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  #301  
01-18-2010, 05:32 PM
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No.

And, ya know, Dryadri's was more of a reply to last week's chapter so I dunno if that counts.

But I'm glad you guys liked. I shortened the argument between Dek and Stivik a bit since they repeated themselves a lot, and Stivik did the whole manipulative thing I've since given to Krik. I wonder how well you remember the events of the next morning?

I'd just like to say that in the RPG, this was the first time Anni slept since arriving. It's been a very, very long day for her
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  #302  
01-19-2010, 08:39 AM
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:
The voice was silent, though Anni strained to hear. Slowly, sleep crept over her, like a shadow.
That sounds familiar...

The chapter was good. Tension was well sustained throughout.

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  #303  
01-22-2010, 05:27 AM
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on the one hand you make me want to write... on the other hand you make me wanna stop writing for ever!

but hey this was great! not just great, it was amazing.
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  #304  
01-22-2010, 10:11 AM
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Well, Dryadri's didn't really count 'cus it was really about the chapter before last, and I'm very disappointed that Nexy didn't post...


But four is four. And I don't want to risk leaving you hanging for two weeks!

Tick tock; time's up, Anni.


Chapter 45

Stivik had an internal clock that he could set with a will. Long years of training meant that just by wanting to wake early when he went to sleep, he could guarantee that he would be up before anyone else.

He opened his eyes and examined the four other occupied beds in the slig bunks. Razor, Groll, Sev, and Boogie. Seven and that moron, Arthur, would be on night shift, but he had done night shift with Seven before and knew that they always ended with an hour drinking coffee in the cafeteria.

He slipped out of bed and wriggled himself into his pants, and left the bunks without waking any of the others.

He knocked gently on the lab door, just in case, but Dek wasn’t in there; he was still asleep too, doped out on chill pills and sleeping pills. Stivik chuckled softly to himself and headed to the door to the store room with the cages. It was locked but the key was in the pocket of a lab-coat hung on the door. Sometimes vykkers were too clever for their own good.

He opened the door, leaving the key in the lock. He quickly noted that the scrab was gone, but Anni was curled up in her cage. She stirred as he closed the door behind him.

“Morning, princess,” He sneered.

She squirmed, then sat up quickly and looked at him furtively, switching on the lamp Dek had left her. “What do you want?” She growled.

“Just came for a little chat!” He said, raising his hands mock-defensively. “Just wanted to talk things over, like sensible people! Like, how did you make that fire last night?” He smirked.

She glared at him.

“Come on, mud. No one else is gonna be awake for another hour at least, especially that vykker. We’ve got plenty of time to fill, so we might as well talk. How did you make that fire?”

“I don’t know!” She growled. “I don’t know how I did it; I’ve never done anything like that before.”

“Oh really? Never, in secret, hiding it from everybody?”

“Oh, don’t be an idiot,” She grunted. “I don’t know how I did it. I’m not the one you should be asking.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” He sneered.

She glared at him. “I used to work at a lab; can’t you guess the rest? Vykkers do experiments on mudokons, don’t they? And sometimes they don’t think about what they’re doing,” -

Vykkers were crowding around her; she couldn’t make out their faces. It was all a blur until Nova stopped screaming, and then Anni cried out her name.

Nova was begging, “Not Anni, please, not Anni! Hurt me! Do anything to me but leave Anni alone!”

Anni felt a pain on the right of her forehead, like a bee-sting, and then another on the left side, and then Nova started screaming again. “Nova-AARGH!” Pain suddenly gushed through Anni like a flood. She tossed and she shrieked until her throat felt raw. The pain stopped and Anni stopped screaming. She realised that Nova had gone silent as well. “Nova?” No answer. “NOVA?”

- “They don’t care what they’re doing.”

“Oh, so you’re one of the vykkers’ freaks?” Stivik laughed, “I might’ve guessed. Well guess what, mud; vykkers don’t give people voodoo powers. It’s not possible. It doesn’t happen. How did you do it?”

“I don’t know!” Anni yelled, more and more frustrated, “How many times!” Then she added more quietly, “I don’t even think it was me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Stivik scoffed, “You think Dek has powers and burnt you free? Oh, or you think it was me? Yeah, that makes sense!”

“Oh, don‘t be stupid,” She muttered unhappily.

“Anni,” Stivik said, grinning and shaking his head, “You are either the worst liar in the world, or you’re completely and utterly insane."

She glared at him, “Oh, you wouldn’t understand. You never could, because you don’t listen and you don’t care about anyone else but you.”

“Wouldn’t understand what?” He asked, still grinning, “Some experiment the vykkers did to you to give you magical powers?”

