Just like how I went from cumming all over myself at Revenge of The Fallen and then did a heel turn and hated the shit out of it, I'm going to go right ahead and sway my opinion on the new Transformers feature. Because it matters.
They twisted around facts and history a lot. But it's fucking Transformers. I was a jackass to think Micheal Bay was somehow committing treason by using the moon landing and Chernobyl as reference points for his silly robot movie. Hell, I'm impressed that the guy had the stones to do that, and kind of commend him for making The Transformers themselves so damn important within the movies. Going by what was said in the first one, if it weren't for the Transformers, we would still be basically be using bloodletting and horse carriages. From what I've heard about him/seen in interviews he is an INSUFFERABLE DOUCHEBAG, but he got the recipe right this time.
Additionally, it was funtastic. It was such a fun movie. Yeah, it opens with a shot at Rosie Huntington Whitley (whitely? Whitever)'s ass. But you know what I realized? I liked that ass. It was not the worst ass to open a giant robot movie with. And that's really what Transformers as a film series is: It's an ass, but I'll be damned it it isn't one gorgeous, metallic, overbudgeted clanking hell of an ass. And it's not really like they cram that initial ass down your throat. Very little ass cramming.
Patrick Dempsey was great. So was John Turturro and John Malkovich. Megatron apart from dying was just plain rad, all rotten and infested. Some of the deaths could've been more diverse, but then again the action taking place around them made up for it. I didn't even realize they brought back Barricade (Cop car from the first one) back until after I'd seen it. The inclusion of The Wreckers (who are robot space engineers who traded in their wrenches for wrenches with guns on them) was a neat little addition, and they did a good job of establishing themselves as the tertiary 'how shit gets done without you seeing it' force.
So again, an ass, butt a nice one.
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I see you jockin' me.
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