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  #91  
09-19-2005, 12:11 PM
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Well, seeing as I got so many friendly replies, and two fics tht I read were updated recently, I decided to be ncie and gve you the chapter today. Plus, I'm really getting into writing the sotry now. Hooray for me! I've not reviewed this one yet, so it may be a little grammatically incorrect here and there, but I hope you like (but be warned, the next chapter may not appear till Friday, homework is increasing and spare time is decreasing, it was a squeeze to get this up. So, this may not be up to my normal standards, but I hoe pyuo like it nontheless. Also, big bro boogie, where have you been for te past few chapters, come back and reply to this please! Same with you odd chick, I need replies! (Well, not need, just like, as repleis can be helpful to me when writing the next chapter.)
Chapter 9: Failure Once More

“Kill it!”
The words that would spell Larry’s death rang out. Larry did the only thing he could do to have any chance of survival, he let g of the ladder. He fell a short distance (due to being over halfway down) as the bullets rang out, and luckily, as they had fired at the point where they saw him, most of the bullets mist. But only most.
Larry fell hard in a painful crumple, the searing pain of hot, shaped lead burning in his left arm, hand, shoulder, and back. It appeared his fall had caused most of the bullets to skim over him, but some had still connected. And filled his arm and left upper back with lead. He lay on the floor in agony, twitching and convulsing from the wounds, and realised that more or less half of his body was now useless.

“Hey look, it’s that guy who keeps on trying to get out, whatsisname? Lardy?”
One of the Sligs kicked him in the side hard while the others sniggered, and then yanked him up roughly by his shot up arm.
“Heheheh, got yer eh? Well, I don’t envy yer. Yer second punishment’s s’posed to be ter get yer legs broked, but yeh’ve already got one broke and yer arm’s shot, so I bet we get to use yer fer clubbing practice.”
A second Slig sniggered as he said this.
Larry looked through watery, half closed eys around. About Five or Six Sligs, probably the cleanup crew, where surrounding him, chatting, shoving him and laughing. The steam appeared to have cleared, and Trevor was also being clamped tightly around the arm by the original guardslig.
Trevor didn’t communicate with Larry at all as he was dragged out of the boiler.
‘Good.’ Thought Larry. ‘Maybe Trev won’t get anything for this.”
Meanwhile

Arthur had stopped walking when he heard the sirens, and turned to try and discern where they were coming from, merely thinking
‘Great, what now? Hopefully Abe’s broke in, that way I can frag him and get the reward, then bribe the boss so I can quit this place.’
He turned around and began to head in the direction of the sirens, soon joined by a couple of other Sligs. Well, not so much joined as got bustled long with them. They were busy chatting away about the sirens and what might’ve happened, one offered a bet, and the other accepted. This left Arthur alone with his thoughts.
‘What do I do now? If Larry’s got himself caught again then I’ll get busted down fer being friendly with a repeat offender. If he’s escaped I’ll get interrogated fer suspicion of helping hi escape. Gee Larry why d’you have to do this? You make it worse fer others as well as just you. There’s only one thing I can do, I s’pose. Become a proper Slig.’
“Ouch, watch where you’re going, dumb@ss.”
He had been so busy with his thoughts that he hadn’t realised where he had walked, he ended up walking into one of the Sligs he had been fighting earlier, that appeared to be restraining, Trevor?

