I realize I have overshot my goal. Again.
Ok, ok. Go ahead and launch the Cool-Whip cannons. I deserve it.
Lemme just get down to the chapter.
Now, prepare to enter:
THE BUNNY ZONE
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Chapter 8: Not-So-Fantasy Land
"Hi! What's your name?"
Mitsur looked down, and saw a cute, pink, cartoony-looking rabbit. Horrified, he saw that it had a crimson ribbon in it's hair. Still, it seemed vaguely familiar-looking to him. Mitsur thought hard, but he couldn't come up with anything.
"U-uh. M-m-mitsur." He stuttered. Suddenly he realized where he had seen it before, and calmed. This place could actually end up awesome. "Do you have any friends?"
The rabbit smiled. "Of course I do, silly! I have lotsa friends! We even call ourselves a club name!"
"What name would that be?" He inquired.
"
Happy tree friends!" It said, giggling. "Although we do get hurt a lot, it's very fun! We want you to play with us!"
Mitsur's blood went cold. Things could get very ugly, very fast.
"Uh, I'll have to pa-" He started, but was cut off as the bunny, still smiling, took out an AK-47 and aimed it at his heart with one hand.
"Pwese. I insist. We insist." The sinister evil rabbit said, still looking cute and adorable. Mitsur stood perfectly still.
Holy shit. They can make an awesome thing into my worst nightmare. That button must be strong. At least as strong as Chuck Norris. Mitsur thought distantly, as he was dragged along by what looking like an adorable bunny, but was actually Satan incarnate. The AK-47 was still aimed at his heart, and Mitsur realized he had to do something before he met Flippy.
"Hey, look! Cake!" Mitsur shouted, and flung out an arm. The bunny quickly turned, but it was not quick enough. Mitsur lunged for the gun, and wrapped both his arms around it, and gave a mighty tug.
The bunny, incredibly, hung on. They rolled, wrestling for the gun. Both resorted to kicking and biting.
"Shit, you're strong," Mitsur panted. "How'd you get this tough by dying all the time?"
The bunny didn't answer. She grabbed the gun, and with a titanic effort, wrenched it from Mitsur's hands.
Mitsur felt cold fear come on as the bunny cocked the AK-47. He desperately searched his mind for a way out, and he realized he could use his knowledge of them to win.
"Wait!" He said, holding up a hand. "I just have one more request!"
The bunny didn't lower the gun, but stopped all the same. "What?"
"I...I need you to mail this letter to my mom for me." Mitsur dug in his pockets, and a envelope spontaneously appeared. He dug out a piece of old homework, pretended to sign his name on it with a stub of pencil he also had, and stuffed it into the envelope.
"Please, seal it and send it when you can," He said desperately. The bunny nodded, and put the edge of the envelope near her tongue, and swiped.
Silence reigned for a few moments. Time stood still.
"Oh, you bahtud." The bunny said, and her tongue fell to the ground, sliced in half.
Blood began to gush, horribly graphic. Mitsur tugged the gun away from the already paling rabbit, and turned away, shivering with a mix of disgust and awful glee he always felt watching the videos.
The rabbit's tongue hit the ground, still bleeding horribly. She was dead. Mitsur shot her in the head, to make sure. He checked the clip, and, satisfied it was full, moved toward the area the bunny had been dragging him.
He moved slowly, but still quickly arrived at a copse of tree around a camp fire. Around it were gathered the Cult of Happy Tree Friends.
Mitsur took a deep breath, ad raised the gun. His aim settled on the green squirrel first, because he had seen what could happen when battle began around it.
He tensed on the trigger, and fired as a deafening explosion rocked the trees.
A three round burst caught the green squirrel in the face, and it flew back, twenty feet, before the rest could jump to their feet.
Mitsur looked up, his face a mix of disbelief as the sky seemed to rip in two.
Splat, Havoc, Al, and Ghost jumped through the hole. Mitsur saw what looked vaguely like a Star Craft map in the hole before it healed over itself.
Splat wore his trench coat, Havoc a black and orange striped shirt, Al with regular clothes, and Ghost with a Star Craft-type outfit.
The four landed square in the middle of the creatures, and opened fire with pistols, Uzis, and even a flachette rifle.
The cute animals were dead in seconds, cartoony gore and blood everywhere. Mitsur slowly walked out of the trees, the AK-47 unused.
"Where the hell did you guys come from?" Mitsur asked, shouldering his weapon. Havoc jogged up, Splat, Ghost, and Al close behind.
"Glad to see you're still alive. Icono was dead when we found him. Shame. He could've been a good member." Havoc said, shaking his head slightly. Ghost spoke.
"We've been going through this paradise-nightmares, looking for people. At least, that's what Havoc calls them. He says that the impossibility button- that's what that red button was- sent everyone in range into these paradise-nightmares."
"The problem is," Splat added, "Is that we don't know what the range is. It could be the whole forum, a hallway, or maybe only your room. So we have to keep breaking though and saving people."
"How are you breaking through, anyway?" Mitsur asked.
"I made it. My paradise-nightmare included a tech lab. I started building the breaker as soon as my female friends kept showing hairy legs and armpits. It had to be fake; they're hot in real life." Al replied.
Mitsur nodded. College girls were always either beautiful or an agony to look at. At least, that's what his friends told him.
"Let's get going," Mitsur said. He gestured to the dead bodies of the animals. "Strip them for gear first. These things were planning to kill me. They must have something serious on them."
They searched what was left of the bodies, and found a pair of grenades, a machete, and some assorted pistols. Mitsur strapped some of the weapons on, and Ghost forgo-ed it all for the machete. He just smiled when they asked what use a machete would be.
"Open it up, Al." Splat said. Al took out a small, metal ball. He aimed it at the sky, and depressed a small button at the top.
