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  #1  
12-08-2009, 04:16 PM
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Happy ~ Neighbours ~

I made this its own thread because I've been writing it, its going well, I don't feel instant "Pfah!" like I did with the others, and the other thread sucked and had **** on it. Please don't complain, and if you don't like the story PLEASE tell me so.





~ PROLODD



Picture a big river. Yes, a big, crystal-clear river, winding its way through the misty valleys. Okay. These valleys are walled by low cliffs, and clustered at the bases of these are stunted pine trees. The grass is crisp and green and the mist is loose and drifts about.

On the West side of the river, and up a bit toward the head of the central valley, you should see a Mudokon village. Small round huts and a few very tall watchtowers. The chieftain Ubulum's warhut stands at the Northern end, and a wall is being constructed hurredly (yet still fancily) out a ways from the village to the South and East, with low towers along its length.

Mudokon workers are hammering away, and Mudarchers stand guard at the tops of the towers, glaring out across the river and into the mist, spoocebows at the ready.

In the warhut, Ubulum and his most trusted warriors are holding a meeting. Their voices are hard to hear from here, but you can gather they're not happy. Two elum riders stand guard outside, and worried-looking hunters are standing around, biting their lips insofar as they can and rubbing their hands together, breathing cold steam in the early morning air.

Take a deep breath of the fresh pine scent and head South and across the river. Speed up a little, the mist rushing past you in an exciting whoosh as you zoom along. Dodge that pine tree!

Soon red lights appear in the mist, followed closely by the black forms of glaring guard towers. Grumpy Sligs stand in them, holding big black rifles. They look bored.

Move up higher so you can peek over the metallic black wall. The mist clears away and you see some tents scattered about, snores coming from most. The offduty Sligs don't want to get out of bed.

In the centre of this is a round black house with red eyes and a mouth-like door, firmly bolted so that no one may enter. Someone is talking inside it but we don't know who. Probably someone important.

Now pull back high up into the air. The Mudokon village and the Slig camp are perhaps ten miles away from each other. Mudokon scouts saw the Sligs arriving, but the Sligs are unaware of their presence. However if the Sligs hang around and explore, it's only a matter of time before they're found, and Slig guns are more powerful than any Mudokon spear.

Let's hang around and see what happens, shall we?
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  #2  
12-08-2009, 04:31 PM
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Seems good so far
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  #3  
12-08-2009, 08:05 PM
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Chapter One

~ CHAPTER ONE


The stern-faced warriors of Chief Ubulum stood around in a circle around the fancy throne. Curved tusks of some ancient beast framed the back of it, painted red and decorated with jingling bells and obscure animal parts.

Ubulum's skin was a dark grey-green, but his face was obscured by a huge blue mask, covered in patterns of gold, and large circles around the minute eyeholes. When he spoke there was a pause as he seemed to swell, then it came in a deep voice as he let out his breath. "I wish we'd started on the wall earlier. It would have been done by now."

"It'll be done soon," said Mub, a scout armed with a very small tomahawk. His skin was the same shade of green as the grass, and he was hard to spot even just into the mist. At night you wouldn't see him next to you. "Probably within three days."

"Let's hope the Sligs don't find us before then," commented a tomahawk brave.

"It depends on what they are here for," said Ubulum.

"We agreed they're probably scouting the area for valuable resources," said Mub.

The tomahawk brave smiled grimly and said, "Which includes us."

Ubulum didn't look thoughtful for this, but nevertheless he seemed to be thinking.

"I say," began a slim Mudarcher, "we should just sneak in their at night and shoot them from a - "

"We discussed this," said the brave. "Then they'd know we were here straight away!"

Ubulum spoke then. "It's been ten years since we heard of another village," he said.

"We're probably the only one left," said the brave bitterly.

"We could pick off their scouting parties," said the Mudarcher.

"But when they didn't return - "

"They wouldn't know it was us, though!"

"They'd search all around, and shoot at anything that moved - "

"We'd wait and shoot them as they came out - "

"They'll probably just blow the whole forest up - "

"Be quiet!" said Ubulum, and they fell silent at once. "Rather than arguing about what we should shouldn't should shouldn't do, why don't we first decide what they will do? Spy on them. Discover their plans. Once we know what they are doing, then we can formualate our own."

"They'll probably attack us tonight," said Tim the Mudarcher.

