The (Official) Best of Ask Alf

[Dipstikk]

I thought I would write this. I wanted to write these down because the following posts just tickled me the right way.

I picked these Q&A sheets for the funny, sarcastic, or downright gut-busting replies (and answers) that Alf and Questioneer had provided for us.

Q: Can you tell us some interesting facts about Paramites that you know and we don't?

Alf: Well, if you scratch them in just the right place, they do this really cute kicking thing with their hind leg. Of course that's just before they turn on you and rip you limb from limb.

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Q: Is the bird mask that Big Face wears suppose to be the head of the creature that Mudokons supposedly evolved from?

Alf: Good heavens, where do you kids come up with this stuff? Has Big Face been spouting his crazy talk again? As far as I know, he picked it up at an old junk shop in exchange for some comic books.

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Q: Why does Abe loose his tattoos between Abe's Oddysee and Abe's Exoddus?

Alf: Last time I was playing jacks with Abe, he still had them tattoos on his hands... and a darn good thing. He'd never have made it outta the brewery if he hadn't been able to call up the power of the Shrykull once or twice when he got into a pinch. Next thing you know the little punk will spike his hair or get his lips pierced. Uh. Again, that is. You know what I mean. Eh, next question.


-More to come. It's 9:30 at my house and time for all the little 16-year-olds to go to sleep. (at least for the next hour and a half. By that time Mommy and Daddy will be asleep and then it's Futurama time on Cartoon Network. But don't tell.)

[Xavier]

funny, this is simply a compilation of the silliest awnsers. nice to read it again of cource

[Dipstikk]

Q: In Munch's Oddysee, is Abe going to have another "special ability" from a tattoo or something similar like the Shrykull and Mudokon healing tattoos?

Alf: The last two times Abe called everybody out saying he'd acquired a new power, they turned out to be card tricks. I don't even bother to check anymore.

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Q: Is BlitzPacker Brew the same as SoulStorm Brew, or is it a competing brand, or what? If it's difference, what is it made of (as compared to SoulStorm being bones and tears)?

Alf: I think BlitzPacker Brew comes in a special, heavier can, so it'll leave bigger dents in things it's shot at, ya know, like walls, our skulls, etc.

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Q: Hey Alf! Where the heck do you live? I mean, so you live on a drifting continent? What does your planet look like? I would like to know. It's o.k. if you don't know.

Alf: I'm glad you gave me that out there at the end; I was gonna be having major fits of introspection about my self-worth if I got this wrong. At a guess, I'm gonna say it looks round and bumpy. With , you know, bits of blue, brown, and green spots, like an overripe Spooce Shrub or something. Fact is, I don't know. You gotta get pretty far away from a planet to be able to tell what it looks like. Munch might've gotten a good look when he plummetted out of the Lab, but I think he was a bit distracted by shrieking "I'M GONNA DIEEEE!!!!!!" at the top of his lungs at the time.


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Q: What is the Brewmaster Glukkon's real name? I refuse to believe that his name actually is "Brewmaster".

Alf: Hey, he's one of the lucky ones. Just imagine how Gas Station Attendant Glukkon feels... he can't even get his whole name onto a loan application.

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Q: Is it true that you will be able to load up your Mudokon friends with blitzpackers, snuzis, and tomahawks and send them on rampages through factories. Or are these special power-ups for sligs and other creatures only? And When you posses a slig can you go to a vending machine and get power ups like the super bounce and other armnants. PLEASE REPLY!

Alf: Don't you get snippy with me there, youngster! Remember, I'm a recovering substance abuser, I could snap at any moment!! It's little ragamuffins like you that're driving this whole oddworld into the- huh? My editor is gesturing frantically at me... Right, right, sorry, I do believe it's time for my medicine. *gulp gulp gulp* Whoo, that herbal chamomile stuff sure hits the spot. Okay... right... count to ten... Okay. If you gave one of these Mudokon chumps around here a Blitzpacker or a Snuzi, he'd probably use it for a fencepost, or a headdress ornament, or a garden hoe. We're just not that sharp with technology. Conversely, give a slig one of our tomahawks and he'd probably be squished under it's weight. You seen the skinny little sissy arms them fellas have? As for vending machines, well, sure, maybe you could buy an instrument of mass destruction or two, but then if I had Moolah to burn and vending machines about, I'd buy the sauce. I mean, that's what those machines are best for, getting blotto right quick- Huh? What? Right, sorry, more medicine... *gulp gulp gulp* ahhhhhh...


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Q: Do Glukkons like to be tickled behind their ears? I've been toying with this notion for quite a while now.