She looked at him nastily. “You don’t even care, do you? You’re just asking me to try and upset me. You don’t know anything.”

“Come on, try me,” He smirked. “I’m interested, really.”

Some mad instinct made her think that maybe he would listen, that he might even understand. Odd knew that she wished that she could. She lowered her eyes, “Well… Like I said, the vykkers don’t care about anything, do they? I had a friend, called Nova, and she was hurt, so the vykkers tried to help her.” She breathed deep, raising her eyes and meeting his gaze, “They said they’d help. They took us down and put us on tables and… there was a machine…” She swallowed hard. “And they stuck something to my head. It was supposed to help, to make her better, but it hurt… It hurt so much.” She turned away, staring into the dark corners, her eyes prickling. “And Nova… She… she was gone…”

She was silent for a long time and Stivik, strangely, didn’t interrupt. She finally took a deep breath, “But it’s like she wasn’t gone, because since then she’s been in my head. I hear her sometimes. She talks to me, like last night. And… And she made the fire. She said there’s more…”

She trailed off.

In the poorly lit room, Stivik stared at her for a long time. “Odd,” He said at last, and she started, turning to face him as if she had forgotten that he was there, “Those vykkers really messed with your head, didn’t they?” He chuckled, “You really are totally insane. You totally believe every word of what you just said, don’t you? Voices in your head?” He laughed aloud.

She glared at him, pulling her knees up to her chest, “I said you don’t care. Just go away; leave me alone.”

“No-can-do, kid,” He smirked, “Three times you’ve attacked a slig, and the last time you tried to kill me; I’m not leaving you unguarded after that!”

“Well maybe if you weren’t so horrible and you didn’t make me hate you, I wouldn’t’ve done anything!” She snarled, anger building in her belly.

“Well maybe if you did you job and didn’t spend all your time trying to cause trouble, I wouldn’t have to bother you!” He smirked.

She glared at him with loathing, and then remembered Nick’s suspicions about him. She decided to try and make him give it away, so that if he did take her to Arnie she would have something to use against him, “Me, a trouble-maker? At least I don’t go out of my way to hurt people!”

“Uh, you’ve lost me,” He said mildly.

“Don’t pretend,” She snarled, “Nick worked out what you are.”

“Did he? You sure this was Nick, and not one of your voices?” He said, beginning to laugh.

Anni’s conviction was slipping away but she said as forcefully as she could, “You’re just here to make trouble for Arnie, to tell the Magog Cartel how bad he is!”

“Me?” He laughed, “I don’t need to make trouble; you make enough trouble for everyone in this factory! Odd, I hope the Cartel does send someone to snitch on Arnie! I’d love to see him get what’s coming to him!”

“What’s he doing that’s so wrong?”

“Ooh, that’s a hard one; you’ll have to let me get back to you on that.” He smirked, “He’s giving muds grand ideas about freedom!” He said with conviction, “Letting muds like you think they can just stroll right out of here!”

“So what?!” She demanded, “What do you care if I leave? Why does it even matter?!”

Stivik stared at her like she really was mad, “Oh come on, Anni. Even you’re not so naïve as to not know what happened last time a mud in this very factory got some funny ideas and decided to leave here! The worst rebellion we’ve ever faced and that mud murdering everyone in reach!” He glowered at her. She was silent, “Oh sure, what does it matter if a hundred sligs or glukkons get slaughtered if a few muds run free?” The humour was completely gone from his voice now, “For every mud Abe ‘saves’ there are a dozen corpses, and does he care? I’d bet everything I own that your precious saviour’s killed more sligs than any slig has killed muds!”

“Maybe,” Anni said with hate, “But sligs as a whole have killed more mudokons than mudokons have killed sligs! You know that that’s true! And you know why mudokons like Abe think we’re better than sligs; it’s because every slig thinks sligs are better than muds! You just hate to think anyone’s better than you, don’t you! Sligs get money, they get power; what do we get? Nothing, we get ignored, we get beaten, we-”

“You get food, a bed, and you get protection! Odd, you could all get private palaces with acres of land and you wouldn’t care would you? No, you’re always the suppressed, pathetic people aren’t you? Oh, don’t we feel sorry for you?! Gtrz! You never think about all we give you. You get food and shelter; you should be grateful! But no, all you muds can do is pine away for the ‘good life’! Hah! I lived out there half my life and I know how hard it is to find food and stay alive!”