He decided to start his new method now, he may not enjoy it, but it might at least give him an easier time of things. “Shut up you, I cracked you with a bottle before and I’ll do it again if yer don’t tell me what this guy’s done.” He snapped back gesturing at Trevor.
“’Ere, why should I tell you, anyway, and, ha! You hit me? Yer fergetting we creamed you before.” The Slig snapped back.
“Look idiot, I can just go to Management and say who yer not co-operating in an escape case, and then you won’t be too poplar in high places.” Arthur retorted, balling his fists regardless.
“Fine then. Well, we think he may’ve tried to help a mud try an escape. Green feller by the name of summat like Laffy. Tried ter get out before an all.”
‘Jus’ perfect. I’m gonna end up as Slog trainer at this rate. Thanks Larry.’ Arthur thought.
“Right, well, where is he then?” Arthur demanded.
“Why d’you wanna know? Not going to try and save him are you?”
Arthur realised he’d have to prove he had ‘changed’ physically rather than just verbally, so he swung out and gave Trevor a punch hard in the gut, sinking him to his knees, before giving him a blow about the head.
“Do I look like a mudlover anymore? Show me the creep so I can kick him.”
“Can’t. He’s been sent to Punishment Office ‘cause they reckon two broken legs doesn’t teach him anything, on account of having one broke already.” The Slig responded.
“Fine, I’ll deal with him when he’s back. And I swear, call me a mudlover from now on and I’ll prove you wrong, cause I’m different, and, I like it.” Arthur whispered in the Slig’s ear dementedly, kicking Trevor once for good measure before walking away.

‘Oh odd, what have I got myself stuck into doing now?’ Arthur thought.

Trevor coughed up some blood, watching Arthur walk off ‘He’s been in a fight? Well, it’s changed him, and for the worse it’d seem. Looks like anything close to “happy days”, are gone for good now.'

Larry hung across the two Sligs’ arms before the doors of the Office, knowing that he’d soon find himself face to face with the irritable, sadistic Vykker Murphy, who was head of the Punishments Office. ‘I just hope that whatever I get sentenced to isn’t too bad, I don’t want to end up classed an invalid, cause that’ll be the end.’ He mused miserably, praying that the Vykker was in an extremely un-cruel, good mood.
The sliding door of the office opened, and Larry and the Sligs were dazzled by a rather unsettling purplish light.
“Come in.” Warbled a nasal, grating voice.
END OF CHAPTER

Hope you liked, I personally think it was mediocre, but if my readers are happy, then so am I! And don't expect this chapter-a-day thing to become commanplace, this is just because I'm feeling generous.
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  #92  
09-19-2005, 12:17 PM
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No, I like it, and you left it at a nice/really horrible (depending on how you look at it) cliffhanger. o.O Arthur's do a turnabout ain't he? And poor Larry...Anticipatin' the next bit MM.
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  #93  
09-19-2005, 12:40 PM
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Well, is it really a turn around? Bear in mind that thoughts are usually truer than actions. I love putting ideas around to get people wondering.
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  #94  
09-19-2005, 07:00 PM
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I don't think that chapter was mediocre at all-it was really good. It was very descriptive, yet again, and could grab any reader's attention. Heh, it seems that Arthur is becoming a bit more "sliggy", or maybe he's doing it for a reason. Who knows? Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next part.
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  #95  
09-20-2005, 06:54 AM
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Oh dear, oh dear, looks like Larry's really messed it up this time. We're all screwed now.

Arthur! Why? You used to be such a nice guy!
Still a slig I guess, lookin out for his own skin like the rest of em.
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  #96  
09-25-2005, 07:32 AM
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:
Also, big bro boogie, where have you been for te past few chapters, come back and reply to this please!
LoL! I was pinned to homework and stuff, I didn't have enough time to fully check the fan-corner for everything, so... yea. Bla.

Anyway, I still like your detailedness.
Larry hasn't got that mucha luck left I see, and I haven'got a clue what Arthur's up to.
Keep up teh good woik!
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  #97  
09-25-2005, 12:28 PM
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Whoa, hey, whoa, hey, whoa, hey ... whoa ... hey.
Whoa.
Hey.
How did I overlook the new chapter for almost a week?
I'm falling out of sorts, it seems.
Nicely done. I'm a little suspicious of Arthur's role in this whole thing ... don't know what to make of it just now.

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  #98  
10-30-2005, 10:12 AM
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Rejoice! Rejoice my readers! It has been over a month since a chapter, but here it is, the long awaited (By some, hopefully) and thought to never happen chapter 10!
'Tis a bit short, and not my best chapter, mostly talking, but it sets the scene for the next chapter, which i promise will be lengthier and more interesting. And will feature a teensy bit of violence. Enjoy chapter 10 for now thuogh, chap. 11 will eventually arrive.
Chapter 10: Sentencing and Surprises

Vykker Murphy was the model Vykker. At least, the model Vykker in Industrialist eyes. He was grouchy, overly cruel, selfish, short-tempered, greedy, callous and profit-crazed. Again, the perfect role mode for any young Vykker. His appearance was pretty much of the standard Vykker, purple, a bit shorter and fatter than most, and wearing undersized spectacles. And today, Larry was going to get a punishment courtesy of him.
“Better behave good and act however he wants. I can’t afford to severe a sentence.”

