Boddy Cream

[pointblanc-slig]

Hey this is my new Fanfiction Boddy Cream please check it out

Introduction

After Mullock died and shut down rupture farms a glukkon named Arnie bought rupture farms which is now up and running but Arnie was different he wanted to keep terrorists away from the factory so instead he would be nice to the mudokons to stop the terrorists… It didn’t work.
More attacks were happening every day
More sligs were dying
Everyone was scared
Especially Arnie
That was until… the big bro slig!
They were fantastic arnie loved them, they were defensive as well as offensive and really cheap labour
The sligs were frightened, they thought that the big bro’s would take over their job
What they didn’t know was that THEY WERE!!!
And Arnie had a plan, he was going to kill all the sligs off in one day
He also decided he was going to sell product as well like shampoo and creams
And a brand new cream was coming out in eight days and this one was not going to be any cream it’s gonna be an evil cream, a deadly cream it’s called Boddy Cream

P.S I did get the idea of WARF v.10
And don’t mind the title this isn’t a stupid fan fiction its real

thanks

[Dynamithix]

Weird style of writing and it's Molluck, not Mullock.

By the way, he didn't die. Other wise, this was okay.

[Lord Stanley]

Don't mind Dynamithix's negative-sounding comment, he was just pointing out a few things. I think it was a good opening, though we do need something to happen besides exposition.

[RyuuFox]

Welcome to the forums! And the story needs little work other,than that its alright

[Splat]

Molluck as in Mollusc, if that helps.

Did you think of asking Dripik's permission to use his character? Or are you using a totally different character that by coincidence happens to have the same name?

[Dynamithix]

Don't mind Dynamithix's negative-sounding comment

It was constructive criticism! I didn't meeeeaaaan! D:

[pointblanc-slig]

[QUOTE]Did you think of asking Dripik's permission to use his character? Or are you using a totally different character that by coincidence happens to have the same name?/QUOTE]
I didn't know that he ad one the same name sorry

By the way, he didn't die. Other wise, this was okay.

Yeah by the way just to tell you guys this might be a bit off with the actual story

By he way im making my next chapter now so expect it soon

[Dynamithix]

By he way im making my next chapter now so expect it soon

Neat.

[pointblanc-slig]

