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  #391  
04-27-2011, 03:35 PM
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I'm gay now.



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  #392  
04-27-2011, 03:40 PM
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:
I'm gay now.
Welcome to the club
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  #393  
04-29-2011, 10:36 AM
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This is about sex not food. Although the two can go together.
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  #394  
04-29-2011, 10:38 AM
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This is about sex not food. Although the two can go together.
Does sucking penis put you off of eating for a while? It seems like it would.
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  #395  
04-29-2011, 10:59 AM
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Only when I swallow.
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  #396  
04-29-2011, 11:11 AM
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:
This is about sex not food. Although the two can go together.
we'd better listen to the mod, guys.


oh wait.




let's not.
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  #397  
04-29-2011, 11:12 AM
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I wasn't trying to be a mod. I just wanted to make that little joke that sex and food can go together.
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  #398  
04-29-2011, 11:28 AM
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hilarious.
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  #399  
04-29-2011, 12:12 PM
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:
I just wanted to make that little joke that sex and food can go together.


Never been to Blackpool then?

EDIT: 'Sweet and Sexy'
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Last edited by Crashpunk; 04-29-2011 at 12:16 PM..
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  #400  
04-29-2011, 12:16 PM
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Damn! I want one of those. Only to eat!
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  #401  
04-29-2011, 12:19 PM
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Damn! I want one of those. Only to eat!
Of course only to eat. would you wear it as normal underwear?

give me £1000 I might.
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  #402  
04-29-2011, 12:21 PM
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Guys in thongs or G-Strings are not sexy.
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  #403  
04-29-2011, 12:22 PM
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more Painfull.
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  #404  
04-29-2011, 01:28 PM
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Painal. The only kind of anal there is, as far as I'm concerned.
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  #405  
04-29-2011, 02:37 PM
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No more spam, guys. You've been warned.

*pointy finger*
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  #406  
04-29-2011, 02:40 PM
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We need more smut.

I can't think of anything else.
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  #407  
04-30-2011, 05:41 AM
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Big sweaty man-clunge. That smutty enough for you?
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  #408  
04-30-2011, 07:12 AM
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Now you're speaking my language.

What is clunge anyway?
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its a sex injury: im missing my left ear. dont ask.

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  #409  
04-30-2011, 08:18 AM
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Clunge, aka minge, cunt, pussy, fanjita etc. I think I just livened this thread up.
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  #410  
04-30-2011, 12:46 PM
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Quim, Vagina, Ladygarden, Vajingo, Vajay-jay, La-la, Hole, Void, Gap, Snatch, Bush, Snartch, Lady cave etc.

Okay, fine. I'm going to post seriously once, and never again.

I like sex in showers, anal (as the penetrant) and, in the right mood, oral as either party.

Also elbows. I think it's a youth thing. If someone's elbows aren't wrinkly they must be pretty damn smooth.

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  #411  
04-30-2011, 05:23 PM
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Had a medium-level Asian fetish. Going to Uni only exacerbated this. Knowing two that I'm pretty sure would get with me destroys my soul.

This would not be troublesome, were I not in a good, strong (>2 year) relationship. Thing is, it's not like I'd want to be any more than 'friends with benefits' to these Asian girls. They're nice and all, but to me... extra sex appeal. Unexplainable. If only society had developed so that sexual contact wasn't so intimately linked with... well... emotional intimacy.

So, go on. Someone think of a solution to this situation which does not make me a moral scoundrel, and you win a prize.
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  #412  
04-30-2011, 08:19 PM
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An... Asian-esque girl I knew, I only kissed her but both her parents were from South Korea.

But DAYUM

I wanted to do more to her than just kiss. She was too timid which only made my desire more extreme. I decided not to act upon it for my own good.

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its a sex injury: im missing my left ear. dont ask.

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  #413  
05-01-2011, 01:28 AM
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I like sex.

Alcar...
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  #414  
05-01-2011, 11:53 AM
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EDIT: Actually, this should never have been posted, even more retardation than normal.
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Oh yeah, fair point. Maybe he was just tortured until he lost consciousness.


Last edited by STM; 05-01-2011 at 12:10 PM..
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  #415  
05-01-2011, 12:05 PM
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Ummmm. Thank you. I will be bear that in mind just in case one day some random girl jumps on my lap..........
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  #416  
05-01-2011, 12:06 PM
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Wait... ...

...

What?
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  #417  
05-01-2011, 12:35 PM
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Aw. I wanted to see it.
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its a sex injury: im missing my left ear. dont ask.