Larry entered the Vykker’s office in pain, still sore from his mauled leg and obviously agonized by the bullets. The two Sligs threw him into the hard metal chair before Murphy’s desk, strapped his wrists down and tied his legs to the chair legs, then one moved to guard the door while the other moved to guard the Vykker, who had just risen from his chair and was peering at Larry with a malicious smile upon his face.
“Ah, the infamous escape artist Larry. Well, I cannot deny I have been anticipating sentencing you to something for some time. Now, I believe the usual punishment for two escape attempts is to have both of your legs broken, but one already is so, I may need to rethink.”

The Vykker sat back in his chair and turned it around, facing away from Larry; who currently was feeling a strong urge to tear the Vykker limb from limb, but obviously couldn’t in his current state. He kept his face looking fearful and tortured however, so that there would be no reason for the Sligs to further beat him.
‘Not that that ever stops them.’ He thought worriedly.
One of the Sligs had moved towards Murphy, asking about the punishment
“Err, sir? I were wondering, could you give him to us as clubbing and training practice? Cause I’d love ter beat the lil’ whelp up a bit.”
The Vykker turned to look the Slig in the eye, who shifted under his gaze
“No, oh no no no my silly little Slig. You see, this pest has been a great deal of trouble for us in Management, so I think he deserves a more, lasting punishment.”

‘That can’t be good.’ Larry thought ,as Murphy swivelled back in his seat to face Larry, and then stood again, scuttled around the desk, and bent down to whisper in Larry’s ear
“I know how many times you have tried to escape, you little piece of vermin, and believe me, it only takes one word to make Boss Godrar stick you in the grinder, but I’m keeping you around for now so as to crush slave morale each time you try and escape. So, I wouldn’t advise another escape, or I may just let something slip in one of the Directors’ conferences.”
Larry shivered, he knew he’d have to be very careful from now on. It looked as though he truly was unable to try and get out from now on.

