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  #1  
01-12-2003, 03:20 AM
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Oddworld Island of Klazular-neke-neke

This story is good.



Chapter 1: Arrival

I walked onto the deck of the Class-2 Blimp and saw the Island that we would eventually destroy. Oh well, I thought, It doesn't matter. Thats the way we are. Let me explain. I am an Intern commander of an elite squad for Vykkers Labs. We were on the blimp because Frank the Scientist at VL was sent to an Island to suck up the natural resourses and turn it into a barren wasteland. Oh, and my name is Vorn. Anyway, It was landing time.
I hurried back to the airlock on the lower levels of the ship, V.L barren.
Frank was waiting for me. " Hurry up , Vorn. We are landing now!" He said.
I strapped on some armour and grabbed a snuzi. My squad did the same.
K'lunk! "Ok, move in when it's low enough." I yelled. I jumped, and I landed on the sandy beach. All my squad made it, except for Ziffi, who jumped first, and was never seen again. Franks rover pod and minilab landed and followed us towards the base.





to be continued...........
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Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.
If we were girls, we could get popular by doing anything:
rock band, jazz band,
karate, kendo, mahjong, cyborg, synchronized swimming...
On the other hand, high school boys are
useless outside battle and sports anime.
But they're recklessly trying to make a slice-of-life anime about us.
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.

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  #2  
01-12-2003, 03:57 AM
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purty cool so far..now right more before i raise a skeleton to chop you up....
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  #3  
01-13-2003, 06:19 AM
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Oddworld

Chapter 2: The Base


The Base was a hive of activity. A workforce of 50-60 sligs ran about.
Frank got out of his Pod and scuttled over to the command centre.
I accompanied him in. The military Glukkon, Commander Haro, Had donned his military suit, Ready to start an expedition. "About time you got here." He said. "Ready to go? "Yes, but a short one." Frank replied, glancing at the Commanders plaques and medals." Also, how many troops have you lost, if any?" "5 or 6, actually, but why do you ask?" Said the commander.
I stepped forward and communicated telepathically. " One of my men dissapeared." "Hmm, strange." muttered the Commander.
Later on, we got ready to support Frank and Haro on a small expedition.


to be continued...........
__________________
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.
If we were girls, we could get popular by doing anything:
rock band, jazz band,
karate, kendo, mahjong, cyborg, synchronized swimming...
On the other hand, high school boys are
useless outside battle and sports anime.
But they're recklessly trying to make a slice-of-life anime about us.
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.

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  #4  
01-13-2003, 07:25 PM
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I think i can see where this story is going. The islands haunted, right? you seem to have a bazaar pasion for the undead. I like it!!!
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  #5  
01-14-2003, 06:50 AM
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Chapter 3

Fire and Water and a Fever, oh my!


I was sitting inside the Pod, trying to figure out why some of our men had disapeared, when we stopped. "We found a cave!" A slig was yelling.
"Good, good. We'll need to look for wildlife." Said Frank, looking up from a map. We all set out. The cave looked safe enough, but we sent a slig in though. He came out fine, but, right before our eyes, he exploded into WATER! We then sent in three armed sligs. They came out fine, but two of them burst into FLAMES! The other one then collapsed and started breathing hard. Frank put him in the Pod and popped out a second later." He's very sick, but he'll survive. Lets go." said Frank. We needed a rest from the shocking events that had transpired today.......
__________________
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.
If we were girls, we could get popular by doing anything:
rock band, jazz band,
karate, kendo, mahjong, cyborg, synchronized swimming...
On the other hand, high school boys are
useless outside battle and sports anime.
But they're recklessly trying to make a slice-of-life anime about us.
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.

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  #6  
01-14-2003, 10:42 AM
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Happy "a modern marvel... well maybe not that much but still.."~CG

"The base was a hive of activity"

Like that description. And I like this story. It's really fast paced and its suspenseful at the end of that 3rd chapter. You really do have a passion for the mysterious and supernatural! Keep it up!
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Last edited by Canned Gabbiar; 01-15-2003 at 08:55 PM..
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  #7  
01-15-2003, 06:19 AM
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Chapter 4

Dream....


I was sleeping. Well, trying to sleep, anyway. The things that had gone on this afternoon were just plain freaky. But no, I had to deal with this. I JUST HAD TO!

I lay back in the sack, closed my eyes and slept.

I woke. I saw the cave again, only it was blocked up. Strange.
I woke up again. It was a dream.
I got up, wiped my armour, put it on and headed for the command centre.


