A day in the life of oddworld. -

BlackVenom · #31 06-11-2009, 12:11 AM

Nice story mate! Keep up the great work!
Great detail, I can almost picture I'm right there now!

Rampage48 · #32 06-11-2009, 12:18 AM

Thanks man.

Rampage48 · #33 06-11-2009, 08:14 PM

Chapter 5:Out Of The Cave Into Necrum.

"Oh my god i just wish i was still at home." Ramp said to himself. He felt around and started walking around. He stepped on something and heard a popping squish noise. "Eh what did i step on." He said. He heard footsteps. "Whos there?" More footsteps. "Come out now!" Ramp yelled. Just then a creature that was about the same height as him walked out of a shadow. It was blue,Had Orangish yellow eyes,A brown pony tail,A hand with 3 fingers On each had was a black scar,And another scar on the chest,And a loincloth. "Hello." It said. Ramp's Eyes widened. This thing was a little bit weirder than stranger. "Um Hi?" Ramp said.
"Who are you?" He said. "My Names Abe." Said the creature. "Whats yours?" "Um Ramp." Said Ramp. "what are you?" He also added. "Well im a Mudokon." Said Abe. "Well can you help me out of here?" Said Ramp. "Follow me." Abe said. And so they walked for about 5 minutes and came into a land. It looked like a desert sort of. "This is Necrum. Its were we come to bury our bones."said Abe. "But not anymore." Abe said while pointing to a sign that had a weird logo on it and it said:Soulstorm Brewery,Now Open. "Well thats um....Odd." Said Ramp looking at the Industrial sign in the middle of nature."Doesnt fit too well now does it."Ramp said with a small laugh. Abe chuckled but Was serious again. "They Capture us. And make us work against our will. And if we screw up..." Abe Paused. "They Kill us." Ramp stopped laughing and Was completly focused on the situation.

Rampage48 · #34 06-11-2009, 08:43 PM

(Bump)

MA · #35 06-13-2009, 07:04 AM

i'm reading. good work, and dont worry about not having ideas. i myself was writing Glory Slig for just over a year before i finished it, with spaces in between. you eventually come up with something.

good work mate!

joshkrz · #36 06-13-2009, 07:10 AM

More please, 10/10 I love the fact it's like the game but with little extras.

Rampage48 · #37 06-13-2009, 07:48 AM

Yeh Josh,I was kinda going for that. Im glad people appreciate it.I posted the first chapter on a differnt site just to see what they thought and these were some of the comments i recieved:
Blows get out of here
What the hell are you talking about?
FAIL!
Learn how to write, Noob.

Well atleast you guys appreciate it. And this story is only on the oddworld forums.

joshkrz · #38 06-13-2009, 07:56 AM

I hate elitism.

Rampage48 · #39 06-13-2009, 07:57 AM

Don't we all?

joshkrz · #40 06-13-2009, 08:02 AM

Not the elitists.

Rampage48 · #41 06-13-2009, 08:03 AM

Oh yeah. Im typng the next chapter right now.

Rampage48 · #42 06-13-2009, 08:13 AM

Chapter 6: Planning

"Oh." Said Ramp. Feeling bad for him. "Is there anyway i can help?" He suggested. "Well..."Said Abe. "I need to sneak in there and save my fellow Mudokons. But first we need to get there." Abe said. "Well how?" Asked Ramp. Well we just cant go through the main gate. We will be killed."Stated Abe. Ramp gulped. "But I have another way." "Does it involve getting Killed?" Asked Ramp. "Well its Risky but we have to do it." Abe said. Ramp wasnt sure what he was getting himself into but he knew it probably wouldnt be good. "Ok ill help." He heard the words escape his lips. He kind of wishes he didnt say it. "Great!" Said Abe. "First we need to go through the Feeco Depot. Then through the Slig barracks,Then we get to the brewery." Abe said. "and we have to try to rescue any mudokons we find." Abe finished. Ramp thought to himself"Why does this stuff always happen to me?"

Rampage48 · #43 06-13-2009, 10:19 AM

(bump)

MA · #44 06-13-2009, 10:25 AM

what other site was this?

Rampage48 · #45 06-13-2009, 10:26 AM

Well i deleted it off of it already but i put in the title DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU KNOW WHAT ODDWORLD IS! um i actully forgot i havent been to it in a while.

joshkrz · #46 06-13-2009, 10:28 AM

:

(bump)

Your thread isn't off the front page yet, that's violation of rules. Also you can only do it twice, do don't do it again or fear the wrath of Splat.

Rampage48 · #47 06-13-2009, 10:30 AM

Oh sorry.