Murphy returned to behind his desk, with another of his evil grins on his face.
“But enough talking of the future, now I must decide your punishment. And I think it should be I who carries it out. Well, for some time now, the few Vykkers here have been trying to develop a serum which prevents meat from going off, by numbing it, cooling the blood and basically draining all nutrition from the meat temporarily, so that no bacteria east it, and it doesn’t rot, and it can be stored for as long as we wish without the need of salting. It has to be temporary, as flavourless, useless lumps of cold meat would not sell. Now, we believe we have developed a formula to do this, but I personally do not wish to test it on our produce. So, I will test it on you. I don’t wish you to die, as a lost worker requires expenses to be paid to replace you, so you will probably survive the testing. But believe me; you will probably have some after-effects for some time after, which will hopefully teach you to NOT WASTE OUR TIME BY ESCAPING. Now, Sligs, remove the slave from his chair and bring him to the product testing laboratory, and we can begin.”
He then turned back to Larry as he was hauled out of the chair
“Oh, and believe me slave, it won’t hurt a bit. At least, not until I give you the injection!”
Larry shivered, terrified, as Murphy laughed sadistically and exited, the Sligs frogmarching him out straight after the Vykker.
~~~~~~~~~~~

You like? I hope so. Please reply, replies feed my motivation! Plus they let me know that I have an audience, if they haven't given up on this fic by now.
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Last edited by Munch's Master; 10-31-2005 at 09:29 AM..
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  #99  
10-30-2005, 02:43 PM
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First reply here and I love it! Arthur is a great character and so is Larry! I can't wait to see how the injection goes! Hopefully Larry will get out of this sticky bit.
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  #100  
10-30-2005, 08:36 PM
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You keep me waiting for a month and then throw me this peice of tripe?
Luckily, I like tripe.
Not a bad way to return. My immediate thoughts on the matter of anti-spoiling meat in a still-living creature was a sick and twisted form of eternal youth ... bah.[/speculation]
Liked the end: Murphy said "It won’t hurt a bit. At least, not until I give you the injection!"

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  #101  
10-31-2005, 02:57 AM
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At last, i was starting to worry that you'd given up on this. Murphy really is a great vykker! Not only has he got all you sadi, but he's got a rubbish sense of humor tyo compliment it all!

The chapter's formatting ascrewedup a bit in the middle and you've got a feew lines of talics that you might want to fix. But yeah, the chapter is good!

And if i had the time I'd tell you to write more soon and don't go and daisappear for so long again cause I was getting worried that this fic would be discontinued, but I don't. So, yeah.
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  #102  
10-31-2005, 09:27 AM
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Ah yes, i see the problem. How on earth i did that with the italics I don't know. Eh, I'll fix it. Ta for the compliments, at least I think that thing about tripe was a compliment? Also cool that I have a new reader. I can't work out where the formatting problem is. Could you point it out Splat? And I promise, the next chapter will be up by AT THE LATEST Sunday (I have tons of homework.) the delay was only because I really couldn't work out how to write this chapter and only really needed it as a bridge from the entering the lab to the punishment. And not so much eternal youth as eternal half-decent preserving of meat. I think.
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  #103  
10-31-2005, 12:57 PM
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That's Odd... I was reading this on school computer and about 2 paragraphs were in italics where they shouldn't be, but now I'm at home the problem seems to be gone. Maybe the thing just loaded badly at school, or the computers are just rubbish.

And yeah, I just spent 2 hours digging a hole out of the pile of homework I'm trapped under. got some of it done at last though, so I'll see I I can get some of my own writing done soon.
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  #104  
10-31-2005, 03:05 PM
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MM - Yes, the tripe bit was a compliment disgised as an insult.
Splat, come on, pay attention. MM went back and edited the post. I've done the same thing before: at some point he either forgot to or accidentally mistyped the [/i] tag, and when another part he wanted italicized later came up, he typed it right and the rest looked fine. You goon.

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  #105  
12-03-2005, 02:01 AM
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It's been over a month since I updated, but I assure you, now hat I'm back on the update wil come this weekend, whether today or tomorrow. So PLEASE don't give up on me.
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  #106  
12-03-2005, 03:32 AM
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At last! Huzzah and Jubilations! I'll have to go read back a bit, but I can't complain really. You probably haven't missed anything of my stories in that time.
