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  #1  
11-16-2009, 09:54 AM
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Killer of the Silent Forest

i made up the first chapter in around an hour. So here it is.
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Predator of the Silent Forest

One

Deep in the cold, cretaceous forests of southern Australia, A lone wanderer was trekking down south. His green and yellow skin perfectly blended in the green sea of plants and trees. He is 5 metres long from tip to tip and at 1.5 metres from top to bottom. The creature sniffed the air and opened its mouth, bearing white, razor-sharp teeth, at least 12 centimetres, in the cool air. The air he sniffed in tasted like any other air, no prey in the area; he was on his own. He unfolded his arms from the centre of his chest, revealing a set of long and sharp claws on each hand. He breathed heavily in the cool air and carried through the green forest, literally striding with each step. His yellow stripes lit up in the specks of sunlight which darted through the gaps of the forest canopy. One of the beams of light illuminated his reptilian eye and the two small yellow stripes that each crossed an eye. Now he stood in direct sunlight and the luminosity revealed the rest of his body. This creature was a Polar Allosaur.

He had slept a night in the forest and at this time in the moist morning, he felt cold. His movements were sluggish and slow, so he stood in the bright sunlit patch to warm up. He could feel the heat hit his body when the rays pierced through the gap. The pupils in his eyes shrank due to the blinding light. In the mists of the morning, the insects were already up and flying about. This will prove to be a nuisance to the Allosaur since blood sucking flies – such as mosquitoes – drive their hosts mad. To fend off the blood sucking attackers, he shakes himself to loosen off the insects making short work of his protective skin. Since the forest is too cramped to run in, the Allosaur tries his best to sprint away from the blood sucking insects. He is not fully warmed up yet and needs to find a suitable place to warm up. Around 10 kilometres south of the Allosaur’s position, there is a river which flows down from the forest and through the South Pole. Drawn by his sense of slight thirst, the Allosaur started his 10 kilometre journey towards the bank of the river.
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Last edited by Slig75; 11-18-2009 at 11:17 PM.. : Tense editing
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  #2  
11-16-2009, 12:12 PM
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This looks promising, but remember to pick either present, past or future tense, and stick with it. Don't go switching.

i wasn't expecting this killer to be a dinosaur though.
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  #3  
11-16-2009, 02:22 PM
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I thought I was going of track in the tenses.
Anyway I'll continue as soon as possible

:EDIT: I've changed the tenses now so the story sticks to one now
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Last edited by Slig75; 11-16-2009 at 02:32 PM..
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  #4  
11-16-2009, 02:39 PM
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Good detail. I think i will stay tuned for a little more.
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  #5  
11-17-2009, 05:29 AM
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:
:EDIT: I've changed the tenses now so the story sticks to one now
If you mean the first chapter... No you haven't...

If you mean from here on out, then I most certainly hope so.
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  #6  
11-17-2009, 12:26 PM
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"He IS five metres long", "The air he SNIFFS in".

~Wait... Cretaceous Australia?
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  #7  
11-18-2009, 01:15 PM
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Oddey: Here on out.
Enchilado: Yes, Australia and New Zealand were connected to Antarctica during the Cretaceous period.
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  #8  
11-18-2009, 11:16 PM
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Two

Suddenly, about 7km into the Allosaur’s journey something caught his eye. A lumbering black creature was slowly making its way through the forest. The Allosaur didn’t see this creature as a threat but he still eyed it as it lumbered through the low-lying ferns. He made out a large semi-circle shaped head protruding out of the ferns. Then the whole body of the creature slid out of the ferns. It was a 5 metre long Koolasuchus, an unchanged relic from a time long before the dinosaurs. It stood only 30cm high and eyed the Allosaur. The Allosaur eyed it to but it wasn’t as nervous as the Koolasuchus. The Koolasuchus opened its mouth to reveal a set of sharp teeth. The Allosaur couldn’t attack the Koolasuchus without risking an injury. The Koolasuchus slowly crawled through the undergrowth still eyeing the Allosaur. The eyes on the top of its head swivelled around to eye the Allosaur. The Allosaur ignored the Koolasuchus and walked away from it. The Koolasuchus slowly crawled the last 3km of its journey towards the river and the Allosaur walked its last 3km.

At last, the Allosaur reached the river. The morning sun was blazing over the bank. The Allosaur could feel the warmth of the rays hitting his scales. But as soon as he lowered his head down to the river to drink, the biting flies were back. Some of them flew into his right ear and landed on the soft skin. The Allosaur vigorously shook his head to keep the flies away from him. Then he dipped his head into the water to create a wet barrier for the flies. He was safe from the flies for now. He drank a few gulps of water and walked along the bank. He soon saw the Koolasuchus shuffle towards the edge of the river. The Allosaur stopped and watched the Koolasuchus’ movements. The Koolasuchus gracefully slipped into the water and swam down the river. The lumbering, docile amphibian was now the perfect, ambush predator. The Allosaur kept walking down the river.

The Allosaur needed food now. The easiest prey available around the forest were small mammals and insects. However they are only a small mouthful compared to his size. The Allosaur sniffed the air for any sign of prey. He was in luck. A small mammal had wondered down to the river to drink. This was the Allosaur’s opportune moment. The small mammal was weary and on the alert. However, the Allosaur quickly seized the moment and ran at the mammal. It scurried away from the river. Bu in a quick move, the Allosaur snapped the mammal into its jaws and broke the mammal’s neck. He then gulped it down into his stomach to digest it. Splashes of blood lay on the pebbles by the forest edge. It was an easy meal for the Allosaur, but he still needed to catch more mammals or insect to meet is fill. Slowly, he wandered around the edge of the river in search for another meal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please do say if there's anything wrong with this chapter
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Last edited by Slig75; 11-19-2009 at 12:54 PM..
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  #9  
11-19-2009, 10:45 AM
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Right at the end, the tense switches back to present. Otherwise, I think that's it.

I'm wondering if this Allosaur will be involved in anything more than it's everyday life...
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  #10  
11-19-2009, 12:55 PM
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We'll just have to wait and see
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  #11  
12-07-2009, 08:29 AM
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This may have to go on hold as i have other fanfics to go on with
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