Joey's Life

Abe16 · #1 02-11-2005, 09:31 PM

This story is about a mudokon named Joey who's mischive and mayem, might cause him to get kicked out of mudokon school...

Chapter1:school Daze,

Hi, my name is Joey, my dad is rich, so every day he gves me a pocket full of moolah before school, I always go to the prank shop before mudokon school starts. The owner calls me his best costumer , on a count of I always come here. Rrrrriiing! There goes the school bell, I quickly place a whoopie cushion under bigface's brother's chair, cuz he's the teacher.LOL. anyways he is about to sit down, and.....FARRRRRRRTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" LOL! the whole class laughs!"Mr. Joey, I believe you did this," said the teach, "ya, okay I did it, " i said, "whooo!Go Joey!" says the class, Okay, so I'm the classclown, and every one respects it, see I've been to the princeipal's office so much, he knows me by heart, but one day, my pranks almost got me expelled to bootcamp!

"Ahh, Mr.Joey, what do I owe this horrible visit, " Bigface the princeipal. "well, I put a whoopie cushion under the teach's seat, oh and sit down"rolleyes:

"aye! Mr.Joey I-" FARrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttt! farted the WC, "grrrrrr,*sigh* mr joey, if you don't stop sooner or later... we're going to have to go on, Drastic measures," said bigface sternly, "how drastic?" I asked, "going to bootcamp and permenint record kind of drastic measures," said bigface, "*gulp!* uh, O.k," I said worried, later that day, it was lunch, i couldn't eat, all in my mind was what bigface said that afternoon, "Aye! i need to get some soda. After lunch I forgot all about it, i put a bucket of smashed slig slime,under the boy's room, but the 3 bullies just got soaked! SPLASH!!!!!!

"JOEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the bullies, "huffpuffhuffpuff! hey I'll hide in a trash can," I said, "Where'd he go!" they said and ran off, "Phew,Huh!?" i grunted "Uh, youplannin to get out?" said the janitor, "Oh, sorry' Rrrrriiiinnnggg! there gos the school bell, well, I'll tell the story later, I have a report due.

Abe16 · #2 02-12-2005, 02:31 AM

Ah finally, my report is done, all on about Searex's, Rrrrrriiiinnngggg! Ah time to go home, Then, "Joey, uh, there's a smudge on the .last name, Anyways, please report to the princeipals office imidiatly," said the speaker, "*Glup*!" then I rememberd, Oh crud. "Y-y- yes?" I asked softly, please take this note to your parents, and let them sign it, If you bringf it in tomarrow, you won't be kicked out and into boot camp", Said Bigface, "Uh, O.K," I said, that night, at dinner I asked my dad to sign it and he did. The next morning i was walking to school when the three bullies walked up to me and slapped my back! Which made the paper float away! "Nooooooooo! Why pick on me!?How come nobody else!!!!!!!" I said in fustration, "Uh, cuz uh, grrr Stop asking us hard questions!" yelled the 2nd bullie, "Yaaaaa!" i screamed and bit him in the arm! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAAAAAAAAWHAWHAWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!T-T-THE DUMBIES H-H-HURT MEEEEEE!" cried the leader, "We'll be back for you later"said the 2nd and 3rd bullie. I ran around despretly, looking for my paper,"*sniff,sniff sniff,* " I cried a bit but then RRRRrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnngggggg! "Ohno! now I'll be kicked out of school, for life!" I told myself, i glumly walked into the princeipal's office and told him what happend. "I'm sorry, but your ex-pelled and have to go to bootcamp.

I'm tired, I'll finish later. *walks off to bed*

Kimon · #3 02-12-2005, 07:11 AM

Its a good story, but you have to focus more on grammar, punctuation, and breaking up the reading. Here's what I mean:

:

anyways he is about to sit down, and.....FARRRRRRRTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" LOL! the whole class laughs!"Mr. Joey, I believe you did this," said the teach, "ya, okay I did it, " i said, "whooo!Go Joey!" says the class, Okay, so I'm the classclown, and every one respects it, see I've been to the princeipal's office so much, he knows me by heart, but one day, my pranks almost got me expelled to bootcamp!

That's essentially one sentence. The period is your friend. Also putting a extra space in between each paragraph adds to the readability. Plus, you might want to just stick to one of your fan fictions. You have quite a few by now, don't you?

Sorry if i sound like a jerk, I don't mean to be. I really like your story, but I think it could be way better if you work on grammar and readability. Keep it up!

Abe16 · #4 02-12-2005, 11:37 AM

it's okay but I finished George's escape and 19's destiny.