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  #107  
12-04-2005, 10:09 AM
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Tis' that time of the week! Tis the tiem when i update my fic! this chapter is logner and, IMO, better quality than the last, plus it features a nie little torture scene. Hooray!
Chapter 11: Pain and Suffering

Worry. At what would happen to him in the labs.
As the Slig ‘escorts’ marched Larry to the product testing lab, Murphy grinning and making notes on a clipboard along the way.

Dread. For what was soon to come.
As the laboratory’s doors opened, and Larry was marched inside, while Murphy hobbled over to some sort of chute and inserted a bottle of some strange liquid into it.

Fear. Towards the horrors that he would experience, and his impossibility of escape.
As he was strapped into a traditional Vykker operating chair. Straps were bound tight about his wrists and ankles, more tied across his shoulders. A leather choker was fastened about his neck, and a metal head restraint jammed about his forehead roughly. The restraint was old, and carelessly jammed on, cutting his head slightly. The restraint was clamped on, and winched up slightly by a button at the panel Murphy now stood at. Larry felt his head and body straightened, as he sat there, unable to move, in utter terror.

Whatever the metal thing that Murphy had put the bottle in was, it was moving. Towards him, at a frightening pace. Noticing the end of the contraption being a long point with a slight hole in it, Larry suddenly twigged.
Ahh, it’s a big syringe...then…Dammit, I’m in trouble.
The syringe neared, the point of it inches of his neck, which was apparently the injection point. And the tip was drawing nearer each second. Larry could feel his heart hammering inside his ribcage, as the bluish fluid that was in the inserted bottle seemed to drain towards the end of the mechanical syringe.

The fear intensified. Then, Pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trevor sat gloomily in his cell, pondering Larry’s fate. He had been sent back to his cell rather than made to continue the work shift because, under directions from a Junior Executive towards the sligs, he was a threat to the work force and needed isolation then questioning.
He remained in his worry, looking up for a moment as he saw a Slig walk in, holding some pieces of paper. The Slig tied each onto a bar on each cell using some string that had been threaded through the paper, and then made to leave. Trevor, curious, called after the Slig.
“’Scuse me, but what’re them pieces of paper for?”
The Slig smirked, then walked back towards him a bit.
“Well, I don’ need tat tell ya, ‘cause you can find out for yerself. Just ‘ave a read, that is, if you can read, mud freak.” The Slig honked a laugh then continued out. Trevor shuffled over to the paper, tied to the bar, and read what was on it. The more he read, the more hi face began to show a look of distaste and gloom.
“Oh Dear.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Larry screamed in pain as the needle broke the skin on his neck, hot tears of agony flowing down his face as the point entered his flesh, before feeling a horrible liquid enter his throat.
The pain continued, burning as though a white hot poker had been stabbed into his neck, before the feeling spread around the whole of his body. Gradually however, the pain fade, to be replace with a more chilling sensation, literally. He felt his body go cold, not on the surface, but inside. It was a peculiar feeling, to have your outer body warm but your bones, blood and muscles feel iced. But soon, he couldn’t even feel that. In fact, he couldn’t feel any of his body. He felt numb, as though he he’d been standing in severe frost with nothing but his loincloth on.
Soon, more strange feelings developed. The pain returned, but in his head, and in his heart, a dull ache and sharp throb respectively. He tried to cry out, but found he couldn’t. He tried to move his fingers, but his whole body felt like jelly, and felt shrivelled and itchy. His brain processed as well as it could that this must be the stage where the nutrition is drained, but shortly he couldn’t even think, or see, straight. He couldn’t even tell if his heart was beating, having lost completely all feeling in his body. A dull pressure seemed to be beating on the inside of his head, his lungs struggling to draw breath, before stopping.
Even as he gradually suffocated from paralysis, Larry’s mind dimly registered that this must be what it’s like to be a zombie. Everything seemed to fade, Larry barely knowing he was alive, until a second injection, unfelt but felt at the same time was made into his stomach. Gradually the pressure on his head faded, the pain changing to more of a weary ache, as though he had overworked himself physically. Sight, and thought, and feeling, returned to him, warmth very slowly reappearing as well. His body felt less atrophied and he felt less ill, these sensations being replaced by a strong desire for rest, and a nausea that was nothing to do with his emotions, but all to do with his condition.
The Sligs, who had watched with fascinated glee, now unstrapped him and threw him hard onto the floor, one kicking at his ribs as well. Murphy peered down at Larry with a look of triumph, slight surprise, and a sneer.
