Johnny, Taylor and the talking shotgun Part II
It's part II in the series of epic stories starring Johnny and Taylor (and the talking shotgun). Enjoy!
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Johnny, Taylor and the talking shotgun Part II
The sky was dark, and lightning cut through it. The wind blew violently, hitting the trees with no mercy. Leaves fluttered about in the grave yard, and there was a sense of evil in the air. Suddenly, the ground cracked and opened up, revealing a bald-headed man standing there, sinister-looking. He raised his arms, his old fingers attracted lightning from the night sky. As he was doing this, he stepped out from the cracked ground and stood on the cold grass.
The strange man, still attracting lightning to his old, weak fingers, began shouting at the top of his voice. "LET THE TWO BOYS, TAKEN FROM THE EARTH AND CAST TO HELL, KILLED BY THE EVIL KNOW AS A CAR, COME BACK TO LIFE! LET THERE MINDS BECOME FRESH, AND THEIR BODIES REGROW FROM THE SEEDS OF GOOD! HEAR ME, LUCIFER, LET THE BOYS RETURN TO EARTH TO LIVE ANOTHER DAY!" Suddenly, everything went dark. The lightning stopped. The wind became calmer.
Johnny and Taylor stood their, fully-clothed, in the dark grave yard, wondering what had happened. The tall, bald man walked up to them.
"BOYS, I HAVE BROUGHT YOU BACK TO LIFE," he began. "THE REASON IS A SIMPLE ONE. ONE MAN IS THREATENING THE ENTIRE EARTH. HIS NAME IS GERTRUDE." Suddenly, the bald-headed man was hit by a car. *Ahem*
Johnny and Taylor began their long journey to Thailand, where they would confront Gertrude for a final showdown.
"So where exactly are we going Johnny?" asked Taylor.
"AGAIN WITH YOUR F*CKING QUESTIONS!" shouted Johnny, eyes wide-open with anger. "DARE YOU ASK ONE MORE AND I WILL SHOVE SOMETHING SHARP UP YOUR REAR-END! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAR-END!!"
Taylor gasped. "Oh my!"
"I was just wondering, actually, Taylor," began Johnny. "What's your last name?"
"Gobbledeegook," replied Taylor.
"Ah, I see, I also have another question."
"Okay, go ahead."
"Why are you walking off that cliff?" asked Johnny.
"Huh?" Taylor suddenly feel, and half way down the long cliff, he hit a big branch sticking out the side. "Aw shit!"
"Taylor?" called Johnny, looking down the cliff to the sandy floor below. "Er, are you alright?"
After a short pause, Taylor replied. "Yeah, I'm absolutely fine... CONSIDERING I JUST FELL OFF A F*CKING CLIFF!!"
"Oh that's good. Well come up here and play Pokemon with me!" said Johnny.
"I was being sarcastic. And why the hell would I play Pokemon?" asked Taylor.
"Aren't you a bit too old for Pokemon?"
"Erm.. well... you see..." Johnny pulled a gun from his pocket and pulled the trigger, just as he held it to the side of his head.
"NOW WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" shouted Taylor.
"Damn it Johnny, I was having sex with my wife!" shouted the bald-headed man, standing there in the grave yard once again. "And I get called out here to bring you back to life."
"Well, you see Mr. Ugly Bastard," began Johnny.
"Please, call me Timothy."
"Okay, Timothy, well I killed myself because Taylor found out my secret..."
"Which is what?" asked Timothy.
"Well... I... like Pokemon," replied Johnny.
Timothy gasped. "No wonder you killed yourself!"
Johnny and Taylor continued their journey to Thailand.
"So how exactly is Gertrude still alive? I thought he was killed, then he turned into a bird, and then wasn't he eaten by a cat?" asked Taylor.
"Yes, then the cat was hit by a car. Ahem," replied Johnny.
Taylor got out some cough sweets. "I think you need some of these for that cough of yours."
"Thanks man." Johnny took a sweet. "Let's play Pokemon shall we?"
"Now why the hell would I play Pokemon?" asked Taylor, sounding quite angry.
"Erm... er... give me another one of those cough sweets!"
"So you choked yourself on a cough sweet," said Timothy. Timothy and Johnny were, once again, back in the grave yard.
"Yeah. I revealed my secret again," replied Johnny.
"You're a f*cking idiot." He fired lightning from his finger at Johnny and blew him into ten pieces. "Now let me get on with my sexual intercourse. Thanks."
Epilogue
Out of the darkness stepped a talking microwave. "Okay, right, I'm not being hit by a car again, okay? Because that's just getting boring now."
"Yes you will! Har har har!" shouted a talking squirrel. Then the talking microwave was hit by a car. *Ahem*
"So, what's going to happen on the third part of this epic series of crappy stories?!" began the talking squirrel. "Will Johnny and Taylor ever get to Thailand?! Will Johnny stop revealing his terrible secret?! Will my penis enlargement kit ever get delivered?! Why am I asking these questions?! Do I give a sh*t about this story?! I can't answer that because I need to ask questions, don't I?! Damn it, this is gay, isn't it?!"
Then the talking squirrel was hit by a car. *Ahem*
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