48 reasons I like pretzel sticks
Yes, 48 reasons I like pretzel sticks. I thought that, in the right context, it could be quite... umm... intellectually... uh... DON'T JUDGE ME!!!
1- They're saltier than breadsticks
2- They're smaller than breadsticks
3- They go well with limeade
4- A three pound bag of them costs about 2 dollars
5- Less confusing than those wacked out curvy kind
6- They work in ANY party and/or trail mix
7- My hamster simply loves them, and I trust her taste implicitly
8- You can make a fine sandwich with them and mustard on rye
9- You get enough in a bag to throw some at people
10- They're perfectly sized to throw at any size person
11- They're crunchy, but not loud crunchy
12- If you do it right, they can be loud crunchy
13- In a pinch, they can replace breakfast cereal
14- They're the prefect shape to fit up your nose
15- Whilst up your nose, they can be projected at quite a speed
16- If roasted over an open fire, they can sort of emulate hotdogs
17- with the buns, however, they are indistinguishable
18- Not as goofy as "Twiglets", or whatever you crazy brits have
19- It's hard to damage a CD drive with them, but bologna...
20- They make for much tastier grade school diaramas.
21- A whole fist-ful of them is enough to tempt any bouncer
22- I'm not allergic to them
23- Someone I don't like is
24- How many other sticks can you eat?
25- Combined with fishing wire, you have a formidable body armor
26- Enough of them will drown your woes of desperate lonliness
27- Kittys love 'em!
28- You can't get them in less than a half pound bag
29- No discernable difference between generic and name brand
30- Smoking them will kick your habit very quickly
31- I just like them, okay!? Leave me alone!
32- Don't like wearing a tie? No problem!
33- They make for a much less depressing punji pit
34- Line your tiny western model sidewalks with them! DO IT!
35- Paying your cab fare with them always leads to hilarity!
36- Eyeglass repair kit crap out on you? Umm... I can't help you
37- No sizes or adaptors to confuse you
38- They fit into ANY power outlet, US or european
39- A movie about them is certain not to typecast any actors
40- More salt than potato chips, but still healthier sounding!
41- The rennaisance masters would've loved em, I'm certain
42- Ever seen an annoying cartoon pretzel stick? Didn't think so
43- Too small to clog your submarine portholes
44- Too large to clog your shower head holes
45- Have a shower head on your submarine! Pretzel sticks rock!
46- No boy band songs about them... yet...
48- They improve your counting ability.
Somebody, please, engage me in a worthwile conversation, or insult my integrity, or something! These accursed mental doldrums will certainly spell my undue demise! A pox on ye, gods of social stagnation! AAAAAH!
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