“Well well well little troublemaker. It seems you’re tougher than I thought, and you have proved my serum to be a success. I congratulate you for surviving, but, had my formula been incorrect, I promise you that I would have informed Boss Godrar of your past misdemeanours. As it turned out correct, I’ll spare you the grinder for now.”
He turned quickly to the Sligs, who snapped to attention.
“Sligs, take this piece of filth back to his cell, now. And make sure he doesn’t leave your grip or sight.”
Both Sligs gave out the standard reply. “Sir yes sir boss Murphy!”
The two then saluted, hauled Larry up quickly and painfully, and half marched; half dragged him wordlessly out of the labs.
-----------------------------

Will Larry recover from his ordeal? Will Arthrur remain a badie? Just what was on those paper notices? Will you reply? The answer to the last question should be yes, so please read and give your verdict!
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Last edited by Munch's Master; 12-04-2005 at 10:12 AM.. : Accidentally hit 'post'
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  #108  
12-04-2005, 01:24 PM
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I'm not certified to give a verdict.
But.
This is a hell of a way to come back. It's like you're pulling me to the story by my chestplate. But you don't have to, I'm here already.Don't pull me by my chestplate, that hurts.
Anyhow, word up. Let's hope you don't disappear again.

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  #109  
12-04-2005, 02:43 PM
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Tempatation.....Rising....GIVE US THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! sorry bout that but I like and love cliffhangers.
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  #110  
12-05-2005, 02:01 AM
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Larry proves hard to kill... agian! He's pretty good at this surviving thing. But what's this mysterious message? Write more sooner than you did last time!
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  #111  
12-05-2005, 09:38 AM
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Oh don't worry, I'm back in the writing mood now. Next chapter may arrive Wednesday. The question as to what the message is will be answered, plus Max and Jeff will make a reappearance. Also Dave, if your chestplate breaks while I'm pulling you, I'll get you a new one from a corpse, k?
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  #112  
12-05-2005, 03:16 PM
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That chapter was definitely your best one, MM. The anticipation is killing me! I want to know what's going to happen! Great job with that chapter. I really felt sorry for Larry at that point.
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  #113  
12-05-2005, 04:19 PM
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:
Also Dave, if your chestplate breaks while I'm pulling you, I'll get you a new one from a corpse, k?
Ew, a secondhand chestplate? No thanks, I'll take my chances.

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  #114  
12-08-2005, 09:02 AM
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I bring chapters! Well, a chapter. also ,i've decided that from now on, I'll pst a little bit of previously unknown and miscellaneous info about either a character or the fic(s) in general. Today I bring chapter 12, and a little fact about the oddball hismelf, Jff:

Jeff's main reason to being so spaced out is not in fact to do with his upbringing, and it is not natural. Back at his orginal place of employment, before Septik Snaks, Jeff worke at the SoulStorm Brewery, which is obviously not the best place for mntal health. Inbetween the tear extracting and work shifts, Jeff would knock back a bottle or 5 of brew, seriously addling his sanity ue to its contents. However, this was not the worst of things, as Jeff unfortunately discovered the substance known as Laughing Gas, and it's effects. A combination of Gas and Brew drained most of his sanity, and as such he often appears drunk or is calm and upbeat at unexpected times.

There, something about Jeff that you never knew. Next time, a tidbit about how Arthur got his name! But on with the chapter:
Chapter 16: Consequences

Thud! Larry’s face hit the hard corrugated steel floor. “And don’cha try that again, or we’ll make sure you end up dead, mud.” Snarled one of the Slig guards through the door bars, as he locked the barred door shut. Larry was unable to reply, the blood from the cuts on his head and now on his face mingled with the tears he tried to hold back.
‘Wait, this is familiar, like the last time I was caught. I hate déj* vu.’ Larry thought. Although this time, there was no consolation from Trevor, no ironically just words from Jeff, only the anger from Max as the brutish slave shoved Larry into the far wall.
“What the-” Larry began, but was soon silenced when Max threw him down onto the floor.
“This is what’s up!” Max raged, forcing Larry to the cell bars, making him look at a piece of paper that, while now tattered and muddy, could still be read. Trevor looked in worry, as did Jeff, as Larry read on, still held tight by Max.
Upon the paper, it read:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By order of Septik Snaks CEO, Chairgluk and President- Boss Godrar, the following orders have been imposed upon mudokon employee life to prevent any more escapists:
1) Sleep will now take place with two Slig guards to a cell for the full rest period.