“I DON’T CARE HOW HARD IT IS OUT THERE!” Anni shrieked, tears of frustration on her cheeks, “I don’t care if it’s dangerous! I don’t care if it’s cold and if it’s harder to find food; I don’t care if I’d have to work ten times harder every day for the rest of my life! I don’t want to spend the rest of my life behind bars! I just want to see some beauty in the world! I’m sick of grey walls and blood and boredom! I’ll take the bad if it means I get a taste of the good!” She stopped, breathing hard, “You keep saying that you’ve been out there, but then you must know what it’s like!” She pleaded, “There must be good things out there! Something must be worth it! Nick said you worked out there for seven years and only stopped because you were hurt! I bet you’d still be out there if it wasn’t for that! There must be good things out there! It has to be worth it or why would you bother to try?!”

He was staring at her. “You don’t… You think you’re clever! You think you know all there is to know, don’t you!” His voice began to rise, “You don’t know anything! You don’t know anything about what it’s like out there,” He was shaking so hard she could see it clearly, even in the fading light of the tired battery lamp. His breathing was heavy and ragged as he bit, “You are nothing to this world! I could kill you right now and no one would even care! You don’t matter a bit to anyone!”

“Oh,” She said, gritting her teeth, tears still on her face, now shaking with anger, too, “And you do?”

“NO ONE DOES!” He roared, looking down on her with as much hatred as she held for him, “No one matters! But grhzz, yes! Yes, I am worth more than a stupid, scarred, childish, head-case freak of a mud!”

She was shaking with hate, nearly speechless with rage, “Oh, you think you’re so great, don’t you, slurg! You think you’re so brilliant!” Furious tears were dripping from her chin as shadows gathered around her, “Well if I’m nothing then you’re less! I can do things you can’t imagine! The only thing keeping you safe from me is these bars!”

“Oh, really?” He cried, “Really? Well then, let’s take care of that!” He raised his gun and shot the lock on her cage. It shattered and the door swung open. “Come on then, mud! You want trouble? I’m right here! Come on! Let’s see how long you’d last in the real world!” He raised his gun, opened it and let the bullets trickle out onto the floor. Then he snapped it closed, slid it down through his hands and wielded it like a club. “Come on!”

Anger was burning her insides and her eyes flashed in the grey light. “At last,” Nova whispered as she spread her claws and bared her teeth. Letting out a sudden screech of rage she charged out of the cage towards the leering slig.

Odd, her nails were sharp! She’d been far quicker, far more ready to attack him than he’d expected and he’d had time only to leap out of her path as she came at him; her nails had raked his arm and left three ragged tears in his skin. Twisting back to face her, he snarled, “Come on bitch!” She shrieked again and ran at him but – Ha! – this time he was ready for her. He brought up the end of his gun and swung at her. Her own momentum drove the blow home and the butt of the rifle crunched into her face.

The blow should have caved in her muzzle and left her crippled with pain but, snuffling and snorting blood, she came at him again, immediately; leaping into the air she latched onto the front of him, her arms wrapping around his neck and her teeth sinking into his shoulder. He staggered back but, using the momentum, he turned it into a spin and then a charge; twisting round, he ploughed her into the wall, jolting the air out of her lungs. Gasping, she loosened her grip and he jerked free of her and brought his gun up, hitting her hard on the side of the head. She fell and he took a step back. There was a rack of syringes on the desk beside him; he grabbed one almost without thought. “Is that all you’ve got?” He taunted her. “Come on mud, you promised me things I can’t imagine.”

Nova howled with fury and leapt at him.

Blood was streaming down her face; she shouldn’t be this quick! She caught all her weight below his ribs, lifting him off of his feet; if not for the desk at his back he would have toppled and then she could have got on top of him and made use of her weight and strength, but she’d picked her moment badly. Still, his legs weren’t made for kicking and the awkward position robbed him of his reason; instead of plunging the needle into her, he punched her instead. He barely felt the syringe shatter in his fist. Letting go of the handful of bloody, broken glass, he threw his weight forward, over her back. Her stance was nonexistent and she toppled helplessly backwards; he made a clumsy attempt at wrapping his legs around her neck and succeeded in driving his metal knees into her chest as he fell on top of her.

She made a grab for his legs but the bang on her head as she’d fallen had finally succeeded in stunning her; he delivered a good kick to her ear as he scrambled away and then jumped to his feet. She was twisting round onto her belly and he backed away as she raised her head; he was startled by the way her eyes flashed red in the dim light, and he didn’t notice the shadows pooling into claws around her hands. She let out a deep, low scream from the back of her throat and lunged at him.

