thanx all guys!!!!!!!!! ^__^ (merry x-mas & a happy new year!!! )
ah I know it was too obvious xD
*sigh* this story became a complete mess but I'd rather die trying to write than just cancle something! ...so i upload the next one now that you don't forget it all xD (i suppose you did anyways )
i changed the plot ..a little... well.. i have to rewrite the following chapters, but I only rewrote the next 3 parts so far... part 6 and half of 7 before christmas and part 5 and the other half of part 7 this week... (i was reading FURUBA before <3 so i couldn't write hehe and i watched avatar.. there are no words to describe it ^.^... but 3D does not make a huge difference since you don't pay attention to it after a while... but still i luv i-max cinemas (we went to cinecitta in nürnberg *3* ) i'll write some more about it when i draw some fanart x3) ...ähm back to the topic xD
lets see if it still fits together xD at least my writers block is gone now... thanks to maths... <3 it's so boring that it can cure any kind of writers or art block <3 <3 <3
uhm... remember part 4 ? -01 got shot and was about to die... (i have not forgotten about it.)
haha and don't mind those names... i couldn't think of any.
aaaaanyways
enjoy
(.... 5 ....)
***
I never knew what enduring true loneliness meant, not till the day I became a Slig.
***
It’s 23:30pm and I’m waiting in front of a laboratory for my first guarding shift to start.
Nervously I swing my baton and look right and left every 10 seconds.
Time doesn’t want to pass and I feel forgotten and out of place. A moth is fluttering around one of the lights. Dancing through the dust filled air, it makes me wonder where it came from and if I ever will be able to go there as well.
Going back…
I grab my baton and smash the Moth against the wall. –But that didn’t help it either, it already brought back the memories of my past. Its wings twitch slightly as I brush it off.
I slump to the ground next to it, leaning against the cold wall feeling all empty inside.
-Empty and yearning for something that I can never have again.
***
Finally a Slig turns up.
I glower at him, my thoughts too dark to hide them.
“Are you the new one?” He asks in a suspicious tone.
“Uhm.. yeah” I roll to my feet hastily.
“Follow me… tonight we have to guard the main gate because Darko and Tyrin got into trouble with the boss again…” He rolls his eyes and lights a cigarette while he walks.
“They are two Big Bro Sligs and so 4 of us have to replace them…”
“Right now it would be a good time to escape… at least better than with the two of them…” I mumble thoughtlessly while we pass by at a sign that says ‘no smoking’.
The Slig grins and looks at me: “You know what? –You talk and behave like a Mud.”
“Wha- no – No! I only… have a really bad day… bad day.” I shake my head.
“My name’s Ed.”
“I’m Sab-… I mean 02.” I gulp.
Ed chuckles and greets a passing by Slig. -Is he already used to meet strange guys like me? Or maybe he just doesn’t care at all…
As we reach the enormous main gate the other two Sligs already patrol in front of it. They give us vicious side glances but neither of them talks to us.
“Don’t mind them… they’re always like that.” Ed murmurs under his breath. “Just don’t get too close to the tired looking one.”
“Why?”
But Ed doesn’t answer or he ignores me –I’m not sure.
“Your guarding post will be up there…” He points to a catwalk in the penumbra above the gate. “…hope you’re not afraid of heights. And give me that.”
He takes the baton from my hand and gives me a sniper rifle. “See you later…”
I look at the rifle in my hands for a moment then I slowly start to climb up the ladder. In the dark I feel even more lost in my thoughts and there is nothing I have to do either. I sit down on the ground leaning at the wall behind me and staring into nothing until I fall asleep eventually.
***
hmmmm what did happen before 23:30pm ? -> part 6 will be quite bizarre O.O
to be continued... (next part next week...or so)... if at least one person replies ^^
Aw, that is so sad! You've really caught the mood there brilliantly. Just all that's been taken from him, that he can never go back to... And smashing that moth suggests he's becoming more slig-like. How long till he forgets who he used to be?
very nice work, and the moth getting smashed really does symbolise something very dark, very grim. i was a bit shocked when i read that part, as i wasn't expecting it.
this is one of the more bizarre and abstract things i wrote for this story... ^^;
but
see for yourselves and hopefully enjoy and constructive criticism is very welcome - always! 8D
(.... 6 ....)
…I started to dream – And the whole world seemed to become a dark abyss and all my life was nothing more than a fraction of a moth’s wing beat. All of the sudden I was not sure which of the things I remembered were real and which were not…
***
01 is half leaning against the wall and half lying on the ground supporting himself with his arm.
