, with nothing else to live for but life itself, decide to take it to a hermit of a shaman who lives some distance away. They take a dangerous journey through industrial territory in which many of them are killed or captured. Godfrey and three of his friends reach the blind, old shaman’s hut, where he identifies the Orb and recognises that he must take it to the temple of Paramonia and activate it.


In part 6, the shaman, ancient, blind and lacking any hope for a happy future, heads to Paramonia with Godfrey and his friends as guards in the hopes of restoring peace to Oddworld.

The once great forest of Paramonia is now overrun with industrials, logging and hunting and raping the earth. They journey through the bleak territory, collecting a minute amount of spooce still growing where it can. The shaman refuses to acknowledge it but the mudokons, still possessing some will to fight, collect it and prepare it and give it to the shaman. Avoiding sligs at all costs, with many near misses and the shaman growing daily weaker, they come to what remains of the temple itself. It is decomposing, dying, being slowly destroyed by the usurping industrial world.

One of Godfrey’s friends is captured by sligs, and they are forced to leave him to torture and eventually death at the hands of his captors. Climbing higher, Godfrey himself and the other two mudokons die to sligs or to the temple’s own traps (one naturally had to go to the enormous spikey pendulum-boulders that were the bane of every AO player). The blind shaman, using the last of his strength, climbs towards the top of the temple. Alone, he finds himself face to face with a gang of sligs who he narrowly defeats using the tiny amount of spooce the warriors collected for him. In the process he looses his shaman’s mask. Alone, he enters the top room of the temple, overlooking the decrepit Paramonian forests. He places the Orb on a pedestal in the centre of the room and light like a new-bon sun bursts forth from it. Suddenly he can see again.


The shaman stands at one of the windows of the temple, looking down on the wasteland below. Hundreds of masks and metal pants lie where they were abandoned, and sligs gather near the base of the temple, sharing with each other the brotherhood and companionship that they had long forgotten and always craved. A mudokon stands beside the old shaman; the warrior who was captured in the lowest levels of the temple. He asks, “What will happen now?”

The shaman smiles, looking down on the burnt ground that was once the great Paramonian forest; “The world will heal itself. It will take time, but the earth is laid bare for planting and the soil thirsts for new life. This place will be a swamp for those below. As for the rest, we will nurture it as we find it. The creatures of Mudos will come back out of the corners of the world and will be restored to the land that was once theirs. The smoke will clear as the furnaces die and the sun will shine out on a ready world.”

“You have given Oddworld a future, Old Man.”

The shaman nods and casts the broken pieces of his mask out of the window. “Then let us be the first in centuries to breathe of free air.”

* * *

So ends my first attempt at making an epic saga. It’s sad to let it go and to an extent I do regret not finishing it, but at least now you can all see it and enjoy a conclusion that I hope was satisfying. This story will always be pretty close to my heart, as it really seems to cover the point where my writing went from somewhat childish and scattered to actually becoming solid and something near good. Reading the first section or so always makes me shudder at my cheesiness, but I won’t forget the feelings of pride I had as I churned out some of the later chapters.
Thanks to everyone who gave feedback and encouragement during the original run of this story; I really couldn’t have accomplished anything without the support I get from my readers.
So thanks for reading, enjoying and commenting.

Splat.

(Oh, and sorry Searge; I don't remember what game it was )
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