Sligs, by nature, were scavengers, not predators. Native to swamps where they were far from the top of the food chain, without pants and guns their only natural defence against predators was to flee, to race to the water and hope they could out-swim whatever chased them. There was something in the roar the mudokon let out, the fierce look in her eyes and the way her muscles coiled to spring that called out to the deep-buried prey-instincts in Stivik’s mind and brought them screaming to the surface; he had been planning to strike at her again as she prepared to leap at him, fetch her another hideous blow with the butt of his gun, but at the last moment his body rebelled against his brain and he dived aside; he could have sworn he felt a fiery heat wash over him as she passed within inches of him and she let out a howl of rage as her prey slipped from her grasp. A moment later he was on his feet, running on animal panic and adrenaline more than on his experience and training. She landed gracefully, cat-like, but before she could turn on him again he came up behind her and hit her hard on the back of her head. Her arms slipped from beneath her and her forehead bounced on the floor. Still running on fear, he hit her twice more and then twisted round to grab another syringe from the desk.

Her vision was fuzzy from the blows to the head and she could barely breathe through the blood and pain clogging her airways. Anni tried to push herself up off of the floor when she felt the sharp sting of the needle digging deep between the ribs of her back. Stivik pressed his head close to her ear and hissed, “Here you go, an eye for an eye. Perhaps if you’re lucky this’ll be less deadly than whatever you put into me last night.” He pushed down on the plunger on the syringe and she felt its contents flowing into her. “Do you think you’re a lucky girl, Anni?” He taunted her and then straightened up.

She called out in a frail voice and made a grab for him but he danced easily beyond her reach. She was struggling to push herself to her knees as, laughing, he ran to the door and let himself out of the storeroom.

He slammed the door behind him and leant back on it, breathing hard but grinning, and then spun around and turned the key in the lock. Then he tossed the key into the bin where it dropped out of sight.

He found himself chuckling softly. His right hand was bloody and he had other bites, scratches and some flourishing bruises. He grabbed a roll of bandages as he left the lab and was wrapping up his hand as he hurried towards the lift, still laughing to himself. Let her cook for a while, let her burn. He would get cleaned up, get more bullets for his gun, go down to the cafeteria for some food and then maybe – maybe – he would come back and see how she was. Odd, he felt so alive! What a brilliant morning!

* * *

Anni lay on the concrete floor of the storeroom. Numbness and pain had consumed her right arm, aching agony eating her muscles, and the sensation was spreading, to her other arm, down her back, encroaching up her neck…

She felt so horribly alone – the anger and power that had filled her had vanished completely and she felt so abandoned, so horribly helpless. A pain like a red-hot wire was coming from deep in her right shoulder and she realised the syringe Stivik had jammed into her was still there; whimpering, she reached up with her violently trembling left arm and pulled it free. Propping herself on her elbow she lowered the syringe round to her face as the spreading numbness made her jaw wrench with pain and her head swoon. Her eyes were blurry and she couldn’t read the label.

And then she felt one sudden, shocking heartbeat that sent lightning pain to every reach of her body. She swooned and her head fell with a thud to the concrete floor. Her arm dropped; the syringe slipped from her limp fingers and rolled quickly across the floor of the room until it came to rest against the bars of one of the cages, its label pointed up towards the ceiling.

It read,

HN-Pentobarbital concentrate
For the controlled killing of large game animals

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Thus endeth Part 6.
And now you know!

“And Nova… She… she was gone…”

She was silent for a long time and Stivik, strangely, didn’t interrupt. She finally took a deep breath, “But it’s like she wasn’t gone, because since then she’s been in my head. I hear her sometimes. She talks to me, like last night. And… And she made the fire. She said there’s more…”

Which puts a whole new light on that bit at the end of Part 3 that some of you thought was so sweet

:
It took some weeks for Anni to explain bits of her story to the two mudokons, though she didn’t explain to them how or why Nova had actually died, just that they had had an accident and the vykkers hadn’t been able to save her.

Dean asked her, many months later, “But you were so scared before! I mean the second time I took you down you even fainted! How did you get out there?”

Anni shrugged and said with faraway smile on her face, “It was Nova. I knew I could do it, because of Nova. It was like I heard her voice in my head, telling me I could be free.”
*Diabolical Laughter!!!!*

Right, this'll be the last chapter for a while, so I want some good replies! Remember that I only get a few moments of pleasure from reading your replies while you get loads of enjoyment from reading the chapters!

I will discuss the future of the story at a later date cus we're pretty busy right now.

REPLY!
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Last edited by Splat; 03-15-2015 at 07:29 AM..
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  #305  
01-22-2010, 01:09 PM
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Guess who caught up? :3

Sorry for the lack of replies, I know how down putting it can be when no one says anything.
...BUT!! These last two chapters were fantastic, and so exciting to read My mind couldn't keep up with my eyes because I was looking at the words too fast, trying to read and see what happens next xD

I loved the argument between Anni and Stivik, I kept siding with both of them because they both have such good points. The 'wild' life is indeed hard, but it'd still be nice to breathe fresh air and to know you'd be free.
You write fight scenes really well too!