2) Lunch is now cut to 15 minutes, and any mudokons finished before that time report to their stations immediately. No exceptions for handicapped, incapacitated or late mudokons. Any that stay beyond the lunch period will be physically punished and put on Stockyard cleaning duty for a week.
3) Two Sligs will now stand guard at each work location within each Zulag, and they may use any force necessary to keep mudokons in order.
4) Company Policy #134, also known as the three strikes rule; is officially ended, to be replaced by Company Policy #326 aka the 1 strike rule. This new penalty means that any Mudokon in breach of 1st degree rules will be isolated with 1 meal a week for 3 months, those in breach of 2nd degree rules will be isolated with 1 meal a week for 3 months AND be put on Slog feeder duty in one of the Livestock Zulags for 1 month. Finally, Mudokons in breach of 3rd degree rules (Such as assault upon an Executive, escape attempts and persistent or organized mass work haltage) will be executed in the grinders.

These new orders are in conjunction with the new Company Employment Decree #97, as officially signed by Boss Godrar. If you have any complaints about these policies, please take them out on Mudokon Employee 230, known as Larry. We have provided his Employment Induction photo below should you have difficulty in recognizing him by name alone.

Signed
Vykker Rasputin, Employee-Management Relations.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Larry stared at his picture in horror, before he felt himself wrenched away by Max who, still red with anger, struck him down with a hard right slap. The other twentysomething mudokons in his cell had crowded around to watch, half enjoying seeing the one who had caused such strictness get injured, the other half-including Trevor and Jeff- watching in fear and fright.
Max spat a rage-filled sentence out slowly, forcing Larry back down with each pause:
“You made…our life even…harder…you ruined any chance…of getting along… in … this place…you sneaking…moronic…stubborn…p**sheaded little slurg!”

Trevor watched on, his chant-suppressing shackles stopping him from using his (admittedly incomplete) shaman powers to help Larry. So he could do little but think to himself i‘Max is started to sound like a Slig. This looks bad.’
What was worse was with each venomous insult and shove or blow, Larry gradually turned bluish, a sign that depression may be imminent. Max, not noticing, persisted, until Larry finally snapped, and he curled up, blue-skinned, in a sobbing ball, weeping with regret about his actions and begging for Max to not hurt him. This pitiful sight seemed to finally bring Max back to as close to sanity as he gets, and, rage spent, he sagged to his knees, patting Larry and mumbling that he hadn’t meant it.
Half the crowd looked relieved that the onslaught was ended, the other half looked as tough they wished Max had done just a bit more to make sure Larry got the message that he’d fecked up. Trevor noticed that they were no longer alone, that a few Sligs had turned up to watch, including, to his disgust, Arthur and Lak, who were muttering to each other and exchanging what appeared to be light-hearted apologies and acceptances. However, Arthur seemed to have a hint of….something not quite genuine about him. Whether his stance, his expression, his actions or what, Trevor didn’t know, but something was up.
“We better check on Larry.” Jeff muttered, who was seemingly in tune with reality for the moment, which snapped Trevor out of his thoughts.
“Yeah, right.” He replied, and they both hurried over to Larry, crouching down and trying to bring him out of his depressed state. Chatting amicably, giving him sympathy and encouragement, this worked with most mudokons. Larry’s appearance seemed to become healthier in mindset, the blue tone faded and he stopped sobbing, but Trevor and Jeff, and Max to an extent, knew it would be some time, if ever, before he was back to his old state.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your verdict please?
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Last edited by Munch's Master; 12-08-2005 at 09:11 AM.. : Too many zeros for a number+ bracket errors)
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  #115  
12-08-2005, 09:37 AM
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Oh dear... grinders, hey? Well, I guess Larry's in some trouble. This is about to get interesting says I.

Not that it isn't already
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  #116  
12-08-2005, 01:03 PM
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Very official sounding paperwork.
Very rough sounding punishments.
Very good use of the blue-skin=depression thing.
Very fine chapter.

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  #117  
12-28-2005, 02:30 AM
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An update after 20 days! I mant to get this and another chapter up on Christmas day as a treat for you all, but I was too busy during the past few days. I haven't managed to finish the next chapter, so I'll just get this one up now, and put the next one on in a few days. This chapter's quite brief, but it is needed to set the scene. as you'll realise when you first read the title, an awful lot has changed.
Chapter 13: 1 Year Later