"Mhm," grunted Ubulum. "Mub and Tim, you will go and spy on them. Report to me anything, anything at all. Mac," - this to the Tomahawk brave - "I want you to tell everybody what you have just told me, and equip them with spoocebows and tomahawks. Tell the workers on the wall to build as quickly as they can. Tub?" This was directed at a softlyub chanting Shaman in the shadows.

Tub opened his eyes. His skin was a deep green somewhere beneath the browns, whites and blues swirled across him. He wore huge straight feathers, jingling jewels and rings of knotted grass around his wrists and ankles.

"Ommmmmm," said Tub, "Mmmm, ah - yes, boss?"

"Set up defenses around the village, please. You could also try skrying on the Slig camp."

"I could," said Tub. Although this didn't seem like a proper answer, Ubulum nodded and turned back to the rest of them.

"Then," he said, "There is nothing left but to prepare!"

"Right!" said Mub, and he and Tim hurried out the door. The crowd of Mudokons broke into a confusing chatter as they passed, no doubt asking them what the news was. Mac, coming shortly after, raised his hands to quiten them.

"Shush!" he said. "I tell ya what happened. There's some Slig schmucks a few miles over the river, and they might be gonna catch us an' lock us in chains. So you guys gotta dress up in yer gear. We're gettin' ready for war!"

The Mudokons cheered and ran back to their homes to paint themselves.

Tub said to Ubulum, "You worried?"

Ubulum's expression was impossible to read, but he said he wasn't.
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  #4  
12-09-2009, 05:15 AM
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Everybody needs good Neighbours.
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  #5  
12-10-2009, 11:50 PM
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Mad 03

~ CHAPTER TWO


I.

Back in the Slig camp, the last of them were finally climbing out of bed, blinking blearily. The guards who had been up all night shuffled themselves into their tents, where they promptly collapsed.

"Aah," said one of the risers, rubbing his head. "Another day, huh? I'd kinda hoped I'd die durin' the night."

"Quit complainin'," choked an older Slig, with a voice like a rattly exhaust pipe. "Nobody made yer wake up, did they?"

The complainant couldn't think of a good reply to this, so he addressed a very short Slig who was passing instead. "Hey Pudzy, what's up?"

Pudzy thought about this. "Uh, I dunno, Jukker. But I sure hope it's breakfast!"

Jukker nodded, but the old Slig groaned. "Breakfast? You fellas want breakfast, you gotta go cetch it. We're almost outta supplies, amember?"

"Aw dang!" said Pudzy. "We must have a coupla Scrab Cakes left."

"If they are, we won't be gettin' any of 'em," the old Slig muttered.

"We might not be given any," said Pudzy, and the other two looked at him, because it didn't seem a normal kind of thing to say.

"Jes' what d'you mean by thet?" asked the old one.

"We could always steal 'em is what I'm sayin'," Pudzy grinned.

The old Slig rolled his eyes. "Y'think I didn't think o' thet?"

"If you aggonised it, it would be failure!" said Pudzy. "I, however, have a plan. Sligmates, listen to this..."


****

Last edited by enchilado; 12-11-2009 at 01:51 AM.. : and i live in the uk so its all £30 4 xbox and 360 so hahahahahahahahahaa
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  #6  
12-11-2009, 08:42 AM
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i do like this, but i especially like the sligs. very realistic characteristics and speech.

don't give up on this, because i'm looking forward to this upcoming battle. THE TENSION IS BUILDING FOR THE END.

and i take it you made those little icons at the start of each chapter? they're a nice addition.
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  #7  
12-11-2009, 11:19 AM
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MA, I'll love you forever if you say 'It wasn't half bad'.

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  #8  
12-11-2009, 01:47 PM
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Seems okay, might need a bit of spellchecking tho
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  #9  
12-11-2009, 01:49 PM
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Any spelling errors in the Slig's speech is deliberate, as with most of them in the Mudokons.

Any errors in the narrative please tell me about O_O
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  #10  
12-12-2009, 07:17 AM
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:
MA, I'll love you forever if you say 'It wasn't half bad'.
you know what? it wasn't half bad.
cue Waldorf

:
Seems okay, might need a bit of spellchecking tho
irony.

but that's why i loved the slig's speech. i tried to do the same thing a while back but just bogged the whole thing down.
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  #11  
12-12-2009, 03:34 PM
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Mad 04

II.

"Say what?" said the old Slig, after Pudzy had finished. "That's not even a plan, Pudzy, jes' who d'you think yer kiddin' azackly?"

"It might sound dumb," said Pudzy, "but so's the General, ain't he? He never even comes outta that house o' his!"

"You call that dumb?" asked Jukker.