You really had to finish this part with such a major cliffhanger, huh? Damn you Splat! xD I hope she's gonna be okay!
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  #306  
01-29-2010, 03:24 AM
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Oddworld As a fellow writer I must say:

Bravo bravisimo Mr.Splat, must address you as mister because, being truthful, the story so far has been great and has me hooked up like few I have read in my lifetime (fan made speaking :3).
While everyone has his/her own style at writing (as do I and some of my friends) few times do I see any of them being good to say the truth, but in your case it is a welcome exception and a nice addition to my picks here ^^.
Have been reading the whole thing for a few hours these past two days (Am a fast reader) and finally ended with the last chapter made up to this day. I don’t want to use excessive words so lets say it is: F(Censored for the sake of the lil ones) GREAT ^^.
I would like to read the next of the chapters and get on with more of the story as soon as possible without rushing you :3 (This also includes I sould get my damn pc back and keep on writing myself) So I will be waiting eagerly the next chapter :3

Continue the good work x3! *A lot of thumbs up for you, took every character I made to do it, they had no choice because it was this or they get grounded muahahahha x3… and all that*
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  #307  
01-29-2010, 02:00 PM
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theeheee...

when I read this my opinion about Stivik changed all the time I thought he was (in no specific order): -cool, -pathetic, -a mean prick, -pityful, -an idiot, -too old, -a good fighter, cool, insane, an arsehole.... etc etc etc... but still he's my favorite! xD

... If you weren't such a good story writer I think the readers wouldn't even see Stivik the way he is ... but every reader sees the story and it's characters differently anyways

i would have given you +rep but i can#t xD

and the fight scene was amazingly imaginable too! (ok i played too much sf4 but still! xD)

poor anni ;__; now I really really feel sorry for her


I soooooooooooooo look forward to the next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #308  
02-06-2010, 09:52 AM
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Wow wow wow! I can't believe you guys like this so much!
And Uros, wow, you are a fast reader!

Glad to have shaken up your opinions of Stivik so much That part was really hard to get right; I knew where I wanted the argument to lead to, and some of the things that it would involve, but it was really hard to make it work. In the end I wrote a really rubbish, stilted chapter and then worked on it every time I posted a new chapter. I'm glad you guys liked the result.

As for progress on the next part of this story, I haven't summoned the courage to read through W@RF since coming back from my holiday about four hours ago but things are slowly moving towards the stage where I can start writing this again. I've made a few arrangements, and have set events in motion. I want to go forwards a little bit before bringing things into play (I've had this planned for a while, even though it's a really bad idea to plan ahead in an RPG, but now it comes to it, it's really hard to let my RPG characters go!) (Man, 'characters' is a really fun word to type!). Gonna miss them when things move on! But I'm getting there. I'll start summarising the RPG as soon as it seems ideal.



In other news, since a conversation I had with Dryadri a long while ago, I have been thinking about people giving theme tunes for characters. It's not a practice I usually involve myself in, but it's kinda captured my thoughts, and hey, I've got time to burn here now
Theme songs for characters, in my experience, don't often make a perfect fit, but never mind. There's a couple of ideas I've had.

For Dionysia, 'Damaged' by Plumb. (Who makes these videos?!)

For young'n'happy Anni, 'Wouldn't it be Nice' by the Beach Boys.
And for 'scary Nova' (for lack of a better name - “But it’s like she wasn’t gone, because since then she’s been in my head. I hear her sometimes. She talks to me, like last night. And… And she made the fire. She said there’s more…”), 'March of the Smallest Feet' by Tin Hat Trio.

If you have any ideas for tunes for these or other characters, feel free to share! I might post a compilation of 'Scary Nova' moments for your enjoyment at a later date.
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  #309  
02-06-2010, 03:04 PM
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Nice tunes, I particularly like Dion's. Funny, because that's sorta how I expected her to sound too xD It's really inspiring...
The one for Nova is really creepy! But then again, that's why it fits her.
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02-10-2010, 08:19 AM
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wow i was stunned at how good these themes fit the characters... actually I don't think that there are many more who would fit their personaliies so well ^^ i can't really decide which is my favorite but nova's is the most interresting one i think ^^

actually this idea is so great that I think I'm going to do this with my characters aswell at some point they have their own music themes anyways I just never thought to show them in public xD

here i have one for Stivik... but when i listen to it it feels rather like an intro ...I'm not sure whether it really fits to him or not it feels as if something is missing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bSiv...eature=related
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  #311  
02-10-2010, 01:04 PM
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Sorry I've taken so long to reply!