“Are you ok?” I gasp. –Why? Why?! This is not fair! No!
He’s frozen and his expression is blank. There is a lot of blood flowing out of a tiny wound below his shoulder forming a dark puddle of blood underneath silently.
I look back to the other Slig who had just shot him, but he already disappeared.
“Hey you! Are you alive?!” Why? Why a Slig and a Mudokon for their weird twisted experiments! Shit! Why did he do this? Why does this have to happen to me?!
But he still doesn’t move a muscle, by now the blood has reached my metal feet.
-Oh no please I don’t want to live the rest of my life as a Slig! I’m not you! Give me my body back! Give it back!! You have no right! No right to die! Not with this body!
“Shit.” –He’s so brainless! He wasn’t even thinking about the consequences for a second!
-“Is he dead?”
I almost jump up as I hear the faint voice.
“What the… where are you?!”
“I’m here.” She murmurs.
“You are a female…” I adapt my voice and whisper: “How old are you? You’re almost a child…”
She shrugs. Her skin is very pale and she looks so fragile that I wonder how she could ever survive in such a place. Her big pale eyes follow every of my movements.
But then she looks at 01.
“He will die.”
“No he won’t.” I look at him as well. He hadn’t moved for quite a while now.
“HE WON’T!” –But there is no sound coming out of my mouth anymore and I can’t breathe.
“Yes he dies right now… Sligs always die when they do that to them.” She whispers, her eyes widening .
I can’t breathe and I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder. As I look down there is blood everywhere. Did I return to my body?
I look up feeling the cold metal of the wall behind my back. Cold and heavy it’s leaning against my back with all its weight.
No! No no I …won’t I will not… I try to stand up but my body is not moving. I cannot move I lost … lost it.
I get dizzier … every moment. Everything… so vertiginous those walls so close and yet so far away. The room starts rotating around me -melting away.
01 is standing there, looking at me.
His empty artificial eyes do not move as he stares at me while slowly – very gently – a strange tiredness overcomes me.
I want to close my eyelids but instead I turn back to the little girl.
“I know who you are!” I say trying desperately to stay awake. “You are the...”
She looks at me calmly while my last strength leaves my body.
Suddenly I’m back in the corridor and 01 is half leaning against the wall and half lying on the ground supporting himself with his arm.
“Are you ok?” I gasp.
He’s frozen and his expression is blank. There is a lot of blood flowing out of a tiny wound below his shoulder forming a dark puddle of blood underneath silently.
“Hey you! Are you alive?!”
But he still doesn’t move a muscle, by now the blood has reached my metal feet.
For a second my vision gets black and I feel weightless.
But before I fall I hear a faint voice that holds me back.
“Shit. -Never thought… the Fkrzzer would shoot me. So fast.” -01 suddenly says calmly and starts chuckling.
I take a deep breath and open my eyes again.
“Are you mad?! Do you want us to get killed?” I shout into the silence a weird echo follows every of my words.
After a pause he answers me with a weak smile: “You mean ‘…want my body to get killed’.” He corrects me. “But it seems you don’t care for your body much anyways…”
He turns his head slightly and looks down at the blood overflown ground. “I’ll have to clean it up myself later, right?”
“Yes.” I mumble faintly and lift him up. “Have you… have you seen that girl too? ...”
He says nothing and as I look at him I see that it is not him who I carry but the strange girl. Her pallid eyes are wide open, staring into nothing and her whole body is trembling and twitching.
>>01-E01415M778 –Failed.<< -it echoes in my head over and over again becoming louder and louder…
*****
from now on it will be easier for me to rewirte the chapters (plot-wise [yay the actual plot can start now!!! ]) but i won#t have much time ; _ ;
anyways hope it was ok (now when i upload every part in a week it is not so obvious i think ...but as a whole the story lacks a lot of things) the other fanfiction is better.
it is not so dark and boring but with more suspense and more characters. and written in 3. person and past. (the book that inspired me for this was Kafka-Der Prozess (a very boring book we read at school, that i started to like at some point i look forward to the day when i start posting the 2. story here ^^)
ok i wanted to say a lot more but i know how annoying long 'analyzing' comments after a chapter can be so i leave it all to you! ^^ -that makes the thing more interresting after all! sooooo what do you think? 8D
Very surreal... A bit confusing, but interesting to wonder how significant all that was. How much was dream-rubbish and how much actually meant something? Actually, I liked it for all that. Things don't have to be clear to be good! Daring use of confusion; good job
A little tricky to follow. Not neccesarily a bad thing, but I'm just throwing it out there. Seems to me that there may be more than science afoot when it comes to trading bodies... Like this little girl...
