Sligs Oddysee...AGAIN. 2nd Edition, thing!
Remember my old story? green slig? Genetically modified? Confused? etc?
Well I've started a little re-writing.
I'm also redrawing my conceptual sketches so they leave less to the imagination, using the actual Oddworld concept art as a kind of guide.
Enjoy the Intro, rewritten...TO THE EXTREME! or just a bit.
(not proof read or grammar checked)
Slig’s ODDYSEE
-Date Unknown; approximately within 4 days prior to, or after the birth of Mudokon worker ‘Abe’-
-Magog Cartel Secure Location No. 101-
Deep in the bowels of the mountain, through the cracked and crumbling stone cavern on which the landing platform stood, through the security doors, voice activated and 10 inches thick, across the walkways, round twists and turns, past the guards, and down the many elevators was the chamber. Hiding itself under 20 miles of rock and steel.
From the elevator, only a short walk away was another security door. Through this, the chamber’s main door, down its slippery entrance slope covered in a thin layer of green moss and slime, was the platform.
The platform was circular and like the rest of the rock in the mountain complex was an eerie blue and black colour, which was rough when left alone, but surprisingly smooth when cut. It was surrounded by what was supposed to be water, with only a frail rusted walkway connecting it to the slope. This metal walkway was all there was preventing a fall from solid land into the thick, bubbling, brown-green and viscous liquid. It used to be clean; it used to be water, but the foul secretions of the chambers ‘guest’, dripping down from the platform above, had changed the water into something else, something deadly.
The chamber had seen many faces come and go, many self important individuals, who were deemed necessary by the Cartel, but were also in danger. So they were shipped here, to the 101st safest facility there was. How considerate.
The current ‘guest’ was the Slig Queen, Skillya. She lay on the platform, screeching and yelling, complaining of the burning sensation running through her body, and roaring for more water, as her Mudokon slaves constantly scrubbed her clean. This constant cleaning was unusual, but the glass shattering shrieks and complaints were commonplace. Skillya had not given birth, or laid an egg rather, for several days now. As a result of this, her abdomen had swollen even larger than before. Puss and slime constantly burst and oozed out of swelling boils on her foul rear, and she had been vomiting on and off for some time. She howled again in pain. It was a howl to rival that of a Scrab’s.
“Slave!” she cried out at the nearest Mudokon. “Get the Doctor!” she breathed out heavily and her pathetically small Slig body drooped and hung limply from her pulsing posterior. The slave paused. “What are you waiting for!? Scum!” The Mudokon bowed hurriedly and clumsily dashed away, Skillya regurgitated a putrid brown sludge onto the head of another slave passing by her front to take the others place.
From the main chamber door the Mudokon turned left and ran a few metres to the nearby lift. He stepped inside, grabbed the nearest rope of the pulley, and began tugging downwards with both hands violently.
‘What right does she have?’ he thought ‘She just…lays eggs’.
After about five minutes of frantic tugging, and after 48 floors, floors 2 to 49, had sank past, the lift clicked into place as it reached the highest point it could reach, and lurched violently. He had reached the top, level 1. The slave always thought this odd. Although he could not count, he was sure that smaller numbers like ‘wun’ should go beneath larger numbers like ‘fivtee’, instead of the other way around. Standing at the entrance to the lift shaft, facing the other way, stood two Slig Guards.
“So then I say ‘Get im!’, and Ripper tears off the stupid Muds face!” yelled one Slig to the other. They both burst into seemingly painful fits off croaky sniggering. They had not noticed the Mudokon.
“Excu…excuse me…” stuttered the slave. The Sligs spun on the spot with their guns cocked and at the ready.
“FREEZE!” yelled the first Slig. The Mudokon instantly dropped to the ground and cowered there, with his hands over his head, not daring to look up.
“Please, it’s the Queen, sh-she’s requesting the Doctor…” The Sligs turned towards each other slowly, and nodded. The second one, the one that had not yet spoke, ran over to a strange mounted orb, dark green in colour, and let loose a burst of strange buzzing and clicking sounds to which the orb replied with several sounds of its own. There was a static sound for a short while, a fuzzing, but then a loud click caused it to stop and the refined voice of someone the Mudokon knew could not be another Slig said
“Yes? Yes who is it?”
The Slig at the orb turned to the one at the lift and smirked. The Mudokon wondered why.
“It’s the err…the thingy…” There was a pause and an awkward silence where the Slig scratched his head, hoping his vague description had been understood. “The…my dear boy, you’ll have to speak up. I thought you had said thingy.” The Slig paused again, it what seemed to be embarrassment.
‘What, or who, could possibly cause a Slig to feel self conscious?’ pondered the slave. ‘It must be someone really important…’
“It’s the…project. Its on its way. The Queen, she needs you down here Doc.”
‘So that’s what the doctor sounds like’ now it made sense. The Voice Lock had been reconfigured as some kind of communications device.
“Ahh I see. Queen Skillya is giving birth. Good heavens, why didn’t you say so? I’ll be there in…ohh…half an hour. It’s the best I can do I’m afraid. They insisted in putting me in another facility. There’s no logic in it at all I tell yo- “
The voice cut out as the Slig flicked a switch on the side of the orb, apparently shutting it off.
“Yeah yeah yeah. That Vykker sure does go on a bit.” The Slig nearest the lift sniggered.
As the second Slig returned to the lift, the Mudokon slowly shuffled backwards into the lift shaft and began groping around for the ropes, still not looking up.
“Hey! Where d’ya think you’re going?” croaked the first Slig.