I did read it while you were on holiday but I didn't get time to reply until now

Anyway, this chapter was a very edge-of-your-seat one The way you handled the end of the chapter was awesome too, a cliff-hanger if ever there was one


As for theme tunes, I was talking to Splat on MSN when he mentioned it to me and I made a suggestion.

I think Within Temptation's What Have You Done works as a good theme song for the events between Stivik and Dionysia, in particular this chapter

As with any theme song, there's some things that don't exactly match, but I thought it was a pretty good one
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  #312  
02-10-2010, 01:13 PM
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I think Within Temptation's What Have You Done works as a good theme song for the events between Stivik and Dionysia, in particular this chapter
Oh my gawd, yes! Ahem...

That fits them absolutely perfectly! Plus I love Within Temptation and that song is one of my favourites. Good spotting there.
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  #313  
02-10-2010, 04:19 PM
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Aye, that is a very good choice, Gretin And it's good to finally hear what you thought of the chapter! (I can talk; I should've posted in W@RF on Sunday.) Glad you enjoyed it
I know circumstances mean its not a great cliffhanger, but we can all pretend

Interesting that you should link to that chapter, Gretin, as it was quite heavy on my mind when I was writing the last-but-one chapter of part 6...

:
He looked down at his metal legs. Were they worth it? Was some mobility, some enhanced vision, worth anything if it meant this much pain, this much confusion?

He reached up to remove his mask (for the first time in Odd knew how many years) but stopped himself just in time. He hadn’t sunk that low yet.
:
“Right, I want you to press down there, sharp and hard. Do it now.” She did so. “Harder than that, idiot! Now, do it twenty times.” While Anni tired herself out, he started unbuckling Stivik’s mask. “When you’ve done twenty, you check if he’s breathing. If he’s not, you do it twenty more times, understand?”

He pulled the mask away and Anni got her first look of a slig’s face – the sunken, ugly, puffy eyes, the wrinkled, shrivelled skin, and the tight, cadaverous cheeks. She tore her eyes away and found she had lost count of her presses. She started again from one.

[...]

The physical exertion of the compressions soon had her exhausted and oblivious to what was going on around her. Her world became aching arms, sweaty skin, putting her head close to Stivik’s horribly ugly face to listen for the sound of a breath.
Spot the parallel! I wonder what I meant by that... (No, seriously. I'm not entirely sure what I was doing myself; so much of the 'clever' stuff I do in this story, I do because it just feels right.)



Sci, I like the theme, but it's not really a perfect fit, I think. It's a bit... otherworldy, and Stivik is very realistic, very unimaginative. He learnt to take things seriously as a scout and now he's almost painfully grounded in reality.

About five or sixth years ago I would've suggested 'Easier to Run' or 'Numb' by Linkin Park for Stivik, but I don't really like the band any more, so I won't The lyrics kind of fit, though they're a little too extreme; it's a shame they're so depressed and whiny. Those guys need to look on the bright side more! Not even Stivik is as miserable as Linkin Park!

Does no one have a piece of music horrible enough for Krik?
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  #314  
02-12-2010, 12:05 PM
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x:x .. man Im sorry for not commenting.... But I really dunno what to comment on when I wanna reply, so I always postpone it. ... Sowwy.


Anyway ... I listened to the theme, and I like dthe Tin hat Trio one in particular. In fact, I've taken quite a liking to the entire band They make great, creepy'ish melodies that I like listening to.
Even Chris says he likes them alot and wants to thank you for essentially leading him to them
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  #315  
05-20-2010, 05:54 AM
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I miss writing this story!

Srsly!


Things have been really slow in W@RF since Easter, what with exam season and all, I guess. But hopefully, once Gretin and Dripik find time to make a couple more posts between them, I'll be able to get on with writing Part 7 before current events in W@RF reach their conclusion. I miss this story! I now have two complete chapters of W@RF 8 written and polished and ready to post, but of course I can't post them until I've written all of Part 7 and most of Part 8! I have all of Part 8 plotted out clearly in my mind and even a loose idea of what each chapter will contain (I'm judging it'll be 8 chapters long - 9, if the seventh chapter runs on) which is frankly bizarre, because normally I just end a chapter when they start getting overly long. I really think I could speed through writing the rest of this story if only W@RF would move on a bit quicker. My creativity is going to waste!!!

