The Joke thread -

***Nate*** · #31 09-05-2009, 06:40 PM

:

I'm still waiting for immunity on racist and dead baby jokes.

Feel free to continue waiting. I hope you don't have any pressing appointments in the next decade or so.

:

Nate; couldn't it just have been an orange parrot?

Perhaps. But that wouldn't have been all that amusing now would it?

used:) · #32 09-05-2009, 06:56 PM

What's red, white, and screaming?

A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

Ridg3 · #33 09-06-2009, 04:58 AM

After the incident where Kerry Katona appeared on ITV's This Morning, the media reports that she didn't look to be in satisfactory condition.

I'll second that; She's still breathing.

EDIT: Kerry Katona - "I'LL DIE YOUNG"

Carlsberg don't do headlines but if they did............

Munch's Master · #34 09-06-2009, 05:44 AM

I don't get why we're not allowed the politically incorrect jokes. I don't know many but I'd be ok with people telling them- getting offended over humour is a stupid thing to be offended about as it's not meant in a mean spirited way. If it were up to me I'd go for immunity on it but..

***Nate*** · #35 09-06-2009, 05:48 AM

:

I don't get why we're not allowed the politically incorrect jokes. I don't know many but I'd be ok with people telling them- getting offended over humour is a stupid thing to be offended about as it's not meant in a mean spirited way. If it were up to me I'd go for immunity on it but..

Yes, but everyone says that until the joke is about them. Then they realise how unpleasant it feels.

squeak117 · #36 09-06-2009, 06:02 AM

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

"Hold on to your nuts."

MA · #37 09-06-2009, 06:06 AM

i kept telling this down the pub until everyone had heard it. it pisses everyone off now.

i walked past my mates house when i saw a couple of yobbo's trying to steal his gate. i really wanted to stop them, but i didn't want to say anything in case they took A-FENCE.

got that off an ex-miner.

Munch's Master · #38 09-06-2009, 06:19 AM

:

Yes, but everyone says that until the joke is about them. Then they realise how unpleasant it feels.

I tell those jokes about myself. I have a very self-depricating sense of humour, and I truly am not arsed about offensiveness- nothing offends me unless its mean spirited, then its just being a douche for the sake of being a douche, with no beneficial purpose. If it isn't funny i'm not offended but don't particularly like it.

MeechMunchie · #39 09-06-2009, 07:19 AM

A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his trousers. The barman asks: 'What's that doing down your trousers?' The man replies: 'Yeah, its driving me nuts.'

Sekto Springs · #40 09-06-2009, 08:30 AM

Nate, who here is black and/or a dead baby?
Politically incorrect jokes are God's gift to those of us who are white, not retarded, and have all our limbs. I think this community is made up of enough good-natured people that even if a joke was aimed in their direction, they could take it on the chin, or better yet, strike back with something twice as witty. Its all in good fun, you know.

How much aloof gay-bashing goes on here? For srs. Has it once pissed anyone off? If so, then grow a thicker skin. Granted there's a difference between jocular larfs and, say, what Dancing Steef believed. But all this is meaningless because I don't have any gay jokes to make and I love all you homos.

Also, I have no jokes about nationalities either, if that's whats worrying you. Besides, Gabe got to make Helen Keller jokes - and those are politically incorrect as it gets. At least I was kind enough to ask first. Nate, I know your intentions are good, but pulling the whole "Holier than thou" thing in a forum like this will get you nowhere

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a women

Why can't Ray Charles read?
Because he's black

moxco · #41 09-06-2009, 12:43 PM

:

Nate, who here is black and/or a dead baby?
Politically incorrect jokes are God's gift to those of us who are white, not retarded, and have all our limbs. I think this community is made up of enough good-natured people that even if a joke was aimed in their direction, they could take it on the chin, or better yet, strike back with something twice as witty. Its all in good fun, you know.

