I saw Transformer 3.
Here we go.
It was marginally better than the second, but still an absolutely terrible movie. Funnish to watch, but still just a great stanking, stooping turd laid all over anyone who expected better. The girl who replaced Meghan Fox wasn't a terrible actress, an improvement even, but her and Shia Labouef's character's were just so pointless. They were only around as support for the other.
Obviously there were about 500 Million plotholes, but I'm going to avoid criticizing those for now. The first 20-30 minutes are essentially Micheal Bay simultaneously smearing cum on and shitting over the American flag. 'Blah blah blah conspiracy moon robots'. I was waiting for Shockwave to do something cool, but all that happens is he lumbers around, says 'Optimus Prime', eats a building and then gets punched in half.
Every decepticon dies. Megatron gets his head ripped off, Starscream is blinded and then gets some kind of lobotomy, various goons get blown up, etc... It leaves no room for a previous villain. Which means the next movie will either be Unicron or hopefully never gets made.
Speaking of Unicron, guess who isn't present at all? That first teaser trailer shows an old Transformer sitting in space who looks quite similar to Unicron. Nope. Instead it's just Jetfire from the first movie, except now he's a bad guy. Nice writing, Kruger. I feel mislead over this, but at the same time thankful Micheal Bay didn't get his grubby mitts all over one of my favorite Transformers.
Micheal Bay has had 3 opportunities to make these movies, he made one half decent one and then released two of the most god awful, bloated wastes of time and money in the world. You don't need to see TF3. You don't even need to think about it. Want a similar experience to watching all three movies? Get a deodorant stick. Smell it. There's Transformers. Now eat the deodorant, puke it up, and smell that. There's Revenge of the Fallen. Now rereconsume your vomit, digest it, mix the resulting pee and poo together and dump it all over your head and don't wash it off for 150 minutes. There's Dark of The Moon. You're fuckin' welcome.
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