Ghost: I will write alot more soon, promise.
__________________
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.
If we were girls, we could get popular by doing anything:
rock band, jazz band,
karate, kendo, mahjong, cyborg, synchronized swimming...
On the other hand, high school boys are
useless outside battle and sports anime.
But they're recklessly trying to make a slice-of-life anime about us.
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.

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  #8  
01-16-2003, 12:18 AM
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Sal the Mudokon
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Short and to the point. Just work on a couple of grammar mistakes and this will continue to be a great fic. I like the originality of the story. Good work.
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  #9  
01-18-2003, 10:33 AM
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Oooh, freaky! 2 sligs burst in to flames, one comes out sick, and the other turns in to water. (theres no oddicomn for water!) And then a weird dream. Maybe he gets trapped in the cave, or maybe it is blocked up. Maybe its someones bedroom. I get really anoyed wen people go in my bedroom uninvited!
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  #10  
01-20-2003, 08:03 AM
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Sorry, can't write at moment.

But for meantime, guess!
__________________
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.
If we were girls, we could get popular by doing anything:
rock band, jazz band,
karate, kendo, mahjong, cyborg, synchronized swimming...
On the other hand, high school boys are
useless outside battle and sports anime.
But they're recklessly trying to make a slice-of-life anime about us.
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.

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  #11  
01-21-2003, 05:26 PM
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Ok, im stickin with the fact that its someones bedroom. Maybe a ghosts. Oh, and Ghost, i love your signiture!
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  #12  
01-25-2003, 11:15 PM
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Chapter 5

Vorn was staring at the cave. I was completly blocked up. Frank looked puzzled."Huh? Who did this?" "I dunno." Was all Vorn could mutter. Then he told Frank of the dream. Suddenly a Screech exploded out of the small gap in the block. The team cleared the rocks and opened fire into the cave.
Then, a voice boomed. "Leave NOW!" And the team ran back to the base.


Sorry I can't write more.

I got writers block.
__________________
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.
If we were girls, we could get popular by doing anything:
rock band, jazz band,
karate, kendo, mahjong, cyborg, synchronized swimming...
On the other hand, high school boys are
useless outside battle and sports anime.
But they're recklessly trying to make a slice-of-life anime about us.
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.

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  #13  
01-25-2003, 11:53 PM
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a good story scary in a way

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  #14  
02-04-2003, 06:11 PM
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I like it! Whats a screechin? its cool, scary and freaky all at once! A work of art!!! hope your block doesn't last long. Its good (not the block, the story!)
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  #15  
05-11-2003, 06:39 PM
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Long block, huh?
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  #16  
05-13-2003, 12:23 AM
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Sad Sorry.

Chapter 6


We had just returned to the base. The sligs who had stayed behind were all crowding around something. I ran over and pushed through the crowd. I stared. Ziffi was lying, naked, in a strange circle. Frank came and checked him. " He's alive." said frank. Commander Haro looked frightened. "The sligs say a flashing red globe landed here, shone like the sun, then took of, leaving the intern here.
Whatever really happened, this place freaks me out." he said. He was right.........
__________________
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.
If we were girls, we could get popular by doing anything:
rock band, jazz band,
karate, kendo, mahjong, cyborg, synchronized swimming...
On the other hand, high school boys are
useless outside battle and sports anime.
But they're recklessly trying to make a slice-of-life anime about us.
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.

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  #17  
05-14-2003, 06:19 PM
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Freaky...
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  #18  
07-14-2003, 09:06 AM
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Oddworld

Chapter 7: The End?

The wind howled through the trees. Vorn looked up into the skies and thought. Why should he stay here? He should leave now. There was a Pod nearby, he was about to take it when the sky glowed red and fire balls flew every where!!!!!!
He ran and dodged towards the Pod, Climbed in, and took off. He zoomed away and over the Sea, when a fire ball hit his Pod. He spiraled into the sea........


Three Years Later.........

On a sandy beach, Mudos, A small Intern helmet, covered in seaweed, gleamed in the sunlight............................................................................................ .................................................................................................... ................:ENDTRANSIMISSION:...........
__________________
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.
If we were girls, we could get popular by doing anything:
rock band, jazz band,
karate, kendo, mahjong, cyborg, synchronized swimming...
On the other hand, high school boys are
useless outside battle and sports anime.
But they're recklessly trying to make a slice-of-life anime about us.
Ah, we are high school boys,
the miserable high school boys.

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  #19  
07-16-2003, 06:29 PM
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Really freaky
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