The ball instantly changed into what looked like a Sentinel Gun from Halo 2, transformers-style. It fired a blue beam at the sky, and it ripped apart.
All five jumped through without hesitation.
"Wait a sec," Mitsur said as they sprung more than twenty stories up. "Aren't we defying physics by jumping this high? And how come Al was able to make a dimension shearing machine in a tech la-"
"Shut up. It's called artistic license." Al said, elbowing him.
They flew through the rip in the sky, and landed neatly on the other side.
Blue skys, sunlight, and green grass greeted them. OWF stood shining magnificently in the sun.
"We made it out! Good job, guys!" Splat said, turning for high-fives.
"I don't think so," Ghost said, pointing. "How do you explain those guys?"
A vast mass of fat, pimply, drooling boys surrounded someone in the middle of the crowd. Each of them were moaning, and it sounded sinister.
"What are they crowding around?" Al said, standing on tip-toes and trying to look over the crowd.
"I think..." Havoc began, then he went white. He turned to Ghost, who was already fading out. Mitsur realized with chilling certainty what the machete was for.
A slight gap appeared in the sweaty mass of men, and quickly closed over as Ghost made his way to the center. They waited for a few moment, and screams came from the center as the boys were hacked back.
Havoc, Splat, Mitsur, and Al quickly pushed, elbowed, and even kicked their way to the middle.
Ghost stood, a wild look in his eyes as he brandished a bloody machete to the fatties, with some laying at his feet, dead.
He was protecting a very frightened-looking Skillya, who apparently had been forced into wearing a sheer cocktail dress.
"So that's what they were drooling over." Al said. "Understandable."
Mitsur came forward, and held out his hand. "Come on," he said. "Let's get you out of here."
Havoc rolled his eyes at the obvious attempt at being heroic, which was further diluted by Skillya smacking Mitsur on the face.
"Let Ghost do it. He saved me."
Ghost took Skillya's arm, and they retreated into the building. Mitsur and Co. backed slowly away into the building, watching the fat people groan in disappointment. They securely shut the doors behind them, and shivered as the fatties quickly pushed against the glass.
Mitsur pulled up a few chairs, and the next few minutes were used to tell Skillya everything that had happened.
"Well, you go get changed," Splat said. "I'll go find some stu-"
"No need," Havoc said, standing up, arms outstretched. He grasped the collar of the cocktail dress, and pulled.
Mitsur gasped, and turned around, covering his eyes to protect Skillya's modesty, while secretly taking a picture with his cell phone. But Skillya, while at first giving out a squeak, didn't say otherwise.
Mitsur slowly turned around, and saw that Skillya had a T-shirt and jeans on. Mitsur looked stupidly at her.
"How'd that work?" He said, still stupidly.
"Well, I figured it out that you can't take your clothes off in paradise-nightmare land." Havoc said.
"Dare I ask you how you figured this out?" Splat asked.
"Uh, best not to talk about. Let me just say that my....inability to remove my clothes in a zoo convinced me it was a nightmare, instead of a paradise." Havoc said, blushing.
"Well," Al said, "Let's get going. I dunno how many more people we have to save, so we better go quick."
Ghost looked disappointed to have to stop holding Skillya's hand, but stood up all the same.
Al aimed the dimension-shredder, ripped a hole, and they all jumped through....
...And landed straight into the middle of a white room with TV monitors all around them, displaying various angles of them.
Splat went pale.
"Al, fire it up again. We're in my paradise-nightmare again. We have to leave, now."
"I can't!" Al said, frustrated. He shook the device. "It still has to cool down!"
"What? What's happening?" Mitsur said, looking back and forth desperately.
"Have you ever seen the last Matrix movie?" Havoc asked him, raising his gun and aiming all around.
"Yeah, it was total shit, with all the Agent Smi-"
"Oh." Skillya said in small voice.
"Damn." Ghost said.
Splat slapped a pistol into Skillya's hand, along with a few clips.
"You might need these." He said. "I don't know how long Al will take."
Skillya nodded, and loaded it as if she had used one her whole life.
The walls started to shake. A few TVs fell to the ground and broke.
"Hold on a sec," Havoc said. "How come we're in a Matrix paradise-nightmare? I thought you were obsessed with 007."
"Uh," Splat said. "I kinda lost interest. I started to like-"
"No way," Mitsur said. He ripped off Splat's trench coat, and saw the leather and spandex clothes.
"Great..." Al said, still fiddling with the dimension-shredder. The walls kept shaking, and they began to break inward. A hand clawed through the gap. More TVs broke.
"Come on, you have to make that go faster, Al!" Mitsur said, firing at the hand. It was pulled back. "We can't fight off Smiths, we're not some stupid Kung-Fu Keanu Reeves!"
"I've got it!" Al yelled, and fired. The hole appeared, and they ran for it as the walls broke and thousands of Agents poured into the room.
They jumped, and landed hard onto the ground.
"Oof." They all grunted. They pulled themselves up, as the tear began to heal.
"Nnnnn!" Mitsur pulled a face at the Smiths. Havoc turned around and bent over, and Splat flipped the bird.
"Sooooo....where are we, exactly?" Skillya asked behind them.
Mitsur turned around. He was dumbfounded.
"I'm...not really sure."
In front of them, OWF stretched on infinitively, and was made of solid gold. A diamond pyramid stood in the back, and everything was made of valuable gems and metals.
"I think this is a forum's admin's wet dream." Splat said distantly.
"That means one person, you know. And it can't be her. She's gone." Ghost said, fading back in.
They all looked at each other.
"Alcar."
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Oooo, suspense!
Well, there will be only one more chapter in this OWF - The Untold Legend installment.
What will happen? Even I don't know!
Man, this is so random, I like it! 
I love that so much! 