"dude, that's rough man, ya know like, going to bootcamp.Harsh" said Joe, my friend, "that's not all what I did, I bit the leader of the bullie clan," I told him, "Seriously!?Aw man that's like uh, 12345, uh, 5 demmerits!" said Joe again. "please, I don't want to talk about it," I said.when I got home my dad went to the school and bribe them money, but no use. "I'm sorry son, but I found a bootcamp," he said showingh me article, "be in shape in no time, Dad! no!" i whined, "listen son, I'm not the classclown here, now packed your bags, you'll be leaving tomarrow," My dad said strictly. "*sigh* guess I'll bring my game mudokon," I said.LOL.

The next day, joe, dad and mom all gatherd around to watch me go, Joe was depressed, my mom was crieing and my dad was trieing to cheer her up, "bye everybody," i said.and walked onto the bus. i saw mostly sligs in the front and three mudokons in the back,

"uh, hi?" Isaid trieing to be friendly, "Yo, name's Dex, this is Hector, and this is chad," "ya, um, can i sit with you guys?" I asked. "Only if you have somethin good," Dex said to me, "well, I have a whoopiecushion, invisible paint, a blanket, some pillows, uh, spaer loincoth:and a game mudokon." I said. "we'll take the game mudokon." they said. SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHHH! went the bus. "GET YOUR FAT UGLY BUTTS IN THE MESS HALL!NOW!" screamed a voice. As soon as we all gatherd in the messhall, a dark shadow came on stage, "I will be the general, for I am....General Dripik!" He said.

" I will teach you wimps to respect!" yelled General Dripik. "First 500 push-ups! Do I studder!?Move IT!" Yelled Dripik, when It was done, General Dripik called everyone into the messhall, the sligs got the good stuff, while me and the other guys got lastyears lunch. "*sigh* this sucks!. my feet hurt." I said. "Report to bunk houses Immediately!" As soon as I got ready for bed I was neighbors with dex, (who fell asleep quickly) and a slig reading a book. "Uh, hi there,my name is Joey" I said. "hey! my name is Titus," he said. "this place sucks" I said. 'I know, especially when Dripik runs it. said Titus. "I know exactly how to escape..." I said.

there!

Kimon · #5 02-12-2005, 02:50 PM

:

it's okay but I finished George's escape and 19's destiny.

Oh my apologies. I didn't know. I guess my point was make them longer-lasting.

Oh, and good story! I think you're getting better at writing.

Abe16 · #6 02-12-2005, 04:35 PM

Thanks or the compliment!

"Showtime!" I said, "com'on titus, We've got work to do," I told him, "uh, okay," he agreed. We tippytoed out of the bunkhouse, I got out my backpack, and coverd ourselves in invisible paint. "Here, put this on" I whisperd. splash! "Hey,i can'y believe this worked!" Titus whisperd, "com'on, we have to do pranks and stuff," I told him. "shhh, there's Dripik, trieing to get his candy out of the machine, quick, in his office!" Titus said, we quickly put a whoopiecushion on his chair and invisable paint on his T.V. Then tippytoed back.

The morning trumpets rang loud in my ear. Then Titus reminded me about the prank." hey joey, the prank!" he reminded me. "OhYeah! the prank I said. "What prank?" said Dex combing his ponytail. "Listen, me and Titus woke up in the middle of the night, and put a whoopie cushion under dripiks chair, and put inviable paint on his T.V.!" I explained. "You what!? man, you cool!" dex said in amazement. "Please report to the messhall immediatly!" dripiks voice boomed in anger over the speaker. "better get going!" i said. When we arrived, dripik was looking at everyone in a stern stare, "I have called you all here, because some hooligan, decided to put a whoopiecushion and invisable paint on my chair a T.V. How do i know, I called vykkers to investigate. Who ever did this will get in big trouble!So speak up now, and the punishment will not be that hard.that is all" Dripik said. "Gulp!" me and titus said.

"woah! whoever did it is in waaaaaayyyy, trouble," chad said, "you got that right" said Hector. "Oh, it was titus and Joey." dex said out loud. "SHHHHHH!!!!,....hehe, what a jokster,hehe," I said nervously. "grrrrr," dripik grunted.

that's all i'll say for, we'll meet again.

odd chick · #7 02-12-2005, 05:23 PM

That is a nice story, Abe16. Probably your best one yet! But, like Kimon said, there are a few grammar and punctuation problems. But that doesn't really distract me from the story!

And I'm glad you put Dripik in there-he is my 2nd favorite Gluk next to Molluck.

Abe16 · #8 02-13-2005, 06:53 PM

Okay! Let's start!