Rampage48 · #48 06-13-2009, 08:46 PM

Ok guys sorry for the double post but,The story might slow down because im doing these things:
1: Helping JoshKrz with his flashgame(Storyline)
2: Still planning for more chapters.
3: Drawing oddworld stuffs.
4: busy helping my friends record their youtube series.

So sorry guys if theres a short delay between chapters.

Thanks!

-Ramp

joshkrz · #49 06-14-2009, 02:33 AM

:

Ok guys sorry for the double post but,The story might slow down because im doing these things:
1: Helping JoshKrz with his flashgame(Storyline)
2: Still planning for more chapters.
3: Drawing oddworld stuffs.
4: busy helping my friends record their youtube series.

So sorry guys if theres a short delay between chapters.

Thanks!

-Ramp

Oh, by all means make this story your priority. The story is needed in no rush.

Rampage48 · #50 06-14-2009, 10:39 AM

Ok if you want me too.

Rampage48 · #51 06-17-2009, 01:09 PM

Chapter 7:Fleech [phl-Ã«Ã«-chÃ»h]

Abe and Ramp were walking around Necrum. When suddenly Abe said "Wait." "Why?" Asked Ramp. Abe pointed to a Green worm like creature. "A worm?" Asked Ramp. "Actully its a Fleech." Said Abe. "They are very deadly."He also added. "How can that thing be deadly?" said Ramp. "Well it just is!" Said Abe some anger in his voice. "Ok Sorry." Said Ramp. "Its alright. But its in our way." said Abe pointing to a door behind the fleech. "Here i think i know how to get rid of it." Said Ramp as he ran at it about to punt it. Just then it opened its mouth, as a huge razor sharp tounge came out and hit Ramp on the arm. Ripping a part of his sleeve showing a Bloody cut. "AHH!!!!" Yelled Ramp as he clutched his arm in pain. Abe walked over to him. Stood directly next to him and started chanting. They soon became invisible. they walked past the Fleech into the door. It was a small Temple with a statue and a small stone with a handprint like Abe's on it. As they reappeared, Abe walked over to the stone and put his hand on it. Ramp Sat down and looked at his arm. Blood dripping from it. He ripped a piece of his other sleeve and tied it around his wound. Wondering what would happen next.

joshkrz · #52 06-17-2009, 01:11 PM

Great man, you word it perfectly.

Rampage48 · #53 06-17-2009, 01:24 PM

Thanks Josh.

Rampage48 · #54 06-19-2009, 09:13 PM

Ok guys i cant really continue without figuring out one fact:Is it mudomo vaults that have scrabs or is it the other one?

joshkrz · #55 06-20-2009, 03:48 AM

Mudomo is Paramites, Mundunchee is Scrabs.

Rampage48 · #56 06-20-2009, 10:45 AM

Thanks.

Rampage48 · #57 06-28-2009, 07:42 PM

Ok guys sorry for double post but not sure if this story is going well so its on the verge of death. Unless some awesome ideas strike me right now this story may die...

Rampage48 · #58 07-06-2009, 06:29 PM

Sorry for triple post just adding on to story.

Chapter 8:Scrab's

As soon as abe walked back to Ramp he helped him up. "Ok so we have to go that way." Abe said pointing to a door. So they walked through the door and found a small little hole in the ground. Next to it was a cliff. The hole was shooting out a lot of air pressure. While the cliff was a simple drop down. Next to the hole there was a sign that said "Mudomo Vaults." Next to the cliff, there was a sign that said "Mundunchee Vaults." "Follow me." Abe said. So Ramp followed. As they walked toward the small cliff Ramp looked over the edge. He looked at the drop. It was maybe about 10 feet off the ground. "Um do we really have to do this?" Ramp said moderatly nervous. "just go." Abe said as he pushed Ramp off. "AGHHHHH!" were what escaped Ramp's mouth. He hit the ground with a loud THUD! He blacked out for a minute. Then thought about everything thats happened so far. Suddenly he felt the ground shaking. When he opened his eyes he saw a orange creature with 4 legs. a huge beak and no eyes. It schreeched into the air and started charging him. Ramp's eyes wide open, he got up and started sprinting for his life. He looked and saw Abe on a platform just ahead of him. He continued running. The creature about 4 feet behind him. He jumped with his hands out. Ramp grabbed the platform and pulled himself up just as the creature smashed into a wall. It started screeching again. "What....Was ...That..?" Ramp said half out of breath. "That is a Scrab." "And they will eat you if they get the chance." Abe said.

Crashpunk · #59 07-20-2009, 04:40 AM

I'm not a mod but haven't you heard of Double posting?

Rampage48 · #60 07-20-2009, 05:26 AM

Ahem didnt you see meh say sorry for teh double post.