This might be a
little bit too close to Off Topic (or a blog), and I understand if it gets moved to OT/baleeted, but I felt that it was appropriate to post it here. This might be a little bit too sappy for some of your tastes, but deal with it. This is my heart over here. This is also an inexplicably long-ass post, so I marked where I start talking about Oddworld with an Asterisk.
Let's get a few quick facts out of the way first: I was regularly beaten, slapped, spat at/on, insulted, bullied and generally abused by my Dad until I was about 15. I assumed this was the norm for everyone and obediently kept my sad little trap shut. He was an ignorant, manipulative bully who thoroughly terrorized my Mother, Sisters and I for the duration of his 23 year marriage. He's left us wracked with debt, various psychoses and an extremely cynical view of the world, bless his cake-encrusted heart. He was a thorough and detailed vision of what I never want to be. He's not dead or anything either, his joblessness and failure just got the best of Mom and they separated in early 2010. He left the house calling at least everyone a cunt eight times. A real winner.
I was a rather lonely kid. We moved three times in the first 10 years of my life, and though my sisters who are 2 and 5 years older than me, respectively had no trouble at least maintaining school friendships and local friends, all I had were two dudes who lived on the same block as us before we moved. After that the best I had was this kid who lived down the road from the farm I lived at for a few years (my favourite place) who used to poach frogs and string them up in his room. My parents forbid me from being friends with him after a single conversation with his mother. 3 Years of nothing but green grass and that dog of mine who bit the bullet a month or two ago. You can just taste the nostalgia, gentlemen.
I happened to befriend a kid at school who let's call Rake. Rake was the creme de la crap of local Schoolchildren; we all wanted to be his best pal. But we had no fucking idea why. In hindsight he was kind of a chubby dumbass. One day, he invited me for a sleepover. I was just baffled. Partially because anyone would willingly want lowly, worthless Simon at their house, and partially because he lived a solid 45 minutes away on the opposite side of town. Through much excited phone-chatting, we got permission from our parents and I was carted off to Rake's.
Rake would later turn out to be a manipulative little turd who really messed up my perception of a long-lasting friendship in Grade 8, but who is also saddled with a teen pregnancy at this point, so the point is moot.
Anyhoo, Rake's house was full of video game systems and big ol' TV's and all the best toys. He was one of
those kids. I was enamored with the concept of such a lifestyle, but something stood out. At one point he crammed a blank disc into his modded Playstation.
"What could this further wonder possibly be?" my 9 year old self pondered.
*It was as you probably guessed, dickhead, Abe's Oddysee.
I'd never seen anything like it. Since, y'know, all we had was a SNES that I frequently beat in mad, Donkey Kong Country-riddled rage.
It was bloody, it was gritty and it was so strikingly and intensely appealing to my (literally) bruised ego. Any adoration I had for this awesome kid and his awesome stuff was instantaneously snuffed out and replaced with a nuclear bomb of surprise that anything this fantastic and imaginative even existed in mass produced form. I had the opening monologue memorized. The initial Rupture Farms music has been stuck in my head for 10 years straight, and it will keep on going. I had never seen anything like it.
But the next day I went home, still in a bit of Oddworld-induced shellshock. That year we moved back into Belleville, and by Christmas we had a PS1. Over the next few months and under my machinations my parents were annoyed into finally locating a copy of 'That oddgame.' We bought it in early Summer 02. It was still sealed. I remember that day better than most birthdays.
I took it home and commandeered the Playstation for the following 60 days. I drew terrible pictures of Abe. I made awful Scrab and Paramite noises in public. I had fantasies of being carried off and nominated CEO of the Mudokon/Slig best pals corportation. Most importantly of all though, I learned an extremely important life lesson:
If someone is like you, be their friend as best you can. If something isn't like you, make it explode with your mind or throw something at it and see what happens. Or maybe just run your twiggy ass away quick fast and find somewhere they cant getcha.
So my dad's rages, his insipid little flights of fancy about deserving respect for having the amazing ability to eat more of our Halloween candy than all of us combined, suddenly came to meet some airborne obstacles and a difficult-to-catch victim/amateur pitcher (I wasn't always the giant sexy frankenstein I am now, I used to be quick little bugger).
Yes, Oddworld taught me to fight back against an abusive, misappropriated figure of power in a completely applicable (albeit roundabout) way. I could not make this shit up if I tried.
Obviously puberty and sheer teenage defiance played their part, but man, after doggedly pouring my heart into this game, even managing to save about 70 Mudokons or so, seeing Molluck get his shit
wrecked by a lightning bolt was beyond satisfying. It planted a seed of faith in 'what goes around comes around' that is pretty much unshakeable to this day. Along with you know, do good. And junk. I got some real good throws in on him, too. You ever seen the look on a grown manchild's face when his bullied son picks up a power drill? Beyond priceless. Cherish the thought.
Beyond my daddy problems, the scope of Abe's Oddysee. The infinite world I was scrambling around in. Paramonia and Scrabania were literally the most beautiful things I'd seen at that point in my life, and I still get a little teary thinking about adjusting the contrast up or down in Scrabania to make every single screen look perfect.. It taught me humor, how you should do the right thing even if your friends are drunken wankers, the beauty and utility of ultraviolence, how Mechanical Pants have downfalls, that there can be a middle ground between faith and industry, not to trust everything you're told...I could go on. You get it. I was absolutely, 100% coocoo bananas about Oddworld. It was my favorite thing. It's still one of my favorite things. Beyond wonderful, beyond nostalgia. Just...perfect. Except MO, well, even MO. I adored it when I finally bought myself an Xbox (which also happened to piss my dad off, sweetness.)
It's been a full decade. I've gone through countless game systems, copies of all of the games, various peaks and valleys of fandom (ever gone to the trouble of tracking down my fanfictions? Them shits were used as
School Projects) and all sorts of other misadventures have fallen into my lap.
I called my local Electronics Boutique (Canadian Gamestop, pre-Gamestop) literally every single day for a month before the release of the GBA version of Munch's Oddysee. They thought someone was messing with them until I actually came in and bought it. I still love it.
If you're wondering what provoked this...tsunami of text, look no further than
This Thread. I also feel like I've never really expressed WHY I'm a fan of Oddworld, seeing as I've been here for five years now.
And that's it.
I would not be the person I am today if not for Oddworld