Anyway, sorry to vent and sorry I have nothing of the story to post. But come on, W@RFers! I need you guys!
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  #316  
05-20-2010, 08:54 AM
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What is W@RF? I've always wanted to read this story, since it's so long, but because it's so long, I never seem to have the time I crave.
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  #317  
05-20-2010, 09:18 AM
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W@RF is a very successful Oddworld RPG; the four main characters in this story were created in W@RF (or Work at Rupture Farms) and after using them there for a while, I decided to write their story. The reason I'm delayed is that I'm now catching up with the RPG; this story covers the characters' time in W@RF, so I'm now waiting for certain events to happen in W@RF before I can write more of the story.
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  #318  
05-22-2010, 04:12 PM
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You should start writing fillers lol!
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  #319  
05-26-2010, 06:33 AM
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Right, events have moved on just enough (just!) for me to start writing Part 8! Huzzah! So right now I'm trying very hard to make notes of part 5; this is not nearly as easy as it was making notes of parts 2, 3, 4 and the first bit of part 5. As I explained in a very recent conversation with Dripik which went a little something like this...
(Censored to remove spoilers)



Converting these parts of the RPG into the story is going to be much harder, even if it is all better written. Already I've massively rearranged the events in W@RF 5. There was a post where Stivik is having conversations with Kix, Dionysia, Otto, and Gappiqu, all on different topics and all at the same time.

So instead of doing it all at once, I'm going to 'untangle' the plots and play them one at a time. So the first chapter or two will be mopping up after the ____, including ____ telling ____ about ____, which happens in the RPG on about page 25. Then we'll go a bit further and have ____ be ____ by the Cartel, after which he'll mope and have some of the conversation he had with ____ in pages in the high teens, low twenties. Then we go back to page 8 and have ____ arrive; ____ will cross over with ____ a bit, with events from the high teens. After that, we go to the last couple of pages of Part 5 and have ____ talk to ____ about ____. And finally go back to page 9 to introduce ____ and start his relationship to ____.

Plus somewhere in all that I've got to establish ____ as a friend to ____, describe their relationship, introduce ____ to ____ and keep ____, ____ and ____ involved.

The rest of ____ and ____'s relationship, which took place entirely in W@RF 6, I want to spread out over W@RFs 7 and 8. Also, their relationship first starts when he sees her ____ over ____ leaving. But since he now hasn't arrived when ____ leaves, I'm going to have her ____ over a meeting with ____ instead, but this happens before ____ first came in the RPG. so I've got to make ____ a new first visit, establishing his relationship to ____ and to ____, which will mean bringing in events from W@RF 6, while trying to leave enough there to give body to what happens when he actually does come in the RPG. Oh, and I've got to find a totally original way for ____ to reveal his friendship with ____ to ____ which doesn't involve him openly declaring an undying, romantic attraction.

And somewhere in all that, ____ gets ____ and I have no idea who by or why, which means I've got to work out how ____ will react to Dek operating on ____. Then Dek will need to discover ____’s ____ and I have no idea if he'll be working alone or with Slap the intern or Praetyre the vykker. An intern would work better since Arnie's supposed to be skint, but Dek would need to have the sort of relationship with this assistant as he would with a vykker. Then I've got to work out how he reacts to this and why they don't tell ____, since being distracted by a meech seems unlikely. On top of that, I've got to work out if the assistant is still there later on and either why not, or how he'll get involved in later events with ____ that previously only involved ____. Then ____'s got to threaten this ____ that I don't even have a name for. And I've got to find a way of cheering ____ out of that particular well of depression that doesn't involve a native coming to the factory, meanwhile keeping Kix, Javi and Dean involved even though they’ve long-since left the RPG.


I think when Part 7 is written I'm going to hold a competition to see if people can fill in those blanks

In addition to that, of the seven sligs in Rupture Farms at the end of the last chapter, only two of them will still be there by page 7 of W@RF 6, (#7 and Arthur who aren't that involved anyway) and only one new slig will have come in to replace them (who will be very involved, but one out of six...). From where I am now and onwards, there is a real shortage of players who stayed more than a couple of months; no new characters stick around long enough to have any real impact, so finding sligs to keep the factory staffed is gonna be hard for me. I'm going to have to combine various characters together I think (sorry in advance to Uros), but really I'm facing a challenge. Plus i have to wade through heaps of awful posts in W@RFs 5, 7 and 9 in particular. So on day two of converting W@RF into notes, I'm feeling very demotivated.

Plus upcoming RL things like jury duty I'm doing in two weeks and an IT course I'm supposed to be starting in one week but won't be able to because of jury duty... WAH!

I did want to give people still reading this a surprise by posting the next chapter without any forewarning, but I just needed to get this off of my chest (and, you know, procrastinate from reading W@RF 5 again).

While I'm here, does anyone mind if I use the word 'inebriated' in two or three chapters' time?
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  #320  
05-26-2010, 07:21 AM
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Seriously, the original version of your notes was good, but the censored version is awesome, bit like a war-time personal letter that contains sensitive information.