Alf: Would you say that the majority of the notions that you toy with are of a similar subject matter and caliber as this one? If so, well, whatever mows your lawn, I guess, though you might want to consider therapy... me personally, I wouldn't know; I wouldn't touch a Glukkon's skin with a hunnerd'n eighty foot I-beam even while schnockered.

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Q: I was wondering why you torture us by never answering any questions completely, and why your answers seem to never follow the whole Oddworld atmosphere?

Alf: Well, there's a good reason for this, you see...(burp!)... oh man, big breakfast today. Hey, has anybody seen that movie Cool Hand Luke where that guy eats all those eggs? That's what I feel like right now. Man, I gotta start cutting back. Anyway, what was the question? Ah well, let's move on shall we?


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Q: Are there Mudokon and Glukkon™ drones who sit around doing nothing in the hope of some day "getting lucky" with the queen?

Alf: In this case, use of the term "getting lucky" may not exactly be appropriate as the queens are essentially enormous sacks of fat rolls, covered in sweaty lumps, hair and weeping glands. I doubt any drone would consider himself lucky in the face of such a revolting task.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Hiya Alf! Why does Abe keep bumping his head?

Alf: Hello. I'm not sure why Abe bumps his head. Sometimes I see him eating paint chips.

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Q: Yo, can you send me some fan equipment man?

Alf: Dear Sir, unfortunately we do not include gold chains, spoke rims, or handguns in our line of merchandise. In addition, our distribution network does not extend to your part of "da hood" (i.e. your parent's basement in the suburbs), so we would be unable to fulfill your order. Seriously, look for stuff in the fall when the game is released.

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Q: Hey, would you Mudokons get severely punished if you pulled off BigFace's mask? Do you know what's under his mask?

