The Joke thread -

Josh · #**391** 03-06-2010, 10:35 AM

The new Microsoft advert shows a man using the 'private browsing' function of Internet Explorer to order his wife jewellery...

Yes, I'm sure that's what we're all using it for.

shaman · #**392** 03-07-2010, 12:27 PM

AND NOW FOR A JOKE THAT ONLY SMART PEOPLE WILL GET.

What's the worst thing to put near a Tokomak?

A Luddite

***Nate*** · #**393** 03-07-2010, 04:43 PM

Erm... did you mean a Tokamak?

All of which reminds me of the line from the Tripod song:
Here is a joke for the very well read;
Just like Thomas More, we give good head.

MeechMunchie · #**394** 03-08-2010, 07:43 AM

I had a blind date once. Her name was

Ridg3 · #**395** 03-08-2010, 12:52 PM

Her name was Vjubie?

Grieva · #**396** 03-08-2010, 01:07 PM

no it was Julie

, ur monitors not bumpy enough

Gwan-Thwei · #**397** 03-08-2010, 05:49 PM

OH MY GOD THANK YOU ALL FOR BRINGING THIS BACK I COULDN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE!
Okay, so there's this lizard in Australia crawling around and he sees a Koala smoking pot in a tree.
"Hey, what are you doing? Don't you only eat Eucalyptus or something?" asks the lizard
"Naw, man, this shit is great, you got to have some."
So the lizard takes a joint and they both start to get high, when all of the sudden the lizard gets really thirsty. "I'm gonna go get a drink and stuff," says the lizard drowsily before falling out of the tree in his quest for water.
The lizard finds a watering hole and meets a crocodile. the crocodile is so surprised that the lizard's eyes are so red. "hey, are you okay?" asks the crocodile.
"Yeah, I'm just smoking doobies with my friend the Koala."
"The Koala smokes pot?"
"yeah, man, I've never seen anything so strange." the lizard goes back to drinking. The crocodile wonders if the lizard is just hallucinating, so he goes over to the tree to see if there really is a koala smoking pot in the tree.
"Hey, Koala, is that you?" asks the crocodile.
The koala looks down and screams "HOLY SHIT DUDE HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK???"

Taco · #**398** 03-09-2010, 02:47 AM

:

AND NOW FOR A JOKE THAT ONLY SMART PEOPLE WILL GET.

What's the worst thing to put near a Tokomak?

A Luddite

:

Erm... did you mean a Tokamak?

All of which reminds me of the line from the Tripod song:
Here is a joke for the very well read;
Just like Thomas More, we give good head.

OANST · #**399** 03-09-2010, 05:58 AM

:

OH MY GOD THANK YOU ALL FOR BRINGING THIS BACK I COULDN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE!
Okay, so there's this lizard in Australia crawling around and he sees a Koala smoking pot in a tree.
"Hey, what are you doing? Don't you only eat Eucalyptus or something?" asks the lizard
"Naw, man, this shit is great, you got to have some."
So the lizard takes a joint and they both start to get high, when all of the sudden the lizard gets really thirsty. "I'm gonna go get a drink and stuff," says the lizard drowsily before falling out of the tree in his quest for water.
The lizard finds a watering hole and meets a crocodile. the crocodile is so surprised that the lizard's eyes are so red. "hey, are you okay?" asks the crocodile.
"Yeah, I'm just smoking doobies with my friend the Koala."
"The Koala smokes pot?"
"yeah, man, I've never seen anything so strange." the lizard goes back to drinking. The crocodile wonders if the lizard is just hallucinating, so he goes over to the tree to see if there really is a koala smoking pot in the tree.
"Hey, Koala, is that you?" asks the crocodile.
The koala looks down and screams "HOLY SHIT DUDE HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK???"

I'm sad to say that I actually laughed at this.

shaman · #**400** 03-09-2010, 10:04 AM

:

I'm sad to say that I actually laughed at this.

I just wanted to curl up in the corner.

Josh · #**401** 03-09-2010, 10:13 AM

I have an addiction to Cheddar cheese.

Although it's only mild.

shaman · #**402** 03-09-2010, 10:35 AM

I invited an impotent man to a party, but he couldn't come.