Chapter 1 – My names Zed

Part 1
Hey my names Zed and I work at rupture farms
I’m 28 years old and have been working here since I was 18
So what’s going on???
More attacks have been happening
And Arnie knows it
And whats up about the big bro slig's everywhere its like theyre taking over all the slig's jobs
"I wonder if we might get fired" I said to my work buddy Rex
"So what do you thinks gonna happen" I said
"I don’t know" said Rex
"But have you seen the new poster up outside the board room?" He told me
"No"
"Come take a look", we went up to the elevator and started going up the floor's,
We saw a whole bunch of big bro slig's as we were going up, picking on one of the mudokons,
"Those guy's are some scary shit man" Rex said
"Did you hear about what happened to jim last week died by a big bro, killed him with his bare hands, and did you see those big bros picking on that mudokon even though arnie told them not to, they do it anyway"
Why doesent arnie do anything? I said
Cuz hes scared shitless he can't lay a finger on them let alone order them around
Any way were here he said, c'mon
I followed him down the hallway reading the signs well going past, paramite pie's, scrab cake's and all other types of foods and products, and then I saw it
Boddy Cream in big letters coming out in eight days one free trial for each slig,
"Umm… ok whats youre point rex its just a sign"
"That". He pointed a finger at the bottom of the poster
"Sligs only" I read outloud
"Strange isnt it"
"Yeah I guess but what does it mean"
"Well lets find out", he started sneaking down the far side of the hallway
He gestured for me to follow
"Where are we going?"
"Up the vent's"
"we shouldn't be doing this"
"C'mon lets investigate it will be fun", he walked up to a vent with a hole in it and started climbing
I followed him up the pipe, and we soon got to a part where it goes forward again
"Where are we?"
"On the top floor", Arnie's office is up here"
I crawled along until * slip * "oops" * BANG BANG CLANG! * "WHAT WAS THAT!!!"
"Sorry Rex I accidentally dropped my lucky knife"
"Why do you carry that thing around with you anyway"
"It was my fathers he gave it to me before the meat grinder accident"
"Oh yeah sorry bout that"
"It's ok lets keep going"
"Ok c'mon its just up here"
We kept on crawling until we came across an open air vent, we peeked through the airholes,
"Look Zed its arnie"
"Guards leave I have a special conversation with a special friend of mine" said arnie
We saw the Big bro's leave and then saw arnie spin around in his chair
And then all of a sudden a transmission of a big dark figure came on the screen in front of arnie
"Hello littel gluk HARHARHARHAR!!!" we heard in a very deep voice
"Hello king BB, hows it going"
"Good nuw wat hev yew been tryin to tell me"
Me and rex tried to make out who was calling but he was to dark and shadowy to make out
"I want to tell you I want more big bro slig's, way more, and I will pay you all the money in my account to do it"
"HARHARHARHAR!!! So teh lettel gluk wants more beeg broz HARHARHARHAR!!!"
"So what about it is it a deal?"
"Sure, but watta bowt yer other sleegz, yew know teh tiny onez"
"Im not going to fire them all, no that would start a riot no im going to be more evil, have you heard of Boddy Cream?"
"Yer why?"
"Because that’s whats going to be my ultimate weapon, see I added an extra ingredient that will kill a slig in second's"
This made me and Rex worried
"We should leave Rex"
"just wait I want to hear a bit more"
"My vyker's made it at there lab its called Sligzoid, and applied to the skin of a slig it will die in seconds".
"That’s why in eight days all the sligs will be dead and I will have a powerful army of big bros"
"But anyway im done with you have my army ready in eight days arnie out" * blip * the screen went blank.
* Gulp * "weve got to get out of here Rex"
"I agre-"
BANG!!! The airhole vent went flying through the bottom "Oops"
Arnie just looked at us for a second "GUARDS GETIM!!!"
The big bros came bursting through the door and opened up their blitzpackers, "Freeze!"*Snap* a camera hanging of the roof took a photo of us, "QUICK REX!!!" I Jumped out of the way but Rex didn’t make it
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
BANG BANG BANG BANG
Blood went flying everywhere he fell to the ground covered in blood
"Save the sligs", and then with one last groan he was dead
I shook of my sadness and looked for an exit.
I cant go through the door the big bros are there,
And the vents to high up,
The only place I could go was through the window,
But we were to high anyway I would obviously die, but then again I didn’t have much other choices,
I started running toward's the window,
"FREEZE!!!" An array of bullets went flying towards me
* split split split * "Shit!" bullets went flying through my arms through my legs blood pouring everywhere I made one last jump
CRASH!!!

*****

what do you think?
do you reckon the swearing was a bit to much?
And i just fixed the puncuation
Please comment

thanks

P.S i dont know if this story works with the actual abe's quintology

[Wil]

Why haven't you continued with this awesome story? I'm really looking forward to more!

[enchilado]

Damn, this is some seriously good shit. I like the bit where his arms and legs(?) get blown off just before he falls out of a tenth-story window.

[ameba2k]

there is some potential for a brilliant twist at the end, but I will let you carry on with it and let the story unfold itself.

With this story at the moment, my main question is why would the glukkons want to kill the sligs off if they where just in danger of getting fired anyway? Surely this is too much of an extreme and might ruin Glukkon/Slig unity?

Now, creating a story is 1% inspiration and 99% problem solving. With the story you have started with, you can have some fantastic looking visuals, coupled with a mystery inspired story.

A couple of ideas I would have for this fanfictions ending would be:
• To have the Boddy Cream not only kill sligs, but make them turn on each other before they do, therefore creating partial zombie sligs, which could crop up throughout the story.
• Have Rex turn up alive at the end, bribed to betray his friend in exchange for a Big Bro upgrade, in on the whole thing. He wanted Zed to find out the secret ingredient to the cream to create a panic among sligs, and while they where panicking, they could commence on their "ultimate weapon"

A lot of potential, and excited to see how it turns out.

[MA]

i fucking love this story.

[pointblanc-slig]

Sorry for the big wait (my Internet ran out)
I love the positive feedback
Oh and by the way ameba2k I don’t know about the first Idea but I love the second one I reckon it would put a big twist to the story
P.S I just remembered that sligs have mechanical legs but ignore that

