Ok here are all the MOM news i have done in the last two months
M.O.M – News you cannot refuse – By the Scrabtrapman
ISSUE1: UPRISINGS ON THE OUTER RIM!
Today General Dripik allowed some powerful new to slip from his stupid mouth, An uprising on the outer rim has started up and mudokons are killing sligs and taking there weapons, an un-confirmed death report has reached us that Jr. Executive Vippy has been killed by his workers, oh the horror!
General Dripik assures us that he is dealing with the situation and that these pockets of resistance shall be wiped out soon, “Big bro sligs” are being sent in to neutralise the areas and “remove” the sligs that failed.
In a side story, a small meat packaging plant has opened on the fringes of Mudos; the name of the plant is, well, no one cares.
This report was sent to you by Scrabtrapman our very own frontline reporter and was sponsored by Lung Busters; mmm that’s a good smoke, now with hack catcher!
ISSUE2: UPRISINGS ROLL
The uprisings in the outer rim are snowballing as the big bro’s go down, our poor over sized, drugged up brothers, Dripik has just confirmed that there has never actually been a war he has fought in, he only got general by default, what a shmuck!
Casualties have risen to around 600 sligs, the mudokons have a three to one kill ratio and have set up a small village for defence, mudarchers are on constant guard in strategic positions around the perimeter, there leader is rumoured to actually have known Abe!
In a side story, the meat plant that no one cares about has made a stunning profit increase of 150%, we will now name it as Mudos Mill Meat Plant, the Glukkon owner is still to be found.
This report was sent to you by Scrabtrapman our very own frontline reporter and was sponsored by Elum Chubs, lip smackingly sticky!
ISSUE3: MYKE’S THE VYK CREATES NEW GUNNER
Myk one of the junior Vykers has just stumbled over a fantastic new weapon to fight the uprisings, shock rocker! The shock rocker is a small pistol like weapon that, when fired, releases a 40ft by 40ft net, once the net touches the floor it channels all natural electricities from the ground and fries anything inside with 120,000 volts! Myk said this “When I tired the fuzzles little eyes literally blew out of there heads, what a mess, I was scrapping up bits of flesh for days”! M.O.M says that’s disgusting!
Mudos Mill Meat Plant or (MMMP) as it is now known is now the third largest meat plant on the entirety of Oddworld the glukkon responsible is none other than a chump named Murg, he has sent us a telegram saying this “I set up this little factory from an old mudokon mill, the Mudokons are happy to work for me and I don’t even have to pay them moolah! Just a bottle of Soulstorm MicroBrew a day!
ISSUE4: SLIG BARRACKS FALL!
Yesterday a group of mudokons around 200, fresh from the mudokon uprising barracks, Slig’s took heavy resistance and each platform was fought for inch by bloody inch, the mudarchers kept coming in great swathes while tomahawkers battered the poppers in front, Aslisk took a ball car outta there just as the muds found the boiler room, lucky they didn’t no how to operate the boilers, ha stupid little muds, however now they have taken the entire barracks and are raising the labour eggs, apparently the next stop is Sam the glukkon queen!
Our side story today is about a meech that was found in the very back pen of Rupture farms, it was found with a litter of dead meech’s which leads M.O.M to believe that somewhere there is a male meech ready for breeding woop woop!
ISSUE5: RUMOURS ANNOUNCED!
Dripik issued M.O.M a private talk today to announce that the slig barracks was never assaulted, however, the terrorist group now formerly known as MRS (mudokon rebellion squad) has assaulted various strategic choke points around Mudos, Dripik told us “I err… no for certain that those f***ing mud scum have not assaulted my beautiful barracks, I am sending in big bros to kill anyone who dared get in my metaphorical way”! What a moron huh.
In a side story the mudokons have teamed up with a group of Luskan Mercenaries, there hard shells and ologer droids make them dangerous opponents, even snuzis are no match for there armour, slig battle tanks have been phased into play!
