This made me laff!
I found this at PS2hardcore.co.uk (great site if you're a Brit with a PS2!).
I shouldn't think I'll need to make this clear for the majority of people (but why risk confusion from a handful of gullibles/speed-readers?), but this article's a joke. It's not real. So don't flame me for posting anti-XBox stuff, because it takes the piss out of all the consoles, which makes it okay.
ps2 dies in 2002 - here's how!
The ups and downs of PS2 in 2002. Is it game-over for Sony? Some slightly tongue-in-cheek thoughts of 2002.
January
FFX is delayed for another month in the UK.Jak and Daxter, Tony Hawks 3, Devil May Cry - all out and available. So we can look forward to MGS2 and Final Fantasy X, and er, that's it. With no more AAA games on the adgenda, Sony's shares drop to an all time low. Duck & Haggis website opens.
Games: Dropship (does nothing).
February
FFX is delayed for another month in the UK. Everyone realises that MGS2 is actually fairly good, and, ignoring the XBox and Gamecube trolls, MGS2 sells millions in the first week, and Sony's shares climb to all an time high.
Games: MGS: Sells lots. ICO: Sells none.
March
FFX is delayed for another month in the UK. Everyone is bored of MGS2 and the resulting mass of people trading it in part exchange for XBox means that Sony's shares drop to an all time low. XBox sells all 27 consoles and 4 copies of Halo. Microsoft pledge to have an XBox in every household, and offer XBox-game-playing technology to Fridge Freezer manufacturers in an attempt to 'integrate the markets'.
Games: Aliens, CM is released, but crashes at the end of the first level and the project is canned. First screenshots of Driver 3 are revealed. It looks good.
April
FFX is released, but talk of FFXI in 6 months in Japan and movies of FFXII don't help sales. In fact, it only sells 3 more copies than Halo. News of UK Gamecube launching with free Mario Sunshine game for only £50 raise a few eyebrows. Sony's shares pulled back up magnificently by an endorsement from Duck & Haggis in a TV commericial for PS2.
Games: FFX. It's a bit dull, and already outdated. State of Emergency is finally cancelled. Stuntman is released but it's a bit shit.
May
PS3 is hurredly rushed into development. The machine has a massive 6 meg of graphics ram, enabling slightly-better textures than PS2. It also has 2 (count 'em) joystick ports, but the graphics chip can do 400-million fully textured, lit and bump-mapped polygons per month. Shares drop to an all time low.
Games: Timesplitters 2 comes out, and it's ace.
June
News that PS3 will be upgradable via FREE on-chip mailouts each week by Sony pushes shares to an all time high. The Duck & Haggis video game exactly mirrors that of the CGI-rendered box-office smash movie. XBox, having not one single exciting game since Halo goes the way of the Dreamcast, except not as good. XBox production is stopped on the 7th.
Games: Tomb Raider Next. But it's boring, jerky and still exactly the same. Tekken 4 makes it out.
July
A UK release of Gran Turismo Concept provides a thrilling insight into European concept cars, bringing us the FIAT QU1K, a tiny little fiat with 'QU1k' written along the wings, and the NOVA SMALL-PENIS, a 0.8 litre engine and a 'nippy' 45hp, but it's ok, it says 'Kenwood' in the back window, so the AI drivers stay clear. It sells 2 copies. GT4 is quickly announced with 'Online Play'.
Games: GTC. Right.
August
Phantasy Star Online X is quietly released onto shelves at only £10. Everybody's life disappears again for another 300 hours. Sony's shares drop to an all time low, and Dreamcast restarts production. PSOX sells 15 million in an hour, mainly due to hidden Duck & Haggis playable characters.
Games: None. PS2 zealots are weeping.
September
The Hardrive is finally officially cancelled. XBox sells it's last console. Gamecube releases. First screenshots of THPS4 mean that the ps2hardcore staff are admitted to hospital for, er, something.
Games: WipEout Fusion finally makes it to the UK. (Don't I know it! - Middlesboogie)
October
Sony, having delayed it for 8 months, cancel online gaming in the UK, citing increased network costs and low interest as major factors. We sigh a big relief, then go back to PSOX on Dreamcast. Sony's shares fall to an all time low.
Games: Er, you tell us.
November
MGS3 announced, on PS3. And in the very same day, Sony announces a PSH, the PlayStation handheld capable of PsOne style games. We rejoice. Sony's shares at an all time high.
Games: Fifa 2003, NHL 2003, Madden 2003, F1 2003, Lord Of The Rings 2003. All a bit crap.
December
First photos of PS3 'leaked' to IGN, saving the doomed website from close for another month. Everything seems to be going well for Sony, except of course there aren't any games to buy for PS2... Then Microsoft announce XBox 2003, and the subsequent yearly updates with a few bug patches... It's all over.
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Hand me my flamethrower... it's the one that says 'Bad Motherfucker'.
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