How much aloof gay-bashing goes on here? For srs. Has it once pissed anyone off? If so, then grow a thicker skin. Granted there's a difference between jocular larfs and, say, what Dancing Steef believed. But all this is meaningless because I don't have any gay jokes to make and I love all you homos.

Also, I have no jokes about nationalities either, if that's whats worrying you. Besides, Gabe got to make Helen Keller jokes - and those are politically incorrect as it gets. At least I was kind enough to ask first. Nate, I know your intentions are good, but pulling the whole "Holier than thou" thing in a forum like this will get you nowhere

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a women

Why can't Ray Charles read?
Because he's black

You're a dick.

Sekto Springs · #42 09-06-2009, 12:47 PM

I'm a realist.

squeak117 · #43 09-06-2009, 01:40 PM

What did Helen Keller get for christmas?

Cancer.

shaman · #44 09-06-2009, 01:44 PM

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them collapses, ceases to breathe and lies perfectly still.

His friend, terrified, rings the emergency services and asks for an ambulance. When he gets a reply he shouts.

"Help! My friend has collapsed and isn't breathing, i think he's dead!"

The reply comes. "Calm down sir, First make sure he's dead"...

There is silence, followed by a gunshot. The hunter then gets back on the phone and says...

"Ok ... now what!?

***Alcar*** · #45 09-06-2009, 05:12 PM

Who the fuck is Helen Keller?

Alcar...

Sekto Springs · #46 09-06-2009, 05:27 PM

Wikipedia.

Alcar...

Majic · #47 09-06-2009, 07:41 PM

Women's rights

used:) · #48 09-06-2009, 07:45 PM

What do you call rape?

A damn good time.

Majic · #49 09-06-2009, 08:05 PM

:

What do you call rape?

A damn good time.

Personally, I was just going to go with surprise sex. That answer is equally appropriate though, if I do say so myself.

Sekto Springs · #50 09-06-2009, 08:10 PM

You can't spell 'amusement' without 'semen'.

moxco · #51 09-07-2009, 04:27 AM

:

Two hunters are in the woods, suddenly one of them collapses, ceases to breathe and lies perfectly still.

His friend, terrified, rings the emergency services and asks for an ambulance. When he gets a reply he shouts.

"Help! My friend has collapsed and isn't breathing, i think he's dead!"

The reply comes. "Calm down sir, First make sure he's dead"...

There is silence, followed by a gunshot. The hunter then gets back on the phone and says...

"Ok ... now what!?

Your supposed to cover the whole punchline with spoiler tags otherwise there's no point.

shaman · #52 09-07-2009, 04:54 AM

:

Your supposed to cover the whole punchline with spoiler tags otherwise there's no point.

I was under the impression that what i covered was the punchline. At least when i first read the joke, i wasn't able to anticipate what happened until i read that.

moxco · #53 09-07-2009, 01:57 PM

Oh, well i thought it was obvious.

Josh · #54 09-07-2009, 10:28 PM

No + Rohypnol = Yes

Jack Tweed walks in to a library and asks for a book on spiritualism.

The librarian says; "Fuck off, you might bring her back."

Leto · #55 09-07-2009, 11:42 PM

OANST once posted this eons ago, which provided years worth of lulz.

What do you get from a dead baby?
An erection.

moxco · #56 09-07-2009, 11:46 PM

OANST, you should be a comidian. lol

OANST · #57 09-08-2009, 06:16 AM

:

OANST once posted this eons ago, which provided years worth of lulz.

What do you get from a dead baby?
An erection.

It's "What do you get when you stab a baby".

moxco · #58 09-08-2009, 12:37 PM

Lol. Have you got any other sick jokes like the 8 year-old chinese boy one and the dead baby one?

OANST · #59 09-08-2009, 12:46 PM

What's the worst thing about having a four year old girlfriend?

Getting the blood off of your clown costume.

moxco · #60 09-08-2009, 09:34 PM

Okay. That one I didn't laugh at all. I vomited.