Gwan-Thwei · #**403** 03-09-2010, 02:39 PM

LOLOLOLOLOLOL couldn't come....
Ah, now I can only think of Chuck Norris jokes and Yo mama jokes. Damn.
NO WAIT I GOT ONE...
Okay, so there's this elementary school teacher who told the class that People were the only animals that stuttered.
A little girl raised her hand "I once had a kitty cat who stuttered!" she protested.
The teacher let her talk because she knew how cute some of these stories could be. "Well, what happened?"
"There was this big dog that the neighbors had that jumped over our fence and started barking at my kitty, but all my kitty could say was 'FFFFFF! FFFFFFF! FFFFFF!' And before she could say 'FUCK!!!!' the big dog killed her."
The teacher had to leave the classroom.

OANST · #**404** 03-09-2010, 02:44 PM

Goddamnit. I laughed at that one, too. The fuck is wrong with me today?

Gwan-Thwei · #**405** 03-09-2010, 03:04 PM

There are only 11 times when the word FUCK has been socially acceptable...
11. What the Fuck do you mean we are Sinking???
Captain of the Titanic, 1912
10. What the Fuck was that???
Mayor of Heroshima,1945
9.Where the Fuck did all those Indians come from?
Custer, 1877
8.Any Fucking idiot could understand that.
Eienstien,1938
7.It does SO Fucking look like her!!!
Picasso,1926
6.How the Fuck did you work that out?
Pythagoras,126 BC
5.You want WHAT on the Fucking Ceiling?
Michalangelo,1566
4.Where the Fuck are we?
Amelia Earhart, 1937
3.Scattered Fucking Showers, my ass!
Noah,4314 BC
2.Aw, C'mon, who the Fuck's gonna find out?
Bill Clinton, 1998
1.Jeez, I didn't think they'd get this Fucking mad!
Sadam Hussein, 2003

Josh · #**406** 03-09-2010, 10:18 PM

12. Fuck.
Josh, 2010

Wings of Fire · #**407** 03-10-2010, 03:52 AM

What's a Heroshima?

enchilado · #**408** 03-10-2010, 04:10 AM

A shemale hero.

***Nate*** · #**409** 03-10-2010, 04:12 AM

:

Heroshima?

That is the one typo you decided to call out?

Wings of Fire · #**410** 03-10-2010, 04:24 AM

Eienstien tickled my funnybone too.

enchilado · #**411** 03-10-2010, 04:26 AM

There are only 11 times when the word FUCK has been socially acceptable...
11. What the Fuck do you mean, we are sinking?
Edward Smith, captain of the Titanic, 1912
10. What the Fuck was that?
Senkichi Awaya, Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945
9.Where the Fuck did all those Native Americans come from?
General George Custer, 1877
8.Any Fucking idiot could understand that.
Albert Einstein, 1938
7.It does SO Fucking look like her!
Pablo Picasso, 1926
6.How the Fuck did you work that out?
Pythagoras, 126 BC
5.You want WHAT on the Fucking ceiling?
Michelangelo,1566
4.Where the Fuck are we?
Amelia Earhart, 1937
3.Scattered Fucking Showers, my arse!
Noah, 4314 BC
2.Aw, c'mon, who the Fuck's gonna find out?
Bill Clinton, 1998
1.Jeez, I didn't think they'd get this Fucking mad!
Saddam Hussein, 2003

EDIT: And bloomin' WoF posted.

Wings of Fire · #**412** 03-10-2010, 04:30 AM

An Heroshima.

***Nate*** · #**413** 03-10-2010, 01:33 PM

Heyheyhey... hold on a tick. My post was directed at WoF's selective callout, not a trumpet for a Grammar Crusade.

Play nice.

Ridg3 · #**414** 03-10-2010, 01:47 PM

:

Eienstien tickled my funnybone too.

Einstein tickled my manbone after I visited him in the "If you had a Time Machine" thread...

enchilado · #**415** 03-10-2010, 11:34 PM

I found out today that Einstein has no brain.

MeechMunchie · #**416** 03-11-2010, 08:03 AM

:

9.Where the Fuck did all those Native Americans come from?
General George Custer, 1877

I doubt Custer would have called them that.

OddjobAbe · #**417** 03-11-2010, 08:08 AM

Custer was a complete fucking bastard. Crazy Horse was tonnes better.

I did have a joke, but I've forgotten it.

enchilado · #**418** 03-11-2010, 11:56 AM

A man walks into a zoo. There's nothing there but one dog. It was a shih-tzu.

OddjobAbe · #**419** 03-11-2010, 11:58 AM

Of course. Dearest apologies.

MA · #**420** 03-11-2010, 06:17 PM

:

Custer was a complete fucking bastard. Crazy Horse was tonnes better.

I did have a joke, but I've forgotten it.

i love that song.
GET IT?