I can usually bring up the usual suspects (thesis paper) if I wanted to explain why haven't I read the last half dozen (or more?) pages, so I can't really give any feedback. But, to bump the "TD theme songs for characters/scenes" topic, I know a song which pretty much fits Anni and her state after Nova was experimented on. Ignore the "lip-synched dog in space" part - concentrate more on the "losing best friend for an experiment's sake" concept. Fitting or not, opinions are welcome.

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  #321  
05-26-2010, 07:41 AM
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xD oh my that censoring is epic xD ... anyway I'm looking forward to the day when the next chaper is up

@ dripik, the song fits quite well
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  #322  
05-26-2010, 08:24 AM
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I would love to get on with the chapter now, but I should almost certainly do all the summarising first. Blarg. I have made almost no progress today.

Wallowing in nostalgia doesn't help.
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  #323  
05-26-2010, 08:31 AM
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With all those words cut out, that leaves a lot of room for changes, doesn't it?
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  #324  
06-19-2010, 02:16 PM
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Progress Report:
Due to a variety factors, one being that I simply don't have as much free time as I did six months ago, taking notes on the latter half of W@RF has been a much slower process. However, I am here to say I have now finished W@RF 7 and am happy to draw a big line under that; it's sorted. I still have to read through W@RFs 8 and 9, but at least I can put 6 and 7 behind me in terms of plot.
I don't remember a lot happening in W@RF's 8 and 9, and if this proves to be the case, I should be able to get through them quite quickly; I was reading about one in every five posts of W@RF 7 and while pages in the first half of W@RF could take me half an hour to read, some of W@RF 7s took less than five minutes.

My biggest motivation right now is that I really want to get back to writing, and TD is what I want to write! So hopefully I'll be able to get through W@RFs 8, 9 and 10 quite quickly, depending on time now rather than motivation. With a bit of luck, I might finally have written (or at least started writing) the next chapter within the next two weeks. I live in hope, anyway

I'm missing this as much as you guys! And I know what happens next!
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  #325  
06-21-2010, 11:28 AM
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since we always wait we can aswell wait a little longer ;D but 2 weeks sounds good
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  #326  
06-22-2010, 12:03 PM
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Just to let you know, I finally put myself in gear and read more of the story - I stopped at Chapter 40. I suppose it was the fight between Anni and Nick, and the trial following, that motivated me to read on and on. I enjoyed your version a lot more compared to what I tried to come up with back then (hopefully, my writing is better now).

I particularly enjoyed the 'red wire' part, and also the trial as a whole. Oh, and the conversation between Kix and Expert. *bandwagon*

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  #327  
06-27-2010, 04:19 PM
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Just finished taking notes up to the current page of W@RF 10! 'Tis done! I am now finally ready to start writing Part 7!

Next chapter will hopefully be up in a few days. I would like to start it now but it's after 1AM and I'm exhausted.
But with W@RF note taking finished, I don't think there will be that much to stop me writing from now. As long as motivation holds out and my weeks don't get too much busier, I reckon I could from now on be posting a chapter a week at least until the end of Part 8. We shall see! The end of this story still seems a kind of frighteningly long way off, but I'll hopefully be able to get on with the next chapter tomorrow and from there...

You better catch up quickly, Dripik (I loved the chapter with the fight between Anni and Nick, and the conversation between Kix and Expert, too. It's definitely one of my absolute favourites. That and anything involving Nova before she died.)


EDIT: Chapter 46 is written! I shall post it on Wednesday! (Midweek updates FTW!)
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  #328  
06-29-2010, 03:02 PM
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I spent a short while today trying to think of a witty comment to put here, but then i thought, why bother? Let's just get on with it! So all I will say is...


EDIT: This chapter has been re-written and re-posted and can now be found in post #365 on page 13 of this thread (assuming you're using the default posts-per-page


HAY GUYS IM BAK! LOL!

PS: Reply!

EDIT: Forgot to mention, following on the tradition of attributing W@RF characters to their creators,
The white mudokon girl was kind of made by me but based on bits of a dream image written by T-Nex (can't link it now 'cus it involves stuff from the next chapter, but remind me next week) and a character who I won't identify so as to avoid spoilers for W@RF members.

(Dionysia, Krik, Decrough, the glukkon and his bodyguard were all also made by me. Obviously. Fun fact; Decrough's name is based loosely on the name of the doctor I was 'assigned to' when I was young.)
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  #329  
06-30-2010, 05:51 AM
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Yey! The despicable is back!! Yay!! Dionysia comes into the picture!! Yay!! Hot, white female mudokons!!
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  #330  
06-30-2010, 06:01 AM
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