A Year had passed since ‘The Day’, as the four called it. A year since the day when it had all turned around. A year sine the slig they had thought of as a friend, Arthur, turned out to be like the rest. A year since the escape that had gone so badly wrong had nearly cost Larry his life. A year since the Preservation Pills had first been tested (And were now making very good money for Septik Snaks), and on Larry no less. A year since the day when the Company Employment Decree #97 aka the 1 strike rule, had been implemented. And a year since the friendship between four mudokons had been so badly shaken by the repercussions of this Decree.
But you get the idea now, so no more ‘a year since….’ Little has changed in the running of the factory, the new rule and new product being the only difference between now and a year ago. However, much has changed for the inhabitants of the factory.
Larry, once an optimistic, stubborn, dreamer of a mudokon, who never said die, has changed. The depression, sparked by the fight with Max, has faded, but it has left its effects. Through his 3 companions, Larry was able to shake off his misery; however it has struck deep, with Larry no longer having the will to resist, t try and escape. His courage has been destroyed, and he has become just another slave, rather than a secret source of inspiration.
Trevor has grown wiser, yet weaker as well. The new Decree has made it impossible for a mudokon to live a capable life, the Sligs on guard at sleep-hours preventing Mudokons from getting rest, and the scarce time for lunch draining them of food, and of sources of energy. While Larry has been hurt mentally, Trevor, like Jeff, has been drained physically.
Speaking of Jeff, he too is a shell now. No longer the relaxed, calm-in-any-situation, carefree guy he was, he is now a recluse. His past addictions to Brew and Gas haunt him, his addled mind no longer proving a source of untimely calm. The hardships of modern factory life have affected him to the point where he is often the one in the corner, remaining quiet and still. Not in a depression, but in solitude. He brightens up occasionally, but his weakened body doesn’t do well for his conflicting brain.
Max has also changed. His rage is harder to spark off now, for he fears he may again harm a companion. He is shunned by Larry, viewed as a crazed lunatic by most, feared by Trevor and not so much ignored as treated indifferently by Jeff. Those who supported hi min the fight now steer clear of him, afraid they might set him off. This has sent Max dangerously close to depression, he is no longer a permanent reddy-green, but almost a turquoise colour, signs that he may slip into the state that afflicted Larry for almost 5 months. His physical state has drained too, his formerly bulky form now a lankier frame that shows he was once a formidable mudokon, but a harsh lifestyle has got the better of him.
But it is not just the mudokons who have changed. Arthur has changed too. He is now pretty much a ‘normal’ slig. He won’t say no to beating a mudokon, he may not be friends with Lak and his gang but is no longer an enemy of theirs. As for his treatment to our four heroes, for lack of a better term, Arthur is cold. The neutrality bordering on friendship he once shared with them is gone, replaced by a dislike for them. He will beat them viciously if they displease him, and yet, behind this new Arthur, there is still something not quite genuine.
So all in all, life at septic Snaks has taken a turn for the worst in the past year. The friendship of Max, Larry, Jeff and Trevor is hanging by a thread, Arthur has gone all-out Slig, slave life is at its hardest, and the factory is making enough money to replace the slaves who die of the conditions.
‘Things can only go up from here right?’ The 4 mudokons would each think, unknown to each other; as every day drew to a close. These thoughts occupied the minds of all four more or less every night, ‘Sooner or later, that Abe guy or someone will save us, hopefully.’ was the thought each had at many mornings. And morning it soon would be.
----------------

Next chapter up hopefully on Saturday or Sunday. Until then, enjoy, read and reply! Oh yeah, and seeing as I wasn't here on the 25th, Merry Christmas everybody! *Dances around with tinsel*
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  #118  
12-28-2005, 06:23 AM
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Nicely done. Very suspicious happenings with Arthur.
Sweet deal. Keep it up.

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  #119  
12-28-2005, 06:39 AM
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Ouch. All is not well.
As a writing tip, I would actually suggest you make your chapters longer. These intro bits are good but are better if followed by a part of the story, say if you combined this chapter and the next. Just makes it look a little better. Clearly you needn't change it now, but as a tip for the future or if you ever do a re-write, it just makes it smoother.
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  #120  
01-03-2006, 12:34 PM
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I would have done, but couldn't think of a part to the story to put in without making a huge chapter. I meant to put some in, as i know many of my chapters are too short, but I just couldn't fit what I wanted to fit in in, if that makes sense. You see, I wanted to do a bit for each character, but it'd have made this chapter very long. Slight production delay, next chapter will hopefully be up by Thrusday or Friday. And it'll be quite a bit longer. And Happy New Year everybody!!!
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