you know, i really enjoyed that. as i read it i sort of just let it all wash over me, and then gave it ten minutes to try and put it together in my head. i think that was a nice touch, and a successful one at that. well done.
thank you all! i don't mind if people reply late ^^ my replies are usually very late too ^__^
@ LS: -i don't upload this regularly ...i hope you don't mind ^.^
haha lol the "Thud –thud" at the beginning is kinda stuuuupid but... anyway... gyah >.< lets see what you think of it, i changed this one completely and it's better than the original ^.^ (haha yesss the original was even worse!!!)
ah btw: Tjired is pronounced russian ^^ originally i wanted to give him the name 'Tired' but yeah ...well ...now it's Tjired... what ever xD
and also: isn't it absolutely stupid how much happens in the dark in my story? there was not a single chapter where it wasn't dark at some point (or all the time)... still this is intentional. (due to two very different reasons
(hope you still can remember what happened ? )
EDIT: [whaa confusion! xD] what happened in the last 2 chapters:
-(part 5) 02 and Ed went to the main gate, they met two strange Sligs who looked rather mean (Tjired (who usually speaks in sliggish only) and Coffee)
-Ed handed over a gun to 02
-02 climbed up the ladder and fell asleep then (part 6) he started to dream the weird stuff etc..
and now (part 7) he wakes up again from the strange dream ^^
so now we are not in the past anymore
...
-enjoy
(.... 7 ....)
It was not the noise that woke me up, it was the whole catwalk that started swaying as if something very heavy had landed on it. –I’m not even sure if it still belonged to my strange dream …
Thud –thud.
–I twitch slightly. All the lights go out in a heartbeat and darkness devours the scenery in an instant.
The only light sources are coming from a small row of windows on the opposite wall and the digital clock.
Slowly I stand up and look around. Thanks to my visor I still can see something but not very much since it only can intensify the light that is already there.
I glance across the room to check the time.
The clock switches on and off showing 00:00.
Uncomfortably I scratch my neck and lean over the guard rail to see where the others are.
Am I still dreaming?
“Hey guys, was there a blackout?!”-Ed runs inside and around the corner panicking.
“Just wanted to get some brew and went down to the other section cuz the vendor was broken… I passed the hall with the Mudokon cages when suddenly BOOM all the lights went out and the cage doors opened. Shit I never ran like that before… ‘thought my right leg would fall off… darn Vykkers it’s the second pair of metal legs already!” He leans against a steel beam and checks his leg.
“You mean all the Muds are walking around free now?!”
Suddenly the tired looking Slig throws an empty bottle at Ed, who is barely able to dodge it. “Dkrnwwzzz arkrzzz strnn!” He swears some sliggish words that I don’t understand.
“What the heck is wrong with you?!” Ed yells a little blood running from his forehead.
I have a very bad feeling about the situation so I climb down the ladder.
“Hey what just happened?” I ask Ed halting between him and the tired Slig.
“The dzrrt is totally mad! –he always was!” Ed glares past me at him, who only sneers back.
“ Tjired always had been like this.” The third Slig who had been silent until now speaks up. I barely see him in the darkness. He exchanges some more sliggish words with Tjired that I don’t understand and then turns to us: “Shouldn’t we do something about the electricity?”
“We have to switch on the emergency power supply… but I have no idea where to do that… ”
“Can’t we simply inform the Vykkers?” I ask.
The three Sligs stare at me as if I threatened to blow the whole Lab up.
“Yeah sure…that was a good one… you can go if you want… I’m not going back there.” Ed exclaims and folds his arms. -I never knew Sligs were that scared of us… deep inside it makes me want to chuckle.
“But we have to do something!” I glare at them. “Otherwise they’ll all be mad at us, no?”
Tjired suddenly grabs his gun grumbling something in sliggish.
“He said -follow me-”, the third Slig explains.
“What’s it all about that weird language and why don’t you tell us your name?!”
-“His name is Coffee.” Ed informs me and follows the others.
“What am I even doing?...” I mumble to myself watching the others disappear in the blackness before I hesitantly decide to follow them.