ISSUE6: DROP POD
Last night two mysterious drop pods hurtled into a small jungle 40 miles from a slig outpost, delegate General Gibson told us, “We are investigating what sent these pods down; they appear to resemble wasp heads with six eyes”! The general has sent Mudos quadrant 11 into danger level 10 (1%-5% threat alert)
These mysterious pods give an interesting chance that there is life off Oddworld!
ISSUE7: UPRISINGS ARE RESTED
The uprisings on the outer rim have been moped up today, over 800 mudokons have been captured though many fled there are around 1200 accounted deaths, this is the largest mudokon uprising in the history of industrialism, Dripik said, “I obviously new that those duh, mudokons would get there duh juice, we are going to shoot every single one of the captured mudokons and hang them up for display in Molluck’s free fire zone”! M.O.M says, juice, that tard has finally lost it.
In a sub story the drop pods that were seen have been found deep in the forest, a small camp had been set up, a few huts made from wax and a range, the owners were nowhere to be seen, the technology of the camp is almost primitive besides one strange long spire that protrudes the tree canopy, it had four red lights on top and appears to be beaming waves out to space that are increasing in intensity by the hour, outpost slig leader Dycort gave us this tapper message, “I think its best if we watch this closely I haven’t been given any outstanding orders to destroy the place so I won’t, yet”!
ISSUE8: OUTPOST GOES OFFLINE
The outpost near the drop pod has lost connection with Dripik’s slig barracks, a possible confrontation arose when the sligs went in to scout the wreckage, the large pole that was erected in the forest was interfering with local telecommunications and appears to be beaming an unidentifiable message out to one of Oddworlds undiscovered distant moons, the threat level has been risen from 10 to 7, possible threat in a localized area, is M.O.M worried, no, no not really, oh and Dripik sent us a tapper just to make sure, “I do promise that er, the big pointy thing in the trees is going to be destroyed and the er things will be er taken away, the Vyker’s asked me for a specimen so I’ll give them one so long as they give me a few er vouchers? No, I mean money, er moolah.
Our sub story today is about the uprisings, today a mass execution was to be held but, after a small number of kills, an ambush was thrown, sligs returned rapid fire at the mudokon freedom fighters but the elusive terrorists hit and run tactics were superior, Dripik says “I swear, I was outnumbered”! Aslisk says “Bumbling idiot”! M.O.M says, go Aslisk.
ISSUE9: BREW REACHES RECORD LOW!
Today Soulstorm Brew reached an all time low in sales and profits, Brewmaster Glukkon was appalled when he was filed a report that there were no longer enough mudokons due to one reason or another, to maintain that soft delicious taste, he also was told that he had actually lost 800,000 moolah! The Brewmaster gave a secret report to M.O.M so, we published it, sorry but news is news Glukkon, “I am appalled at how we have lost our profits, my sligs are supposed to be extra brutal because it makes the mudokon tears salty from crying hard but, this is just stupid, suckmableuh”! Well, now we know that mudokons are ill-treated in there factories confides, this will surely bite the industrialists in there butts!
ISSUE10: GIBRO’S BONE BREAKING PLANT GETS HOSTILE TAKEOVER
Gibro is or was a small time industrialist on the edge of known oddworld, he made up for around 3% of soulstorm brew bones but, unlike its sister plants it had a reputation for uncanny safety and fantastically treated workers the bones weren’t even mudokon, there were never more than ten accidents a year! Yesterday GBBP went offline for a short period of time then we directly received this tapper, “We are hexarets, once there was a colony on this world and we are coming to find it, much has changed, we are going to take control of this area and keep it under our control, do not resist us”! M.O.M is being told to stay calm and that all inhabitants should see there local big bro for more information.
Our side story today is presented by Vyker’s new economic sub branch, it shows the economic change and balance of money as more and more of there buyers are being eradicated by the magog cartel’s violent nature! Note that Rupture Farms lost its meeches around 1999!
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Oh yeah, fair point. Maybe he was just tortured until he lost consciousness.
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Stories from the depths and deaths of oddworld - A Collection of Shorts