There was a pause, then Pudzy went on, "Well, if he don't come outta there, he ain't gonna catch us, is he? Now be quiet and act nonshalanty!"

"Huh, I guess it's worth a try," said the old Slig, and he wandered off, looking the sky and overacting an air of innocence.

The other two Sligs, however, thought he did a good job of it, and Jukker mimicked him as he left in the opposite direction. Pudzy watched them go. "Okay!" he said to himself. "Everythin's gonna be fine! You'll be fine, Pudzy. Everythin' will be just fine."

He went behind the tent, and slowly crept along behind the row of tents, until he was near as he could be to the large one which housed the supplies. Two tough favourites of the General stood guard, their expressionless masks somehow telling the watcher that nobody, not nobody was gonna get past them in a hurry.

Pudzy crouched down to wait. It wouldn't be long; they'd agreed to put their plan into action immediately. And, indeed, after just a few short minutes, there came a great shouting from Jukker. "AAAAAAH!"

And then the old Slig came into view, running at top speed into the centre of the camp. "Everybody!" he yelled. "Quick! That Jukker kid's bein' attacked by a wild Mudokon out there!"

Sligs throughout the camp stared at him.

"There's a moun'ain of 'em!" said the old Slig.

Suddenly everyone, including the two tough guards, was rushing out of the camp, following him. He kept shouting: "This way! C'mon all o' ya, it's over here!"

Pudzy grinned to himself. The old guy sure was a brilliant actor! He hurried over to the tent and snuck inside.

Crates of food! Not enough to last the whole camp more than a couple of days, but just one crate would keep the three of them going for months. However, one crate was too much to carry, so he pulled out the sleeping-bag he'd stolen from another tent and began piling it full of food.

This was great! What a feast they'd have! Pudzy almost laughed at his own intelligence.

Once the sack was full, he swung it up over his shoulder and staggered out of the tent. Still no one in sight - good! He crept quietly toward the camp's West entrance, and was about to step outside when he heard something that at first he did not quite take in.

A blood-curdling warcry of a native Mudokon.
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  #12  
12-13-2009, 04:35 AM
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Sorry I'm late.
:
You know what? It wasn't half bad.
No- It was all bad!

HO-HOHOHO!

j/k

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  #13  
12-13-2009, 07:11 AM
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ABOUT TIME!

i just knew when the old slig came into the camp, shouting about the natives, that it wasn't actually part of the plan. nice chapter.
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03-16-2010, 03:51 AM
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05

~ CHAPTER THREE


I.


Mub and Tim crept silently through the last wisps of white mist that trailed around the trunks of the stunted pine trees, peering at the black shape looming ahead of them. They edged carefully around a pine tree, as quietly as possible - but Tim suddenly stood on a root and fell forward, landing on a broken branch. In the silence of the foggy morning the crack was immensely loud, and the two Mudokons froze at a noise from the Slig camp.

Emerging from the mist were two Sligs. Mub slipped back behind the tree, and Tim struggled to his feet. More cracking branches reverberated around the trees, and the Sligs drew closer. Tim's foot was caught under a branch; he pulled it free, jumped to his feet, and found himself face to face with the larger of the Sligs, who let out a scream as loud and as long as anything either of the Mudokons had ever heard.

Mub stepped out from behind the tree and rapped the screaming Slig on the head with his miniature tomahawk, Thunk, sending him toppling. The other turned and disappeared at top speed back through the camp's entrance.

"We gotta get outta here!" said Tim, stepping carefully back over the branch. He could hear shouting from within the camp, and he didn't like it.

Mub nodded, and the two of them turned to leave. Ahead of them, half-visible through the fog, stood a Slig larger than they would have thought possible. Although only as tall as Tim, he had muscles on his arms as thick as the Mudarcher's entire body. His mechanical pants had been modified so as to hold his wait, and in his hands he held a long and deadly-looking gun.

"Neow," he said, "jus' whey-a d'you two thank yer goin'?"

Mub and Tim span around, and found themselves facing what seemed to be the entire Slig residency. A Slig in the lead, wearing a bright red uniform that clashed horribly with the colour of his skin, held a long pole in his hands. At the top of this was a speaker with a red light on it which, with a crackle, came to life.

"Mudokons!" it wheezed. "Or, more correctly, trespassers!"

"Tressawhats?" said Mub warily.

The speaker laughed. "Trespassers!" it said. "It means you came on my land without my permission. I'm going to have to execute you for that - 'execute' means 'kill.'"