***to be continued ?
yeah if it gets boring tell me immediately please! =)
-cuz I always had my problems with that.... >__<
Ye may be a artist :3 but as writer you do very well ^^ I like the story and hope for the next part soon 83 *gives mini pets ^^*
__________________ Lets get this head hunt started shall we? -Who are we hunting? Anything that ask us to stop liking Metal and games. -Half the world then? Shut up and get me some skulls...
sure we can help:
(up there on the left side...) you click on 'user CP'
then on 'user control panel'
'Edit Avatar'
and the rest is pretty much self explanatory n___n
and for opening a thread:
make sure you're logged in,
go to e.g.: Fan Corner or somewhere else,
click on 'Forum tools',
and click post a new thread =)
---
thanx to everyone for the kind replies <3
now we have lots of snow here (finally!) and with the snow my inspiration returned n.n
so yesterday night... instead of doing my physics homework Ö.Ö ...i wrote 3 chapters i didn't rewrite anything -I wrote totally new stuff *3*
I'm going to upload one now and then I'll wait for a week (perhaps i can write some more? ^^)
oh and about Coffee:
i always imagined Coffee having dark green markings on his skin that remind of coffee beans, thats why I have chosen the name Coffee xD
but i didn't write that he had those markings because i want people to imagine the characters the way they want to (except for the Slig who switched bodies with Sabie i didn't describe the charcters much on purpose)
in another story i once named a Slig Taco xD I think I'll even use that name for a character again someday ^^
I tend to describe the characters and the scenery way too detailed and too much...
so in this story I wanted to try out to not describe a lot (thats one of the reasons for the darkness in my story xD)
----
-enjoy
(.... 8 ....)
***
Tjired leads the way and the 3 of us follow silently.
I sense their fear.
They fear us Mudokons that much that they don’t dare to say a word. Instead they clutch their rifles aiming into the darkness ready to shoot whatever might lunge at them.
I can’t help but smirk, happy that the blackness hides me.
-Suddenly we hear something scrambling across the floor and everyone freezes in an instant.
“What was that?” Ed steps backwards almost bumping into me.
“Probably just a rat or something…” I reply, even though it didn’t really sound like a rat.
“Kyrrrz!” Tjiren waves with his hand impatiently.
As we reach him I see that Coffee is missing. “Where?...” Ed stops himself as we hear the scrambling sound again –this time I’m almost sure that I also hear footsteps.
“Wait a minute, I’ll check out who that is….” I mumble and leave without even looking at them.
“Hey wait!!” Ed yells but I pretend that I haven’t heard him. I concentrate on the sound and stride away.
What if it’s an escapee? –Perhaps I’ll get a promotion and they will return me to my body again! –If 01 is still alive.
Suddenly I halt in shock.
I can’t remember if he died or if he survived the shot.
“Show yourself you’re hiding somewhere!- Where are you?!” I exclaim, trying to make out if I can hear some more sounds.
But the sounds are gone.
It’s so dark that I can barely see my hand in front of my face.
And then suddenly… that strange feeling returns… the feeling from my dream… someone is watching me.
-“WHERE ARE YOU?!” –I spin around and aim into nothing.
No Sabie. It’s behind… behind you!
“What?!” I turn around again stepping backwards against the wall.
No, 02 you are wrong it’s not behind me. There is anything can’t you see!!!
“Stop talking to me 02! I’m not a damn Slig!” –Why is my voice so tiny all of the sudden?
-I feel that my body is trembling in shock and that I’m breathing hard. My heart…this Slig heart -it’s racing. Am I afraid?
Yes you are. There, it is whispering loudly right next to my ear. I back away hastily stumbling over these unwieldy metal legs, landing on my face tentacles.
Ghhh. I roll to the side with a stinging sensation in my face.
Stand up 02! Duty calls!
I stand up weekly and lean against the wall wiping cold sweat from my forehead.
Then I hear it again:
>>01-E01415M778 –Failed.<< -it echoes in my head over and over again becoming louder and louder…
Suddenly someone puts his hand on my shoulder.
I cringe and almost shoot Ed.
“Wow wait…02 take it easy! What the heck did just happen? –We heard your screa-”
“Don’t call me that way, Slig!” I snarl but eventually put my rifle down again. “Nothing happened. I just… thought someone was there…” I say, my eyes still firmly glaring into the darkness.
“Have you…found Tjired? Or uhm…Coffee…?” Ed asks looking around nervously.
“You lost them too?” I ask absently scratching the skin on my arm. The fear vanished all of the sudden.
“They are perhaps on the way to the power supply… we shoul-”
-“Aren’t 2 Sligs enough for that job?” I start walking again.