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  #418  
05-01-2011, 02:20 PM
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Ummmm. Thank you. I will be bear that in mind just in case one day some random girl jumps on my lap..........
Now that post looks stupid........
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  #419  
05-01-2011, 02:30 PM
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Teehee ^_^
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Oh yeah, fair point. Maybe he was just tortured until he lost consciousness.

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  #420  
05-01-2011, 04:41 PM
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I remember my sophomore year of high school I was invited to a halloween party. I was never invited to much, and since by that point I thought I was too cool for trick or treating I decided to go with a swanky burger king costume. The party was like any other, big rich kid and his mansion (private school!!!) with a DJ - who complimented me on my costume - and lights. Of course, when there's a mansion.... there are a lot of empty rooms.

For the first two hours or so of the party I was just hanging out with my own small group of friends. We did friend stuff, a little bit of old fashioned underage drinking (I didn't do much if at all, alcohol is gross to me), video games, and shooting at each other with marshmallow guns at the mansion's fucking huge backyard. It was all good times, until one of them said to me "Hey metroixer, look at that" I turn around and see a girl I recognize from one of my classes motioning me over to the dance floor.

It would be rude to reject, and it's not like a girl has ever shown interest to me before. Sure why not, let's try it. The DJ was playing something with a dirty spanish beat, and when I say kids were dancing, I ain't talkin about your grandpa's dancin. So this is the first time I'm doing this type of thing, and she could tell. "It's ok! Just grab my hips like that..." She told me, my long bony hands shook profusely as they were reaching for her skin, but once they took hold it was like holding onto a really big xbox controller.

"Nice, now just do what I do" I felt her bosom start to rub against my front, pants on, unexpected, but I liked it. My body moved with hers, when she went down, so did I. Also I guess I should explain that she looked perfect, long blonde hair, soft skin, decently sized tits, I would have preferred her to be a bit skinnier but damn beggars can't be choosers! So we go at this for a long time, reaaaally long, god knows how long but man was I enjoying every second of it.

Eventually she stopped and turned around to me, in the middle of this horny teenage craze she whispered in my ear "Wanna go to a room?" yes, YES, this is easily the best night of my life! I responded with a simple, low, as manly as I could conjure "Yeah...." My voice shook a little from all the nervousness but I think I pulled it off pretty well. She pulled me away from the dancing and we went upstairs, I could see my friends giving me a thumbs up on the way. I don't think Jennifer, her name was Jennifer by the way, really knew any of the room, cause she just opened the first one that was closest to us. We both rushed in and upon entering I noticed....

Warhammer figures, tons and tons of warhammer figures.... I think this is where I mention that the rich kid was also a giant dork and was openly so at school. The room has a bed, so I could only assume it was his, but holy shit all of the warhammer. I couldn't think about it for long, as soon as Jennifer shut the door we went mouth to mouth like two whirlpools trying to suck each other in. She pulled and threw me on the bed, got on top of me, and completely undressed in seconds. whoa.

I then decided it was time to take my stuff off, I did but kind of clumsily, I knocked a lamp and some lego star wars ship in the process but I was too horny to care. I moved Jennifer a bit so I could take my pants off and before I threw them out she stopped me. She took the pants from me and reached into one of my larger pockets, and took out the burger king mask I was wearing (It was latex or something like that so it was easy to stuff in).

"Wear this" She said, I was a bit confused but I couldn't complain. I happily put on the BK mask, finished undressing, put on the necessities for my you-know-what, and away was I transported to heaven. I guess it went as any normal virgin sex would, except after two minutes she stopped, went up, and picked up some warhammer figures. "Watch this" She said, and she got off, sat down on the other side of the bed, and started masturbating with the figurines in front of me. Those pokey plastic men were giving her the time of her life, she was screaming so loud that I was sure someone would walk in on us any second.

And I was just there, staring, with my burger king mask on. "You like that?" She said, I enthusiastically nod my head. "Alright then...." She got on top of me, and before we continued she gave me the figures "Stuff these in my mouth, just stuff em" So I did, and as more marines and orcs filled her mouth, her hips moved faster, her passionate moans louder, and she would say "STUFF MY FACE KING, STUFF MY FACE" I of course was also moaning and such, but it was nothing compared to her.

Eventually, the juices flowed, and we both tired out. Neither of us said anything, she spit out the figures on the floor, took my mask off to give me a little kiss, and walked out on me.
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