"We know what eggsekoot means!" snapped Tim. "And what d'you mean, your land? This here's Mudokon territory!"

"Bah!" said the speaker. "Not any more, mortal!"

Mub snorted, and Tim asked, "Who do you think you are, huh? You're just a speaker on a pole!"

"A speaker on a pole!?" cried the speaker on the pole in outrage. "Mudokon scum, I am the General Ackrodisiac. No one calls me a speaker on a pole and lives! Himmison, I give you permission to execute these Mudokons presently."

The muscly Slig grinned and raised his gun, pointing it at Tim. Without hesitation Mub whipped out Thunk once more and, with an echoing warcry of defiance, struck Himmison across the side of the head. However, the extra-protection mask the Slig was wearing was as hard as a Mudokon Drone, and the tomahawk did as little damage as it possibly could.

Himmison grinned, and pulled the trigger. There was a click, and a large cylinder slid out the end of the barrel. "Shucks, thet wuz a dud!" he said, and the two Mudokons turned and ran into the clearing fog.
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  #15  
03-16-2010, 11:55 AM
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Pretty good story (and excellent spelling and grammar - woohoo!) I like it.
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  #16  
09-09-2010, 12:48 AM
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06

II.

Quick and nimble, the Mudokons easily lost the Sligs - an attempt at pursuit was made, but it became clear as the thin feet of the latter inhabitants sank into the leafy undergrowth, catching and snagging and stumbling them, that it was wasted effort. After some hours of bruises and stalling motors they desisted and began the struggling journey back to their camp.

General Ackrodisiac expressed displeasure that the Mudokons had not been captured and set most of the Sligs who had been present to cleaning duties. They set to without delay, but only for fear of being demoted to the worst form of reprimandal labour: the toilet hygiene squad. It was said that only half the Sligs assigned to this torturous task survived until the end of it, and afterwards were never the same again.

Each morning in the camp each Slig had to report to an officer (of which there were five) in order to make sure they all were present. It was meant to ascertain no one had been killed or had deserted, but more usually it led to the discovery that someone had broken into the liquor stores and binged themselves to unconsciousness. When at nightfall that day (the time by when every Slig must have proved himself present) it was realised that nobody - not even ordinary soldiers - had seen Pudzy all day, it was naturally assumed that in the excitement of the Mudokon attack he must have seized the opportunity to sneak into the stores. This was not really so different from the truth, but Pudzy was far from being unconscious on the floor of a portable cellar.

As soon as he had heard Mub's cry, the thieving Slig had known that he was in a tight corner. If he ran to assist Jukker along with the others, he'd have to drop the stolen food right where he was and it would surely be found later. He could return it to the stores, but what a waste that would be! The only option that seemed viable was to flee the camp now, hide the food somewhere, and return. Sneaking out across the moist grass and into the mists, he considered that on the whole it was as well he didn't go to meet the Mudokon anyway. It was probably a very unsafe thing to do.

Unsure how far to hide the food from the camp, Pudzy kept walking for some time. It was peaceful out among the pine trees, watching the black exhaust from his pants drifting slowly higher into the atmosphere. He pondered on the appearance of the Mudokon - not what they had come to this area in search of, but a very valuable resource none the less. They were always stronger and healthier when captured from the wild. Caught up in these dreams of prosperity - he might get a job as a personal bodyguard for a rich and powerful Glukkon, wealth and fame would be a powerful asset for that - he took little notice of where he was going. He envisioned an extravagant set of superlative armour, his very own, and the admiring looks of other Sligs as he stood by his employer's side. The sun rose high into the sky, raising the mist with it and revealing an extensive view of the landscape, and finally Pudzy decided he had gone far enough.

Stuffing the bag into the exposed roots of a pine tree, he threw needles over it until it could not be seen at all. Satisfied that he done a good job of it, he dusted his hands and turned back to return to the camp. He saw patches of grass, patches of dirt and identical trees. A dozen paths seemed to lead away from him, and none of them looked like the route he had come along. He knew the camp was in that general direction, but he was uncertain which way exactly and he didn't want to stumble upon a Mudokon nest. He considered clicking on his radio and informing Jukker or someone that he was lost, but on an open frequency everyone else would hear too. He didn't want to be found out as the thief of the food.

Shrugging, he decided that if he took the middle path he would at least be close, and he could keep an eye out for familiar land marks. It wouldn't be too hard to find the camp again, really - after all, he hadn't come far. He saw several rocks he recognised as he strode quickly along, and - apart from the river - it seemed to be the way he'd come.
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