The First Escape

Mr.Spandexpants · #1 09-17-2010, 12:07 AM

My first attempt at Fanfiction! Critisisim Welcome!

The First Escape

Prolouge

Louie Sneaked past the large meat grinder, shuddering as he thought of his fellow workers killed in ‘accidents’ involving the heavy machinery. As loud as he dared, Louie called out to his companion, Jacob “C’mon, the coast is clear” Jacob moved out of the shadows and walked up to Louie. “There are no Sligs around man, what’s the caution for?” “Shut up, you never know what may happen”. As if to prove Louie’s point, the whirring sound of a Slig’s mechanical pants came into hearing range. Louie swore and grabbed Jacob and pulled him into the shadows, just before the Slig came around the corner. “Damn teh Gluk’s, why thay gat teh mak e fuss ova two Muds?” the Slig muttered to himself as he walked towards the next room. Jacob, as nervous as hell, happened to knock the machinery behind him making a muffled clang, which echoed around the factory. The slig swore and swung around to see where the noise came from. Louie tured too look at Jacob and frowned. “Stay here and don’t make a sound” he whispered “But-“started Jacob, but before he could finish, Louie sprinted out into the open and started to sprint away. The Slig saw the running Mudokon and shot on sight, though only hitting his legs. The Slig walked up the Louie and picked him up by the ponytail. “Time teh see teh Gluks” giggled the Slig as he dragged him towards the office. Two minutes later, Jacob heard a meat grinder turn on.

pointblanc-slig · #2 09-17-2010, 12:44 AM

This is EPIC!!! keep up the good work

although a bit hard to read

Dynamithix · #3 09-17-2010, 01:29 AM

This is great! Also, this is much more easier to read than your fanfiction, pointblanc...

PS. Please, do stop using the word epic, pointblanc-slig.

Mr.Spandexpants · #4 09-17-2010, 02:10 AM

Thanks for your comments, chapter one will come as soon as I can be bothered.

pointblanc-slig · #5 09-17-2010, 02:17 AM

:

This is great! Also, this is much more easier to read than your fanfiction, pointblanc...

PS. Please, do stop using the word epic, pointblanc-slig.

that was just the intro

and sorry my brother keeps saying it and he got me to say it

MeechMunchie · #6 09-17-2010, 04:50 AM

Style-wise, you're the most promising new member I've seen here for a good while.

Dynamithix · #7 09-17-2010, 05:32 AM

:

Thanks for your comments, chapter one will come as soon as I can be bothered.

Can't wait!

PS. Congratulations for almost 100 posts.

Mr.Spandexpants · #8 09-17-2010, 02:30 PM

Chapter 1

Jacob sneaked into the shadows, and pressed himself against the wall, and hoped the Slig wouldn’t notice him. As he heard the mechanical whirring of the Slig get closer, he stiffened up, and almost hit the wall behind him. ‘No,’ Jacob thought ‘Not again’. The Slig finally went on its way and Jacob rolled to the next set of shadows. Seeing no Sligs in his way, he sprinted towards the large bit of machinery in front of him. He looked around the corner, and watched as a Slig beat a Mudokon into the ground. ‘Someday I’ll be back, and I will help any Mudokons that need to escape’. Jacob watched as the Slig left the Mudokon, knocked out on the ground. Jacob started to walk past, but then the injured Mudokon grabbed his leg “You must help... me... the Glukkons... they... the meat... running... ”. But before the Mudokon was finished, The Mudokon collapsed, and said no more. ‘What are the Glukkons doing?’ Jacob thought ‘What is happening with the meat?’ But then the rough sound of a Slig’s voice cut through his thoughts “Freeze!” “Shit!” muttered Jacob, as he sprinted towards the safety of the heavy machinery. Just as he jumped behind the machine, the Slig open fired. Jacob heard bullets ringing off the metal sides of the machine. ‘What have I got myself into?’ Jacob thought.

pointblanc-slig · #9 09-17-2010, 02:52 PM

nice chapter really liked it

Mr.Spandexpants · #10 09-18-2010, 02:41 PM

Thanks for your comments, chapter two coming soon.

Mr.Spandexpants · #11 09-27-2010, 01:02 PM

Chapter 2
Jacob hosted himself onto the massive piece of machinery, and sprinted down the pipes that connected the different pieces of machinery. The he tried to keep hidden, but he was still spotted by a Slig, even worse, the Slig was being followed by Slogs. Then he heard the sound of a Slig yell “GIT ‘IM!”He heard the Slogs start to bark as he ran towards the exit. He jumped of the pipes and landed on a different walk way. One brave slog tried to jump towards him, but fell down into the depths of the factory, whimpering as it did. But then Jacob heard the familiar sound of a Slig sprinting towards him; taken by surprise, Jacob fell flat on his face. He rolled over and saw the Slig walk up to him, holding its gun. Jacob looked back, but he saw another Slig walk towards him, giggling like a child. But to Jacobs’s immense surprise, the Slig standing over him stepped over him, shot the other Slig, and exploded into pieces. ‘what the hell is happening?’ thought Jacob.

pointblanc-slig · #12 09-28-2010, 06:45 PM

This is sweet
i love the way you put some mystery in to leave us hanging
good job cant wait for next chapter

Mr.Spandexpants · #13 10-04-2010, 02:52 PM

Chapter Three coming soon! Hopefully you won't be waiting too long!

pointblanc-slig · #14 10-09-2010, 12:38 AM

its been to long...
Just kidding cant wait!