“Yeah” said the other “You heard the code”
“I swear…I-I didn’t hear a thi-“
“Shut it!” The Mudokon’s stomach lurched. He could guess what was coming. His mind went completely numb. He new what Sligs were like, and if they were anything close to what their queen was like then…with a crack, and burst of searing pain spread through his head. He yelped in pain, and fell to the right, hitting his head on the lifts door-less door frame. The Slig on his left had clubbed him with his gun. The other kicked him in the chin and he slipped over onto his back, and lay there on the lift.
“Send ‘mother’ our love” Said the first, and the other sniggered again.
The messenger new his death was coming. His mind filled with thoughts, memories of himself working, toiling, hurting. But he pushed them back, pushed them out of his mind, and tried to picture the home he had never seen. He tried to imagine living trees, clean rivers, fresh air. He imagined them, thought of them, picture them hard then – Trrratatatatat.
After that he heard no real sound, just a whooshing like a constant gust of wind, and the slowly fading throb of a heartbeat, his own heartbeat, pounding in his ears.
The last thing he saw, as his dying eyes flickered open was the glowing red evil eyes of the Sligs laughing together. Laughing in silence.
-10 minutes later-
The doctor, a young Vykker, arrived far earlier than expected, as his usual Pod had been replaced with an ‘emergency’ pod with red stripes and an increased velocity. He had found it easy to speed from one mountain range to another, passing above everything, but had found it much harder manoeuvring the highly sensitive controls through the small shaft leading to the landing platform.
After a very bumpy touch-down, he had hurried through a couple of security doors, flashing his pass, and had now reached the corridor leading to the lift shaft.
He scuttled round the corner, with his black Elum-Hide bag tucked under his left arm, and was greeted by the site of two Sligs overseeing several Mudokon slaves scrubbing at a large red stain which spread from the lift shaft, where the walls had been splattered too, and out into the corridor. From here the stain formed a trail leading off in the other direction. It looked suspiciously like blood.
One of the Sligs noticed the doctor’s presence, and turned his head.
“You the Doc?” he croaked. The doctor noticed he was covered with flecks of a dark red.
“Yes. Yes I am Doctor Mort.” replied the doctor looking around. “…you know, I expected a maximum security facility to be…well…secure. Perhaps with a metal, interior, but stone?” he continued to look around. The Slig stared at him blankly and shrugged. He didn’t give a damn what the tunnels were made of.
“Alright, take the lift down all the way to level one. Mud!” he barked at the nearest Mudokon “Take the Doc down to level one, now!” The startled Mudokon gave a quick nod, ran into the lift and grabbed the ropes. He was shaking.
“My gratitude.” said Dr Mort as he entered the lift. As it travelled down he was sure he heard the Slig mutter something like ‘fagg’.
‘What a barbaric little faecal worm. No matter. Soon he will become obsolete.’ thought the Vykker.
It took about 12 minutes to get down in the lift, as going too quickly could cause a slip of the rope, and a deadly drop. As the lift hit the ground beneath it, it gave a shudder. Dr Mort stepped out and told the Mudokon to wait here for him a while, so he didn’t have to go back and clean for the Sligs upstairs. The Mudokon seemed puzzled with this, but waited nonetheless.
Dr Mort was unusual for a Vykker, to say the least.
Even though he was moving quite slowly, Dr Mort’s legs scuttled quickly beneath him. He reached the door and lifted his right hand to knock, but the door opened automatically. He scanned the dimly lit interior of the room, and thought simply ‘disgusting’.
Slowly, the Vykker made his way down the zigzagging slope, making sure he did not slip on the wet slime. When he got to the bottom, he peered over the edge and took a look at the sewage below him, then he looked at the bridge.
‘It doesn’t look very stable…’ He his hand on the right hand railing, the only railing there was, and gently put his feet out onto the walkway one at a time.
“So…” he began, trying to get Skillya’s attention.
“So what!?” came Skillya’s reply. She did not move, or look up. She simply hung their and coughed loudly.
“…yes. Quite.” replied Dr Mort. He had no time for her. “I can see the drugs have made you unstable. But I am sure he is due soon.” Skillya writhed slightly.
“He’d better be worth this!” she yelled. The Vykker stood still, midway across the walkway, coolly observing her and swaying slightly to observe her green phlegm.
“I’m sure he will be. Now, when the egg comes…” he turned to the slaves, who had been quietly observing the conversation while tending to the Queen. “When the egg comes, do not drop it down the chute as you may do usually. The chutes here lead to garbage furnaces, and we could not risk a drop of that kind to the egg anyway. You must carry it to level 36, it may take a few of you to do this, and deliver it to the special landing bay. There will be another Vykker waiting with a pod, once I summon him.” The slaves nodded, glad for a chance to get away from their mistress.
“Is that it!?” screeched Skillya “No pain kill-ARGH!” He abdomen pulsed and her fingers contorted as her body convulsed. Dr Mort took some satisfaction in giving his next diagnosis.
“No, we cannot give you any more drugs to aid the pain, it may harm the project. We may have given you too many drugs as it is…anyway, it does not look like you have long to wait.” He began to back off the walk way. “Goodbye” he turned and scuttled away, with one thought on his mind: ‘If the project is anything like her, I’m not mentoring him.’
Last edited by drakan90; 05-31-2005 at 01:15 PM..
|
I sometimes have trouble writing emotional scenes too, and I especially have trouble writing big fight scenes and making them sound spectacular and believable. :/ But don't worry-I'm sure it'll be ok.