"i'm tellin ya!that joey guy is trouble, and I'm gonna figure ot some proof!" dripik said sternly, "gigglegiggle." giggled Joey, dex, Chad, Hector and titus all put their spare loin cloths on top of the pole that pointed Dripiks office, and spray painted 'Dripik sucks' on Dripiks wall. "wha!GRRRRR!Those nasty little creeps put the loin cloths on my pole!and spray painted 'Dripik sucks' on my wall! *sniff sniff* and it's still fresh, whoever did this will regret it!" Dripik yelled. "ya think he saw us?" Chad asked. "naw, he's so dumb, he cant remember his own name!" said titus. "i hope you're right Titus, I hope you're right." I said.

the morning trumpets rang and we all met in the messhall for breakfast. after that it all went pretty normal, except that a slig farted accidently while the microphone was still on. That was funny. then, "Please report in the messhall right now!" said dripiks voice booming over the speakers. "ahem, As you all know, Me and my, crack scientists have seen the wet footprints and are very close to finding out who our mystery prankster is. That is all" Dripik said. "dude, you gotta confece!" hector told me. "How!?It's impossible to talk to him!" i said, and went to bed.

That's all I'll say for now.

Abe16 · #9 02-13-2005, 06:58 PM

Grrrr! dont mind this! something happend!

I posted a part of my story but something happened!

odd chick · #10 02-13-2005, 08:50 PM

It's okay, Abe16! Anyway, that was a pretty entertaining chapter. Keep it up because this is seriously your best story yet! I can't wait to see what Joey and his pals do to that numbskull Dripik next!

Abe16 · #11 02-14-2005, 07:26 AM

I'm short on time, i have to go to school!

As soon as we all hurried in most of the sligs were wondering who it is, and when will Dripik reveal. "Ahem, I am please to announce, that we have our prime suspect. I cant excatly pronounce the last name, but the first name goe's by, Joey." Dripik said with a sneer look. "uhoh." I said in a tiny voice. I ran under the door that was coming down. "Put this whole facility on LOCKDOWN." ripik commanded, the wire gates turned into spikes."Owwwww!" I yelled out."Face it Joey, there is no escaping this time, hahah- ow!what the!?" Dripik yelled. "ha! got him Abe!" Alf said proudly. "nice job! i just need to posess him, ready big face?" Abe askd, "Ready." Bigface answerd. "yodoyodoyodoyodo..." they both chanted. "All right! all right! My mom dad the princeipal Abe and some other are here to save me!" I yelled with joy. Booooooom! the front gate exploded and tons of mudokon warriors came in destroying every thing in sight. "Climb on top of the rope!" abe called. So i did so. "Are okay!?" my mom asked. "well I'm bleeding, and-" He was cut off by the hot air baloon popping in mid-air. And was surrounded by sligs. Dripik said. "Ha, think you can stop the slig Taskmaster eh? well. your clearly mistaken.

Gotta go to school! i'll finish after!

odd chick · #12 02-14-2005, 01:47 PM

Nice chapter, Abe16! I just loved how those Mudokon warriors barged through the door! Keep 'em coming!

Abe16 · #13 02-14-2005, 02:56 PM

Here we go!Part:2

" I'll tell ya, you're surrounded by the most couragest warrior's through out Mudos." Abe said. "ha! Where!? there are none left!" Dripik said. "Take a closer look." Abe said. thousands no millions of mudokon tomahawkers and mudarcher's were surrounding the facility. "We are going to have our revenge" abe said. boom, boom, boom, boom! Mudokons and sligs were flieing every where! "Dont worry boss, we're gona make it!wha!Ahhhhhhh!" the slig died. "No!Arg!I surrender. but mark my words, I will have my revenge." Dripik said his last words as he walked (or should I say hopped) his way to the mudokon police car. "Joey, I will let you off if you do a 100 word essay on good citizenship." bigface said. "Will do sir." i said. "So we all walked home happily. And that's pretty much my life adventure. my friends will not belive this.
THEEND

I finished this one but will have plenty more.

odd chick · #14 02-14-2005, 03:01 PM

That was an interesting story, Abe16. And it seemed a bit longer than your previous ones! Way to go! *gives thumbs up* That was definitely your best story so far. I can't wait to see what you decide to write next!

Abe16 · #15 02-14-2005, 03:07 PM

Oh dont worry, i have lots more!

odd chick · #16 02-14-2005, 03:14 PM

Yippee!

Angel-FoX-crescent · #17 02-14-2005, 03:46 PM

LoL I can't breath...
LOL
Cool stuff dude!

Abe16 · #18 02-14-2005, 03:57 PM

Thanks! I'm starting a fic about a mudokon who's dad dies and his evil stepfather comes in and-oops! I let the story out!

odd chick · #19 02-14-2005, 04:03 PM

Yeah, I've read part of it already. It's great, if not a bit sad (due to the child losing his father).