I need to find a way to catch that escapee…
*** to be continued?
in this part when 02 is so scared there are 2 different voices talking to him, one of the voices is called 02 and the other voice is called Sabie.
they are a little like the main characters conscience. one of the 'voices' has his native name: Sabie. and the other one has got his industrial name: 02.
they talk to each other but the main character can hear them aswell and also responds sometimes siding with one of the voices and sometimes one of the voices can speak through him.
up to this point it's not meant to be clear for the reader who or what these voices exactly are. so don't worry =)
on the one hand i try to avoid confusion and on the other hand i try to create confusion.
sorry
thanx all! =) now I could say something but for now it's better to keep quiet.
^.......^
enjoy?
(.... 9 ....)
***
“Where are you going?” Ed stumbles after me, his rifle firmly in his hand.
I don’t know what to reply.
I don’t know where to go in this black everlasting corridor.
I only can continue walking.
While I walk I forget about Ed asking me questions and the escapee and Tjired and Coffee and 01 and my old cellmates – my friends who are now my enemies… the ones I have to pretend hating - I forget about the cold walls of this corridor surrounding me, the muggy air that I’m breathing and the omnipresent darkness …
In front of me suddenly green grass, trees and plants spread out in every direction and a bird glides from the faint blue sky into the mighty forest to the right. Far away the mountains are hidden between puffy clouds and I hear someone walking through the grass very quietly and gently, hurrying away.
And I follow. The grass is slightly waving in the wind. I feel the sun on my skin and the air smells of rain…
“It’s going to rain..” -I mumble, sad that I’m not better at daydreaming, sad that the dream cannot become reality.
“You also saw the weather forecast?” Ed suddenly asks a little surprised. -“I thought I’m the only one who watches the weather forecast…”
I glance at him and nod. “Is there…. Is it possible to go outside?” –Did he hear the desperation in my voice?
“…Yeah sure… my favorite place is the roof top. –You can see the…” , but he suddenly trails off, -“Never mind..”
As we walk I try to imagine what someone could possibly see on the roof top of a giant Lab.
“You know …on the roof top-”
-I hear the scrambling sound and some footsteps again and almost start running. “Shhh, I hear something.” I interrupt him. “He’s running away from us.” I whisper speeding up even more.
But the sounds fade away and vanish again.
After a while of walking we finally reach a small hall.
“The power supply is in the other direction.” Ed informs me a little offended. “Actual-“
“Shut up!”
“What?!”
“There he is…” I say quietly.
“Who is where?!”
“Just shut up…” I whisper and add –“Please.”
Ed folds his arms and halts while I march forward to a dark corner.
Suddenly someone jumps up from the shadow in front of me and sprints to the door, ducking under some crates.
I shoot but I miss.
“That was a Mud!” Ed yells running towards the door.
If he catches the Mud first, you’ll never get your promotion 02!
I slowly approach the pile of crates.
There he is crouching on the floor, his back tightly pressed to the crates. He stares at me without moving. And suddenly I see that it is one of my cellmates who I followed all the time.
“Nat is that… you?” I whisper feeling my heart sink.
Nat doesn’t move. He just stares at me in fear.
I look up to Ed and clear my throat: “He’s gone.”
“What do you mean he’s gone?”
“I don’t know he vanished…” I lie, glancing at Nat. “Come over and see it yourself.” -I push my luck.
“You followed him all the time, and now you lose him when he’s right in front of your tentacles?!”
“You didn’t even know I was following him so don’t -”
Suddenly all the lights flicker and switch on again, illuminating every corridor and hall with their artificial light.
***
to be co-ntin-u-ed ---?---
2 days ago i read this whole story and remarked that the beggining was good but I became worse at writing xD and I also remarked how short it is I thought it was much longer xD however I try to improve...
..my final exams (Abitur) of my final schoolyear will be in april and june and actually I should be learning right now for them and a lot more xD
so if I'm not online very often or don't update or reply you know why ...
I have returned!
And I really enjoyed these last few chapters. I liked the discussion interaction between the sligs, and 02's continuing confusion about who he is. T'was good.
Wow, this has been really good - I only just realised that the last time I commented was ages ago ^^;
I really like the whole multiple personalities idea, it adds to the creepiness this whole story has. I also liked the talk between the Sligs, 02 can seem to fit in until he thinks about what he's saying and snaps back into mudokon mode.
:
and that was a very risky move he made with Nat, it could so easily have gone wrong.
It could still go wrong, right? I mean the lights have come back on...but we don't know whether Nat got away or not. He could still be sat there right in front of Ed xD
)
i don't mind if people reply late ^^ my replies are usually very late too ^__^ 
