You do his voice tone well, though you don't get his accent right. Also, the wry, Welsh humour isn't quite right either, but all in all it's pretty good.
![Tongue](images/smilies/d_tongue.gif)
Rather than the ambient background music, you could perhaps look online to see if you can find some factory ambience to play in the background, to give it a sense of setting.
The intrusion of the slig part way through was a nice touch, as were some of the sounds you sneaked in from the game.
Abe's birth inside a factory has a fair bit of significance to the canon, though this is not necessarily revealed in the games. It wraps up with his relationship with his mother and his lip stitches and it's one of those things that can't really be ignored. Also his total ignorance of all that he discovers in AO gives that game a lot of its impact; Abe discovers the beauty of Oddworld just as the players do.
Also, the production of New and Tasty would have been carried out by offering loyal mudokon workers an early retirement at the end of a long and successful career, shipped off to some distant resort and never seen again (unless it's as a disgusting-yet-yummy novelty meat product).
In my humble opinion, I think this would work better as the audio diary of a random mudokon in a random facility. That way you could give him the past you want and tell the story you want. Maybe his growing disillusionment with his industrial home, maybe his hearing about Abe, maybe hearing about friends plotting an escape... whatever floats your boat.
I really like this idea as a new, original way of telling fanfiction.
![Smile](images/smilies/d_smile.gif)
I'd like to see where this goes and what you come up with.