Alf: Punished? Please! He only wears that thing for the girls. He thinks it makes him "mysterious" or something. I've seen what he looks like underneath. Two words - buck teeth.

~~~~~~~~~~

[Native Poser]

Heheheh, I remember these, thanks dude

[Dipstikk]

Yeah, I like the "I think I saw him eating paint chips" one. Hehe.

Only Oddworld. And only Alf.

[Xavier]

yeah, Alf has got so an unique humor... unforgettable
pure oddworld madness

[Hobo]

I remember these............. his way of speaking sounds like how I'd answer a question from my sister.

[Dipstikk]

To commemorate the spirit of our good Mud Alf, I will transfer the Relply that Alf had sent me!

(I feel so special)

Ahem:

Answers in bold below:
Matt Seeger wrote:

Hi. I've been a fan of this series since as long as I can remember. (Well, since the game came out, at least
Hello! Great to hear it!

I was wondering a few things (And since I only have Abe's Oddysee this may be 5-or-mor questions) -What do you sound like in AE? is there a way I could immitate your voice?
I sound like a tea drinking Mudokon. If you do impressions, then ya, you could probably imitate my voice.

-Would you be honored to be featured in a comic I'm illustrating/composing? (If not, then too bad. I've already drawn the comic halfway through.)
Yay! I am so honored.

-Can you guys at OW Inhabitants feature my conic on the Website (When it's done of course.)
Of course! If you are under 18, though, we have to get your parents' permission.

-Is Abe able to turn into Shrykull anytime he wants? (Contrary to the game when he saves a certain # of Muds.)
mmmm.... I don't think so. It's reserved for special occasions. You don't wanna just throw that around any old time, ya know?

-Who's that blue, skinny guy I move around in the game? (Heh heh, J/k)
Haha, very funny.

-Was the guy in "The Raisin's Cave" clip who said "Poor little Shmuck!" the same Mud who calls Abe a shmuck in the Bad Ending of AO?
Sure.

-I read something in the Forum's Question and Answer Thread that says that Sligs (Primative) were like Hermit Crabs. I.E. They have such a tiny little "Telson" (Proper term?) so's they can find a nice big shell to crash in. But now with their being slipped into thoes Mechanical Pants, Masks and Blusterbubbs, no sane predator would try to take one down. Is this true? I just wanna conferm this for the boys at Oddworld Forums.
Nope.

-Can I have a dollar? (Kkhe...J/k again...)
I am amazed at your clever sense of humor!
I hope to see these answered, and just for the record, I'm a huge fan.
Really? How huge? How tall are you and how much do you weigh? Haha, just kiddin'

Thanks, Alf.
No Sweat! Smell ya lata!

Fellow Forumer,Dipstikk (Matt)


Thanks, Alf!

[Xavier]

thank you for sharing us that... nothing realy new but still intresting

[Dipstikk]

I am RESSURECTO!

Arise, my dead topic!!

Q: I have one question that has been bothering me for a while. What happened in the desert while travelling with Abe that the cameras didn't show? Anything funny?

Alf: You mean when the thing was all whatever, and we all went AAAAHHHH and then that one time when the hahahhahhaaaaaaaaaa! Man that was so funny! And oh my gosh there was this one thing that was all blabidyybalbllllaaaa! And we were like all, "Whoaaaaa!" That was like, I don't even know what! I was just like, couldn't even believe that that even happened! Dems good times, man, good times.


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Q: Is Abe the only Mud with the power to open bird portals?

Alf: Yes, Abe is special. But I have been known to open tea canisters and sugar packets. Doesn't that count for anything?

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Q: Hi alf I was wondering if well could you give me the cheat for the extra endings for M.O. I promise on all that is odd I won't tell a soul unless you tell me to. In odd we trust .

Alf: Yeah ... in Odd we trust. Not in cheaters! No dice chump!

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Q: My name is Jeremiah. I have Abe's Oddysee and Munch's Oddysee. I was just wanting to ask a few questions:

1. Who is Squeek?
2. Whenever i'm controlling Mucnh and greet a Mudokon they just laugh at me. Why?
3. When Munch's Oddysee was originaly planned for PS2 was there a new story line. And if so what was it?

Thanks for your time, Jerry
Alf:
1. A squeek is a short shrill cry or sound, such as that made by a mouse or rusty hinge, or a mudokon attempting to maintain composure while answering the most annoying questions on all of Oddworld ...
2. Because you're funny lookin'.
3. The story stays the same but not all of was included. There were parts of Munch that will remain a mystery ...at least for now.

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Q: Which mud are you? Are you the one that pushes Abe into the big-well?

Alf: Let's be clear about that so called "pushing" scenario. I merely gave my buddy Abe a gentle, encouraging pat on the back, like any good friend would. Abe, being clumsy and of course subconsciously wanting to go into the big well, FELL at the same time as the gentle pat. OK? Got it? Or do I need to be a good friend to you, too? Huh? Well do I?

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Q: Q: Alf, yer just the greatest First of all, that book you are holding in you're hand on the photo of you ...yes, that's right,the one just over, yup thats it. Can I see it? Let me take a different approch. Can you guy's at OWI write a few books for puplishing? I would looove to sit down with a nice fairy tale about Oddworld. Not that I have anything against Fan Fiction, but it's just not the same thing. It's not as "real" (ahem). So, Alfie, when you got some spare time, could you either write a novel or two or lend me that book you're reading. Secondly, I would like a quick question. How come Abe has a tatoo on his chest in the cinematics and not in the game? (That would be Abe's Exoddus, not Munch's Oddysee).

Alf: First of all, I know I am, now get over it! Abe's tattoo? What're your eyes stitched up or something? The tat is there. Maybe it's just so dark in the mines that you can't see it. As for a book. Sure, I'll write a book. Let's see ... I can pencil that in for tomorrow at ...3:30? Is that good for you? Assistant! Assistant! Get that on my books, will you? Yes, that's right, tea at 3:00, write novel at 3:30, and tea again at 4:00. Thank you, dear. Now be gone with you filthy beast!

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Q: How come the blind mudokon on Abe's Exoddus (where you drank all that brew) fell down a hole, was there 301 Muds and if you can't answer this, ask Abe or Lorne L.

Alf: Lorne says I don't have to answer any more if I don't want to. He says I can have tea and a biscuit and take a nap.

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Q: Dear Alf, What happend to the idea for Elum and the Flying Sligs!! They were some of the greatest things I think, but I have one question: Will Elum or the Flying sligs ever return?? -the one who mix's dish soap with his ice tea, Abe's Son

Alf: Well, those ideas got used. Now there are new ideas! Wassamatta? You don't like new ideas? You think it's ok for you to think of new ideas (i.e. mixing dish soap w/ice tea) but we're supposed to just keep doing the same thing over and over?! Maybe you should try your tea with a dash of Hypocrite! Or a twist of Infidel! Maybe a dollop of Deceiver! Or just a touch of Blasphemer!

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Q: Heya Alf, I luv Oddworld! I'm obsessed by anything ODD! I'm thinkin of getting an Odd tattoo on my back. My wife and kids say I'll regret it but I love Oddworld so much. Anything else I can do besides a Tattoo? In Odd We Trust ... forever yours, Warren.

Alf: No way Warren, this idea is way out there. You should not even consider this for another moment. You see, getting a tattoo is a big step and will last forever. So why would you want one on your back? It totally has to be on your belly, so that you can look down and see it anytime ya want!

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Okay, that's enough for now.

Thanks.