Oddworld Forums > Zulag Three > Fan Corner


 
Thread Tools
 
  #1  
08-04-2009, 03:20 AM
AlexFili's Avatar
AlexFili
Wolvark Shooter
 
: Feb 2009
: NorthWest of England
: 3,127
Blog Entries: 78
Rep Power: 18
AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)
Wired Armament 3: Slig's Mercenaries

Sorry for the delay, I've been trying my best to work on one fanfic at a time, with mixed results. I might make this 10 chapters long, because I can't really decide what I want to do with it. Oh well, here it is. I'm not going to pull any punches or write any long boring dialogue sequences. This is going to be an all out action-fest, to signify the end (or the beginning) of the final part.

= * = * =

Chapter 1: Miracle

Marek opened his eyes, his arms were back in place. "Wha?". He looked around to see his friends and someone new. "The name's Harp". The newcomer Slig looked quite different to the normal Sligs from the barracks. "I'd better get going". The mysterious Slig walked away from the group.

Krisso chuckled, "That was a close call mate, we thought we were going to lose you there". Marek touched the top of his head, "I thought that was going to be the end for me, is everyone okay?". They nodded. "Come on then, we need to get out of this place".

Marek walked into the sunlight outside the forest. As he took a breath of fresh air, he heard a noise in the distance. "You hear that?", the other Sligs stop moving and listen. Yars recognizes the sound, "Paratroopers, darn... we'll have to fight them". Sure enough, they could see the Paratrooper plane in the distance... only Company X would send these troopers. Special Ops units that carried out their mission with dedication. Reint took out his sniper rifle and aimed at the cockpit, he shot the pilot in the arm. "That should buy us some time, let's get ready".

The aircraft doors open as around twenty Paratroopers jump out and into a skydive. They fell about fifty feet in the air before releasing their parachutes. Within a second each of them had withdrawn their machine guns and were now shooting at Marek's squad. They were inches away from being shot, they moved out of the way and hid behind some bushes.

The fight was tense, as Reint and Marek tried to pick off some of the Paratroopers, the Paratroopers would retaliate with ferocity and accurately, Marek was only inches away from a shot which would have ripped his mask away in an instant.
__________________

[B]
I stream games and art now!
http://twitch.tv/ZephyrFloofyDerg
floofyderg.live


Last edited by AlexFili; 08-04-2009 at 11:54 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #2  
08-04-2009, 10:55 AM
Oddey's Avatar
Oddey
Outlaw Bomber
 
: Oct 2007
: Denmark
: 2,190
Blog Entries: 24
Rep Power: 19
Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)Oddey  (994)

Stop changing from present to past. As I walked, I hears a sound, is not grammatically correct. Neither is Marek walked out, he hears a noise. This can be confusing at times.

Otherwise, it's fine.
__________________

...
:
Congratulations, Oddey, on winning FC's fanfiction competition two years running! You are clearly the man to beat!

Reply With Quote
  #3  
08-08-2009, 09:33 AM
AlexFili's Avatar
AlexFili
Wolvark Shooter
 
: Feb 2009
: NorthWest of England
: 3,127
Blog Entries: 78
Rep Power: 18
AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)AlexFili  (1280)

Well, I watched Wanted and I feel like I can write more creatively. Apologies if you didn't want the story to end up this way, but I decided that the story needed a bit of a dramatic change to make it more interesting. Here goes;

= * = * =

Chapter 2: Popping Caps

Chapter 2: Popping Caps

Marek retaliated by shooting the paratrooper's parachute. He then spun around and shot some more paratroopers. With over half of the platoon wiped out, the paratroopers changed their tactics. They switched formation and began shooting with more ferocity. They were angry at the demise of their comrades and were prepared to do anything to get rid of the killers.

Marek's Squad was pinned down and running out of options. Yars smiled, "Need a boost?". He offered them a box of round capsules. Krisso grinned, "What do they do?". Yars read the names of the capsules, "Focus, Zoom and Jump". Reint took the Zoom capsule. Yars took the Jump capsule. Krisso and Marek took the Focus capsules. Marek smiled, "Let's go out with a bang". Reint nodded, "Wouldn't have it any other way sir". They each bit into the capsule.

The first paratrooping group of three was the first to notice something, a rush of air... the unmistakable buzz of a BlitzKnife. Yars, jumping at an unbelievable scale sliced the trooper's materials and weaponry. Yars smiled as he grabbed onto one of the troopers' parachutes and used it for himself.

Reint's eyes could see further than ever before. He looked over the hills to see more Company X airships headed their way. Reint aimed at the fuel tanks and fired, taking out five fully loaded airships in a very short space of time. Marek and Krisso finished off the rest of the troopers in record time, their bullets seemingly more accurate than before.

As the airships fell to the ground, Reint smiled, "This is the end of Company X". He took his rifle and aimed over the hills, past the great ocean and towards the Company X stronghold. He could barely see the window, but he made his shot. The bullet whizzed past the hills, over the oceans, losing speed but only being slightly affected by the wind. The shot curved slightly, went past the window... and in an instant, the head Glukkon of Company X was no more.
__________________

[B]
I stream games and art now!
http://twitch.tv/ZephyrFloofyDerg
floofyderg.live


Last edited by AlexFili; 08-08-2009 at 02:29 PM..
Reply With Quote


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools








 
 
- Oddworld Forums - -