Chapter 1 – My Names Zed

Part 2
Crash!!!
DAMNIT!!!
Blood was pouring through my arms and legs flying everywhere
What was going to happen to me was I going to die with me only knowing the secret
And then I looked down and I saw it
My only chance of survival
I braced myself for impact then…
CLUNK!!!
I grabbed onto the top of an anti chant droid and it wasn’t happy about it
It started shaking madly, moving around, trying to shake me off
Which was hard for me because I had short and stubby arms
I started slipping down the side of the droid
‘SHIT!!!’
I grabbed my knife and thrusted it in the side of the droid
And hung off it
It started flying lower so I saw my chance
I pulled my knife out of the droid and started falling
Just as I was a bit from the ground I dug my knife into a nearby wall and it made a screeching sound as I went down
I touched the ground and took my knife out
I instantly fell to the ground covered in blood
My vision started going blurry
I was going to die
And then I saw a big bro coming towards me
‘state your name’
I heard in a low voice
‘Zed’ I mumbled
I heard the big bro turn a built in intercom on
‘sir I’ve found Zed should I shoot to kill’
then I heard Arnie’s voice…
‘Do it’…
BANG!!!
Blood went flying everywhere
I was covered in it
But then I realised
I didn’t get shot
The lifeless body of the big bro fell on me
I looked at it wondering how this could of happened
And then looked at where it came from
A slig with a sniper rifle nodded towards me
And a slig with a scar running down his eye and a modukon came rushing towards me the modukon came up to me
‘what’s you’re name’
I tried to tell them but I couldn’t I was bleeding to fast and I was almost dead
‘I’ll have to repair his wounds’
he pulled a bandage out of a pocket in his loincloth and started wrapping it around my wounds
I saw the slig with the scar pick up the big bro’s intercom
‘Hey can I get a double order of paramite pizza’s please’ he said
‘don’t be an Asshole Z’ I heard Arnie say
‘Whatever they are paying you to save this guy ill pay triple’
‘all you have to do is shoot him right now’
He looked right at me
‘No-ones paying me’
…
‘I see’ said Arnie
‘by the way we know and before those eight days, we will kill you before then’
‘I would like to see you try’
click
Arnie turned of the intercom
‘FUCK YOU!!!’ Z shouted
‘Stitchlips are you done treating him’
‘yeah should we go back to base’
‘yeah I’ll go get snake-eyes’
the modukon looked at me
‘you’re safe now just rest’
…

so what do you think???
(am I spelling modukon right???)

[enchilado]

Wicked!

But no... it's Mudokon

[MA]

another great addition.

[Wil]

I'm astounded.

[pointblanc-slig]

Thanks you guys are the greatest
it inspires me to write more

p.s i'll probably finish the next chapter tonight or tomorrow

[pointblanc-slig]

Damn I have to double post…
But oh well on with the story…

Chapter 2 – 7 days left

Part 1
Ugh…
I lifted my head and took a look around
I was in a small cave
I saw snake-eyes sharpening a blade, he nodded to me and continued what he was doing
I sat up and stitchlips came towards me
‘are you feeling all right’
I nodded and then asked ‘where are we’?
‘we’re’ at the Bounty hunter hide out…’
‘well ours anyway’
he smiled at me and then walked out
‘Z will come to talk to you soon’ he said on the way out
I stood up my legs still hurting a bit
And picked up my rifle and knife off the chair beside me
‘So you know do you’
I spun around and saw Z staring at me
‘Yeah’
‘us bounty hunters aren’t really bounty hunters’
‘we’re more like a task force… well now anyway’ he said
I looked at him
‘why are you telling me this’
‘because we need more people if we’re going to stop the major crisis that will happen in 7 days’
‘well why don’t you tell the sligs’? I said
‘it’s hard talking to anyone when you’re a bounty hunter’
‘we tried but all they did was laugh’
I just stood there not knowing what to say
‘…Fine its not like I can go back anyway I’m a wanted criminal’
he shrugged ‘everyone has a choice’
he passed me a pistol and nodded to me
‘it’s you’re choice’
he walked out of the cave with snake-eyes
I looked at the pistol and pointed It to the side of my head
‘is there really a point in life’ I thought to myself
and then I remembered…
my father
I remembered the way he was always strong
And never ran away
What would he do in this situation
…
I’ll do it then
I grabbed my dad’s lucky knife and cut the palm of my hand
SLIGS HONOUR!!!

Sorry for the short chapter
So what do you think?

[Dynamithix]

Damn I have to double post…

It doesn't really count as a doublepost because you waited over 24 hours.

Nice work!

[moxco]

Who is trolling who here?

[Ridg3]

I cried with glory.

[nuf (Lord Loki)]

Its way too large pile of text for me and I am sooooooo lazy, but I think its good story so: Good work *Is thumbing up*.

[pointblanc-slig]

Thanks next chapter coming soon

And whats trolling???

[Dynamithix]

And whats trolling???

Read.

[Lord Stanley]

This is truly a good story.

[pointblanc-slig]

thanks
i like to leave a space of time for people to comment and hang on the edge of there seats waiting for the next chapter